::rAmbLinGS::

*Your pathetic.

I feel sorry for those people who don't realise that the things they do are pathetic. People laugh at them behind their backs, and make fun of them. It's not something you can tell a person when they're making a fool of themselves, because they think they are the absolute shit! You can't help but just let them keep acting like that, because they think they are so cool. Go ahead and make a fool of yourself...but all of us here are going to keep laughing behind your back. I can't feel sorry for these people, they're usallly jerks.

*What am I supposed to feel...

When you once love something/someone, and their gone, your supposed to miss them. Are you not supposed to miss them though, when you choose not to have that a part of your life anymore? Is it supposed to feel like they were never a part of your life? I think sometimes that's how it feels. I still feel like a whole person like I've always felt. I don't think i've changed, I think people don't change at all, they just evolve to become the person they choose to be. I'm proud of what I've become so far, and I'm not regretful of anything, there are things I may have done diferent if I got the chance, but that's past. So, maybe someone seems like the way they are now, but then they can go and change on you, and that is the real person they want to be. Sometimes, people only want to see things from their own point of veiw, and I hate that, those people are selfish. They don't stop to think about the other person's feeling, or the other people that are involved, look at the whole situation from everyone's point of veiw, and not just your own. I'm not regretful about the things that have happened, but I am saddened of the outcome of others' actions.

*love/hate

Is it possible to hate someone, but still love them at the same time? I think so...Look at it this way, love the person, hate the things they do. Maybe it's one of those reasons why people who can't stand eachother sometimes stay together. Annoyed by the person, but can't seem to let go of what it use to be, so ya still stick around. But things don't get better, things are just the same, or they get worse. Or maybe the hope of it getting better is the reason why you want to stick around....

*Embarassment

I don't ever recall a time where I have been the most embarassed. The way I see it is, that if I can't think of anything, then I've never been embarassed enough. Hmmm...oh well. Big loss.

*Liers and..?

I'll be honest...I don't lie really. Not saying that I don't ever lie, I do, but, what I'm saying is, I never lie about anything that really matters. I try to be honest all the time. I don't ever see the point of lying. If someone ever asks me something up front, I'll try to be up front with my answer. If they have the guts to ask something, then they deserve a totally honest answer. But don't ask me if I think your fat, I hate questions like those, because the only people who ever really ask them are people who are skinny, but just want to be reassured of it. I mean, have you ever heard of a fat person coming up to you asking you if their fat...uhh...no! And that's because they know they are. I'm not trying to be mean about that sort of thing though, I know sometimes people of that size really can't help it, I'm not blaming anyone for that. Also, when someone has something on their face, not necassarily a booger, but maybe lint? Who knows, just be nice enough to tell them it's there. Just tell them to get it off, because everyone sees it. And i'm sure they would appreciate it. Hah..

*Superficial-ness

Haha...what's funny is, ok, ever year the yearbook puts out for seniors the best and worst of whatever....this year, they've left out a lot of the catagories that have been in it previous years. Like most artistic, and biggest whiner....ya know usally funny things like all that....but this year it's all best this...best that...forcing everyone to judge eachother...just shows ya how superficial everyone at my school is...well not everyone, ya know what I mean, the over all ness of it. blah..

*I like bad words

There really isn't much to say about this....the title pretty much says it all. But, don't use them in excess, cause then it woudln't matter if you used them or not, because the impact of the word has been lost. I on the other hand, only really use "bad" words..haha, only when a situation really calls for them....and when i do people are all surprised...haha...it's funny.

*WTF

I can't help it, sometimes I'm at a loss for words, and then when I finally do think of something to say, it's like the stuipdest thing. I haven't been myself this week. I think it's from being all cooped up, and having all this energy at night. No energy at in the day, but all of a sudden all this energy at night. I've been feeling like shit lately. I don't know...Anything I say or do is stupid, and can't and won't be right. Maybe I should just go hide away somewhere for a couple of years life in a cave or a tree trunk..grr...yeah right. Maybe it's the medication talking. But I haven't been feeling like myself. I feel like a fake version of myself. I feel like I know something, but then whatever I say just comes out sounding shallow. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Maybe it's just today, or the last couple of days that feel like they've been shitting on me. I really don't have a clue. Maybe I'm acting like this out of bordom. That's a possiblity....

*That one person..

Sometimes you think no one understands you...Is that true? Or is it that there is this ONE person that does understand you, and you have to find them because thier your other half or something. I'm having weird thoughts, it's because I want to throw up. I feel like no one really understands me. Sometimes I think this one person does, and then they turn around and say somehting about me, that just pisses me off, because sometimes it is true, but i've never noticed it before. Should I take time to get to know myself better or something? What the hell ever...I'm dizzy. What makes me mad most often, is when people stick up for people you don't like. I like everyone pretty much, but sometimes there just that one or two peoplel, I don't like, for a reason of course. And they don't know anything about it, but stick up for them anyway. Shite....I'm gonna go friggen lay down. I shouldn't even be online.

*Why should it ever matter?

Why does it bother us so much when others talk about us? I don't know, it only bothers you if you let it bother you. I've learned to ignore people's comments about me when they don't know me. But that doesn't stop it from hurting sometimes. You try not to let it bother you but those things tend to. It's just a basic human tendencey to care what others think. It hurts when someone you know well, says something about you. Because it's your character, the person you are that they are insulting and that's something you can't change. But, it only bothers you if it's true. Because if it wasn't true, who gives a shit. If I wasted my time worrying about what others thought all the time, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I'm proud of who I am regardless of what others say, becauase I am proud of all that I am. It's my choice to be the way I am. And I'm happy with it. If I didn't like it I'll change for me, and only me. This sounds like a cheesy self motivation speech...who gives a fuck...heh..

i want to feel you from the inside