Things Parents Learn From Their Children
(From Sick Sick Shit - www.angelfire.com/ky2/sick)
For those who already have children past the age of 4 - 12, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX.:
Things I've learned from my children (honest and no kidding):
1) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
2) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3) A 3 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 40 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 X 20 foot room.
5) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times to get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6) The glass in windows (even double pane) does not stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.
7) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9) A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in movies.
10) Certain Lego parts will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
11) Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12) Super glue is forever.
13) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
14) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15) VCR's do not eject PB & J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18) You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19) Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5 minute response time.
21) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
Back to Main Menu