*Bored
Grrr...I'm bored, I don't know what's happening, all I know is nothing is. Does life get more complicated when you get older? Does it get more hectic, I'm pretty sure it does. And, I'm still waiting for it, or maybe it's happening, but, i'm just not bothered by it, maybe...ahh...I don't know..why am I over anylzing this...I'm looking over the whole scheme of things..and, I have no fucken clue what it's going to be like in 365 days. Where am I going to be, how are the people I care about going to change, how will I change....will I change? I suppose all I can do is wait for these answers when they happen. Am I in a rush? Not exactly, but i'm also getting anxious. I'm scared out of my mind about the future. But, I want more things going on. Things do really always turn out so weird for me. That's something I'm not complaining about.
*A realization
Hmm...Ok, I was just having a bit of a thought...maybe you don't know your happy, until your about to die, or when your really old. Suppose you don't know the over all impression of your life, until you are old enough to look back, to all the years you've lived. You can look back, and say, damn, "I lived an awsome life." or, you can look back and say, "Shite, my life wasn't all that great...it was down right boring." Hah..who the hell knows really, I've said it too many times, just try to live in the moment, and really try and do what you think will make you happy, what would benafit you. Don't be afraid of things, and don't hold back, cause mybe, you'd look back and think, "Damn, that's when I missed my chance." And, you can't get any of that time back...so, hmm...Life the hell out of life as best you can.
*popular
Ok, so, I'm on homecoming court this year. It was a total surprise. Ok, so the other years, I've realised the people who make court are usally snobs, who votes these people, hell if I know! But anyway...I've noticed the people on court with me this year, are all genuinely nice people who really deserve it! I'm not talking about me spesifcally anyway, that would be a bit odd of me to talk of myself like this. But, as I was saying, the court this year, is very diverse in cliques. Meaning, there really isn't a general clique of people chosen this year. The people voted, were people that were all around really nice and easy to talk to sort of people. Not nescissarly the ones who party and drink alot, or hang out on the weekends. It was just nice to know that normal, old nice people, can still get things like this...maybe I should give people more credit...or, maybe I shouldn't...who knows....heh..
*We're all just selfish
If you really think about it, all humans are just selfish, to put it simply anyway. Even the most honest sweet person is selfish, we as humans, are all just selfish by nature. We all work, so, we can get money, to get things for ourselves. Think of having a significant other, why do we have them..because we care for them, because we love them, because we like having them around, because we have fun with them. That's what they do for us, so we keep them. And that, is why they are with us, for the same reason we are with them. Our own selfish desires, work out for others. I care for my family, because they care for me. I love people, because they love me. I'm not talking about complete stranger sort of things. Like, I'm not just gonna love someone because they love me. The person has to do more than just love you....what they have, is what you want. Maybe it's a part of you that you don't have, and they do, and you want it. Saying maybe they complete a part of you that you don't have or poscess...grr....I don't know, this is basically a ramble I suppose...sounds like a gradeschooler talking doesn't it?
*You created your own drama
Don't make things a bigger deal than they really are. If I did that all the time, I would drive myself madly insane. I try not to worry about things not worth worrying about. Worrying about something not worth while just wastes brain power. Things are usally blown out of proportion by the person themselves. They created their own drama....making it a bigger deal than it is. Just look at something as a whole, see how it effects you, or the people around you or whatever, and just deal with it head on. Questions to be asked? Ask them, if don't ask them now, your just gonna ask them later, so night as well get it over with..
*You can't just show up and say your boss.
Don't pass judgement before you look at a situation as a whole, through all the people that are involved. Just because a person may think their better then everyone, doesn't mean that they are, and doesn't mean, they should act like it.
*"Let it go."
When your growing up, you will go through many stages of life, of course there will be regrets, and plenty of stupidity and mistakes, but you learn from them., and you'll look back, and think, "What the hell was I thinking?!" Some people ,on the other hand, have a hard time with letting some of the past go. That is something I don't really understand. No one seems to care anymore, but that certain person. The thing is, no one benafits from this little obsession, but yet, they keep on living in the past. Move on already. Grow up, and let some of those mistakes go..
*Grrr...
Why aren't people better to read? Hah...It's weird. I dunno, I mean, I like to think I sorta get what's going on in peoples' minds, but then, maybe I don't. The thing is, I think of myself, as a pretty honest person, and I dislike it when people aren't honest back to me. Sometimes the truth may hurt, but who wants to go on beleiving something when it's not true? I know I for sure woudln't, it's like going on something that really doesn't exsist, something you wish were true, but all the while, the person was afraid to hurt your feelings or something, but that's just leading you on. Because, if something like that keeps on going...eventually the real truth will come out, and it'll hurt even more. So, I think honestly is the best, straight away. No matter how hurtful it maybe, it'd be worse if the lie kept going on. So, be honest with me, always. It's better that way, I won't get hurt as much....and neither would you....hehe..
*"It's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all".
I dunno, many would say this quote to be true, then many would totally disagree with it (maybe because of a bad experience in love) I myself, I think I agree with it. I mean, not that I've ever had a great loss, i'm only 17....But anyway, what I mean is, love is a great feeling, feeling the way you do towards someone you care so much about, and knowing that person feels exactly the same for you, the warmth of it, and just spending time with that person is just so great I think. You never even have to say a word to that person, and yet, your still having fun being with them...Just feeling them next to you is just a nice of a feeling. The thing is though, say it ends horridly...maybe it was really bad, but when things were great, that was a nice feeling right? Well, would you rather have not experienced the pain from it ending, then never have felt that great feeling of love before? I don't know, people are different, but humans need love, it's just a nescssity I think, to care, and have someone care for you. Say you did have a bad experience, don't turn anway chances of love, you may regret it, or pass up a great chance. With love, it's taking chances, giving your all, and maybe receiving back is the ultimate gift I think, but there's always a chance of getting hurt, I think it's a chance that you should be willing to take, because you just never know. Everything is a learning experience, you learn from your mistakes and others' mistakes as well....so through life, just go with your feeings, and do what you think is best, but don't be too much on gaurd and turn away great chances because of fear getting hurt, life is just all full of chances and risks that should be taken, as in love.
*Porn. HAHAHAHAHHA!
Ok...so, what the hell is the big deal with porn here?! To tell you the truth, I find it ALL so funny! People these days are just so desenceatized (I'm a terrible speller, I know.) it's like not even a big deal anymore. Kids can get to it so easily, i.e through the internet and whatnot. I mean, my little sister's friends, whatch it to pass the time, and laugh? How can you not though? It's so funny...The expressions on those people...the terrible acting...I find it all SO humourous. Anyone that would whatch it, and actually get off on it...it just seems like that would be a rare occurance, but there are some out there, to say the least. I mean, how many more ways can a person have sex and have it filmed, there is no more shock in porn becuase it's already all been done so many times over. To, me, the human body, can do so many things, and porn is finished it with it...they're done...yet they try to keep coming up with things...I don't understand what's the big attraction to it all. It doesn't turn me on. The only thing it does for me...is make me laugh:p...hehe...
*I think i've lost it
I don't really know what I'm wanting to talk about here, tonight is just one of those nights I suppose...I realise this time next year, i'll be getting ready to go to college. I don't know what it is, if I should be scared, nervous...I dunno..I'm not even sure how I feel sometimes, about everything, or maybe you do know how you feel, and your afraid it won't last forever, and if not forever, for how long, i'm talking about the good feelings here, if your all wondering...Why can't we have good things forever? Are good things not meant to last? Or bad things even...are things just not meant to last....what does last? Memeories even don't do that...they fade, we forget them...
*When you finally think you got it...
It's weird. You think you finally start to understand someone/something, it suddenly surprises you, which isn't always a terrible thing, but I'm just saying...when you finally start getting use to it...it changes, and then, you think is this how it's always going to be, and then now, your left to wonder, what happened was just a one time thing, or an always thing...so, then, you don't know how to act...or maybe, you shoudl forget it ever happened, cause it was just a one time thing, or the other party/situation, is waiting for your reaction of it, so that they can counteract...so, then, what the hell are you supposed to do...
*Life's complicated...that's how I like it..
If you had it made for you, what's there left to work for. It seems as though, human exsistance is to only better it somehow, with things like, love, material, happiness, and whatnot, it's all related. But these are things, that need to be worked for, it's not just handed to you, cause if it was...then, what else is there....I like things complicated, it adds a challenge...So, look at it this way, no matter how life seems to be, it could ALWAYS get worse, so, might as well, and try to work with what you've got, and not dwell on what you don't have. Make it how YOU want it. If you don't what else is there to do...might as well not exsist at all in that case.
*I'm God, your God.
We are all God's children. God loves us all, and made us in his own image. Then why, is it so hard for us to easily except that, without questions? Take for example, the masacre that occured in Colorado, just a couple of weeks ago. Those are God's children. They are made in God's image. Then, how, may you ask, can they commit such an unGodly act? Who is to blame? God? Or the individual themselves....who are made in God's image? God is a destroyer, but, he is also the creater. We must remember he has a plan for all of us, and if his plan includes a shooting of people....then, so be it. If they would've just prayed, this mascare wouldn't have happened. Come on now?! Do we, as a society really beleive that? Or, if it's not the kids to blame, is it the parents, the media, or maybe God himself. He created us, he created our surroundings, and he created the people, who created our surroundings in turn. What we do with what God gave us, is our choice. So, we can't go wrong right? Cause we are made in the image of God......WRONG! Maybe God was human. Maybe that's why he made so many stupid people, and maybe that's why, humans make so many mistakes... in God's own likeness....
*Your gay.....So, I hate you.
What is up with people who have hate for homosexuals. I don't even understand it. It's got nothing to do with them. Peoples' sexual preference, is merely a peice in who they are as a whole person. Why do those haters even care? Just because a person is homosexual, doesn't mean, they will automatically hit on you. Just like heterosexuals, they have types as well....ISN'T THAT A SUPRISE!? What really really pisses is me off, are those Christians, who say, oh we love God, we follow the teachings of God, we love everyone....and some of those people are the exact same people who turn around and ridicule, shun, hate, homosexuals....it's such a great contradiction...and yet, they seem blind to it. I'm not to fond of those sorts of hipocrits. I mean, I can understand if they are against it, but if they go to the extreme, and make it a huge issue, and do rallies, and all that....what the hell?! I'm sorry, but in my short 17 years of life....I realise, those people are just plain stupid. You can disagree with me, I don't care...It's what I think.....There's also this business with seeing gay people be affectionate towards eachother....and not like they'd be grabbing eachother, they'd be just as affectionate as the next hetero couple...Get use to it! This sort of thing, while not totally widely excepted yet, is going to be around...Just cause you dislike it, doesn't mean it's going to go away. Things change, times change, you might as well, get use to things instead of dwelling on hate...What's the point...Did hating ever get you anywhere in life.....Hate's just a waste of time. Get on with it....and get over it.
*I have this disease...Where I can't put the phone down.
It's people you see at school every friggen day....So, why, must you call them right when you get home and talk about nothing. Literally, it's of no importance, but yet you talk for hours and hours on end?! Especially if you call a person, and whatch television together, and comment on it...like a sort of commentary. How cheesy is that....I can understand if you don't see people for a while..and chatting on the phone to catch up is alright...or, to make plans...that in my opinion is one of the phones only main purposes. I personally don't like the phone much..But I do appreciate it.
*I want sex.....NOW!!
Sex...usally done in a bed...in the house...on the floor in a house, in the shower, in the kitchen even....in the house...Ever thought of doing it at school? Well! Some of the students at my school sure did....Since my frosh year, 2 couples have been caught...one in the bathroom...one in the stairwel, the one closest to the school office no less....I mean, least they could've done was go out to their car or something, people are just too damn horney, and put it together with stupidity...that doesnt work either....Oh well....I guess somethings just can't wait in their eyes.
*Education...How to make a bong...
Althoff Catholic Highschool, ahhh, what a wonderful magical place of learning...The vibe is alive, with druggies and drunks...yes, I go to a school...filled with them...I myself, have been fortunate and smart enough to not be lured into the underworld of drinks, drugs, and parties of my fellow classmates. As, I, Chantal, realise, that they are all idiots. In my school, there is a period called AP (Advisory Period...Or used for club meetings) I have been lucky enough to be assigned to one filled with the best of em. Not to say they aren't entertaing, their conversations center around the best joint they've ever had, how fried they were last night, who deals the best "shit"....I realise, this is all they are about, and I feel sorry for them....I talk to them all the time...they're just regular guys, nice and all....But, I just can't help but think...If this is all they care about...what's going to become of them...And the thing is....they don't konw how stupid they are for doing that...Once in a while....though, I don't agree with that even...isn't as bad...But, this is all they do, all they talk about..all they seem to live for....what you see is what you get with them...
*Peer pressure is for the weak..
If you really had a secure sence of who you are, and weren't afraid of what others thought about you, peer pressure would never be a problem. If you want to do things, becuase you yourself as a person want to....without anyone else making you...Then that's your own choice, but when people pressure you into things you don't want to do, and you feel that they won't like you as much if you don't, then your weak....If people don't respect your wishes, if they want to make you do things you don't want to do, they aren't worth being your friends, because real friends, won't make you do something you don't want to do, friends respect eachother.
*I welcome death....later.
I'm not afraid to die.
*Contentment is a good thing....right?
Can you think of a time where you were the happiest you've ever been? I can't, nothing really comes to mind, and it's maybe becuase i'm still young...and i've not experienced lifes full joys as of yet, and I wouldn't doubt it, but what are those joys...I remember times, where i've been content, glad with the things that have happened, excited even. But those feelings don't last....It's a moment, and then, it's over, or it just dies down. And i'm back to my contentment. Is contentment so bad? Yes, if that's mostly all you've known all your life. And in my short life, it's all ive known. I've been sad....i've been excited...I've never really experienced the full wrath of depression, or happiness....And i'm not fully complaining about this...but it leads me to beleive, im missing out on something....I just get this impression, that I'm not a full person, that i'm not a whole....like something's missing, and I don't know what it is. I don't know if I should be looking for it, or if it's supposed to find me...what am I supposed to do? Maybe it's one of those things, you learn from living....And i've only done 17 years of living...But, I don't think i've taken advantage of it....I think i've wasted alot of years. And I think alot of people waste their time....And you can't get that time back...time wasted, is time lost....lost can never be found...and your left to wonder where the time went....what you did with it....and you realise, you did nothing....or, you've taken advantage of the time....and you die....whole.
*So, I look like a gang member...
Why do people feel the need to judge on just appearence? We might be all these people walking around through life, but are we usually what people suspect of us? No, of course, not, and time and time again, people are stereotyped, when, all of us well no, that there's always more then meets the eye. We've been taught as kids: "Don't judge a book by it's cover.", but do we really go by that? Why do people do that? Is it because they fail to realise that they are wrong about what a person may be? Or is it just easier to think that.....Well, a group of kids, just hanging out...will be suspected of maybe wanting to cause trouble....And why is that? Because it's typical, we're the bad kids...Out to get into trouble. America's youth is more then screw-ups and drunks, and druggies, and what not. although I will admit there are many like that....But don't be out to get all teenagers, just becuase of many mistakes made by many other individuals. And we are all just that....individuals, we're not all the same. We may dress a certain way, we may talk a certain way....But don't think we're all the same, and give us teens who are descent, some credit...
*It's cause i'm purple...isn't it?!
I hate it when some certain individuals use their race as a reason to think they are being blamed for something. No, i'm blaming you because you are a flaming idiot, despite your colour, you can be rainbow for all that matter, you'll still be acting the same, and i'll still dislike you, for a credible reason of course, not because of your colour.
*Questioning religion
part 1
I'm catholic. It's what I've been exposed to. All my life, and still am. I've gone to catholic school since I was five. And have gone to church as long as I can remember. But, i've began to question my beleifs.....I in a way always sort of have. After 8th grade, I stopped going to church regularly. In grade school, we had to go to church three times a week....In highschol we only go once a month, so that's when I only go now...and it's because they make us. I don't see the point in going to church. And I think people who do beleive in religion are perfectly fine, I mean, people are aloud to beleive what they want to in my eys, I have no problem with that. But when people feel guitly for not going to church, or made to do things, because they're relgions says they have to, I'm talking about things, they don't particluraly enjoy or want to do....But get this notion, or are told it's wrong if you don;t do it, I don't think it's right. If they want to, its a different story, but going to church ....When I did go....I'd just look around at the people...Basically, no one really wanted or looked like they wanted to be there...And when they dont go, they feel guiltly...I don't think anyone should feel guitly for not going to church. It's like something your forced into beleiving, like your diong someting wrong....And why is it wrong? Because it's what your supposed to feel....Who says you have to feel that way? God? Has God ever spoken to you? I don't know what I beleive, I beleive there is something out there....I don't nescissarly think that "my" God is the only God, I think it's just all one...If I think of it at all in that way...I guess you can say, my beleifs contradict themselves, I can't fully forget what I've been exposed to for so long...But, I still pray everynight...and why? My answer to that.....Well.....why not..?
part2
Is it some big cult? Just think about it, if someone came around today saying they were the Messiah...wouldn't you think they were nuts? I mean, what if the coming of our saviour already happened, but we just bruhed it off, and put him in some insane asylum...that's mostly unlikely, but hey, ya never know. Maybe the bible is just some book some old bored guys wrote...and someone found it, and was like...hey, let's make a religion out of this...Why is there religion...is it a human's basic need to beleive something is out there, and why we are here? Maybe some of us are just going to be greatly disappointed when we die...and...that's it.. Why must we be forced into religion, something that we don't even know is real...something, that is based on faith..and faith alone...what is faith..maybe its just faith in nothing...
