"...And that's the way it is."
Norm McDonald is one of the funniest comedians out there today, yet he can't get any respect. He is a Saturday Night Live alum who has starred in many comedy movies, including the lead role in 'Dirty Work,' which he co-wrote. Obviously, his fans were outraged when he was fired from SNL by an NBC big wig. Many claimed it could have been the result of a possible conspiracy. Norm reigned as many characters including the anchor of 'The Fake News,' Bob Dole, David Letterman, and many others. The anchor job was then taken over by the New Yawkish dialect of Colin Quinn. Quinn comes across as bland as he stumbles his way through the dialouge Norm once masterfully breezed through with the utmost satire and wryness. While the overall quality of the show is slightly rising, Norm's vacancy leaves a major hole in what was once a strong part of the show. Norm reacted to his dismal as only he could. He went on Letterman and utterly embarrassed NBC with his potshots and quips. Then, to add insult to injury, Norm returned to host SNL, questioning why his old show would fire him because he was so bad, then subsequently ask him to host because he was so good. Just doesn't make much sense. Furthermore, he released 'Dirty Work,' and later started an ABC sitcom entitled 'The Norm Show.' In it, Norm plays an ex-hockey player sentenced to public service, all the while acting like the wry and dry jokester his fans have come to love. Check out some of these links to pages about him. Oh, if you haven't seen the movie "Dirty Work," do yourself a solid favor. You can thank me as soon as you stop laughing. Though the critics think differently, it certainly is a classic performance by one of today's brightest comedians.
A brief summary of Norm's career-
A native of Ottawa, Canada, Norm started out as a stand-up comedian. He would later move to Los Angeles where he began writing for the hit sitcom 'Roseanne.' In 1994, Norm took over the 'Weekend Update' job on NBC's Saturday Night Live. As the anchor of 'The Fake New,' Norm began to be a well known SNL regular. Don Ohlmeyer, an NBC fat cat decided for some reason that Norm wasn't funny enough for him anymore. Ultimately, Norm was fired, but got sweet, sweet revenge when he achieved even greater success. His feature film, 'Dirty Work' was a hit, he hilariously voiced Eddie Murphy's dog in 'Dr. Doolittle,' and a sitcom, 'The Norm Show,' spawned as Norm's career blossomed.
Summary of 'Dirty Work'-
Mitch (Norm Mcdonald) and Sam (Artie Lange) have been laughed at and thrown out of every job, every friendship, every relationship they've ever tried to hold. But there's one thing Mitch and Sam can do better than anyone else: get even. And they do just that as the twosome hilariously outsmart their way to the top. For misfits, underdogs and victims everywhere, Mitch and Sam can serve revenge cold, hot or any way you want it .. for a price.
Since Norm left Saturday Night Live, this is the kind of stuff that passes for comedy:
Ridiculous.
Nuggets of Genius from Norm -
"Note to self . . . Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised."
"Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone."
" ... or so the Germans would have us believe."
"In Washington State, elementary school teacher Mary Kay LeTourneau pleaded guilty to having sex with a sixth-grade student.... LeTourneau has been branded a sex offender, or as the kids refer to her, 'the greatest teacher of all time.'"
"Anna Nicole Smith was admitted to a hospital after she apparently collapsed after she realized she had sex with this man." [Shows a picture of her 80-year-old husband.]"
"In Milwaukee, Wisconsin, a man allowed his eight-year-old daughter to take the wheel of his car, and an accident ensued that damaged seven other cars and injured six people. Which once again proves my theory -- women can't drive."
"After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay."
"And that just proves my theory: Germans *love* David Hasselhoff."
"Thurman Thomas has just broken a few of OJ's records recently. He now leads the Bills in touchdowns, and yards. Next up.... killing three people at once."
"Paul McCartney confessed that Bob Dylan turned The Beatles on to marijuana. In a return, George Harrison turned Dylan on to looking old and haggard."
"Playing in a music store in New York this week, Kenny G set a world record by holding a saxophone note for 45 minutes. While he did warn spectators that it would be quite boring, it should be noted that it is every bit as boring to hear Kenny G play different saxophone notes for 45 minutes."
"In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for telling her she was too fat to strip. Police warn that the woman is armed and extremely fat."
"The FDA has approved a drug used for anti-depression to help people quit smoking. Though it should be noted, the drug is crack."
"Weeks away from giving birth, Pamela and Tommy Lee are trying to come up with names for the baby. If it's a girl, they'll name it after the mother and call her Pamela. If it's a boy, they'll name it after the father and call it Lucky Bastard."
"Weekend Update joins the world in mourning the death of comic legend George Burns. Let this be a lesson to you kids out there: smoking kills."
"A dog recently saved his owner's life, because he had been trained to dial 911. Unfortunately, operators had trouble finding the address 'woof, woof.' "
"German shepherds were rated the best police dogs in the country, sniffing out more than $100 million in illegal drugs. ... or so the German shepherds would have us believe."
"Rap star Hammer is suing the LAPD after he and his entourage were mistakenly handcuffed by police. The most shocking part of this story: Hammer has an entourage!"
"Mother Teresa suffered a concussion. Doctors say she is back to normal except for one thing: She now hates poor people!"
"Magic Johnson has received a $900 000 retainer to write a book on how not to get AIDS. Chapter 1: Don't have sex with me."
"Despite recent criticism, the school board of Oakland has decided to proceed with its controversial Ebonics programs for city schools. In fact, school board officials today announced the winner of the first city-wide Ebonics spelling bee: fourth- grader Soon Jyoop Kim."
"Inmates of American prisons are protesting this week. They claim that the reading of their mail by prison officials is an violation of their human rights. Well, that and the DAILY ANAL RAPE!"
"It has been announced that a hangover-free vodka will hit the market soon. But before you run out and buy it, there is one small side-effect: It causes massive anal bleeding!"
"A recent opinion poll shows that DC mayor Marion Berry's approval ratings are at their lowest level ever. When asked for comment on the ratings, Berry replied that he didn't pay attention to polls or anything that isn't crack."
"The American Cancer Institute recently discovered that the lower a person's birthweight, the less likely it is for them to develop several kinds of cancer. This information falls into the category of 'Things you can do nothing about.' "
"On the seventh season of MTV's 'The Real World,' the young people will represent different backgrounds, ages, religions and sexual orientations. They will, however, share one trait in common: I will hate them."
"Officials report that the sale of marijuana at school playgrounds has gone up in recent years." [Pulls out wad of bills, looks it over] "Don't I know it!"
"The world is in shock with the split of Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson. Friends say it never would have worked -- Lisa was more of a home person while Michael was more of a homosexual pedophile."
"According to a new ordinance in Kansas City, MO, anyone convicted of indecent exposure, prostitution, or soliciting prostitution will have his name posted on a local cable channel. If I can be permitted to make a personal comment. While the plan's goal of publicly shaming sex offenders is well intentioned, it is important to remember in this democracy of ours, that Norm Macdonald is a very common name."
"In Springfield, Missouri the local cable company mistakingly showed 5 minutes of explicit sex scenes from the Playboy Channel on the Cartoon Network during an episode of 'The Flintstones.' Experts say children who saw the episode called it "the best 'Flintstones' ever!"
"In a December issue of Playboy, '60 Minutes' reporter Mike Wallace revealed that he has not only smoked marijuana, but that it made him sexually aroused. According to Wallace he made these comments in an effort to frighten young people off sex and drugs forever."
"In Detroit, under a new prison rehabilitation program called Fresh Start, employers will get a tax break if they hire an ex-convict. Employers who hire more that one ex-convict will get robbed and killed."
Note to self: "Buy wart medicine for giant wart on ass."
"In a recent study, a majority of non-voting women stated that they would vote if they were allowed to mail in their votes. Also, an even larger majority stated that they would vote if they were allowed to bake their votes. Because, women like to bake."
"I've never seen so many dead whores in my entire life!"
"A recent study proved today that crack babies are as happy as regular babies. That's kind of strange, I would have thought that they would be happier -- on account of all that crack in their system."
"O.J. Simpson did not spend Mothers Day with his children. When asked about it he replied, 'Duh! Because I killed their mother!' "
"Two more jurors were removed from the Simpson case after revelations of conflicts of interest. One of the jurors once worked for Hertz and the other juror once held Nicole's glasses while O.J. killed her."
"O.J. Simpson reportedly has a videotape that he says proves who actually murdered Nicole. He said he intends to use this tape as evidence in his upcoming civil trial. What's on the tape? The first Simpson trial."
"Tempers flared in the O.J. Simpson trial this week. Fred Goldman stood up and shouted, 'Stop giving me that damn look!' O.J. replied, 'Look, I didn't give you a look. You're just mad because I killed your son.' "
"It was revealed this week that defense lawyer Johnny Cochran was once accused of beating his wife. In his defense Cochran stated, 'Hey, at least I didn't kill her like some people I know.' "
I hope you've enjoyed these jokes. You may ask your self, "Why would a person make a web page about Norm MacDonald?" Well, the answer is simple: I have no life. Also, I've been told that I have a dry sense of humor, much like Norm, therefore I'm what you would call an admirer, or a protege, if you will. He is definately one of my favorite comedians, yet doesn't get enough recognition. I rank him right up there with Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, and others who are just as funny and successful, but get more praise. Make a quick note to self: Norm is funny. Also, buy something why don't ya?! This ain't no free shop!
Top 5 Norm MacDonald Characters and Impressions