I am definitely going to hell for presenting the following:

Which Olsen Twin Will First?

Teen queens becoming well-rounded adults, or future Playboy centerfold sex kittens...it's up to you to decide!

Yes those preciously cute little toddlers we watched grow up on "Full House" have now become beautiful young women, (Well, maybe you watched them grow up. I've always hated "Full House" because it was a cutesy "Family Circle" cartoon brought to life, and the three guys on there all had mullets, and mullets piss me off). Not since the Barbi Twins bounced their way into our hearts have a pair of twins made grown men drool and soil their underwear. But unlike the Barbi Twins, who's (Double-D) cups runnith over first in sexy posters and in Playboy, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have been squeaky clean virginal angels to this point, leaving many to wonder when they will start screwing up (alcohol, drugs), and start coming out of their kiddy shell (rated R movies, playboy magazines). And the question on my mind, which I have not found satisfying answers for as of yet, is which one will be the first to do each of these things? Thus, I leave the following questions up to you, dear valued reader, to answer for me. For it is not the media whos opinion I value most to answer these perplexing questions, but yours, the Sick Sick Shit website readers!

Which one do you think will be the first to get behind the wheel of this mean machine tanked?

Each poll features a place to leave messages. So make sure to list at what age you think these things will happen and who with (if applicable).

Which one do you think will be the first to show up on the Red Carpet at the Oscars hand in hand with Charlie Sheen?

Which one do you think will be the first to be lovingly refered to by Snoop Dogg as his 'Hizzo'?

In case you couldn't tell, this page is a satire, a goof if you will. This page is not associated in any way with Mary-Kate and/or Ashley Olsen or any of their crap. I realize that I am going to get a lot of hate mail for this, but fuck it, it needed to be done. Judging from the number of websites devoted to them, it appears that I am not the only one obsessing over these twin hotties. Actually I have seen them over the years and have noticed that they have started getting really, really hot over the past year or so, but I never really obsessed about them until I had a dream about them where I was drinking with both of them and a friend of mine. Nothing sexual or anything like that, just me and my friend getting drunk with them in a big-ass house. It was weird, but I woke up with an overwhelming desire to stare at pictures of them and salivate. And I am proud to say that, if given the chance, I would impregnate either of them!

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