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My Testimony

For some reason I just felt really led to write and share my story with you all, it's not just a story, it's my true personal testimony. I don’t know, maybe someday it can help somebody. It would be a true blessing to know that somehow and someway the things I’ve gone through in life could have some impact on other people. I’ve been through some extremely hard times over the past few years and I truly believe that God is going to turn it all around for the good if I just trust in Him. I would like to share with you my journal entry that I wrote a couple of nights ago. Every night before I go to bed I write and like I said I just felt really led to share this. Here is what I wrote…… Sunday, December 1, 2002 I missed church today. I wanted to go, but mom and dad weren’t feeling too well. But I’ve managed to stay content and happy and I thank God for that, for giving me another beautiful day. I just got off the phone with (a friend). I pray that somehow, someway that the Lord will open (this friends) eyes to Him, so that (this friend) can help theirself. We had a long talk. I talked to (this friend) about how this life is all just a test of our faith. We go through trials to strengthen us. It’s part of Satan’s plan to attack you the moment you decide to do what’s right and live for God. But it’s up to us to overcome the trials Satan tries to throw in our way. “With God all things are possible.” God will turn those trials around and take the bad and make it into something so wonderful if only we put all our trust and faith in Him. We need to keep our eyes, ears, heart and soul focused on the Lord and the right things in life. When we give into temptations we are only pro longing God’s wonderful plan for us. I’m sure if I would have listened to God 4 years ago instead of running to boys, drugs, my eating disorder and other destructive behaviors, that it could have saved me a lot of grief. Maybe I could have already been that much closer to where God wanted me to be in this life. But instead I chose to take the long way around. But in return , I learned some valuable lessons through it all. I learned you can never find happiness and love until you get right with God and love Him and learn to love yourself for the person He made you, and to be satisfied with that. Your life will just keep going around in one huge messed up circle until you cry out to God and only then will your path be lighted ahead and you’ll finally begin to realize the joy’s you’ve been blind to for so long and the true happiness you have always longed for will finally begin to fill your heart and soul. I’ve finally found something to run to when I’m depressed, happy or sad. I’ve finally found that one thing to fill the void in my life and the one thing that will truly make me happy that is NOT temporary. I finally found something I can overdose on and be blessed for...and that something is the Lord Jesus Christ! A friend once told me...God forgives, you just have to ask. That friend was so right. I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m finally becoming the young woman that I was meant to be. Each and everyday I strive to be a little more like Jesus. It’s not easy, but in the end, it’s all going to be worth it. Through it all I learn a little more and I slowly begin to see the pieces of my once shattered life coming back together. It’s all starting to make sense after all. For the past 4 years of my life I’ve struggled with some of the most challenging things a person can go through. From bad relationships, from rape, to anorexia and bulimia to drug use. I was in so much emotional pain, trying to mask and numb all the hurt with temporary pain relievers that only made me feel more empty in the end. I’ve seen many ER. rooms and I’ve come so close to dying so many times that I realize now it’s only by the miracle of God’s grace that I am still alive. I could go on and on, there really is no short story to my life and the life threatening things I have struggled with. I got better from Anorexia because one day I just decided to let go and trust in God. I was tired of being sick. The doctors were amazed of the miraculous change. I remember my dad telling me after recovery that he was convinced I was going to die from it, but I didn’t and all I can say is...it was all God and He is why I’m still alive today. I would love to say that’s the end of my story and I lived happily ever after, but that would be a lie. Somewhere along the road to my recovery from Anorexia I caved in. I got discouraged quit going to church and left home in fits of anger time after time. I got involved with the wrong crowed of people. My life was all crashing in on me and the sad part is, that I was so consumed by the things of this world that I didn’t even realize I was slowly killing who I was. I was doing everything and anything just for that temporary pleasure. Anything that numbed me to the point of not caring was my main priority at the time. I was using drugs constantly. It started with alcohol, I got sick of that so I went to pills, the pills got old so I added the cocaine and so on and so forth. I was beginning to realize that in my own pursue to find happiness I was looking in all the wrong places and choosing all the wrong things. I started to realize that ending up in the ER. all the time from taking too many drugs was not bringing me happiness. I failed to realize then that the one true thing I was missing in my life was God. I forgot that it was God that healed me from Anorexia but as soon as I turned away from God all my problems came back but 10 times worse. I was so lost trying to run from everything that got a little hard in life. I was truly on the verge of just giving up. Then one day it hit me.I needed help! They say ones gotta hit rock bottom before they can want or realize that they need help, and rock bottom is what I hit faster than I could have imagined possible. I lost my apartment because I didn’t have the money to pay rent and I could never hold a decent job because I was always out partying, sick and hung over the next day when it was time for work. So I called my parents and told them I was ready for a change. Ok, I’m trying to make this story short and it’s not working to well. My point is... for the past 4 years of my life all I’ve done is run from my problems and I’ve come to realize that as long as I run, I just keep digging myself a deeper hole. I realize now, that without God in the center of your life you can never expect to be truly happy. I’m tired of fighting for all the wrong things. I’m ready to let go and let God. I’m sick of being sick. So I’ve applied to this Christian based girls home, it’s called “Mercy Ministries of America,” I’m sure you have heard of it before. They help girls and young women with all sorts of problems from abuse, rape, eating disorders, drug addiction and other stuff. I really feel that God wants me to be there because I know I have so much emotional, physical and spiritual healing that I need, and I realize now that I can’t do it alone. I truly believe that there is a reason I’ve been through everything I have. I may not understand it all now, but I know that if I keep my faith, my eyes, heart and soul on the Lord and give myself completely to Him that in his timing He will show me my purpose in life. So I leave my past behind because it’s my past I can’t do anything about it but I can do something about my future and the wonderful thing is that God forgives. Now I try to live more in the moment, one day and one step at a time and not get so focused and worried about tomorrow, because the truth is,nobody is garanteed another day. That is why we shouldn’t go through life as if it were a race because then we fail to see the many blessings that God gives to us each new day. I’ve learned not to take life for granted, that we should cherish the simple things and be thankful. My heart is filled with so many things to say right now. I didn’t mean to make this so long, but like I said, God just laid it on my heart to share this with you all and I just wanted to be obedient to that. And all I want to do now is be obedient to God’s will. Sometimes it gets really hard and confusing at times, but then I just push myself a little harder and remember that “I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength.” Well I guess I’ll end this now, before I make this what was supposed to be semi small story into a book. But I hope and pray that someway or somehow that maybe this has touched someone’s life. One day I hope to be an inspiration to help other’s realize that you CAN overcome the trials of the world and the difficult times that may seem impossible to beat if you just keep God first in your life. A girl said once that..."If God won't let me die, then He has to help me live" I take that to heart everyday now.... I look back and am still amazed that I'm still alive, I've come so close to death so many times, but still yet I've managed to beat it all and stay alive....thats only because God allowed it to happen that way, therefore He has to have an amazing plan for my life. I've learned that I just need to be more patient and eventually like I said before, if you keep your trust in Him, your purpose in life will begin to piece together. Thats not just for me...thats the same with everyone, everyone has a reason that they were brought into this world. Even though things may seem rough at times, you learn from it. God does NOT make mistakes, everything happens for a reason, the good and the bad, eventually it will all make sense. Thank you for taking the time to read this. God bless and have a merry Christmas. All my love, your sister in Christ......... I have also put a picture of me on here when I was anorexic...this is one of the things God has brought me out of, nobody thought I was gonna live. It's amazing...God truly can bring you out of anything no matter what it is.....you just gotta have a willing Heart and a Love for Jesus Christ, and the true desire to turn yourself around for the better.
Me when I was really sick w/ anorexia... I weighed 80 lbs at 5'4, 19 years old at the time. That picture was taken right when I got out of an eating dissorder hospital in New Orleads LA...I left against docters advice.
Some things and scriptures to think about........
-We will be tested in the area's we are weakest to test us. It's a test in out faith.-
-God will put us purposley in situations we don't like to test us, to make us stronger.-
-God will use close people in your life to help you toughen up and not run from everything that is hard.-
-The trick of the enemy(Satan)is wanting to always try and change someone else over yourself, but God will not change them until you change YOURSELF!!!-
-God will allow you to go through situation's to bring out impurities in your charachter. The sooner you cooperate the sooner you will get out of your mess.-
-God will take what the Enemy brings in for evil, and turn it around and use it for something good to come out of.-
-You gotta work w/ God, don't fight against Him.-
-STRUGGLE is an oppertunity for ADVANCEMENT!!!!
- 1 Peter 1:6-7 says... "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.-
-RECONISE DIFFICULT TIMES!!! IT'S A TEST,DON'T BE STUBBORN!!!-
-Don't lose God's purpose in the middle of a problem.-
-God waits for us to make a move in the right direction before He can do anything.-
-If you spend your life doing meaningless things, you are bound to get depressed as you realize that what you are doing has little lasting value.-
-A PROMISE FROM GOD(Matthew 11:28)Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."-
-Distractions take our focus off of Jesus. We can be in the middle of doing GREAT things, but if we take our eyes off of Jesus, we can begin to SINK!!!-
-Don't let the past drag you down; focus your energies on what you can do for God and others now and in the future.-
-Psalm 66:9...Our lives are in His hands, and He keeps our feet from stumbling.-
-KEEP YOUR EYES FIXED ON THE LORD-
-John 14:27...I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart...so don't be troubled or afraid.-
-Isaiah 41:10.... Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will up hold you with my victorious right hand.-
-Philippians 4:6-7....Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.-
-What happenes when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard-things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct energies wisley.-
-Philippians 4:8...Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious--the best, not the worst, the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.-
-Isaiah 43:18-19.....Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of the old. Behold I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.-
-Proverbs 14:30....A sound mind is life to the body, but envy is rotteness to the bones.-
-John 14:27...Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled. Neither let it be afraid.-
-Proverbs 17:22...A merry heart does good like medicine. But a broken spirit dries the bones.-
-8 STEP PLAN TO BATTLE THROUGH DEPRESSION-PSALM 42....
1.(verse 1) Long after spiritual things, not material things.
2.(verse 3) Don't listen to the lies of the enemy.
3.(verse 4) Think about good things, discipline your thoughts.
4.(verse 5) Praise and worship God.
5.(verse6-7)As in times past, allow the Holy Spirit to minister to you.
6.(verse 8) Sing.
7.(verse 8) Pray.
8.(verse 11)Place your hope in God, not your problems.
-Matthew 18:19...Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven.
-Life is a gift from God, take time to smell the roses, enjoy the simple things in life.Slow down and enjoy lifes journey. We can never relive this day once again.-
-You control your own destiny, stop allowing pressures of life to steal your joy, we are called to be the light of the world. People should want the joy you have. You can't give away what you don't have. It's time people start seeing happy Christians.-
-Happy is the man who's God is the Lord.-
-Don't let the enemy take your smile away, we all have to fight the good fight of faith.-
-Don't get cought up in the race.-
-We can't ever lose the little child in us.-
-The trick of the enemy is to get you to carry around a heavier and heavier burden.
-NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU IS GOING TO PROSPER.-
-People that don't laugh are 40% more likley to have a heart attack-
-The Bible says "A cheerfull mind works healing."
-Stay full of the joy of the Lord. I will be adding more to this page...Oh and another thing....if you go to my poem page, that is living proof of how God can really change a person ....the words of those poems are how I used to really feel, I was so lost, so hurt and so confused, I didn't know God. Now that I have Christ in my Heart and in my Life I have no desire to go back to my old ways. God CAN take the pain away, you just have to believe, and trust in Him, quit running to things that are only temporary fixes. Happiness is possible...through Jesus Christ!!!After you find Him all will fall into place. God's Love and the Happiness you will feel from having God in your life is forever not temporary. I love you guys, you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

All things are possible through CHRIST who strengthens us!!!

  • Fully
  • Reliant
  • On GOD!!!

Some Christian Links

Back to my main page
Mercy Ministries of America
How to get to Heavan...my friend Aaron's page
Gospel.com
Grace Awakening
Bible Studies
Campus Life
Girls of Grace
Daily Devotionals
Paster Joel Osteen
TBN