*******************************************************
out of control
the world is spinning faster
nothing to hold
i've lost everything of my own
why were you allowed to come into my life
and why did you push me into this pain and strife
when did you get such power
and made me wilt like a dying flower
i gave my heart and you broke it
i tried to break away
the more i moved
the more you pulled me back to stay
i'm stuck in a rut because of you
an eternal private hell
and it's all because you knew my weaknesses
all too well.
and i keep wondering
how could i be so foolish
and let you in my life
and why didn't i learn my lesson
that you would only bring me pain and strife.
*******************************************************
stuck in a void
no real reason to understand
that i gave you my heart to hold
i thought you were a different kind of man
i loved you without restrictions
and you left me in this condition
bound and broken i slip away
wondering why you didnt stay
you led me to believe in love
and then you cast me aside
and i have nowhere to hide
why did i let you in my heart
when did this feeling start
you gave me cause to believe in
that you weren't deceiving
me constantly
******************************************************
love is not a lie
no matter what you say or do
it is something so alive
and it dwells inside of you
i see a feeling so powerful
so rare, but true
that like the sun
it radiates this light from you
love has lived through centuries
the good times and the bad
it has seen many things
people happy and people sad
i look at you with this feeling
that lives inside of us all
and i know that there is no place in the world
that can make this passion too small.
you led me to believe that you were true
and i put my faith in you
then you slammed the door in my face
and sent me to a place
that i've never been before
and i dont know what i'm here for
*******************************************************
standing in a crowded room
i feel like i'm the only one there
i look at the smiling faces around me
and no one seems to notice or care
i'm so different from the rest of them
i don't know what time holds for me
realizing things aren't always what they seem
i don't know where i'm going or what i'm going to be
all i can do is look inside myself
and see what the truth holds for me
******************************************************
love develops like the day
always growing and changing
it has it's dark points
it's light points
it's strength's and weaknesses
always causing a storm in human emotions
helping us to touch what we need to feel
always showing us what is real
reality is hard place to face
fantasy is our place to excape
maybe i'm crazy, and i know this to be true
that when love showed me truth
she showed me you
******************************************************
in my life there have been many
for no such reason
that slipped away from me
in a desperate time and season
they never really knew
what their actions could mean
and that with each day they breathed
they too helped shape the person i was going to be
no matter how much contact
each person left an impact
on the person i was growing to be
but why do the days come
when they have to be separated from me
time moves swiftly
and people say that it's meant to be
but why is it that the people i love
slip away from me
some i knew little
and some i knew alot
but no matter what happens
what they taught me is all i've got
that and memories
and i won't let those slip away from me
*****************************************************
Love everlasting?
Could that really be for real?
I was emotionally frozen inside
But your love made me feel
Tell me the truth
My heart cant take all these lies
Someone drove me into this torment
And made me want to hide.
Dont tell me you love me
And then leave me behind
I can't take these games again
I'm not blind
Dont play the fool again
Because it's not fair
That you could walk away just fine
And leave me in the middle of nowhere
My emotions can be a barren place
Like a desert fire
You have rekindled this dwindled flame
With your own desire
Dont blow the candle out
If you do,
I'm through
Because as much as I hate to admit it
My strength is in you.
*****************************************************
Rain is the reflection of my soul
The tears that fell
That swallowed me whole.
I thought that you actually cared
But I guess not
Another rainy day
In my heart
The churning waters
Tear me apart
All the unsaid thoughts
Take me away
And all that I'm searching for
Is a way to make you stay
Rain, rain
Wash away my pain
Don't let me come down this road again
That is if you love me
As more than a friend
*****************************************************
Maybe
Maybe I was stupid to think
That you could just change
In just one blink
I gave you the moon
When you asked for the stars
I would give you anything
If you dont deny who you are
My eyes can't cry anymore
I can't take it
I gave you my heart to hold
Not to break it
Maybe I was foolish
To trust you again
I shouldn't have tried
To be more than your friend
Think about what you say
Before you speak
And all your actions
Before you act
Maybe if you do that
I'll let this go
Because everytime you turn away
It hurts me so
*****************************************************
Eyes Open
Eyes open up
So I can see the world around me
This presence is so strong
I can only feel it surround me
I don't know what the future holds
And I'm scared of things I could lose
I start to tremble more
When you tell me to choose
If only I could have it both ways
If I could move forward,
But keep things the same
This is not possible
By growing older I know it's true
No eyes open up
And guide me
I'm counting on you
*****************************************************
The Wall
Confusion overwhelmes me
And it is hard to see
What it is that I am
Going to be
I see a man so different
So sure of himself
So strong
I keep wishing that he would notice me
And that I wouldn't have to be alone
These little mind games
He always plays
Never knowing where we're going
Or if we're going to stay
In between is
A wall has erected
So we can keep our feelings inside
This wall makes it easier
For when we just want to hide
How can I knock this wall down
How can I let him see
That the thicker the wall gets
The harder it is on me
*****************************************************
Dreams are my wings
And you are my guide
I no longer have a reason
To hide
Away in shame
No more reason to live in pain
I wish I could know my futher
And where you fit
And answer all my questions
On why we exist
But these answers I will never have
And it drives me crazy
To know that I can respond
to the most important things
And that is the only truth
That my heart can bring
*****************************************************
Dream
If I could close my eyes
And plan the perfect dream
You would be my leading man.
If I could wish to have wings to fly
I would be with you
As soon as I can.
Time divides us constantly
And the distance seems so hard to bare
The more I want to be close to you
The more I know that my dreaming
Gets me nowhere
I want to hold you close to me
To listen to your heart
And never let go
I want time and space to disappear
And always hold you near
If I could do that once
I would be complete
And not be afraid anymore
You are my missing link
The one I've been waiting for
*****************************************************
Maybe I am crazy
To think that we stand a chance
But all I know is
That I need you to make the first advance
I've been hurt once before
And so have you
But for this to work
We both know what we need to do
We need to let go of the past
And move on
Or else life will continue to play
Like a sad song
Let me know what you think
And I will trust you no matter what
But don't let me think that something will happen
When it's not
*****************************************************
Smile
Empty words running through my head
Always confused of what is alive
Or what is dead
You have become the air I breathe
Every thought you have
Means something to me
A silent glance
And a smile
Helps get through tough times
And all the while
A battle keeps raging inside of me
And I dont know what to do
It comes down to one choice
Him or you
He is so far away right now
Not even close enough to touch
And here you are in my sight
And all I want is to hold you so much
The decision is tough,
And I don't know what to do
Because although my heart says one thing
I want to belong to you
Maybe there will be a way
For the things in my life to just stay
Even if it's just for awhile
I can stare into your brown eyes
And enjoy your smile
*****************************************************
I close my eyes
And you are in my every dream
I've learned so many times before
that things aren't always what they seem
Your face haunts me
Even when I'm awake
I don't know how much more separation
I can take
I feel so weak
Without you around
I never knew a feeling
So profound
I need you back by my side
And then I'll no longer hide
*****************************************************
All my life I wondered
How can it be
That everyone has someone
And there is no one for me
I look out into the world
With only one desire
To have the one that I love
And rekindle my heart's fire
I look at him
And wonder
How could I be so lucky to find him
But what I dont know is what he thinks
When he looks at me
Maybe we're just meant to be friends
Of maybe more,
But it's only from him to see
*****************************************************
Tears of Steel
The days move by slowly
With each tear
I get more lonely
I only want to be held
But the pain in my heart
Is too much to tell
I reach out to you
With all I have
I want you with me
As more than a friend
You don't know what it does to me
To not be able to say that to you
You don't know what all
My soul has been through
I've overcome obstacles
That I never thought I could
I found you at this time
And I never thought I would
It seems like no one understands
The winding road I take
And that everyone in my life
Looks at me and thinks that I'm a mistake
I know that this is not true
Because as hard is the times get
I'll always have you
Tears of steel
Set me free
Let me have the courage
To tell the man I love
To let things move forward and let love be
*****************************************************
Every day crawls by slowly
Each moment is an eternity
Because I am away from my one and only
He could ask for anything
And I would make it his
I am so sick of these little games
Played by men who are actually kids
I would trade everything
Even before I had it to give
If it would give me a chance
To live my life with him
The distance is so hard
I can't take too much more
I argue constantly with myself
If this is what life is for
*****************************************************
Stinging tears
Silence screaming in my head
In my eyes
All that were caused
By my fear and your lies
Scared of something
I don't know
In the darkness
Its figure won't show
Where were you when I needed you?
Could you see me cry?
Or was it could good to be true?
Is even your love a lie?
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it
You know, my whole life
Is it really worth
All the pain and the strife?
Maybe you wouldn't even notice
Or care when I am gone
I might just be a written word
Like another sad song
You cause me more pain
Than I can really take
Everytime you yell at me
My heart breaks
Why is it that the ones I love
Always give me lies
And that everytime I come back to them
Another part of me dies?
*****************************************************
You speak empty words to me
You fill my life with lies
Why is it that I talk to you
When it is you that causes all I love to die
What a little fool I am
To actually think
That you were all past your stupid little pranks
Love is an illusion
That we all create
One that will protect us
From all the things we hate
You don't know me
The way you think you do
And before you hurt me again
I'll be through with you
*****************************************************
Break the chains that bind me
I don't know what it means to be free
I feel so empty
Like a bird in a cage
My wings are clipped
All my faith has slipped
Away into that hole of despair
I feel like I can't get anywhere
The cold metal burns my skin
I don't know what to do
Should I keep fighting
Or give in
I feel like crying
But I can't
And so continues my rant
I give myself to the world
And they throw it back
My life is just so out of whack
I need a guide once again
I need a love
But more than ever a friend
I don't know what to do
And I don't know who to turn to
*****************************************************
In my life
I have found
That love is a feeling
So profound
I knew from the moment I saw you
You were the one
And when our eyes first met
My search was done
Day in and day out
You are always on my mind
And the things that could happen between us
If only we had the time
Distance separates us
My love
And how I wish the space would disappear
Because if it would
Then I could always have you near
*****************************************************
In my dreams
You are my angel
My constant hero
Shielding me from harm
I look at you and know I never have to fear
A night of not being in your arms
Distance is a burden
But in my sleep
I find a key
That opens up a door for us
And so that we can be free
Take my hand and walk with me
Into the fading sun
Give me that smile once again
And time for more fun
The night time falls around us
The stars become our guide
We only have the night together
Let's run away and hide
In the dark part of the woods
Where all the adventure lies
If we hold onto each other
Our spirits will never die
A never ending journey
Where I am yours
And you are mine
Then my dream ends
And I wake up
At least for this time
*****************************************************
Wishing I could see
What life has for me
Wanting you to be near
And to end my constant fear
Loving you was the easiest thing
That I have ever done
Even though life has always been
Much less than fun
I want you to see the future
Through my eyes
To see what will come
Out of all those tears I cried
We will be together
Somehow we'll figure out
How to be with each other
And then there will be no doubt
*****************************************************
Your eyes are a mystery
Waiting to be solved
Since the day we met
You've changed the way my world revolved
I felt so empty
Lost and confused
Then I was blessed
The moment I saw you
Your smile is a light
That shines in the darkest part of my soul
And I know that when I'm with you
I'm completely whole
*****************************************************
Cold tears
Conceal the dark fears
Hidden in my heart
Long ago
And far away
I promised not to depart
In the sorrow
Of my mind
The peace is so hard to find
Wishing for a change
To begin
Hoping to find
My one true friend
Death waits at my door
I can't take anymore
The key slips from my hand
If I wait
And the gates open
To my uncertain fate
If only time would freeze
And I could set my mind to ease
In the darkness
It calls my name
And I step into a burning flame
*****************************************************
Silence screaming in my head
All is real
And fantasy is dead
Crushing silence with every blow
Stealing the peace from me
I've come to know
You have a blank look on your face
Like you've been stolen
From time and space
I am helpless
But love is my guide
I want to be selfless
But I can only hide
Gradually I slip away
Into a private hell
More and more
I turn away
From those who knew me well
The person I once was
No longer exists
See what happens
When you blink your eyes
Do you see what you have missed?
*****************************************************
Pain in my heart
Ice stinging my eyes
I watched you walk away
And a part of me died
I feel so empty
So scared and confused
It feels ridiculous
Because I should not be this in love with you
You think I'm childish
But you will see
That what you think are my ideals
Will become reality
Life is not perfect
I've known this all along
But I know that you are the one for me
And I will not leave that dream alone
Now you're gone
I don't know what to do
Because every breath I take
Is agony without you
*****************************************************
Gasping for air
Freezing my lungs
I don't know what happened
Life used to be fun
It used to make sense
But I can't understand
What changed
Where I am
My eyes stare blankly
Out into space
I begin to fall away
And lose the time and place
I wish I could come back
I wish I could let go
I'm so scared
And it hurts with every blow
Step by step
I return
But every movement
Causes my heart to burn
*****************************************************
In my dreams
You're never so far away
In my reality
I couldn't make you stay
I feel so lost
Lonely and confused
At this point
The only thing I feel is that I was used
You treat me like a queen
And then had to leave
Like a real queen
It's hard to live without her king
My lover,
My life
I pray one day
We will be husband and wife
*****************************************************
You act like you really know me
And then you say that we are meant to be
Quit playing these games with my heart
Every word rips me apart
If you really knew how it feels
And how hard these wounds heal
Maybe you would give me something real
You speak what you call the truth
Every word makes me start to hate you
I'm sick of all of your lies
And as you speak, the trust dies
So don't act like you really know me
Pain and bitterness are what you've shown me
And this is the end of my listening to your lies
So look up at me, and say your last goodbyes
*****************************************************
I close my eyes
And am blinded by what I see
These dreams of hopeless torment
All start to consume me
You ran off
And suddenly I couldn't let you go
I can't see where I'm standing now
I've lost all the things I used to know
You ran off
Before the moment came to let you go
I must go on
And learn not to love you so
*****************************************************
Rain falling over my face
Blocking my view
I lose my pace
I can't seem to reach you
You say that love is eternal
That the fire never dies
But now the hatred is internal
And all you said was lies
I cried too many tears
And learned to let go
I have so many fears
And life moves too slow
You slipped away from me
Without a second thought
Letting me think that we are meant to be
Well, thanks alot
It's all been said and done
And although I constantly fall
I'm the one that won
And it's the end of it all
*****************************************************
Maybe my reality is no more
Fantasy has entered
Now shut the door
My world entirely centered
On everything you say and do
I never ever thought
I could stand a chance with you
I'm the luckiest woman alive
You don't even understand
How hard it is to keep the drive
And to never ever lose my stand
I wish I could hold you
More than I'll ever get a chance
No matter what time puts me through
You'll always have me in this trance
So kiss me in my dreams
Love me when I'm awake
I'm bursting at the seams
But I'm yours to take
*****************************************************
Dreams are the best
When I am awake
Everything passes my test
That I'm about to to take
I keep wishing
For a day
And I keep on drifting
Further away
Into a land
Where I am happy
Into a place
Where I am free
Into a moment
Where we are alone at last
Just time
And You with me
*****************************************************
Why am I so nervous
About how I feel
Why do I tremble
At what I know is real
I feel only love
But even then I'm scared
I need some form of reassurance
Something so rare
Why am I so crazy about you
I just don't understand
After all that I've been through
I can't be hurt again
I'm trusting you with more than I normally ever do
I don't know how I could handle it
If this was all a game to you
My feelings are so fragile
My heart so weak
I want to shout my love out to the world
But those words are so hard to speak
I need to know where we stand
Before I get too attached
I need to know where this is going
And have I finally met my match?
*****************************************************
The silence is deafening
I don't know what to do
A decision so intense
And it's all up to you
I never should have put it all on you
I should have spoke my mind
I don't want to push the issue
But now all I have is time
The time it takes for you to decide
And a silent prayer that things will be alright
I've never been good at waiting
But if this is what I have to do
I would rather wait forever
Than to lose a chance with you
*****************************************************
Did you know
That this pain inside
I can't let go
Would you give
A place to hide
Away in my life
I wish I could understand
These feelings inside of me
And why you are my perfect man
I keep hiding
All my dreams
Never finding
The true path it seems
I wish I could show you
Exactly how I feel
But first we have a friendship
And that's the only thing that's real
I can't risk losing that
But my heart won't let you go
We have the strangest relationship
And I can't let myself say
What I truly know
Is my heart's desire
My dreams have lit
My heart on fire
I can't say it
I won't let it out
You are so special
And one that I truly care about
Now hide away my feelings
I'm so scared to say
That I love you more
Each and every day
*****************************************************
Love enters
In the room
I never thought
My time would come so soon
I am finally happy
My heart finally has peace
I now have you as my own
I'm not scared of losing you
I can feel you with me
I don't know what started this
And even if I did
I would never find this place
Where our happiness lives
You gave me more
Than my heart could give
You gave me a reason
To love to live
And if you could see
The effect you've had on me
You would know
Why I feel we're meant to be
I can't let go
Of my past
But here's my future
Now at last
I know what happiness can be
All because of what you are to me
Now I know where this path leads
Because of what you became to me
*****************************************************
I lived my life
All these years
I've lived in sadness
I've faced my fears
You became the light
In my darkness
The love of midnight
In my day
I can't move forward
Because I think of you every day
I don't know where we're going
I don't know where we are
I don't know what is happening
But it sure feels right
I don't know what's developing
But it sure feels right
You are my constant
My loving friend
You are on my mind
From the day's beginning until the end
And when I go to sleep
You are the leading man in my dreams
And all the secrets I keep
It seems
That I don't know where this is going
But it sure feels right
And if I could show you
If we had just one night
I don't know where we're going
But it sure feels right
*****************************************************
Icy cold walls melt around me
My eyes can finally see
Where it is that I'm going
And if I can finally be free
Lost in a hazy mist
Our love is the only thing that exists
Opening my eyes
Praying for a chance to be
The only way to be free
Open up the floodgates
Light my way
I don't know what to say and do
I only want to stay
I'm on fire
And I don't know why
Wishing for a chance to run away
But I'm afraid to try
Bound by invisible chains
I'm stuck in a place of darkness
Unable to see the light
And not able to continue to fight.
*****************************************************
You may think
That I do things differently
But then
You don't really know me
You once said you were my friend
That you wouldn't mess things up
That you would stick around until the end
But now you need to grow up
Love was not lost over you
Yes you were dear to me
But that is through
Why can't you see
That he is the very reason that I breathe?
You accuse me of immature little games
But oh what a role you play
Accusing me of ending this quoted "friendship"
Now I won't listen to a word you say
You won't see what you need to see
And this is the way it's gotta be
I'm with him
And he's with me
And now we are finally free
*****************************************************
Lucky Star
My shining star
Leading me home in the night
My lucky star
Moving away my fright
My angel
Sent down from heaven above
My other half
It's only him that I love
My lover
To keep me warm at night
My comforter
To take away pain on sight
My guiding light
Is in you alone
Oh my lucky star
You are my home
*****************************************************
Alone
Close my eyes
Breathe in
The air all around me
Bit by bit
You take my hand
Your presence astounds me
Holding on
And letting go
Somewhere in between
Drinking the drink of loneliness
Saying things we don't mean
I wish I could be with you
But again
I'm glad I'm not
Maybe this separation
Is the best thing that we've got
What doesn't kill you
Makes you stronger
At least that's what they say
The lies become the truth
But things don't always turn out this way
Without you beside me
I usually feel lost
But I realize now
How much pain is the cost
In your absence,
I am free
It used to feel wrong
But now this is how it has to be
Later on we'll work out
But right now, we can't
For many reasons beyond our control
Now alone we stand
*****************************************************
Maybe (Part 2)
Maybe one day
Life will make sense again
Maybe some way
I'll see you as a friend
Right now things are complicated
They shouldn't be
But that's how we made it
It took forever to see
When you walk down that road
I won't be by your side
Think of every step you take
In the shadows I hide
When did we get here
I don't know
What's there to fear
There's nothing to show
Maybe one day
I'll look at you and see you as a friend
But right now the only way
Is to realize that this is the end
Maybe we could've changed things
But you didn't seem to care
And when got this crossroads
You weren't there to share
Why do I feel my world is ending
You don't even realize what I mean
Why are you so condescending
You haven't seen the things I've seen
Maybe you understood me
But that was at the beginning
And I'm growing into the person I need to be
And I have to let go
Maybe in time,
I will heal
But I have to let go
*****************************************************
In your eyes
I see my future
And everything was so clear
In your arms
I'm safer
I live without my fears
I love you
More than words can say
And I need you more everyday
They say that I'm crazy
That age is most important
But they don't understand the way you make me feel
They think that what we have is not real
But I love you more than words can say
And I need you more everyday
Maybe one day they'll see
Just how good you are for me
Until that day comes, I will wait
Being with you is the only chance I want to take
Because I love you more than words can say
And I need you more everyday
Give it time
We'll make it through
Because I'm in love with you
*****************************************************
Skeletons
Skeletons in my closet
Oh how did they come to be
Are they long lost regrets
That are here to haunt me
I really wish I could go back
I really wish I could relive
That one memory
That now haunts me
That one night
I had true bliss
Under a full moon
Our souls kissed
I remember I felt so safe
As you held me in your arms
The longer you held me
The more I knew that you would
never cause me any harm
If I could just relive that moment
How I wish it didnt have to end
But how can I look back on that
And think of you as just merely a friend
You made me feel so secure
More than I have ever felt in my life
And in just that short time
I forgot my pain and strife
If this is my skeleton in my closet
Then I'm proud that it has come to be
Because if that night never happened
I would be a weaker me
*****************************************************
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