Things To Do At Wal-Mart
(From Sick Sick Shit - www.angelfire.com/ky2/sick)
Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse is taking his or her sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in only if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
11. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different funnels.
12. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again."
14.Go into a fitting room and yell loudly, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
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