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Personal Stories

Here you will find the stories of other couples who have dealt with infertility, the ups, the downs, the disappointments and joys. It is our hope that other  couples will be able to relate to these stories, gain knowledge from them, know that they are not alone. Some couples may choose to share their Email for comments and support, while others may choose to remain anonymous. If you would like to share your story please do, simply Email us and we will post it here.

Um Rahmah            Nzingha        

Karen       Yusrah       Darlena

UM RAHMAH

Assalamu alaikum,

I have been through 6 years of infertility. Tubal surgery and hormone therapy for endometriosis. I now have 4, ma sha Allah, daughters. One before all the trouble three after. In between I have had 7 miscarriages. All at various stages from 6 weeks to 4 months. We have tried just about everything except IVF, which at my age (41) is no longer recommended.

I had hoped for just one more baby before it is too late, qadar Allahu ma sha faal. I guess it just was not written for me.

When I married (at 14) I dreamed of having 10 kids one after another. I thought I could have a baseball team by the time I was 25. It was not to be.

Al hamdu lillah, my children are normal and healthy. I am a grandmother now of 1 and 8 and 8/9. My daughter's second baby is due any minute now. May Allah strengthen her and give her a strong healthy normal child. May she deliver normally and return to health quickly.

Ameen,

Wassalam, Um Rahmah

Nzingha

I married in July of 1996 after looking for a husband for three years. One of my main drives to marry was to have children, and my husband was also very eager to have children. I figured we would be blessed with a pregnancy shortly after we married, that is what everyone thought.

It was a year and a half later, still no pregnancy, that we finally had insurance to go see a doctor to find out what was wrong. By this time I knew something was definitely wrong, and I knew I had to get something done. I had already checked out books, was able to chart my basal body temperature, I knew there were times when I ovulated properly and some times I didn't, I learned how to check my cervix position as well as cervical mucus. I also read up on common infertility problems and diagnosed myself with endometriosis, signs such as painful relations and painful menstrual cycles gave it away. My doctor was extremely happy that I was reading on the topic, it made things easier for both of us, the work finally began.

The normal checkup that usually occurs with an GYN was the easiest part of testing. No book could have prepared me for the pain I endured during my first HSG. While the books called it "minor discomfort" I would describe it as more of piercing a sword through my uterus. The injection of the dye is not so bad at all, but the clamping of the cervix should give an idea of pain. I have found though, since we move a lot the doctors changed, that the pain involved with HSG will vary from each doctor. Dr. Taylor, who was my second doctor, was much easier to take during the HSG. I was not hollering in pain, but was able to discuss what we saw on the monitor. So pain that I felt the first time around is not going to happen to everyone.

What I found out from my first HSG was that there was some blockage of my tubes. This took me to the final stage of diagnosis, laparascopy, or the band aid surgery. This is when I was diagnosed with Stage 2 endometriosis. Due to the lack of possibilities as to what our insurance will cover, as if couples need more worries in this situation, I opted to have major surgery to take care of my blocked tubes and adhesions. I now have one very good tube on my right side, my left is not so good but not impossible to work with. But as they say you only need one..

It was my third month of Clomid along with the active ingredient of cough syrup, a drug called called Guaifenesin. What this does is help liquify the cervical mucus, which normally should be very thin and easy for the sperm to penetrate during ovulation (clomid can contribute to a change in cervical mucus). Many women take their own concoctions of cough syrup, but for muslims we must watch the alcohol content in such products. I would personally prefer taking a few small pills a few times a day from the 10th day of my cycle until ovulation instead of gulping down cough syrup :). Being on clomid it is not unusual when it changes your monthly cycle, the flow, texture, being late, and a decrease or increase in the amount of days. So at about cycle day 40 when my cycle had yet to show up and along with a "over the counter" pregnancy test (results negative)my doctor prescribed a drug that would cause my cycle to come, unwillng as it was. This drug will usually take a week to take the medication and 10 days after that you should have your cycle. Imagine my annoyance when two weeks latter still my "little friend" was a no show. I went to the doctors office and had some blood work done, I thought just nerves. Well I blew my doctor away when I wound up pregnant, not only with one but twins. Oh yes, if I am to do it... I will always opt to overdo it :). They were born in January of 1999, I went full term and both weighed in at 6 lbs 10 oz each.

A year later I decided that I wanted to have another child, since I plan on homeschooling during their younger years I wanted to have children close in age. I again took clomid for ovulation, while some woman will not need to go back to ovulation drugs some will. I also took hytuss to help the cervical mucus, I did not want to change anything that worked the first time around. After one cycle on clomid I became pregnant alhamdulillah, we are expecting a girl in Nov 2000 inshallah.

Being an avid reader and internet junky, I decided to search for other women in my situation. Not only ones that I can relate to on an "infertile level" but also one in which I share a common foundation of Islam. What I found was a stigma on women who can't bear children right after marriage and no one freely discusses this issue. As if it is not our concern as muslims, infertility knows no religious or cultural boundaries. As Allah says He leaves whom He wills barren, so we know that it can happen to any couple. The lack of Islamic resources on the topic is beyond irritating, and it was then that I decided the web would be a good place to get us dealing with this issue. With the help of my dear sister Rabea... here we are. I pray that everyone finds this informative, and we are able to fight against ignorant type casts of barren couples, become more sensitive to the issue, and stop down-grading women whom Allah has chosen to be barren or men for that matter.

Assalamu Alikum Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

Karen

Dear Sisters, Your article was forwarded to me by a good friend of mine who knows my infertility story well. I can share that story with you, inshAllah.

I am 33 years old, and I have a 2 1/2 year old child. I had absolutely no problems conceiving her, alhumdulliah. I nursed my daughter so that my period was delayed until 13 months after delivery. At that point, my husband and I decided that we would really like another child so did nothing to prevent another pregnancy. I became pregnant again about 3 months later, but I did not know it, because that pregnancy was an ectopic one, and I had bleeding thoroughout the pregnancy. Finally, I was in so much pain that I went to my obstetrician, was diagnosed me with an ectopic pregnancy, and I had surgery to remove it. During the course of the surgery one of my fallopian tubes was removed.

Well, we still wanted another child, so we kept on trying. 6 months later we had had no luck, despite careful timing of intercourse, etc. I went back to my obstetrician who told me that sometimes, after the body has had a "big shock", eggs are just not released for awhile. The doctor did a vaginal ultrasound and saw that indeed, although I had eggs, that they were not maturing and being released. She perscribed Clomid in the lowest dosage which I took for one month. I went back to her and had another vaginal ultrasound and she saw that eggs were starting to mature, but had not matured enough to be released. She then had me take another course of Clomid - a higher dosage - (for one cycle) and did yet another vaginal ultrasound and this time saw that eggs were mature, and would hopefully be released. Sure enough, that month I did conceive, alhumdulliah, and am now 4 1/2 months pregnant, inshAllah.

I cannot stress enough, however, that I made a lot of du'aa during this time, and really asked Allah for help. I got up at night and prayed, using the supplication that Prophet Zakariya (Zachariah) (saw) used: "My Lord! Indeed my bones have gown feeble, and grey hair has spread on my head, and I have never been unblessed in my invocation to you, O my Lord! And Verily! I fear my relatives after me, since my wife is barren. So give me from Yourself an heir,-" Maryam, Ayat 4,5. The Translation of the Meanings of the Noble Qur'an.

My heart goes out to every sister who is facing infertility. It is hard enough to have infertility problems, but harder still as a muslim, because muslims are told to have as many children as possible by Rasoolullah (saw).

May Allah bless all those who desire children with children, and may Allah give us all the best in this life and the next. Ameen.

JazakAllahkhairun, sisters, for your interest, and jazakAllahkhaiurn for the idea of the website. I think it addresses a much needed issue for our Ummah.

Walikum Salam Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.



Yusrah

Assalamualaikum, Well I guess I thought like everyone else, you get married and have lots of babies. But, after 5 months of not conceiving you start to wonder a little. We had just moved to a new town so I had to find a new doctor and I finally found a female one. So I went to get my check-up and it turned out that she was a fertility specialist. Mind you, my intentions were simply to get a check-up. The next thing I knew she said that I probably had endometriosis, so then I am thinking: what is that? She told me she was going to schedule me for surgery the next week. After I woke up from surgery she said that that was not my problem so I felt relieved. Later as we continued talking she said both of my tubes were blocked. I was very, very heart broken. She then assured me that there was more that she could do for me. She scheduled me for another surgery to open my tubes. I had that surgery about a month after the first one. When I woke up I was in a lot of pain. I started hollering and screaming so they gave me a shot and I was out again.

Later I was taken to a room and was sedated again. After that I drifted in and out for the rest of the day. I had a beautiful dream that I was praying and going into Ruku. The next afternoon my doctor told me everything had gone well. So I asked to go home where I would feel more comfortable because the whole time that I was there I had slept in a jilbaab and khimar. So I went home and in 2 weeks I came back to her office. She said I should get pregnant by March and it is April now and nothing has happened but Insha'Allah maybe it will in the future. I still hurt all the time because people snicker, and talk behind my back .I try to act like I do not notice it and that it does not bother me but it is hard.I think the hardest part of it all was not even having my family's support My family hates me because of something that I have no control over. I know that there are more sisters out there who have the same problem but I pray that you never have to feel hate from your own family because of it.



Darlena

I married when I was young and had a child right away. The marriage was very bad and we were divorced when my son was two years old. I had been having problems with cysts and bleeding and because of the abusive marriage I asked the doctor to tie my tubes so I would not have any more children. The doctor didnít want to because I was only 20 years old, but ultimately I prevailed and he did it.

I didnít know that I would meet a wonderful Muslim man 14 years later and want to have his child. He knew when we began to be serious about marriage that I could not have children. He was wonderful and told me he wasnít seeing me for my ability to have children. He had been through a marriage that didnít work out and we were both looking for a life partner. After we had been married for about a year, I talked to my doctor about "untying" the tubes. I had the surgery, but he could only repair one tube and so much time had passed since the original surgery, that the tube itself had atrophied and where the tube meets with the ovary, the tube was nearly closed. The doctor surgically sliced it open (kind of like peeling a banana) so that, if the egg could get to the tube, then I may be able to get pregnant. We tried clomid for a year. Every month was heartbreaking when I started my period.

We decided to try in vitro fertilization. The hormones put me on an emotional roller coaster, but we were able to harvest eleven eggs. When the time came to implant the eggs, only seven had divided and four had failed to thrive. The doctors decided to use all of them in order to increase my chances for a successful pregnancy. I was so excited. Then the day before my appointment for my first pregnancy test, I started bleeding. I had miscarried. It was heartbreaking. We decided not to try again.

We had thought about adopting a child, but then my husbandís sister and her three children came to live with us. It was a blessing. Now we have three beautiful children we have been helping to raise for the last five years. Sometimes we wonder if they know who their parents really are! My husband and I would still love for us to have a child and we havenít stopped trying. He tells me that he would never do anything to endanger our relationship and that I am more important to him that having a child. If he had to go outside of our marriage to have a child, he would not. I know he has thought a lot about it and I have offered to divorce him so that he may have an opportunity to have a child with another woman. He has assured me many times, that having a child is not as important as having me.

I am an American and my husband is an Arab. His parents also live with us and would love for us to have a child. Hamdulilah my two brothers-in-law are married and each has two children, and then my sister-in-law (who lives with us) has three children. There is no shortage of grandchildren and my husbandís parents are supportive and love me very much. We are blessed.





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