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'Twas The Night Before Christmas
(Written by Fej, webmaster of Sick Sick Shit - www.angelfire.com/ky2/sick)


SEASON'S FUCKING GREETINGS

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the place
Everyone was drinking and getting shitfaced

Grandpa was hung by the chimney with a rope
As we sat around and laughed and smoke a lot of dope

The children were fighting and hurting one another
While we played drinking games and passed gas on each other

I’ve got a cheap hooker and some high-grade hash
I’d just settled down for a piece of that nice ass

When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what was the matter

Thinking it was the cops, I grabbed my dope in a flash
I tore open the window and threw out my stash

Then to my surprised eyes what should appear?
A drunken old fat man who was drinking a beer

He staggered up my lawn, the big fat old dick
I knew in a moment that it must be St. Nick

He stumbled and fell as he tried to take a pee
He cursed and he bitched and he puked on a tree

He staggered and wobbled with each little step
“I shouldn’t have drank all that Jagermeister” he said as he crept

He slipped on my porch and busted his balls
Then he bashed away, bashed away, bashed away at the brick wall

He climbed to my rooftop with a case full of brew
And a bag full of shit, and a porno or two

Then a loud thud I did hear on the roof
The asshole had fallen, the big fat old goof

I ran from my window, to the chimney I was bound
Then I watched as the fucker fell all the way down

He was dressed in women’s clothing, the big fucking queer
And his clothes were all fucked up and stinking of beer

A bundle of alcohol he had flung over his back
And he looked like a pervert as he scratched his nutsack

His eyes were all glassy as he looked around the dump
Then he spewed on the carpet and then licked it back up

The roach of a joint he held tight in his lips
As he cracked open another beer and took a sip

His stomach was all fat like a big ugly round zit
And it shook as he puked like a bowl full of shit

He was short, bald and fat, a really dumb looking elf
And I was laughing so hard I almost pissed on myself

He flipped me the finger as he turned his big head
And he told me to fuck off and get my ass to bed

He yelled and he cursed and said his ass I could kiss
As he filled all our stockings with vomit and piss

Then he rose up our chimney with a thunderous fart
The fat son of a bitch blew the chimney apart

He stumbled to his car and blew the horn like a dick
And then away he went, the big fat fucking prick

He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!

HAVE A MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS AND A DRUNKEN NEW YEAR


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