Suicidal Susan
My name is April. I just started a new job at a mental facility. I’m a nursing assistant but
they call us health service workers at this facility. It’s a fancy title. Like instead of calling
your mom, "Mom" you call her "Chief executive officer of Domestic Affairs." I was
scared to go to work there, but it’s what I was being lead to do.
My first day at work they put me with Joan, to show me the facility. We got on an
elevator to go to the second floor, instead of the usual buttons it had locks. Each floor
had a place to fit the key into. Joan said Everything is locked, elevator, fire doors, all
exits, you even have to have a key to go to the bathroom, or honey you will have a whole
room full of patients in there with you. I asked Joan, "How bad are these people?" Joan
said, "Oh honey, they are bad, there are five murders on the floor you will be working.
The higher up, the worse they are and your working on the top floor. It was the forth
floor. I said, "Why are we going to the second floor, if I’m working on the forth?" Joan
said, "To get you used to it, and to see if you can take it, some people quit right off on the
second floor before they even see the forth." That statement didn’t help any.
The door opened on the second floor and we stepped out. There was ten or twelve
patients there in the TV room, where the elevator opened up at. The nurses station was
right there too. It was the only thing that looked out of place in the surroundings. It had
carpet on the floor, nice wall paper and pictures on the walls. The patients, when they
seen it was somebody new, all came running up to us talking at once. Some was asking
my name and said they like my clothes and some started running there fingers threw my
hair, some wanted me to go sit with them. Joan said, "You all leave her alone, she’s a
new employee, not a patient." They turned and walked away like I was the enemy. The
smiles turned to frowns. Joan said, "These are the one’s getting ready to be turned back
out on the street again." I said, "Are they healed?" Joan said, "As healed as they are to
going to get."
We got back on the elevator and on to the third floor next. When the door opened up, a
guy jumped in the elevator with us. Joan said, "We need help in the elevator !" I didn’t
know what to do. He came up to me and grabbed me by the hair of the head. All I could
see was yellow teeth and nasal drainage running from his nose. A bunch of people ran in
and pulled him out. He wouldn’t let go of my hair, so I was pulled out of the elevator by
the hair of the head. They worked on trying to get his hands free from my hair. It took
them about ten minutes before they got his hands loose, he still had a lot of my hair, that
he had pulled out of my head, locked between his fingers as they pulled him away. He
was yelling "That’s my girlfriend." Joan said, "Come on, now to your floor." I got on the
elevator, only because I didn’t want to stay there. I was shaking all over and wondering,
Oh are you sure about this?
The door opened on the on the forth floor. Two women where about to go at it, fist
clutched and drawn back. Others yelling and aging them on to fight. Joan jumped between
the two and other staff joined in to break it up. I noticed there was no carpet, or pictures,
no wallpaper. There was bars on the windows, tile floor and concrete block walls.
The nurses station had chain link fence from the top of the counter to the roof and doors
made of chain link fence instead of swinging gates.
We went into the nurses station and Joan introduced me to Patty, and Lori, they were the
other Health service workers on duty. Then she pointed to the guy carring a chart and
said that’s Don, he’s the nurse. Don just said, "Train her good, tomorrow Suicide Susan is
due, its June first you know." Joan said, "Oh No!" Lori said I’m calling in sick. Patty
said, "I’m glad I’m off the next two weeks." Joan said, How did you get so lucky? Patty
said, I put in for my vacation, I remembered last year, when she was here. I asked what
was the deal with this Suicide Susan person? Joan said She is a woman that comes in here
every year on June second. She lost her baby seventeen years ago on June second. Every
year on the anniversary of loosing the baby she tries to commit suicide. Her husband has
her brought in by the police, about 7 Am, just as we come on duty and by the time we get
off she’s wore us out. She is what they call a High risk suicide, so you have to sit, one on
one with her at all times and stay at arms length. Sometimes it takes two people to sit
with her. Lori said Tomorrow is Saturday and we are always short staffed on the
weekends. I went home that night really dreading tomorrow and Suicide Susan, and I
hadn’t even met this girl yet. The night went fast, it was like I had just laid down, when
the alarm went off. The first thing that came to mind was Oh no, Suicide Susan, my
second day on the job. I arrived at work. Joan said You owe me five bucks. I asked why?
Joan said I bet Don five bucks that you wouldn’t come back.
We went up the elevator to the forth floor and then into the nurses station to get report.
The first thing Don said was Joan I want my five bucks, and then he said Is Suicide Susan
here yet? The nurse that had worked the night shift said No, and let me hurry and give
report so I can get out of here before she does. After the report Don said Well, four of us
for thirty five patients, all week there are eight or nine, but on the weekend four. The
patients still have to eat three meals a day, take medicine, go out side to smoke every two
hours, nothing changes except, we have half the people to get the work done. Girls, lets
get it done early, do all we can before she gets here. Joan you and Lori take time about
guarding Susan, one hour on, one hour off taking turns. That will give you a break and
keep you fresh, be on your toe’s. It wouldn’t be right to put April with her until she gets
use to the place, April can help take them outside to smoke, pass out meal trays, round
then up out of bed to get their meds. She will have to do the work of one plus the other
four staff, that we don’t have. Who ever is not guarding Susan, help her get it done.
We started to work. Don got a hand full of blank paper and took over to a table where a
large, very large guy was sitting. Don laid the papers in front of him and said They are do
back on Monday. The very large guy said OK buddy. He sounded like a kid talking. I
asked Joan Who is that big guy? Joan said He is a M.R. patient, he has the mind of a three
year old child. I said He’s big. Joan said he weighed almost six hundred pounds.
At Seven ten Am the phone rang. Don answered it, he turned and said She’s here. Don
told me to look out the window by the copy machine and see if I could see any big
expensive looking cars out back by the rear entrance. Thats where the Doc on duty has
his reserved parking place, there is to be a Doctor here in the building, AT ALL TIMES,
twenty four-seven. I looked out the window threw the bars and the only car in the back
parking lot was a police car, I told Don that. Don said, "Of course not, like always."
There is our tax dollars hard at work. A hundred dollars an hour they pay them to have
one here on duty. He is probably off playing golf.
I’ll see if he’ll answer his pager, the cops will just have to wait, more tax money wasted.
Don was not a happy person right now.
I over heard Don on the phone later with the Doctor. He was arguing with the Doctor.
Don said Well I wouldn’t call your house if you would answer your page, or if you were
here.....OK have me fired.....Are you going to admit her?....All I need is a yes or no....I’ll
write it down, in just those words too!, Doctor Rafaykio said " I DON’T WANT TO BE
BOTHERED ABOUT A SUICIDAL,..." What was that you called her? Oh yeah, "
FAT..... ".......I see, you don’t want me too....Well what do you want me to do?
Don turned and said She is to be a Detainee for 72 hours, not an admission. I asked Joan
what did that mean? Joan said That means the doctor is not coming in to admit her, or
ever take a look at her, he’ll stay home and collect his pay anyway, I’d like to get paid a
hundred dollars an hour and stay home. Don said Joan you and the new girl come with
me down stairs to get her. When we got down stairs to the hallway inside of the rear
entrance door. There we seen a lady cop and a man cop, one on each side of this lady with
her tee shirt pulled over her head covering her face, and her hands were in cuffs. Don said
What is all this about? The lady cop said She is a spitter, this is to keep her from spitting
all over us. Don said Pull her top back down. Joan looked at the lady cop and said You
could have used the back of her shirt instead of the front.
Don filled out some papers and gave them to the cops and they left. He told Joan and me
to take her in the other room and search her good. Joan said Me and her can’t do it alone,
you will have to help. Don said Susan these ladies will have to search you, don’t give
them a bunch of trouble or I’ll have to come in there too. Susan didn’t say a word. Susan
was a big girl about 250 lbs. and close to six feet tall.
Susan cooperated, she didn’t even spit. Don’s tone of voice helped, we could all tell he
cares about people, not about whats easiest for the Doctors. Joan said You know I’ve
never seen him raise his voice with a patient.
We searched Susan and her clothes. After she got dressed we brought her back out to
where Don was waiting. Don said Susan, look at me, you are not going to kill yourself
while I’m here, we won’t let you , so don’t try it. We escorted Susan to the forth floor.
Lori took the first turn. We heard pounding noises coming from down the hallway. Don,
Joan and I ran to see what was going on. A patient was beating on a closed door. Joan
said Whats going on, why are you beating on that door? The patient said She’s got my
picture of my dog and won’t give it back.
Don knocked on the door and asked for the patient to open it, then he tried to open the
door. None of the doors to the patients rooms had locks on them or their bathrooms too.
This was for safety. Don tried to push open the door but couldn’t. Don said she must
have pushed the bed over against the door and be on it too. He phoned down stairs for
some more help. The security guard came also. They managed to push the door open a
little, not much more than an inch crack. Some liquid started dashing out on to everyone
some of the liquid got in the security guards eyes and was burning. It was soapy water,
soap from the hand washing dispenser in the bathroom, she had filled up an empty pop
bottle with soap and water. She was splashing it out the door. Don helped the guard to
the bathroom, in the room across the hall to wash out his eyes. Everyone else got towels
to hold over their faces and pushed the door open.
She ran to the bathroom doorway and dashed the soapy water all over the floor between
her and us. It was like trying to walk on ice. Joan got a blanket and threw down on the
floor so we could walk. It wasn’t the first time a patient had done this, and they passed it
on to each other. When we got to her and searched her. We found a picture of a dog that
had been torn from a magazine, not a picture from a camera. All of this over a picture
from a magazine.
Lori didn’t notice Susan getting the plastic bag out of the trash can beside where they
were sitting. Lori looked off for a moment at what was going on down the hallway, but it
was long enough. Susan got the bag in her pocket. While almost everyone was up on the
forth floor, the patients on the third floor started throwing chairs and tables. One of the
staff got to the phone and called the forth floor to send everyone back down there. Don
said for me to guard Susan and let Joan and Lori go with them to help out.
As soon as everyone was off the floor except Don and I , a patient named JJ came running
up. He said Hey everybody there is only two staff on the floor, lets take over the place,
lets have a riot. Two other patients that JJ had been hanging with, joined by his side.
They came up and stood in front of the nurses station where Don was working and said
We are taking over, we are going to tear up the place and there is nothing you can do to
stop it. Don looked up kind of casual, then stood up and opened up the door and walked
out to where the three were standing. They were ready to take him on. Don said in a real
calm voice- You boys are forgetting I’m the craziest one here, I’m ten times crazier than
the three of you put together. They were puzzled at what he was saying, they was looking
for him to physically try and stop them.
The very large M.R. Patient that had been sitting at the table coloring, got up and ran over
and stood beside of Don. He said "YOU JUMP MY BUDDY. I SIT ON YOU. ALL
THREE YOU SAME TIME. I STAY THERE ALL DAY TOO." The three patients
didn’t want to be sat on, so they quietly went on off and didn’t try and start any more
trouble. When Joan and Lori came back they were surprised, they thought it would be a
mad house up here. I told them what had happened. They said yeah Don gives him
papers and brings him crayon’s in. Danny, the M.R. patient says it is his home work.
Sometimes you see him in the bathroom floor late at night coloring. You ask him what he
is doing and he’ll tell you he’s doing his home work. He gives them to Don and Don
grades them. He marks A’s on all them. Everyone else treats him like a dummy even the
doctors. They get all over Don too. Don tells the Doctors pills don’t fix everything, and
he keeps on giving him paper. I would hate to see what Danny would do to somebody if
they did jump on Don. There is not enough people here to do anything with him, let alone
if he sat down, it would take a crane to get him up.
Don and I took them outside to smoke. They have a fenced in area to smoke in. JJ said
to Don outside, What would you do if I jumped the fence and started running? Don said
I’d wave by at you. JJ said You wouldn’t try to chase me? Don said No, I’d go back
upstairs. After while when you are all hot and hungry , think about me being upstairs in
the cool air conditioning. I’ll be eating your lunch tray too. If you run off, take your two
friends with you , so I can give their lunches to Danny. JJ said Your not eating my lunch
and make me go hungry. Don said Well maybe you should forget about jumping the fence
and running off. JJ told his two friends Don was wanting them to run off so him and
Danny could eat their lunches. Them three was the first in line to go back.
When we got back on the floor it was Joan’s turn to guard Susan. Susan said She was
tired and wanted to lay down and take a nap. Joan followed her to her room and pulled
up a chair beside of her bed. Susan got under the cover and laid there a while. She was
sneaking the plastic bag out of her pocket and arranging it under the covers. When she
got it fixed so she could pulled it over her head with the covers, she told Joan the light
was bothering her and pulled the covers over her head. The bag slipped right over her
head too. Susan was real slick Joan didn’t suspect a thing. Joan was watching her chest
rise and fall from breathing, when she stopped. Joan pulled back the covers, she was blue.
Joan screamed for Don and he came a running. Susan had tied a knot in the bag around
her neck. The bag was choking her and suffocating her at the same time. Don tore a hole
in the bag where her mouth was and Joan was trying to get it loose from around her neck.
Don tried giving her mouth to mouth but the bag still had her choked. Don pulled out his
pocket knife and cut the bag away. Then he gave her mouth to mouth again and she was
getting the air. Two breaths and she started breathing on her own and after about a
minute came to. She looked up and started crying because she had failed. Don called the
Doc again and told him what had just happened. Don said....No I’m not writing that....I’m
putting down, Doctor on Duty notified AT HOME by phone.....You wasn’t here... Don
hung up the phone and said Now he is going to show up, a day late and a dollar short.
Don had me to watch Susan the last part of the shift, she was still crying when I went into
the room. After a while I asked her why did she want to kill herself so bad? She said
Because my baby is in heaven with Jesus and not here with me. I said Where do you think
you will go for killing yourself? Susan said "Hell". I said Wouldn’t you rather go to
heaven and be with your baby, you can see him and hold him there, for ever and ever?
Susan stopped crying, she said I never thought about that! She wanted to use the phone,
so we went up to see Don and tell him. Don let her use the phone to call her husband.
She told him to bring the preacher from the church down the street from where they lived.
The Doctor showed up with a pizza. Then the husband showed up with the preacher.
They spent a few minutes talking and she said she would like to be released so she could
be baptized right away. The Doctor said No, she just tried to kill herself and he had an
obligation to hold her there. You should have heard the argument between Don and the
Doctor, When Don said we can fill up the whirlpool tub in the back and you can baptize
her in it. The Doctor said No, she might try and drown herself in it. Don started to fill
the whirlpool up anyway, Don said There is no policy that says you couldn’t baptize
someone in the whirlpool! Susan, her husband and the preacher was in there with Don.
The Doctor told Lori to call down stairs for some help to put a stop to this foolishness.
The Security guard and six men arrived on the floor, them and the Doctor came down the
hallway to put a stop to the baptism. When they started this way, I told Don "Here they
come! " There was only about five inches of water in the whirlpool, not enough water for
a baptism. It would take another ten minutes to fill up and they would be in here in ten
seconds, there just wasn’t time. Don, Susan’s husband and I stood in front of the preacher
and Susan to at least slow them down from pulling her away. We could see the mob of
men threw the open door. There was no lock on the door so it was left open. Just before
the men got to the doorway, something blocked our view, all we could see was the back
of a green tee shirt and blue jeans. We heard the Doctor say Get out of the way. Then a
voice said I STAND HERE ALL DAY. NOT MOVE ANY. It was the large M.R. patient
named Danny. He was blocking the door. The Doctor Said Move or we will drag you out
of the way. Danny said YOU WANT ME SIT ON YOU? They tried to pull him away,
but it was no use, they couldn’t move him, he was like a rock. The Baptism took place
with out interruption . Angels from God come in all sizes.
Written by: Johnny lee Hall
