There was a young man named Denoi who lived in the PAINFULLY boring town of Podunk U.S.A. There was virtually nothing to do for fun in Podunk except leave it and Denoi didn’t have a car so he was fairly screwed and usually content simply playing video games and fooling around on the internet. One day however he managed to convince his parents to take him to the mall so he could buy some stuff with some of the gift certificates he had gotten at Christmas. As he walked by Camelot on his way to Babbages to get a new computer game he saw a guy in a long black jacket burning copies of Titanic and shouting “Decaprio is the antichrist!” “Right on man!” Denoi shouted back laughing to himself. When he did this the man ran up to him and whispered, “Beware the drunken monkeys.” “Yeah right, whatever you say pal.” He said shoving the wierd guy away. As he walked through Babbages searching for the perfect game to add to his library he couldn’t help thinking about his experience just a few moments ago. What the hell was that guy talking about? Drunken monkeys? That guy was crazy. Wasn’t he? Thoughts like these constantly ran through his head until he saw the most painfully idiotic thing he had ever seen. . . Titanic: The Game! “Holy Crap!” he shouted involuntarily, “Who could be stupid enough to make a game like this?!” he wondered aloud as he picked up the box and looked on the back. What he saw next startled him. At the bottom of the box in small print was the words “DM Unlimited.” “DM? what could that stand for?” The thought had barely formed in his head when he said aloud, “Drunken Monkey.” Denoi soon found himself running back to find that crazy guy whom he had seen in front of Camelot, hoping that he might have some explanation, but before he had gotten too far from Babbages he saw a huge shadow on the floor in front of him. He stopped and puzzled over what could make such an odd looking shadow in the middle of the mall and then he looked up to see what it was. This was more startleing than the writing on the back of the Titanic game. Above him he saw what appeared to be a small chimpanzee dancing drunkenly on the skylight. “It wasn’t just a figure of speach...” he muttered to himself. But that was not the most startling part. He could not tell if it was only a figment of his imagination but the mokey seemed to have wings. A drunken flying monkey! Now he HAD to find that guy. Soon Denoi had found the man and told him of all the things he had seen. “Hmm,” said the mysterious man, “a flying one eh? Those are pretty bad, even if they are drunk.” “Yeah but they’re pretty cool.” “What the?! Cool?! What the hell are you talking about?! They’re servants of evil!!” “Yeah, but they still look cool.” “Ok, yeah, I guess I can’t argue with you there.” “Anyway, what is going on here anyway? I mean first there was that Game from DM Unlimited and then a drunken flying monkey? What’s this all about?” “Well let me start at the start. Ever since the birth of mass media there have been insincere jackasses who started trends that cought on for no real reason. . .” “You mean like Disco and 80s music?” “Exactly. There have also been true individuals who never fell into these traps. Not knowingly anyway. They have seen the other group for what they are, Disengenuous humps and posers. But even they could not grasp fhe fullness of their schemes. I didn’t even get it at first but now I know. For decades these posers have been ruled by a single force known only as the Drunken Monkeys.” “Unbelievable!” is all Denoi is able to say. “Indeed. The DMs have many servants both willing and not, all dedicated to turning the world into a place where they can rule by starting new trends.” “If they are so powerful, how can they be stopped?” “I have done my part by trying to shed light on how much their fads suck but it hasn’t worked very well and soon they will catch me. Denoi I have something to ask of you.” This startled Denoi back into his wits, “What do you want?” The man slowly removed his jacket. He was in average shape not musclebound by any means but not a fat-ass either. “Denoi I want you to carry on my work.” And with that he handed Denoi the jacket. “But how?” The youth asked, “I can’t possibly fight them alone.” “You won’t need to. There are dozens of cynical, apathetic people in this world who will be willing to help you, you need only to seek them out.” As soon as he stopped speaking a trio of drunken flying monkeys flew in and grabbed him. As they flew off Denoi knew that he would have to stop their plans forever. “Those monkeys don’t stand a chance.” he thought and he put on the jacket. It fit him well.