A young man marrying a redhead asked his father for some marital advice. The father said, "Just remind her who wears the pants in your family." The evening arrived, the new husband tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here put these on." She did and said "I don't fit into these." "That's right!" he said, "and don't you forget who wears the pants in this family!"

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He looked at them and said, "I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right -and you won't until your attitude changes!"

Q. What is the difference between a redhead and a computer?
A. A redhead won't accept a three and a half inch floppy!

Q. What's the Redhead Dating Motto?
A. The fastest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.

Q: What do redheads and McDonald's have in common?
A: You've never had it so good and so fast.

Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds

If you love a Redhead, set her free....if she follows you everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she's yours

Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a redhead in bed?
A: A blonde let's you leave the bed when you are satisfied- a redhead let's you leave the bed when SHE is satisfied.

Brunette after sex: "Oh that was great! Love you...wanna marry?" Blonde after sex: "Next!" Redhead after sex: "Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid.

Two sailors on shore leave, walking down the street. They spot a beautiful blonde. First sailor asks his friend "Have you ever slept with a blonde?" Second sailor replies that he has. They walk on further and see an even more beautiful brunette. FS" Have you ever slept with a brunette?" SS" Why yes, in fact I've slept with brunettes on many occasions" They walk on a little further, and see a gorgeous redhead, who leaves the other two girls for dead. FS" Have you ever slept with a redhead then?" His companion looks at him and replies "Not a wink!

Q: How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A: She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails.

A redhead accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.

The big city man discovered he had no writing paper at all for his personal correspondence. He went into the small town near-by and found only an old-fashioned country store. Behind the counter was a really nice looking young redhead, quite obviously a local farm girl. He asked, "Do you keep stationery?" "Well," she giggled, "I can...until I have an orgasm, then I just go plain wild and crazy!"

A redhead went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The redhead replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A.There's a hammer embedded in the monitor.

Q: How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A: She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl.

Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!

I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. "I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those roses?" "What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," he confided. "My wife's a redhead. I broke her hard drive!"

So the other day, my friends and I went to this "Ladies Night Club." One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill. The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek. Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his other butt cheek. Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. She calls the guy back over again, licks the $50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt cheeks. Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet, thought for a minute ... and then the redhead in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the $80 bucks and went home.