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~ The Scars Of Abuse ~

October 2000

I feel this is a very important issue that many people close their eyes to.They either don't want to face it or their abuser has them so terrified they are afraid to face it or even talk about it. So they are forced into living in fear. Keeping all their emotions bottled up inside. Feeling so completely alone.Most of the time living in a state of deep depression. Crying silent tears while trying to act as if everything is okay in front of family and friends.

Does this sound like you? You are not alone! Many, many people face this type of problem everyday of their life! Abused, afraid, lonely, and confused!

That is why I wanted to do The Scars Of Abuse. To share my feelings and thoughts with other abuse survivors!

I have lived a life full of abuse. Physically, sexually and mentally. My earliest memory of abuse is when I was 4 years old. Funny how we can never seem to remember early days of childhood, but when we are abused we not only remember but we live with the scars the rest of our lives!

The scars can cause pain for years and years. Causing us to be afraid to love, afraid to trust, and afraid of being hurt if we let our guard down.

From the very first day of abuse (no matter what age it starts), we will never again know what a normal life is until we are away from the abuse!

I never knew what a normal life was, because I grew up in a dysfunctional home. I was sexually abused from the age of 4 to the age of 7. Then the physical abuse started after that. Every time my abuser hit me, he said, he only did it because he loved me. So I grew up thinking if someone hit me, that meant they loved me. What else could I think after years of hearing that over and over again!

To get away from my nightmare I moved out when I was 15 years old. And I have been on my own since then. I got married at age 17. I stayed in an abusive relationship married to an alcoholic for years! Always thinking it was my fault when he hit me! He too said, he only hit me because he loved me. (Typical of the abuser!)

I turned my life around 20 months ago and accepted Jesus Christ into my heart. After I was in church for 6 months my husband accepted Jesus in his heart also. He has not drank a drop since the night he was saved! Praise the Lord!

But we are far from having a "normal" life! The years of his drinking and the years of abuse have scarred both of us. (He also grew up in a dysfunctional home.)

I know in my heart if I had not accepted Jesus into my life, I would not be here today.

I was in such a deep depression and was so suicidal. I had attempted to take my life several times.I felt so all alone and felt I had no where to turn!

But I know now I am never alone, for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ is always by my side! I could never thank him enough for coming into my life and saving my soul from Hell!

He has given my life a new meaning. He has taken out an old heart and replaced it with a new one full of love and compassion. It truly feels good to cry tears of joy instead of the tears from all the hurt and pain I use to feel!

I know I have came a long way and there is nothing I would care to go back for! My salvation has given me a peace and contentment I never knew existed.

I have been to doctors through the years, taken medications and under gone therapy for my nerves. But the best medication I have ever received is the healing powers of Jesus! Through him all things are possible! He will never leave you or forsake you!

I will be adding new things to share with you as I build this site! And I invite you to share your experiences of abuse with me and I will add them to this site.

God Bless each and everyone who reads this and who shares their stories with me.

Love and Prayers, SouthernHeart