Wisdom
(From Sick Sick Shit - www.angelfire.com/ky2/sick)



GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5. You can't trust a dog to watch your food.

6. Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.

7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.



GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

2. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

3. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

4. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.

5. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's acorn that held its ground.

6. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

7. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

8. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will live forever.

9. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.



GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1) Growing older is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.



THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You become Santa Claus.

4) You start to look like Santa Claus.



SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.

At age 20 success is . . .having sex.

At age 35 success is . . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age! 60 success is . . . having sex.

At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.


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