BANFF SPRINGS HOTEL

ALBERTA

1974

Part II

Tuesday July 16, 1974

After my shower I went to the Beanery for lunch. This consisted of a big yellow potato, some kind of beef with big gobs of jelly clinging to it, and some bright purple things ­ I still don't know what they were. This prompted me to make up the following song sung to the tune of "Shelley Makes Me Smile".

"Summer's come and gone

But the memory of the Beanery food

Still lingers on

Running through my tract"

After this appetizing meal I drove to a Texaco station and got the car tuned up. I walked around town, found Bill and we went back to Moo's. Stanley challenged me to a game of snooker which I lost. Bill and I had a couple of games then went to the Beanery for supper...if that's what you could call it. Upstairs at work there was nothing to do again so we took turns breaking dishes and throwing 6" butterballs at each other along with tea bags and cherries. I nearly splashed one of the department heads when he walked by. I was tossing dishes into a soapy vat of water at the time. You really have to watch your step as the floor is always covered in soapy water. Once I fell right to the floor with a stack of supper dishes but still managed to hang onto them. I forgot to mention that the other day I had a wild mountain squirrel sit in my hand searching for crumbs - but that wasn't here in the kitchen. Work was over at 1:30am and we went back to our rooms.

Wednesday July 17, 1974

I got up late and was able to get away with 3 deserts at the beanery. This really annoys Bill as they only ever let him have one. Bill and I played pool at Moo's then we picked up a girl and guy and dropped them at the circle. For some reason we told them we were going to Lake Louise but instead we continued around the circle and went back to the hotel. Tonight at work we took a really long break. Bill and I had 28 different flavours of ice cream from the kitchen freezer. One of the rules is that anyone caught eating food in the kitchen will be fired but of course everyone does it.

Tonight there was a new girl working with us from Mexico. Bill wanted to impress her, so knowing I knew Spanish, asked me how to say, "My name is Bill. You are very beautiful." I told him, "Me llamo Bill. Yo huele como un zorio" and helped him practice for fifteen minutes until I thought he had it down pat. Bill went off to try out his new line which strangely enough did not have the desired effect. I think it was while I was in a headlock that he finally got it out of me that I had made a slight miscalculation in the translation. He had walked up to a beautiful Spanish girl, grinned foolishly and said, "Hi! My name is Bill. I smell like a skunk".

Thursday July 18, 1974

I only had four hours sleep as my roommate kept saying "goody, goody" every fifteen minutes. At 6:30 am I drove 75 miles to Calgary and searched everywhere for a place to sell the car. I borrowed \\$50 from the motor league as I didn't have enough money to get back to Banff. I talked to several mall managers hoping to be able to use their lot on a Sunday. I offered to pay them rent but none were interested. My idea was to put an ad in the paper to view the car at such and such a lot. Oh well. I got lost several times and went back to Banff. Stanley invited himself to come along with Bill and I for a drive. We picked up a girl full of camera equipment who was going out to an old mining town about three miles away. It sounded interesting so we went out there. When we arrived Bill and Stanley began feeding a loaf of bread to some prairie dogs. By the time I finished locking the car, the two of them had prairie dogs all over them. Bill was patting one and rubbing another one's stomach. I went off to take some pictures with Marcia Nemzin. She was from Texas and in her second year of university. Her father sold steel coils and made personal licence plates. We exchanged room numbers. She was at the Banff School of Fine Arts at Room 223 Rundall Hall. She shared her Kool-aid with me and said she was working on a photo assignment taking foot pictures. We hung around taking photos for a couple of hours and watched Bill and Stanley popping in and out of old mine shafts. Dropped Marcia in Banff. She said she would drop by in a couple of days to go photographing.

 

Back at the Beanery, I was able to get away with my three deserts again. The beanery staff are extremely grouchy, probably from having to put up with us. Bill and I were always adding things to the suggestion box, like "Two sticks of dynamite and a match". We got yelled at when we left as we didn't push our chairs back under the table.

Tonight at work, Joe tossed one of the girls an egg. She thought it was hard boiled and whipped it right back at him. He got splattered. Later I had my 28 flavours of ice cream again.

Friday July 19, 1974

I woke up at 6:30. I fell asleep again dreaming that I was on the dishwasher conveyor belt. I thought I would wake up when I fell off at the other end but I didn't so I was 25 minutes late for work. Near the end of the day Jim Yamamoto tracked me down and we began discussing a business deal about selling my father's car to his friend. This was in the middle of the kitchen as my foreman looked suspiciously on. I told him I would meet him at 8:00 tonight. I had met him earlier while working downtown at my other job. After work I drove over to see Marcia at the Fine Arts school but she wasn't there. I drove a London, Ontario girl back to the hotel. As I'm writing this there is music blaring down the halls coming out of all the rooms. Everyone is competing to be the loudest. Beethoven from one room, someone playing "Me & You & A Dog Named Boo" on their guitar, a stereo playing "Deep Purple", some old war songs, and of course me playing "The Bear Went Over The Mountain" on my harmonica (Why the bear went over the mountain on my harmonica, I'll never know). I saw Bill later. He told me about a party he went to while wearing his t-shirt with the red dragon on it that Richard Horton made for him. Bill told everyone he was a Kung-Fu expert and could smash through an 8" board with his hands. Everyone believes him. I met Jim later. It turned out he thought I was selling the car for \\$800 instead of the $2800 mentioned in the ad ­ No deal!

Saturday July 20, 1974

At lunch today I took three deserts and Bill took two. The grouch at the counter took one look at Bill's tray and confiscated his cake. She mentioned something about my two extras but let me pass. Bill swore at me all during lunch. I dropped over to see Marcia but her roommate told me she was in the shower. I climbed the mountain behind the hotel for some pictures. I had my suitcase full of camera equipment with me. When I returned I had three games of pool with my roommate which I won 3/3. Earlier I had gone to the movies and watched "Badlands" with Martin Sheen.

Bill and I went for a walk towards town. Bill had just returned from the Cascade Tavern and was feeling no pain and yelling hello to all the girls. We saw one of our co-workers, Cathy, walk by playing a harmonica. Bill decided to catch up to her so he hid behind trees and shrubs and lamp posts so she wouldn't see him. At least Bill thought he couldn't be seen. We finally caught up to her and compared harmonicas all the way back to the hotel. We also ran into Jim, another dishwasher who was doing his share of staggering. He was from Greece. Simon, yet another dishwasher, was hanging over a railing yelling "this place is full of pregnant women". Back at Moo's we ran into a girl who plans to drive back to Kingston with us when we go.

Sunday July 21, 1974

While we were working today, Joe dropped \\$30 worth of dishes under Ross, the foreman's, nose. While he busied himself yelling his lungs out, a girl at the receiving end of the dishwasher dropped another stack. Ross turned several different colours and exploded, "all of you get out of here and take a half hour break. GET OUT!!!" We returned 45 minutes later which did not please him. All fourteen of us were ushered into his office. He looked like he was going to have a nervous breakdown. He was fidgeting, frowning, jumping, smiling, and twitching...all at the same time. It was quite interesting to watch. He gave us a ½ hour lecture telling us that our breakage had doubled since last week.

He continued, "half you guys are walking around asleep or suffering from hangovers. You're not allowed to have that large of a breakage percent."

"How much are we allowed to break", chipped in Matt innocently.

"@%#\\$#^%#%" replied Ross.

He then told us we would not get an afternoon break. We went back to work. I broke three glasses but no one noticed. The colour had almost returned to normal in Ross's face when Bill sauntered by with a full cart load of dishes. What Bill didn't realize was that someone had left the floor drain cover off. One of the cart wheels found it and tipped right over shattering about \\$500 worth of dishes all over Ross. Ross turned a sort of rainbow-like hue jumped up and down while pottery tinkled off his shoulders, screaming that the next person who broke something would have to pay for it or be fired. Breakage continued but we were careful not to let him know. But since Ross was such a good sport, Shane placed a broken cup on his desk that had been neatly pieced together but would fall apart at the slightest touch. At 2:15 we were given our afternoon break. Perhaps Ross did some reading up of the union rules. We all tromped off to the Beanery singing, "She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes". Helen, one of the cashiers, jumped out of nowhere yelling, "if you don't cut it out, I'll throw you off the mountain."

After all the fun at work I decided to do my laundry. I wound my way through the broken beer bottles and set off for the laundromat with four girls I picked up. Two were going to Tunnel Mountain Campground and the other two were chambermaids from Vancouver. When I got back I went up to see Bill. He was sitting in his armchair with his feet up and the door open. He had a bottle of beer in one hand and a mess of freshly drawn snowmobiles in the other. He told me Helen from the Beanery had just walked by, peered in and said, "What a dump". Bill said, "You know, that's the nicest thing she's ever said to me."

We went for a drive then walked to town and back. At Moo's I lost three games of pool to a hippie with a red beard and lost one game to myself. I went back to my room. Patty Jackson of 1321 Lower Annex dropped in to answer the ad Bill and I put up: "Any girls wishing to go to Kingston or vicinity should contact Dave in Room 40 or Bill in Room 216". She was going to Picton and would be ready anytime. Someone else had answered our ad but she had to leave earlier than our departure date. Stanley dropped by later and challenged me to 3 games of pool of which I won two. Went to bed and almost froze as my roommate insists on leaving the window open. That mountain air gets cold at night.

Monday July 22, 1974

My day off again. Stanley and I drove a couple of girls to the bus depot and later I took some pictures of the dishwashing crew. At 1:30am. Bill and I went for a walk downtown and back. An uneventful day. Back at my room instead of 3 roommates I had 6. We had three guests sleeping on the floor. My roommate Tom who had been drinking heavily, didn't want any guests as there is a \\$50 fine for non residents. Bill, my other roommate, told Tom that they were actually Tom's friends and almost had him believing it. We bothered Tom until 3:30 then we just went to sleep.

Tuesday July 23, 1974

I found out that yesterday at work someone had been pushing a very large cart of dishes when one of the wheels fell off. It was an estimated \\$1000 in broken dishes. Bill was feeling depressed that someone had broken his record. Today I slipped on the floor and demolished \\$36 worth but compared to Bill, I'm just an amateur. However, Ross did spot my event and because of it changed our whole loading system which made it twice as hard and slippery. On my break I ran out to the car and got my camera and raced up to the Beanery. I was just in time to snap a shot of Helen waving her fist at the dishwashing staff. Then she went after me until someone told her I was a reporter with the Calgary Herald. That settled her down into a smiling, hair combing frenzy so I was able to take a few more.

After work, Bill and I went over to the Gondola lift since we had free staff passes. We saw mountain goats and girls so it was worth the trip. Later I drove the car downtown and ran out of gas right in the middle of the two lane bridge. I put on the 4-way flashers and ran to the nearest station. I got a dollars worth of gas in a can which I returned after re-filling my car. With my remaining \\$1.05 I bought some green food colouring. Bill and I planned to drop it in the cafeteria soup pot tomorrow. Back at Bill's room we experimented to make sure that the bottles didn't float. We started to make a tape recording to send back to our parents. We started by taping girls running up and down the hall as we knew our parents would want to here that. Bill was standing near the door when a flurry of girls came around the corner. Strategically, I pushed him out in the hall and locked him out just before yelling at the top of my lungs, "I am a pervert"! When I finally let him back in, he was not amused. I was too weak from laughter to defend myself as Bill threw me over his chair. This was all recorded. We sent the tape off but it was stolen in the mail. Somewhere in here, Bill and I pretended to be guests of the hotel and wandered around inside taking pictures of the pool etc.

 

 

Wednesday July 24, 1974

Today was our last day at work. We had given our notice two weeks ago when we decided we would rather be unemployed and at home for the summer. We had nothing to do but pretend to work. We put things through the dishwasher that had already been washed then we got creative and added shovels, brooms and anything else that would fit. We tried to put the green food colouring in the soup but the Chef knew we were up to something and kept a close eye on us. At the end of our shift we said goodbye to all our friends and went in to see Ross. He said he would have our cheques ready tomorrow and to come in and pick them up.

That night Bill and I walked downtown and half way back we ran into Joe. He talked us into walking out of our way behind the tennis courts but wouldn't tell us why. It turned out he wanted us to see a couple making out, but he said, "this was just a tricky way to get you out here to see the beautiful stars." We left him there stargazing and headed back to our rooms. I went to bed really early at 8:00.

Thursday July 25, 1974

Got up at 11:30 - ah...sixteen hours of sleep. Bill and I dropped in to see Ross. He said the cheques would be ready at 4:30. Pat walked in and started joking but screaming, "Get out, get out!!" Two guys who were waiting for a job interview, looked at each other then quietly left. I shook Ross's hand and said, "I never thought I'd be saying this but I enjoyed working for you." I gave him my papers to sign and he said, "why should I sign these?" I patted my jacket pocket and replied, "Because of my 38 revolver." He signed. I left and climbed a waterfall somewhere - according to my notes it was 1/8 of a mile high. Don't ask how I determined that.

At 4:30 we received everything but our last week's pay. We tromped back to see Ross. He explained that it was his policy to hold one cheque for a day so no one would skip out on him. We went downtown, cashed our cheques and bought some souvenirs. I phoned home to find that my parents planned to meet up with us in Thunder Bay. Bill and I decided to see Newman's Law at the small theatre. It was good. We headed over to the Cascade Tavern. It was packed. We spotted Simon, soaking wet, crying his eyes out, with his arms around the potwasher (a U.S. draft dodger). We steered away from them and sat with Bill's roommate, Rod. I hung out with Coleen's friend, Cathy whom I had had lunch with the other day. I got her, Rod, Dorothy and Dale to write their addresses in my little blue address book. We got up to leave. In the background, one of our friends was balancing a chair on his chin and a glass on his nose. While Anne (who I'd never met before) was kissing me goodbye, Nancy (one of our dishwashing co-workers) started to fall off her chair so I caught her. She gave me her address and floated away. Anne and Judy gave me their addresses then we left. Bill said something indistinguishable. I told him it sounded just like my grandfather's last words before he died. We walked a mile in the wrong direction before remembering where we left the car. We went to our old lookout point to sleep. Since we are no longer hotel employees we were stripped of our rooms.

Friday July 26, 1974

Bullshit drove by in the morning but did not spot us. We picked up a hitchhiker and drove down to a pancake restaurant and had a decent breakfast for a change. We didn't feel well after that as our stomachs were only used to Beanery food. As we walked back to the car we saw the hideaway headlights slowly open by themselves. They always do that about half an hour after the car is shut off. This time an older couple saw it happen. It really scared them. I think they thought the car was going to take off after them.

Bill wanted to climb Cascade Mountain. I had already climbed it and vowed never to do it again, however...after a three mile steep, tiring climb, we reached the snow. We had a snowball fight, then I decided to climb completely to the top. Edgar followed me up. He was feeling a bit "peaked". Back at the snowline I met Bill talking to a group of people and their irish setter. We skied down and met some hippies looking at the snow. The only conversation we got out of them was, "far out, man. It will blow your mind. Like, cool, man." On the way back down we saw many ripped apart stumps and bear tracks. This prompted Bill to ask, "What do you call a singing bear?" "I don't know" I replied foolishly. "A bearitone", said Bill.

We went to Moo's, played pool, then I went to Stanley's room and stole back the book I lent him. I ran into him later and he called me everything he could think of - apparently he was right at the climax of the book. Bill and I went to the cafeteria for a drink of water. As we were drinking, Helen snuk up behind us and began yelling, "What the @(*#A* do you think you're doing in here at this time?" "Well", lied Bill, "We were working so hard we missed our break so they sent us down now." This calmed her down until we were walking out and I said, "actually we don't even work here anymore." Then we ran for our lives. I pity the poor person who encountered her next.

We picked up our cheques and sat on the steps by the staff post office with Judy, Sherri and Susan Winger from Toronto. We said goodbye for the sixth time then made the split decision of leaving immediately instead of tomorrow morning. I had promised my parents I would look up my cousins near Calgary so after getting lost and phoning them for directions we took some back roads and trails raising quite a dust storm all the way to their house. We were met by my three female organic farmer cousins, the Mahaffy's (Elizabeth, Gypsy and Eleanor). They had built their own house which was pretty nice. They asked what we would like to drink. When we replied, "water" they looked like they were going to shoot us. Apparently, water in these parts is a rare commodity. We ended up with a glass of goat's milk each. When asked if we'd had supper, we couldn't remember so they made us some homeade bread and organic jelly sandwiches. Out back were 20 different Rhodesian Ridgebacks which they raise in dog runs. They kept up a steady howling. Bill said it was easy to tell they were my cousins. We were introduced to Ben who had been the top Canadian Ridgback for two years in a row. We also met a terrier who had won best in Canada. There were trophies and ribbons all over the place. They put us up for the night in their dog's camper and even gave us some of the dog's blankets to keep us warm. We were warned not to set the alarm as the dogs would wake us at 7:00 the next morning. You can see for miles on the prairies - even at night.

Saturday July 27, 1974

The two of us slept through the howling until 8:30. We put away our dog blankets then took some pictures and had organic eggs and rhubarb jelly for breakfast. We were given directions and some advice not to pick up hitchhikers in this area as it is near an Indian reservation and several people had been recently scalped and shot...in that order.

 

 

At 3:00 we stopped at a small diner for lunch. We sat beside an RCMP officer who kept a wary eye on us. We left there and drove till 3:00 a.m. At this point we pulled onto a dirt road which said "Camping". Once we entered the park there was another sign which said "No Camping." We camped anyway along with some hippies who had a tent. We had planned on driving all night but got too tired.

Sunday July 28, 1974

We left our campsite and picked up a hitchhiker who was on his way to Toronto. He did nothing but sleep and take up the whole back seat. We let him off at Nipigon and took #11 to Cochrane. We had figured that Cochrane was 72 miles from Nipigon. This was a slight miscalculation as it turned out to be 401 miles apart. We didn't find a gas station until we were below ¼ of a tank and the road was under construction for about twenty miles. It was all mud and bumps and was raining so hard we had the wipers on full. I discovered a major rule of the road. Many bumps were marked with signs but there is never a worse bump than the one that is unmarked. It got to the point where the only time I knew I was safe to speed was when I saw a "Bump" sign. While I drove through the fog, mud and rain at 60 mph, I played my harmonica. Bill asked me what brand it was. I told him it was a "Blessing". Bill covered his ears and said, "It is not!!"

At 1:30 a.m. we rolled into Cochrane and dropped in at the police station. My parents said they would leave a message for us there. We went in through the side entrance so it took us 15 minutes to find the information desk as no one was around. The girl at the desk told us my parents were in Room #11 at the Polar Bear Inn but that we couldn't see them as it closed at 11:00pm. We tried to find it and drove around for an hour dodging a lone police car. We finally gave up and searched for a spot to spend the night. Miles away in the country on a back road we parked and went to sleep.

Monday July 29, 1974

We woke up a little early at 5:00 a.m. and discovered that we had spent the night at the local dump...now we've slept everywhere. We finally found the Polar Bear Inn but it was still closed so we slept in the parking lot until 8:00 when my father spotted us. He woke us up and told us the manager had left the door open all night for us. He was more than pleased that I had not sold his car. Meanwhile my mother phoned the train station and got them to hold the train for 10 minutes as she decided last minute that we were all going on the Polar Bear Express. The twelve hour trip was boring. All you could see was tundra. The train stopped here and there to let a prospector on or off. For a diversion, Bill dared me to play my harmonica. I did and we were stared at, so that kept us amused. We got let off in Moosonee and took a freight canoe over to Moose Factory (I'm sensing a pattern with the town names). Moose Factory will never be described as a classy tourist resort. The sewer pipes were raised ten feet off the ground and all the streets were mud. All in all, it was quite quaint and picturesque. Somewhere in a teepee, we all got to try bannock. It was okay, but I think I'll stick with peanut butter and jelly. When we finally got back, I believe we slept in the motel but it is possible that Bill and I slept in the car for old times sake.

Tuesday July 30, 1974

This morning the old Mercury refused to start. We had it towed away. It cost \\$60 for some wires to be reconnected and a further $86 for two new front tires as the old ones were shot. After we left the alternator light stayed on until we paid \\$17 to have it fixed in Timmins. My parents decided to stay overnight in a motel. Bill, my sister Wendy, and I decided to drive on through the fog which was really thick especially in the mountains. Going up and down the mountains, Bill remarked that his ears felt funny. I felt them and agreed. We arrived in Bath at 1:45 a.m. and took a tour of Hulton Park. Strangely enough, none of our friends were out wandering around. We dropped Bill off in Millhaven and went home to Nicholson's Point.