Horoscope For Life
(From Sick Sick Shit - www.angelfire.com/ky2/sick)

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
You have a vivid imagination and you often think the FBI and CIA follow you. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 20)
You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick-tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

Taurus (Apr 21 – May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a damn Nazi.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving in incest.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader, others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are thieving motherfuckers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you’re probably gay. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch. Nobody likes you. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius’ are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

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