(From Sick Sick Shit - www.angelfire.com/ky2/sick)
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
A lady placed a personals ad in the classifieds that simply read: "Husband wanted". Next day she received over a hundred letters, all saying the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in the USA. The rest cheat in Canada.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
Husband: "Want a quickie?" Wife: "As opposed to what?"
First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex!
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