The Great Fej vs. Baron War!

The story behind the war: The war originally started a couple years ago when Fej, (that being me, your fun and lovely webmaster here), and my friend Baron basic just started trying to make each other puke via e-mail by coming up with the sickest stories featuring the other person doing the sickest shit we could dream up. The war greatly influenced a lot of the "Sick Sick Sex" list. Then the war stopped for some time because Baron didn't have access to a computer, and e-mail peace was had by Fej. Unfortunately none of the original war e-mails were saved. But Baron, having gotten computer access, decided to restart the war. So here it is, the continuing saga of The Great Fej vs. Baron War!

E-mails are listed from newest (top) to oldest (bottom):

By the way, this war is between Me and Baron only! Noone else gets to fight in this war.

In a message dated 12/16/01, Baron writes:
kind sir, with your permission, allow me to retort. ahem,
you like to go down to the free clinic and get all the vaginal scrapings from the pap smears of all the crackheads. then you squish it into a ball and proceed to roll it around between your hands until it has a nice gooey texture. then you stick it in between your lip and teeth like dip and suck all the juice out for 2 hours. still high on your gynocological chaw and with your courage fortified, you take all the abortion fetuses you scrape out from the biohazard dumpster behind planned parenthood and puree them with sperm laced gibbon shit and have the to have your dad dump them into an industrial paper mulcher with the discharge end firmly embedded into your mouth like a donkey dick. you then wash this down with the diced cervical slop of an advancedly decomposed llama. (yes it has 2 l's genius) you then spend the remainder of the day roaming the halls of a funeral home randomly jerking the pants down of old cadavers and lovingly incising the embalmed testicles being sure to suck up the vas deferens like a noodle which cause a drip of formaldyhide to squirt onto your nose which you then lick off like the sick bitch you are.
jesus christ, i think i out did myself. I almost gotsick.haha. you will be hard pressed to beat that my friend.yours was pretty good though. i liked the dipping the beer cup in the port-0. that was nasty. so is anything with darryl. the random fag reach around made me laugh too. so what did you think of mine? if you'll notice, i always try to use different weird animals. lol. oh well. right back if you dare.
later, THE BARON

In a message dated 12/16/01, Fej writes:
Hey nutsack, yeah I have been slacking lately on the war. But fuck that because now it's back on, so suck the maggot-filled shit out of a dead cow's ass and get ready to get your jollies off on this here little jem:
Remember last year when we went to Mardi Gras and every day as soon as you woke up you would get one of those plastic sandwich baggies and put one of Darrell's fresh turds in it. Then you put it over your mouth and nose and huff it until you got yourself a little shit buzz. Then you would skip your little faggoty ass on over to porta potties and take one of those 32 oz Huge Ass Beer cups and fill it up with the dark brown liquid that was a mixture of shit, piss, spit, cum, beer, puke and god knows what else that was in the bowl of the porta pottie and guzzle those all day and night, one after the other. And every now and then, just to mix it up a little, you'd go over to the gay area and suck some fag off and have him nut in a shot glass. Then you'd nail back the shot of cum (fellow shots, as you called them) and chase it with the special porta pottie drink (a hurlicane, perhaps?). Then when you were walking through the streets in the fag section, you would randomly give guys reach arounds and fondle their nuts for a minute, getting all their nut sweat cheese all over the tips of your fingers, then you would stick your fingers in your drink and stir all the guy cheese in and then suck the leftovers from your fingers.
Then the day after Mardi Gras, you went down to the porta potties again, but this time with a paint scraper. Then you would go to each porta pottie and first syphon all of the piss and shit out of the bowl and shotgun it like a beer bong. The you would take the paint scraper and slowly peel off the thick layers of shit that had built up over the course of Mardi Gras and put all your scrapings into a bucket. After you scraped every porta pottie clean, you took all the shit scrapings back to the hotel and put them all in a pan. Then you jerked Darrell off into the pan, then had his fat ass girlfriend soak her nasty, hairy, crusty ass pussy in it. Then you stuck it in the oven and made brownies out of it (all of which you gobbled down with the quickness). Darrell's still pissed you didn't give him one.
And then, to top it all off, you tried to get a blowjob from a dirty ass crackhead heroin junkie who probably had aids. And the bad part about that is that you got turned down. Damn it must suck to be you! How's that strike you?
I do think you just got FUCKED THE FUCK UP! I do believe I whipped up on your little bitch ass this time!

In a message dated 12/14/01, Baron writes:
Hey, what happened to the war? You havent been sending anymore you god damned dirty crack spackle dip-shit fuck face. (Damn I'm funny). if you're afraid i dont blame you. my last two were 10 times better than yours. haha. Oh well for all I care you can go scrape bird shit off windows and use it to spackle the space between your teeth you cum-dumpster bitch ass pickle tickling shit stabber. Oh well, just wanted to give you a friendly hello. Talk to you later.

In a message dated 12/7/01, Baron writes:
Hey from now on we need to critique the last email the other sent.
Oh by the way I heard that you like to go to bar restrooms and collect all the little pieces of shit (flakes) that dont go down with the first flush (I call them poo clippings)and slowly smash them together until you have a poo log casserole which you then dutifully cover in distilled yak semen cheese and ground giraffe penis. What I hear you do then is even worse, you then take your little bundle of joy and shove it lovingly into the rectal cavity of a three week old dead possum only to let it ferment under a heat lamp for a month in 95% humidity. Next use in your mouth you suck the lovely loaf to the ass opening so that you can pluck the poopy fruit out and so that you can take little bites and hold the piece in your mouth while you take a drink of water and swish the lovely fecal concoction around savoring the already partially digested treat. after that you sit back and relax with a cool enema beverage picked up from the biohazard bin at the local prostate cancer treatment center.
Damn im good. i think that bitch slaps yours off the planet. Yours was pretty fucking funny though, especially the part about hiding beneath the cum, a classic! You should have compared it to stalking beneath it like a shark though. Oh well. I hope you find my interpretation of your life later...........bitch.

In a message dated 12/6/01, Fej writes:
Yo brotha, wuzzup? You like to take a big 20 gallon bucket and go to gay bars, then you go into the bathroom and cut a hole in the wall through to the next stall and suck off all guys who stick their dicks through the hole. You then have them cum in the bucket and keep on sucking off each guy until the bucket is filled. Then you take the bucket and dump it into a big troth. The you go to NPC, bringing the troth with you, and place the troth in the women's bathroom. Then you proposition all the fat bitches who work there with free food. You feed all these fat bitches nachos, tacos, and other Mexican food loaded with jalopeno and habernero peppers, and real thick nacho cheese. What you didn't tell these fucking land masses is that you've laced everything with laxatives, and you locked all the bathooms except the one you have your troth in. Now I also hear tale that you then lock all the doors to the stalls in the bathroom that you're in, then climb in the troth with all the cum in it and wait, happily lapping at the man milk while waiting. Then all those fucking whales start feeling their stomachs churn and run to the bathroom and find all the bathroom stalls locked and are forced to shit in the troth. Now here's your sick little game, you hide underneath all the cum until they start spraying and squirting, then you spring up and put your mouth to their assholes and shotgun their shit like a beer bong! You call it the brown bong (or perhaps the dirty shower). How fucking sick is that? You are a nasty motherfucker!

In a message dated 12/5/01, Baron writes:
You want to drain a port-o-potty and then when its empty take a paint scraper to the bottom till the thick sediment comes up like paint and then use it for a burrito wrapper. which you will then furnish generously with heaping doses of curdled aardvark cum, blazing hot buffalo butt lips, thick strips of blue baboon buttocks, and a generous portion of dog vomit. only then to be basted in a thick creamy "lanced goiter sauce" and garnished with split mouse nipples.
P.S. beat that. damn im good. havent lost my touch after all.

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