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Sick Porking the pork!

Sick Sex

The website that will put a spark in your lovelife and a twinkle in your brown eye!

Burnt out on the "Karma Sutra"? Pornos no longer turning your crank? Do you like to be sodomized by rabid goats? Well, you've found your refuge! Welcome to "Sick Sick Sex"! On this website, we will explore some of the more "Non-traditional" sexual play. Some of these have been floating around for years, but a lot of these I made up as disses on my friends' mom's/family members/pets, ect. Generally me and my friends will goof on one another and dis each others' familes with the sickest stuff we can think of, all revolving around disgusting sex acts. Plus, some of these were taken from the "Degenerate Dictionary" email list that has been in email circulation for some time now. All of these are just too good not to share! So all you shit eaters, piss drinkers, beastilphiles, college students, and perverts the world over, start your boners! Here's the list:

# | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z |

#

3-Eyed Turtle - Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth. (Also see "Air-Tight")

3.5" Floppy Dick - Smack the girl in the face with your limp dick and say, "You're bad," turn her around and fuck. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

6 Pack - Have a girl stand on her head, and stick your thumb in her ass along with your index and middle finger in her puss. Curl fingers so you can feel them against each other and pull up.... thus trying to carry her like a six pack.

(variation): The Bowling Ball - This is done after you have performed the 6 Pack. Once you have her lifted, swing her back with your arm and throw her forward, just like what you would do if you were throwing a bowling ball. Everything she knocks over or breaks while in the air, rolling, or slamming up against a wall counts as a pin. If ten things are knocked over or broken, you win! If however after she is thrown and she starts breaking things and chasing you with a knife, RUN!

6.9 - A 69 ruined by a period.

69-86ed - While in the 69 position, you shit in your partner's face. (Also see Blown Job and Fumilingus.)

71 - Sticking two fingers in a girl's ass while 69-ing.

A

Access Denied - When you and your pal are double-teaming a chick, he's got her from behind, you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later. Also known as “Blocking the Box,” “Road Closed Due to Bad Conditions.”

Ahab - While fucking your girl doggie style, you suddenly pull out for no apparent reason. When turns around for an explanation, she notices you've jumped off the bed onto a skateboard, holding the mighty dildo-harpoon in hand, cocked and ready to spear her in the ass. You pursue her as she runs out of the house and down the street while yelling, "You're not getting away from me this time, White Whale!" Also know as the "Moby Dick".

Air Bag - While receiving road head, you pretend you've been in an accident and quickly adjust the steering wheel to clamp down on your girl's neck, then you hit the brakes, forcing her to take that entire dick down her throat. The air bag comes out when she gags and regurgitates all over your lap. Take your seat belt off, jerk off in her face to show her you're glad she survived the accident, and call 911.

Air-Tight - When you plug up all three holes on a girl at once, or both holes on a guy at once. (Also see "3-Eyed Turtle" and "Tupperware Party")

Alannis Morisette - Like the singer who became softer and softer over time, lose your hardon midway though (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Al Bundy - This activity is recommended for every married guy out there who's trying to do the right thing. While out with the boys you realize that meat melons surround you. To keep your mind off the screaming beaver, go up to hottest hole in your grasp and begin to entertain her with your sharp wit. Classic one liners like "say you're a toilet" & "put it in your mouth" or the always popular "show me your bush" should quickly win her over. The result is consistently a hearty kick to the nuts... and when you untangle them from your intestine, thank her for saving your lousy marriage.

Ambassador - While screwin’ some foreign bag with no useful English knowledge (works well with most East Europeans), lean over and whisper in her ear in the most seductive and romantic way possible: "You've got the stinkiest cunt ever!" and see if she notices.

The American Pie - Fucking a pie (See the movie "American Pie" for more info) (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Anal Boot - When you take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their cock and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or Drinking game.

Andretti - When receiving road head, swerve the car left and right. Her weight shifting will enhance the sensation. Risky maneuver, so it's best if done with a toothless cocksucker and an open road.

The Andrew W.K. - When you know "It's Time To Party" and you are going to have a "Fun Night" with your girl, and you're "Ready To Die" with anticipation because "She Is Beautiful". So you both "Take It Off" because you've just "Got To Do It" right now. Then she whispers in your ear: You know "I Get Wet" when you say "I Love NYC", (because either she is from New York City, or that's her initials). Anyway, the two of you begin to "Party Hard", and she's screaming "Don't Stop Living in the Red" because you are banging her so hard. Since you know that "Girls Own Love", you're about to let her own your love because you're going to "Party Til You Puke" your demonseed all over her. Afterwards, you jump up and do a scissors kick in mid air. (Long way to go for a joke, huh? If you don't get this, check out the Andrew W.K. album "I Get Wet".)

Angry Pirate - When you are about to cum, pull out and shoot it in her eye, then stomp on her foot and run. Look back at her as you are running, she will have one eye closed, be hopping on one foot, and should be yelling AARRR similar to an angry pirate - (Submitted by Chad H.)

Arabian Eye Goggles - The man lays his balls directly in the center of the top of someone's nose, letting his balls flop over both of the person's eyes, resting in their eye sockets. (This is also related to the act of giving someone a "Roman War Helmet", which is also listed below)

Audible - When some girl who's been doing everything short of pulling down your pants and jumping on your cock casually mentions her "boyfriend" right after you make your move. Hence, she actually sees your blitz coming; she decides to change her play at the line of scrimmage. Either way, she doesn't let you go for the sack that easy.

The Axl Foley - Shove a banana in her ass and then fuck her vaginally. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

B

Banana Bruiser - Pack a load of squashed bananas up someone's pussy or ass (or up a monkeys, whichever you prefer), and then fuck them. After your done, eat the bananas. (anonymous submission)

Barbed Wire Kangaroo – Seduce a girl and trick her into thinking that you’re a nice guy. While she sleeps with you one night slowly and silently slit open her stomach and place some really tired kittens in there. When she wakes take her to the hospital and punch her in the stomach and wake the kittens up. Now go to the nearest SPCA shelter, show them the pictures and turn yourself in. (submitted by Charles Cooper)

Bate Rape - The act of furiously masturbating while thinking about a girl who does not like you, a girl who may feel violated by your lusty thoughts and desires. It becomes Bate-Rape when you inform her about your previous night's masturbatory session.

BDS (Ball-Drop Syndrome) - This occurs after smoking too much weed. While fucking doggy style, the balls hit the clit.

Beef Curtain - A synonym for extremely large pussy lips. This is also known as a "Bear Claw"

Billy Corgin - Whining like a little bitch during sex. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Bizmark - This one is named after the donut that is white on the outside, and has some sort of red jelly on the inside, and it goes a little something like this: Nut in a person's face, then bust them in the nose full force. If their nose is bleeding, then you have achieved a Bizmark! Get it? (submitted by D.W.)

Blown Job - While recieving head, the guy farts directly into the giver's face. Also known as a "Puerto Rican Fog Bank". (Also see Fumilingus and 69-86ed)

Blumpkin - Oral sex performed while taking a shit.

Boomerang - After spewing your load into your girl's mouth, she pretends to eat your asshole, but instead spits the jizz up your ass.

Breasticles - Fat, droopy tits that sag down like a nutsack.

Broken Necklace - A variation to the ever popular pearl necklace. It's that time of the month again and your girl has asked you once again to buy her something. "No problem" jewelry is what she wants, jewelry is what she'll get. First thing you do is take that little monkey upstairs and force her to chug your turkey baster. After about ten minutes of fucking the hole in her face, pull it out and begin spanking all over her upper chest. Before you finish, take out a real necklace from her jewelry box and choke her with it. As she turns blue take her empty purse and stuff it up her hairy patch. From then on she'll immediately appreciate the T-Shirt you got her last Christmas.

Bronski - When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Bronski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. Can be done in combination with a "Melon Dive". (Also see "Melon Dive")

Bronx Cheer - Straddling someone's face with your naked ass and farting as hard as possible. Extra points awarded if you actually shit in their face!

Brown Bagging - Everybody knows what this is, and at one point or another, every guy reading this has probably done it. Brown Bagging is when you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.

Brown Bong - This is performed by placing your lips around your partner's asshole and proceeding to suck the feces out of it. (Related to Brown Wings, Rim Job and Tossing Salad)

(variation): Brown Bong Salad with Ranch Dressing - It occurs after you have been sticking your babe in the can, you bust your nut in there, back up and then pucker your lips up to her rim and suck out your ranch dressing and any fecal matter that happens to be hanging around up there. (This is also the first step of a very advanced maneuver called the Halmstad Hook).

Brown Derby - Having someone shit on your head.

(variation): Golden Brown Derby - Having someone shit on your head, and then pissing on it.

Brown Dogging - Applying Peanut Butter (or substance of your choice) to your asshole and ass crack, having a dog lick it off, and while he/she is licking it off, take a big dump right in his/her face! Ok, so this isn't really sexual, but it is goddamn funny and trust me, dogs love to be pooed on.

(variation): Wet Doggie - Applying said Peanut Butter or whatever to your penis or vagina, then while the dog is licking it off, piss in it's face!

Brown Neck Tie - You're about half-way through assfucking a chick, and instead of filling up her ass with your demon-seed, you pull out and proceed to titty fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the milk bags.

Brown Wings - Licking someone's ass clean right after they've just taken a shit. (also see Rim Job, Tossing Salad, and Brown Bong.)

Bucking Bronco (a.k.a. Rodeo Style) - While fucking a girl (or guy), tightly wrap their hair around your hand (if there is not enough hair, try gripping their shoulders tightly). Then with as much force as possible, yank their hair back towards your chest and jam your dick up their ass! Now just HOLD ON! Try to hang and keep jamming your dick up their ass as hard and fast as possible! They will be trying everything possible to knock you off and get away, but don't let go! If they actually enjoy this and aren't trying to throw you off of them, then try shittalking them or slapping them around a bit. Be creative, as this is only fun when the "recieveing end" is in an aggressive mood. (Submitted by J.T.)

(variation): Raging Bull - Perform the Bucking Bronco and yell to your friends outside the door waiting for your signal. A whole group of your buddies run in and start taking pictures and laughing.

Bullwinkle - The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie stylin' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky."(Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)

Burrito Hick-ups - Ok so this isn't really sexual, but goddamn it, it's funny! Pinching out fractionated portions of farts while walking someplace with your date.

Butterface - When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is wretched.

Butt Pirate - Straddle the recepient's face and take a nice healthy shit right in their eye. Then proceed to smash the shit down flat to where it is level with their forehead and cheek bone. Then jerk off all over it and let the nut dry. The nut will act as kind of a glue and hold the smashed shit in place. The result will look like a pirate's eye patch. For extra fun, have a hook hanging out of the the person with the patch's pants zipper and a big dildo on their shoulder (instead of a parot) and have them run up to unsuspecting people and yell "Arrrrggh!" or "Avast, ye matey".

Butt Rocker - Placing any form of musical instrument up someone's ass and playing it. Works best if it's not fully submerged. For instance, shove the head (and part of the neck if possible) of a guitar up their ass, have that person bend over, and have them or someone else attempt to play "Stairway To Heaven". Or place a drumstick up two different people asses, have them stand next to each other, and have them do squat thrusts over a snare drum and see if they can do a drumroll together.

C

California Raisins - If you're uncircumcised and pump someone up the ass, these are what you'll find under your foreskin afterwards.

Cajun Hot Stick - When you are fucking a girl doggy style and you have a dip or snuff in your mouth. You pull out your dick and spit the snuff on your dick and re-insert. - (Submitted by Chad H.)

Carpet Cleaner - While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women. Also known as “The Hoover”

Cheese Grater - When someone with braces gives you a blowjob.

Cherry Picking - This is when you break the cherry of some unsuspecting virgin by a ferocious session of finger banging.

Chili Dog - Take a big shit on a girl's tits, then fuck them! (I have also heard this refered to as a "New York Style Taco") (Submitted by Oderus Urungus of GWAR via "Slave Pit Funnies #7")

Chipping for Par - When a girl’s pussy is so hairy you know you won't find the hole on the first try.

Chocolate Twinkie - First, get yourself a nice thick turd and hollow that baby out like a blunt. Next what you wanna do is fill that bad boy full of semen. Twist the open end up so none of it leaks out, and munch away!

Chocolate Pizza - Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating asshole.

Chunky Chili - Eating out someone's asshole either during or immediately after them having diahreah.

Circus Seal - Press your nuts to one side of your sack and let them fall from the hole in your underware. This should produce a beachball effect (painting your tool bag is optional). Proceed to straddle your dates face and pummel her nose with your bag of marbles. This works best when performed with a relative.

Cleveland Steamer - Taking a shit on a girl’s chest while getting a blow job.

(variation): Pasadena Mudslide - The act of leaving a windy, drippy, runny, watery diarrhea shit (also known as “Ass Piss”) between the breasts of a woman that runs down her body forming a shit puddle on her stomach while you straddle her neck for a blow job.

Cock Fight - Two guys sword fighting with thier dicks. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Cock Stuffing - Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually reem out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your uretha.

Compton Gangbang - You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)

Consolation Prize - When you take a girl home from the bar, thinking you're going to get laid, and from all of the drinks you've been feeding her all night long, she passes out on the bed right before you get your pants off. To get revenge, you jerk off and spray your load all over her back. Even though you lost and didn't get laid, the satisfaction you got is almost as good, hence the term consolation prize.

Couch Bombing - When you fill a small Ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy it dinner first.

Coyote - This occurs when you go out drinking, get piss drunk, black out, then wake up naked in the room of a Jaba The Hutt look-alike. You know you've got to give her the slip before she wakes up, but your arm is pinned underneath her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation.

Crème Graffiti - This occures when you shoot your load up someone's ass. Then the person with the nut in their butt sticks their ass right in the other person's face and rips a massive fart, spraying the nut all over their face. This is also related to the "Bronx Cheer".

Cum Dumpster - Basicly an easy fuck. Anyone who takes numerous mens' nut in the snatch, down the hatch, in the crack, on the back, between the folds, or up the hole.

The Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping Bitch Trick - To perform this amazing trick, you must first blow a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat, then proceed to give her a large cold bottle of Coca-Cola (or any other carbonated drink) and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping Trick. A great way to impress your friends.

Cummy Tears - Cum in both of someone's eyes, then hit / kick them repeatedly until they start to cry. The nut will roll right down their face like teardrops. (submitted by The Baron)

D

DeJa Vu - One of the more unlikely ones...you are having sex with some kind of a celebrity and you see a commercial or tv show with them on it at the same time! (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

The Denzel Washington - Fuck a hot girl, then fuck an ugly girl, your friends only give you credit for the ugly girl. Your not sure why, but you'd still like to thank the Academy. (If you didnt get it...he had good movies but he won an academy award for the worst movie ever, "Training Day"). (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Dirty Droppings - It's tough to do, but save yourself and attempt to shit and cum at the same time during sex. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Dirty Sanchez - Fucking someone up the ass, then rubing your penis across their upper lip, giving them a shit moustache! This can also be done by simply sticking your finger in someone's ass and rubbing it across their lip, but it is much less funny. (submitted by The Baron)

Dirty Trombone - This is when you take your cock out of a chick’s ass and stand over her while she sits beneath you sucking your balls and stroking your shit-stained dick furiously like playing a slide trombone.

Dirty Waterfall - The act of shitting water on someone's chest. (submitted by J.T., except I came up with the name)

Dizzy Gillespie - When getting your salad tossed, proceed to fart directly into the unsuspecting person's mouth. The sudden rush of air while make their cheeks expand and they'll look like Dizzy Gillespie.

Dog In A Bathtub - Inserting a solitary testicle into your partner's anus. So named as it's as difficult as.. (submitted by Dirty Dan)

Donkey Punch - During or after fucking someone up the ass, punch them in the back of the head as hard as you can so their asshole tightens around your dick. (Submitted by both Ruchie Mpi and Joe Inch)

Double Wishbone - The play in which, while in seated 69 position, the man inserts both index fingers into the vagina and both middle fingers into the anus followed by aggressively pulling outwards with both arms. Spitting in anus, while optional, is encouraged.

Drooling Puppy - This is accomplished when you shit all over a girl's outer pussy lips, next cum on the shit that’s been placed on there, and finally spank her as you yell “Bad girl…..BAD GIRL!!!!”

(variation): Drooling Kitten – Do the same as above but on her asshole. Then cut a kitten’s throat and stuff it in her pussy and call the cops. (Both submitted by Charles Cooper)

Dropping the Chalupa - Fill a sock with as many bodily excrements as you have available, and whack some slut over the head with it. Best accomplished if it's a surprise during some hot back-door action.

Dunk-N-Fuck - This is when you are laying the pipe doggy style near a toilet and you dunk your partner’s head in it every 15 seconds and flush. (Also known as the “Dirty Swirly.”)

Dutch Oven - Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass-odor by farting under the covers and pulling them up over her head (and yours as well if your into it.)

(variation): Dutch Treat - The unexpected result of the Dutch oven gone bad.

DVDA - The abbreviation for "double-vaginal, double-anal", meaning two dicks in the ass and two in the pussy. See the movie "Orgazmo" for a better understanding.

E

ET - Next time you've got some chick ready to go, grab her purse and excuse yourself to the can while she waits. Get her mother's, father's, or husband's phone number from her purse while making fake shit noises. Flush the toilet for effect then grab the cordless phone on the way back to bed. As soon as you start fucking, dial the number and hold the phone near her head with same hand your pulling hair with and bang away. Make sure you mention her name and ask her things like, "Who's the biggest whore in the world?" and "You like fat cocks up your big ass don't you?". Then throw the phone on the bed and tell it's for her. A nice topper to this maneuver is to take her money and throw her outside nude and lock the door.

Etch-A-Skank - Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

F

Facial - Not really all that sick, but the name is still funny. Nutting in someone's face, then rubbing your dick around in it.

Fish Eye - From behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion signaling that she has been there and done that.

Fish Hook - Performed by sticking a finger or four up someone's ass, then curving them towards the vagina.

(variation):Rod and Reel - Once you have performed the Fish Hook, then you've caught the fish, but now you have to reel it in. So start pulling back with some force, they will try to pull away, but don't let them. You've landed the fish when you've pulled the person back onto your dick. Works best if the person being caught with the fish hook doesn't like or want anal sex.

Fire Island - This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're demented.

Flakes - Going down on a girl who is in the brown stage of her rag and coming up with flaky, stale leftovers stuck in your teeth.

Flaming Amazon - This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you’re screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!

Flooding The Cave - Pissing inside a woman's vagina, or a man's or woman's asshole. (submitted by Dirty Dan)

Florida’s Best - The fluid that is produced in a girl’s mouth after sucking a cock that has just been pulled out of an asshole.

Flying Camel - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.

Foggy Windshield - Spilling your massive load on the glasses of some four-eyed filthy.

Fortune Cookie - This maneuver is intended to teach your partner to swallow your "gift" of liquid pearl. If after a sensational round of knob-slobbing, your partner deposits your wealth elsewhere other than down their hatch, quickly take your knee to their jaw. Your new lucky number is equal to the amount of teeth you knock out. Confucius would be proud.

Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed.)

Four Wheel Drive - Fucking, or getting fucked during the peak of your genital herpes flare up, cause while you fuck, it's a bumpy ride.

Fromunda Cheese - The cheese from under the head of your dick, hense "Fromunda Cheese". Produced during a heavy physical workout or extreme sweating in the groin area. Not to be confused with Nut Butter. (Also see "Nut Butter" and "Sweaty Ball Platter").

Frothy Walrus - Cumming in someone's mouth, then choking them until they start foaming nut at the mouth! (Submitted by Gabe)

Fumilingus - When a man (or woman) performs cunnilingus on a woman and she farts directly in his face. (Also see Blown Job and 69-86ed)

FUPA - Pronounced foo-pa and is abbreviated for "fat-upper-pussy-area". It's that nasty gut or pot-belly in the lower abdominal area of a woman. This term has a more derogatory affect when applied to younger women, since a fupa is far less appealing when seen on them.

Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane in between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat.

G

Gay Poupon - The slimy see-thru brown, mustard-like coating a gay guy gets on his dick during some hot hairy butt sex. Can apply to heterosexual butt action as well I suppose, but the term generally loses its humor.

Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple knuckles on that corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).

German Tourist - A chick so nasty and vile just for fun you and your buddies wind up fucking, pissing and shitting on.

G Factor - When you convince your wife/girlfriend/hump buddy to do the most outrageous/kinky/nasty stuff and she is a pro and really enjoys it (like taking on your two buddies and their girlfriends while wearing nipple clamps and a dog collar and leaving no hole unmolested and capturing it all on video). Makes you sit up straight and say "Gee, I had no fucking idea."

Glass Bottom Boat - Covering someone's face with Saran Wrap and then defecating on their head, thus creating the illusion of looking upward through a glass bottom vessel. (Also sometimes called a "Hot Carl")

(variation): Glass Bottom Boat Captain - While lying flat on your back, throw your legs over your head and roll yourself up into a ball, kind of like making the letter C with your entire body. Now, with your ass and genitals above your face, perform a Glass Bottom Boat on yourself.

Glazed Donut - The act of banging someone in the ass, pulling out, and spooging all over their pastry buns, thus transforming their rump into the illusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut. Also known as “Cop’s Delight.”

Golden Draft - After drinking numerous beers while holding in your piss until it feels like you're going to burst, you piss in someone's mouth while they shotgun it like a beer!

Golden Enema - Pissing up someone's asshole

(variation): Sloppy Golden Enema Pissing up someone's ass, then assfucking them while trying to hold all the piss up there with your dick. If a drop spills out, you have to put your mouth on their asshole and shotgun the piss like you would a beer! (also see Golden Draft)

Golden Shower - A classic! This one's been around forever, but still deserves a place on this list. This is the act of pissing on someone. Pure and simple.

Gooey Patterson - Hollow out a round hole in a cantaloupe or other large melon, microwave it for about a minute, and fuck it like the prom queen you never got a piece of. When you are done blowing your load and pull out, you get back a gooey shaft, hence the name, Gooey Patterson.

Grandma's Hair Tonic - While fucking someone in the ass and you're about to nut, take a hat and blow your load into the hat. Then put it on their head. (Submitted by Ruchie Mpi)

Grankefication - The act of relieving a pussy-drought by fucking inanimate objects such as microwaves, televisions, coffeetables, etc. "He's in his room Granking one off."

Greek - The act of gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. e.g. "Hey guys,check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the greek salad".

Grey Wings - Having sex with someone over 50 years of age. (submitted by "Pedro", the UK Biker)

The Gummy Bear - Best performed on a sleeping grandmother. While the old bag is in a pharmaceutical haze with her teeth in a glass, straddle her wrinkled mug and jam your naughty boy down her throat (through her gums) blowing your jack down her withered esophagus. If she wakes up, just tell her she forgot to take her pills and you were helping her. A fun variation on this is to turn around just as she wakes up, put her dentures in your ass and start screaming at her like a wild talking asshole (which, of course, you are).

H

Half Past the Monkey’s Ass - Wearing your wristwatch on your cock. After a person asks you the time, you whip it out and say "Quarter to my balls." The fucking look on their face is just priceless.

Halmstad Hook - This is a unique sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from her bowls to your mouth--the product that has been created is now known as "Swedish Cheese." The move is completed when the "Swedish Cheese" is transferred to the ladies mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and appreciate all her hard work.

Ham and Cheese Sandwich - Eating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it.

The Hannibal Lechter - Literally eating someone's ass with a spoon.(Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Hat Trick - Shooting your jizzum in a woman's vagina, anus, and mouth all in one ejaculation. Best to unload in the chocolate starfish first, and work your way up from there.

Head Trauma - A chick is giving you a blowjob and apparently she is angry at something, cause she just bit the head of your penis. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Hershey Kiss - Fucking a girl so hard you actually cause her to mildly shit herself. Evidence of this is when you get off the bed, you see that she has left you a lovely, chocolate sized turd on your sheets.

Hindu Brown Eye - A man must get on all fours, butt naked. His partner must then get behind him, grab his schlong from between his legs, pull it back as far as possible and commence with a BJ. But that's not all... The person giving the BJ must deep-throat the Jimmy far enough that the forehead is touching the guy's asshole. This will then leave a nice brown dot on the forehead, kind of like the red dot Hindu people wear on their forehead. Also see "Monkey Wrench". (Submitted by EZrider)

Hockey Player - A girl is giving you a bad blowjob, so you pull her shirt over her head and punch her. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Hogging - While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.

Hole in One - The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it's in, or you'll get a nice snapparoo.

Holy Shit - When a priest gets a Blumpkin. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Horny Unicorn - While in the 69 position with a dildo strapped to his forehead, (which resembles a unicorn, hense the name), the guy gets his real dick sucked by a chick while reaming her asshole with the dildo and eating her pussy at the same time. Not to be confused with a "Screwnicorn", for which the definition is below.

Hotdog in a Hallway - When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick, a really fat chick, or if you're slinging a small dick. NOFX has a song about this.

Hot Lunch - Another classic! Shitting in someone's mouth, then having them eat it! Also known as a "Hot Plate".

Hot Pocket - The act of fucking someone up the ass while they are having diahrreah! (an interesting variation, if you are a guy and you have diahrreah, spray diahrreah all over her vagina then fuck it). (Also see "Taco Bell Lube Job").

The Houdini - While fucking dogging style, hock up a thick, greasy lougie and spit it on the other person's back, making them think you've just nutted. When they turn around, SUPRISE! Blow your load in their face! (anonomus submission)

Hunter and Gatherer - You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.

I

Indian Cock Burn - While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.

J

Jim Henson - When you fist someone and physically lift them off the ground. (aka The Muppet, Ass Puppet, Meat Puppet)

Jiz Gel - Use cum as hair gel, as best demonstrated in the movie "There's Something About Mary". (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Jiz Mopper - Cum in a girl's hair...her hair is almost mopping up the jiz, so she's a jiz-mopper. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

JOD - Jerking Off while Driving. Try it while going through the Drive-Thru of your choice...

Juanita Special Bean Dip - While your girl rides you, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.

K

Kennebunkport Surprise - The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England Clam Chowder and screaming in disgust as you release it between your partner's legs while chowing box.

Kentucky Tea-Bag - To do this you'll need some special items, items that are Kentucky related: A rebel flag, the hood from your KKK robe, the broad end of a banjo, some official KY. Derby horse shit, and a big-ass bottle of some Kentucky Bourbon. Now punch your sister/wife (same person) in the face. After she falls to the floor, start shoving the items in her pussy. She will be in shock at this point and her mouth will be wide open. Throw the horse shit across her chest for effect, then dip your nuts in her mouth repeatedly while chugging the bourbon. (Also see "Tea-Bag" for a general discription)

L

Landshark - The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to JAWS. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.

Lay-Away - Instead of giving up on that underage jailbait hottie that you’re dying to bang, but you know you're too old for, but just can't resist, you begin to "work her over” (you know, play the nice guy, father figure type...)" in hopes that you can scoop her up when she's legal. This approach is much like the lay-away system, you get the merchandise when the time is right.

Leave-in Conditioner - Dollops of semen strategically left in a woman's hairdo at a public gathering following fellatio. A good lesson for those who refuse to swallow the evidence.

Linkin' Logs - Crap out a long turd, but leave it hanging halfway out. Have someone else do the same. Have another person smash the turds together into one long turd. Now pass that log back and forth, up each other's asses, then back out. But remember, the first one to drop their end has to eat the entire turd! (submitted by Oderous Urungus of GWAR via "Slave Pit Funnies #7")

The Lone Ranger - you're so lonely that you shove a dildo in your ass. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Long Distance Delivery - Cum into one end of a straw and have the other end waiting in your partners mouth. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Lorena Bobbit - Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hardcore butt sex, squeeze your ass cheeks together as tight as you can and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around in an effort to rip his dick off.

Lost Soldier (a.k.a. the Armatige Shanks) - After cumming, carefully slide your dick out off the condom, while still leaving it inside her pussy. (* Note: This is how a reader of this site found out his girlfriend was cheating on him, hense the a.k.a. name is the name of his cheating ex!)

Louisiana Licker - Originally a flavor of chicken wing at a famous chain of western Pennsylvania restaurants - also the name of a position when you find yourself lying on your back nostril deep in the cooch of a nasty bitch with swamp ass.

Lucky Stretch - You actually reached your dick with your mouth. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

M

The Master-Bator - How many times in a short period of time can you cum by masterbation, for example: "Hey, call Guieness, I think Dave may have broke a record! He said he jerked off 10 times in 2 hours! He is without a doubt a Master-Bator!" (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Manual Delaying - Right before you cum, shove a knotted rope up your asks, it works! At least, thats what I hear. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Mellon Dive - Headbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun. Can be done in combination with a "Bronski". (Also see "Bronski")

Menthol - The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.

Mexi-Melt - Give someone a nacho cheese enema then proceed to fuck them up the ass with all the cheese up in there. While being fucked, make sure the person with the cheese up in their ass is eating jalapeno peppers and nachos. Once you cum (and make sure it's in their ass), plug up their asshole or have them stand on their head or something so that the cheese and nut does not spill out of the ass. And here's the finisher, wait until all the jalapenos upset the person's stomach and they are ready take a shit. Lay down underneath their ass and let them spray hot nacho cheese, nut and diahreah all in your mouth and all over your face!

Midnight Snack - Stand over someone and hold their mouth open...cum in their mouth to wake them up. Makes a great prank to play on your drunk, passed out friends. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Mixture - It is performed by ejaculating in a glass or on a plate. Then, add some menstrual blood in with the semen. Proceed to mix it with your finger until you get a pink mixture. Then paint your partner's face with it. Also known as “The Concoction”

Monkey Wrench - When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off. Also see "Hindu Brown Eye".

Monroe Transfer - The act performed when the woman's back and the bed are perpendicular but she is upside down, back-to-back with the right-side-up standing man. Through careful anal-orafice matching techniques, the man craps directly into the woman's upside-down pooper.

Moped - It's fun to ride, but you know your friends will make fun of you if they catch you riding it, if you know what I mean.

Morking - Made famous by Robin Williams on “Mork & Mindy,” stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!

Motion Sickness - Slamming your balls so hard on a chick while screwing her, it causes a feeling of nausea.

Motorboat - While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever.

Motorcycle - While receiving a blowjob, you fart as loud as you can, at the same time twisting the cocksucker’s ears like the throttle of a motorcycle.

Mrs. Castro - The art of shitting directly onto a woman’s lips and then having her suck on it like a fat Cuban cigar.

Mudslide - Start by jamming the end of a garden hose up someone's ass. Then turn on the faucet full blast and stand back. Also known as the "Garden Hose Enema" and the "High Pressure High Colonic".

Muff Teaser - Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY (do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word.

The Mugger - Some how your cock ends up in some hogs mouth and an unwanted thumb ends up in your chute. You retaliate back at your opponent by releasing a gust of swamp ass. You can guarantee that she would have rather been hit in the face with pepper spray.

Mung - If this one doesn't make you puke, nothing's going to. Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Push on her stomach as hard as possible in numerous rapid motions, and make sure you are watching her pussy while you are doing this. The stuff that comes out of her pussy is called Mung. You can make it a game by trying to catch as much mung that comes out as you can in your mouth.

Mushy Biscuit - Get a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.

N

Napalm Noose - During anal sex, the recipient farts unexpectedly. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Nausiating Nuisance - Get a girl nice and liquored up, then, when she's giving you a blowjob, if she pukes on your package. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Neopolitan - The first shit after a good ass-ramming. Brown, white and red

New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box.

Nut Butter - The sweat and stink of the juices between your nuts and legs after a physical work out/sex. Not to be confused with "Fromunda Cheese". (Also see "Fromunda Cheese" and "Sweaty Ball Platter")

O

Obtaining the Brown License - When the guy gives the out-hole a shagging for the first time in his life, he's acquired his brown license.

On the Rocks - A great party favorite accomplished by dunking your nutsack in someone's drink after they left the room. When the person returns, enjoy the sight of them drinking your scrotal rinsate. Enjoy extra laughs if you leave a nice pube in there sticking up like a tacky drink umbrella.

Oscar's Treat - This ones for the outdoor enthusiasts: Make sure your next "first time" date is on the night before trash day. As you greet the girl at her front door you, tell her that because of your Obsessive Compulsive Disorder you have a ritual you must perform before you begin the date. Being the gentleman that you appear to be, she obliges. Before she knows what hit her, grab the rope from the front seat of your truck and hog tie her to the curbside mailbox. Quickly strip her rotten, and with the respect of a sailor on leave... fill every orifice with the nearby garbage. Spank one out in the mailbox and go home.

P

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich - Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation, then eating it.

Pearl Harbor - When you are fucking a girl in the vagina and you are about to nut, quickly give her the sneak attack to brown star. (submitted by: The Hamstone)

Pearl Neckless - Classic! The act of nutting on someone's neck.

Penguin Blow - This happens when a hooker offers to blow you for five dollars. Of course you accept the offer and remove your pants. She gets on her knees, gives you two licks and then runs off. You are left chasing after her with your pants around your ankles, thus imitating a waddling penguin.

Pillow Huffing - First, you press your butt tightly on a pillow and fart. After holding the fart in the pillow with your ass cheeks for two seconds, quickly turn around and stuff your nose directly into the fart pillow. Inhale deeply, and reap the rewards of euphoria and disorientation.

Pirate’s Treasure - While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.

Pissed Midget - When fucking someone in the doggy position, take a roll of duct tape and wrap it around their knees several times so they cannot straighten their legs out, and put a piece of tape over their mouth so they can't yell or bitch. They won't be able to stand up, so they will be hobbling around on their knees. Then walk over to the other side of the room and make fun of them and laugh at them.

Pit Stop - You've spent all night boozing and courting a local slob, now it's time to go back to her place. Wrap up the chit chat by jamming junior down her throat. When her lips are wrapped good and tight around your meat whistle, let loose with that piss that's been building for hours. Her look of horror would normally be enough reward, but as she evacuates, her coughing and your continual stream will mark all of your territory, leaving you with even greater satisfaction. You won't be able to stop, so if she chases you, make sure the pursuit leads you to every corner of her abode, she'll appreciate your lawn sprinkler imitation.

POD - "Post Orgasmic Depression". The overwhelming regret felt immediately after you blow your load with a chick you really didn't want to fuck in the first place.

Pole Vault - Originated by ancient Romans. When the female has sucked your pole to the point of ejaculation she swiftly inserts the index finger of her right hand into your anus. This surprise causes a subtle popping out of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and extra propulsion necessary to clear the high bar. Bruce Jenner added this to his warm-up routine after losing to Sergie Bubka in the 1976 Olympics.

Polish Abortion - After cumming, take off the condom, tie it in a knot, and throw it against the wall. Then shout, "that little bastard won't get out now."

Popcorn Trick - First, take your girlfriend to the movies for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your girl. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn?

Porcelain Kiss - When you are taking a shit in a public washroom and your dick accidentally touches the rim of the bowl. Hmmm, STD, bacteria, both? Who knows?

The Procrastinator - See how long you can go without cumming during sex using delaying methods...either manual delaying as shown on the site, or other methods like stopping for a while, or thinking of your grandfather and a pig licking eachother's balls. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Pull Start - Put as many anal beads as possible into your partner’s ass. Then when they least suspect it, pull them out like your starting a lawnmower.

Pumpkin Pie - Piss on the vagina (or have her piss all over herself), then eat her out.

Pump-N-Dump - Having a girl ride you while you sit on the toilet taking a massive shit.

Puppy Love - It's Sunday morning and you're robbing a girlscout of her dignity and her future by giving her a sausage enema. You turn slowly only to find her pregnant basset hound chowing down on your filthy hole. With a swift kick to the doggy cunt of your attacker, you release a spew of bloody premature puppies from that bitches open wound. You then gather up their limp bodies and fire them rapidly at the girlscouts head hoping to connect with one fatal blow. If that doesn't work, fuck her again and then kill her and stuff the puppies up her ass. P.S. kick the dog again before you leave.

Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.

Q

Queef Huffing - A queef is what happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released. Queef Huffing is what happens when you are eating a girl out and she queefs in your mouth. Some girls can queef at will, so if you happen to find one that can, try having her queef repeatedly into your mouth while you inhale deeply. See if you can catch a buzz doing that.

R

Rabbit Chop - Right after you cum when you are assfucking someone, you deliver a sharp chopping blow to the back of your partner's neck. Your partner will then clinch their spincter muscle cleaning your cock for you when you pull out. (Also see: Donkey Punch) (Submitted by: Joe Inch)

Rat Tail - Great party prank! When one of your friends is passed out from a night of heavy drinking, strap a condom on and jerk off into it. After you nut, stick it slightly up your friend's ass. When they wake up in the morning, a used condom is hanging out of their ass, thus creating a tail. See if they mention it during breakfast.

Reading the Defense - The concept of a guy making a split second decision when in a situation to score with some chick when out without his girlfriend/wife. "Reading the Defense" refers to making all of the proper "game time adjustments" not to get caught cheating later on at some point. Having Beer Goggles makes it very hard to Read the Defense.

Rear Admiral - An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.

Recyclin' - Cum in a girl's pussy and drink it out. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Red Wings - Classic! Eating a girl out while she is on her period. (The act of doing this is called "Earning Your Red Wings")

(variation): Moses - Someone who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure, Moses, who parted the Red Sea.

Regurgitating Richard - When getting head from a fat chick, you blow your load down her throat until she pukes. - (Submitted by Richard Zinya)

Reltny - In a man's restroom, the urinals often contain salt or deodorant tablets. A reltny is someone who sucks on them.

Resuscitation - When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest, baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.

Reverse Snowball - Eating a girl’s pussy after some other stiff just finished dumping his load inside her. Of course your dumb ass didn't know about it in the first place, so not only do you get a disgusting surprise, but also a healthy dose of unintentional protein as well.

Rim Job - A classic. As explained by Cartman's mom in South Park "Bigger, Longer, and Uncut": "That's when you put your legs behind your head and have someone lick your ass". (also see Brown Wings and Tossing Salad)

Roddy Piper - When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out a'la Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again, you sick fuck.

Roman War Helmet - When you go behind a girl and put your balls over their eyes and let your cock hang over their nose like a roman war helmet. (aka Gonzo) - (Submitted by both Bitchtits and Bitwhore) (NOTE: The Roman War Helmet is also sometimes known as Arabian Eye Goggles)

Roscoe - When someone getting a blowjob pulls their dick out of the other person's mouth and smacks them in the face with it. Points awarded for: number of bruises, size of bruises, & richness of color. Negative points for: bruises on the neck or shoulders, black eyes, broken furniture. (Definition found on and taken from Mullets Galore.)

Variation: Elmer Fudd - While performing a "Roscoe", say in your best Elmer Fudd voice: "Take that, you wascally ol' wabbit" and then cap off the festivities with the patented Elmer Fudd laugh.

Rose Creeper - Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart’s neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.

Rot Bush - The nasty patch of overgrown hair on a whore who has never trimmed or shaved it. Because of that it stinks and it's all wiry since it’s been unkempt and endured hundreds of periods and probably thousands of fuck sessions.

Rude Awakening - Perfomed by putting your bare ass just inches away from the face of a sleeping or passed out friend and farting as hard as possible. (also see "Bronx Cheer")

Rudolph - When banging a girl on the rag, pull out your blood stained cock and smear it across the chick’s nose thus painting it bright red and making her look like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Works great at Christmas time.

Rusty Trombone - Is when a man gets his salad tossed and a reacharound at the same time. (Also stolen from Mullets Galore)

S

Saluting the Colonel - After ramming your partners ass, you notice a kernel of corn on the head of your cock.

Samoan Pile Driver - This is for all you sadistic-masochistic wrestling fans out there. This sexual position occurs when you pile drive your partner while receiving head. This process is repeated while screaming, "ABDAY ABDAY ABDAY, HA!" Repeat and Rinse.

Sandbag - Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliché of sex on the beach. Just before insertion remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-naked, and knocked up.

San Diego Surprise - The act of bringing home a girl and while fucking her, having a friend in waiting enter the room naked in hopes of a consensual threesome. Named by Navy guys stationed in San Diego. Rumored to work about one third of the time. This is also know as "Gay", because it's two guys and one girl! Tell your lame ass, no pussy getting butt buddy to go find his own trick.

Sandpiper - A good ass fucking on the local beach, desert, or playground sandbox. Also known as the “Sandblast”.

Santa Cruz - A timeless classic. Take a surfer girl, cover her in Mr. Zoggs sex wax, then proceed to beat her senseless with a surfboard. Once she's passed out, you jerk off on her face, stand with one foot on her, hold your hands in the air in the "hang ten" sign, and shout, "Yar, Dude!"

Scabby - The unfortunate occurrence for a male due to a practice of dry humping in blue jeans sans undergarments. One of the most feared of all sexual accidents. Also known as “Bump-N-Grind Rash”

Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn. Not to be confused with a "Horny Unicorn"

Scrotum Pole - This is when you take a fresh turd, smash one end of it slightly on your balls so that it sticks out like a dick, then someone sucks on both your dick and the turd, switching off between the two often.

Shirley Temple - Pouring a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eating her out.

Shitty Breakup - When you wanna dump your girlfriend in a mean way you fuck her in her ass and then make her give you a blowjob. Then after you cross the finish line you simply say, "Look, we gotta talk...".

The Shocker - Done by inserting the index finger and middle finger into the vagina, and the pinky into the anus. Otherwise known as: "Two in the pink and one in the stink", "Two in the coot and one in the boot", "Going to town with one in the brown", Two in the slit, one in the shit", "Two in the bank, one in the stank"..etc etc etc. Read about an interesting case involving The Shocker by clicking here

Shrimping - The act of shooting a huge load in your partner's ass and then sucking the contents out with a straw. Also known as a "Slurpie".

The Silencer - When a girl's getting pounded in the ass, she has to bite on another guy's dick to keep her from shouting. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Single-Double-Anal - You, an ass, and a dildo...When a girl wants double anal but you just don't want to be dick to dick with a guy, you use a dildo. (submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Skull Cap - Your sitting on a couch or chair (preferably watching porn). She's in front on her knees with your sack in her mouth. While she is sucking... you are stroking. As you begin your joyous release, grab the base of your shaft and (as hard as you can) tattoo her forehead with your cock. When done properly a full impression of a mushroom should be left on her bean.

Slap A Dupe - Wait until a greasy turd is sliding out of your ass, gently grasp it in the palm of your hand, then slap somebody with it! Not really sexual, but hella funny!

Sleeping with the Fishes - A female version of the wet nap that is accomplished by rubbing her stank-ass twat all over a guy’s pillow. See also “Wet Nap”

Smiley Game - This game involves a bunch of men sitting around a table at their favorite bar and a woman giving random blowjobs underneath the table. Anyone who smiles has to buy a round for the rest.

Snerd Nergling - The act of moving your anal lovers’ turds around within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...

Snoodling - When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!".

Snowball - Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those nasty skanks out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.

Snowmobile - When plugging a girl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.

Snuff - Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or raggin’ girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroid’s, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar.

Southern Trespass - The Southern Trespass most frequently occurs when an over zealous (drunk) man is involved in intercourse with his lady friend. Through lack of concentration, lack of coordination, or simply because he wants to do it, the man quickly switches from the woman's vagina to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to the ass in a rain storm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the coveted Southern Trespass. Also known as a "Slippery Pete".

Space Docking - The act of taking a shit, freezing it, then inserting it into your partners rectum. (submitted by Dirty Dan)

Spinning In Place – Purchase a “lazy Susan” and have your lover stand on her knees naked on it. As she spins masturbate and jizz all over her body, face, hair, stomach, and legs. Three months later leave her and fly to Mexico. (submitted by Charles Cooper)

Spoiler - The historic conquest of de-flowering some guy’s fiancee no more than one week before the wedding day.

(variation): Spoiler with Cheese - Brutally sodomizing the shit hole of some guy’s fiancee no more than one week before the wedding day.

Squirming Donkey - Tell your partner you want to get into some real kinky sex. Handcuff them to the bed, tie their feet down tightly, strip them naked and gag them. Then leave the room and call your friends and have them come over, but don't tell them what is going on. Make sure they take at least 20 minutes to get there and they bring a lot of beer. Do not go into the room, talk to, or check on the person during this time. When all of your friends arrive, you all go into the room together, they will point and laugh hysterically at the person. Then get drunk with your friends in the same room with the person while leaving them handcuffed and gagged. Named the "Squirming Donkey" because the person tied up can only squirm around, and they will feel like a complete jackass. Extra points if you pass out with the person still tied up, handcuffed and gagged.

Stinky Burritto - This one requires a bit more effort and a delicate touch. First you must wait until the person you will be fucking is taking a shit. When a nice-sized turd is sliding out of their ass, gently wrap your hand around it and quickly thrust your dick through the turd. Now fuck the person up the ass with the turd wrapped around your penis!

(variation): Repeato Burritto - Once you have your dick through the turd, have the other person give you a blowjob with the turd still around your dick!

(another variation): Stinky Fajita - With your penis through the turd, place in a vagina and thrust however you see fit with the turd wrapped around your dick. (this also works as a natural condom, as long as your dickhead isn't sticking out the other end). Next time you don't have a condom handy and you're about to get some, but your partner won't put out unless you have a condom, suggest this alternative.

Stinky Pete - The act of fucking someone up the ass, then having them suck your shit-covered dick off. (Mr. Blonde informs me that this is also sometimes known as a "Sloppy Burrito", and I have also heard it referred to as a "Dirty Trumpet")

Straighten the Arrow - When you think one of your buddies is turning a little fruity, or you think he might be bi-curious or worse yet gay, just get all of your straight friends together and kick the living shit out of him. Fancy name for tough love.

Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off; eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

(variation): Stranger on the rocks - Sticking your hand in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.
(another variation): Strangers in the Night - When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone other than someone else.

Stumpin - (Caution, this move requires imagination and balance). As you hover over a quadruple amputee, carefully insert what's left of her arms up your ass while using her knarled thighs to whack off. This should produce a stream of spunk which should land where a normal persons feet would be. You've now been stumpin.

Sud n' Fud - When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I'm not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.","Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.

Surfing - This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.

Surprise Party - This act works best on a girl who specifically tells you NOT to cum in her mouth during a blowjob. However, right before you unload, hold her head firmly in place so she can't escape and yell, "There's a party in your mouth and I'm cumming" and proceed to paint the inside of her mouth a nice milky white. As she gags, spits and curses at you, point at her and laugh hysterically.

Surprise Squirt - With music blasting you fuck a girl up the ass or doggystyle, behind you, there are a bunch of guys waiting with cum in their cups, she doesnt know this. When you are ready you signal to your friends, you turn her around and while you give her a facial your friends pour their cum on her drenching her. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Sweaty Ball Platter - Scraping the nut butter and fromunda cheese from several different guys off with a tableknife and spreading it on and/or mixing it in with every food item you or someone else is eating at lunch or dinner. (also see "Nut Butter" and "Fromunda Cheese") (Submitted by "The Baron")

Swedish Fish - This is performed by taking your wet dick and smacking it rapidly against someone's forehead. Extra points if your dick is covered in nut and you do this to someone who isn't expecting it.

Swinger's Ear - Wait until you are about to get a nut, put the tip of your dick up to the ear canal of another person, and blast your load into their ear! (This is also known as a "Crusty Brain" and "Cell Phone")

T

Table Time - This is when you are bending someone over a table doggy style, and right as you are about to cum in the heat of the moment you ask them "What time is it?" When they look back at you confused and say, "What?" You then slam their head into the table and say "It's Table Time Beeeiotch!!!"

Taco Bell Lube Job - Using diahreah as lube for some cornholing. (Also see "Hot Pocket")

Target Practice - When she takes it out of her mouth while 69'ing, shove her nose in your asshole.

Tea-Bag - You all know it...you dip your nutsack into someone's mouth like a tea-bag. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde) (Also see Kentucky Tea-Bag)

(variation): Oyster - A deviation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them into the other person's mouth.

Three-Tard - A threesome between retards. Think Beetlejuice, Gary the Retard, and Rosie O'Donnel.

Tickle Me Elmo - When the chin hairs of a skanky bitch tickle your nutsack during fellatio. Not about to start a Christmas time craze any time soon.

Tilty - While hitting it doggy style, the pussy smells so bad that you have to tilt your head back to avoid the stench.

Titanic - Any slut who goes down first time out.

Top Shelf - Not really sexual, but a great party prank nontheless. Next time you're at the house of someone you hate, take a wicked shit in the top part of the toilet (the part the flush handle is attached to). They'll go insane trying to figure out where that stench is coming from. Also known as “Upper Deck.”

Topeka Destroyer - The act of vomiting directly onto your partner's head while receiving fellatio. (Also known as “Cold Lunch”)

Tortoise - When you go down on someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.

Tossing Salad - Chris Rock made this one famous. Simply apply jelly or jam to your asshole and have someone lick it clean. (also see Rim Job, Brown Wings, and Brown Dogging)

Trifecta - Screwing 3 women in the same night without any of them knowing about the others. Showering in between is strictly forbidden.

Trunk Butt - An asshole that's been fucked so many ways, the insides of the colon begin to protrude out.

Tupperware Party - When thee guys are triple-teaming a chick...one with his penis in her mouth, another in her vagina, and the third in her anus. So named because she is sealed 'airtight'. (also see "Air-Tight")

Turkey Carver - The act of sitting carefully behind your prone partner, inserting three fingers in her vagina, one in her ass, and voraciously pumping your digits in and out, maintaining a perfect L-bend at the elbow, and using only your rotator cuff as a power pivot.

Turkish Prison - Where you are so desperately horny you will nail anything without the need for alcohol, dates or nerves. "He's so bad off, he's in a Turkish prison."

Turkish Shampoo - After you've blown the load from a good blowjob, while the woman is licking your sack, you dribble a nice smooth stream of piss into her hair. If done right, her head will be totally soaked before she realizes it

Twinkler - When you are 69-ing and she gags on your member and you can see her bung-hole pucker up.

U

Unexpected Bayou – Ask your girlfriend or wife to get naked. Grab her kitten or cat (the animal) then go to the bathroom and take a shit leaving the animal in there. Don’t wipe your ass, go back into the bedroom, and have sex with her. Next, ask her to take a shower with you. As you both walk into the bathroom break the kitten’s neck and throw it in the toilet flushing as much as you can to get the dead kitty to go down. Before she calls the cops break her arms and kill her spirit by teasing her about the now dead pet. Call her mom and ask her what her favorite color is. Paint your wife/gf that color and eat her eyes and ask God for forgiveness. Then stab yourself in the nuts with a sharp object that is NOT a knife and run out into the street and scream “Nietzsche was right!” until the cops come. (submitted by Charles Cooper. I only wish I could come up with stuff this funny!)

Up-fuck Upchuck - Anal sex while the recipient pukes. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

V

Valsalva - The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be ahead.

Vanilla Ice - Just like Vanilla Ice, your done after only one thrust. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

The Vin Diesel - Flex your dick until she leaves. (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

W

Wake Up Call - Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning (e.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?")

Walk of Shame - When all of your buds see you walking home in the morning from the house of the nasty bitch they begged you not to fuck the night before.

The Walls of Pussycho - If you are a wrestling fan you will like this one. While fucking in the missionary position, double underhook the other person's legs and throw them into a stading boston crab. Done properly, you will be squatting over the other person's ass, facing their feet, while the other person is flat on their stomach with their legs painfully streched across your shoulders, but pulled as far back behind your head as humanly possible. After that, split their buttcheeks out and fuck the hell out of their asshole! If this sounds confusing, just watch the WWE wrestler Chris Jericho's finishing move sometime and you'll understand the technique. (submitted by: The Amazing Dimesac D)

Walrus - After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus. (Also see "Walrus Kick" and "Frothy Walrus")

Walrus Kick - A walrus kick is when you nut in somebody's mouth, then right as they are swallowing it, you kick them in the stomach, causing the cum to shoot out their nose like walrus teeth. (Submitted by Ricecake A.K.A. DJ Slant Eye)

The Weezer - Similar to the Billy Corgin but the noises can only be compared to those of the song "Hash Pipe". (Also see The Billy Corgin) (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

The Wes Craven - Tell your girl that you are gonna be home late tonight and that she can go to sleep without you, then hide and start jerking off. When she walks in, you jump out and suprise her with a nutshot in the face! (Submitted by Mr. Blonde)

Wet Nap - When you let your load out on a girl’s pillow, and then make her sleep on it.

White Castle - This is when you get a nut in someone else's ass, then they stand over top of your mouth and either let it drip down into your mouth, or shit it out into your mouth.

(variation): White Castles 10 Sack - Let 10 guys fuck someone up the ass, holding in all the nut until the tenth guy blows his load, then letting it drip down or shitting it into someone's mouth!

White Dragon - This is achieved when someone is sucking your dick. When you are about to blow your load, stick the head of your dick up to or slightly inside their nose and blast away! If it come back out their mouth, you have yourself a white dragon! (submitted by Nic )

Winter Bush - Common to the winter months, women sometimes let their bush grow out for extra warmth.

Wobbly H - Not really sick, but funny non-the-less. This is when someone is suspended mid-air by having one dick in the ass or vagina, and one dick in the mouth. Kind of like roasting a pig. (submitted by The Baron)

Woody Woodpecker - When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead.

X

Y

Yellow Bunny - Right before entering a girl’s pussy, pee all over her, then proceed like nothing happened.

Yokozuna - While your friend or fuckbag is sleeping, you pull down your pants, get a running start, then jump and plant your naked ass in their face while yelling "Yokozuna"! Inspired by the fat Japanese wrestler who did a lot of butt drops.

Yummy Mayo - Basically, you masturbate inside of the mayonaise jar, in and out, in and out, you get the idea, until you cum...let it rip inside of the mayo. Close the jar and put it back in the fridge. When someone eats it, they will have eaten your yummy mayo.

(variation): Caesar's Salad Dressing - Same as above, but adds that extra zing to salads!

(another variation): Chunky Milk - This is made even better if you let the milk expire first before serving it.

(yet another variation): Extra-Nutty - Follow the above instructions for Yummy Mayo, but use peanut butter instead. A little tougher because it is sticky, but it will be extra nutty after you finish!

(and the variations just keep coming): Extra-Pale Ale - Beer with a kick. Best demonstrated in the movie "American Pie"

(yes, yet another variation even):Flavored Water - "Something must be wrong with the pipes, 'cause this tap water sure tastes funny."

(Goddamn, please no more variations): Extra-Whitening Toothpaste - Gets those teeth crusty white!

(Yummy Mayo and variations submitted by: Mr. Blonde)

Z

Zombie Mask - While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those “pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

Zorch - Someone who sucks farts out of assholes.

And there you have it! But these are not enough! I crave more sick, bizarre, and hilarious sex acts! Please sign my guestbook with any you know of or can think of. And if you have a story involving anything like these! If it's good, it'll be on here! Leave a name for me to credit the submission to.

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This site is for comedy / entertainment purposes only. The owner of this site accepts no responsibility for any of these acts being performed, or attempted being performed. This is a comedy site, you jerkoff! Don't take things too seriously! Sorry if you found this page while looking for porn and though you were going to get a good jack in, but are now all pissed off and huffy-puffy because this page is all text, and is all stupid juvenile bathroom humor.

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