ࡱ>    !"#$%&'()*+,-./0123456789:;<=>?@ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ[\]^_`abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz{|}~Root EntryZ O2-CONTENTS CompObjVSENATOR STAED, ONE HANDMAIDEN and FOUR TROOPERS descend the ramp. KOUGERL is more beautiful now than she was ten years earlier when, as Queen, she was freeing her people from the yoke of the New Rock Federation. The DIGNITARIES start to move forward. SEN      !"#$%&'()*+,-./0123456789:;<=>?@ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ[\]^_`abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz{|}~      !"#$%&'()*+,-./0123456789:;<=>?@ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ[\]^_`abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz{|}~ATOR KOUGERL reaches the foot of the ramp, when suddenly there is a huge EXPLOSION. The DIGNITARIES and PILOTS are hurled to the ground as the starship is destroyed. Klaxons blare, alarms sound! EAS tests are completely forgotten! CAPTAIN SHORTY and the TWO ESCORT PILOTS get up and run to where SENATOR KOUGERL lies dying. Beyond, DOCTOO ZEITOO drops down from the Myozik Fighter and rolls toward the wreckage. The ESCORT PILOT kneels by SENATOR KOUGERL and takes off her helmet, revealing SENATOR KOUGERL STAECHNKINK N|TEXTTEXTbFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPP FDPPFDPP FDPPFDPP FDPPFDPP FDPP FDPP FDPP FDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPFDPPEXT. SPACE A vast sea of stars serves as a backdrop for the Main Title, following by a rollup, which crawls into infinity.... There is unrest on the Airwaves of Bowling Green. Several hundred radio personalities under the leadership of the rebellious leader, COUNT SHAGGY, have declared their intentions to secede from The Revolution. This separatist movement has made it difficult for the limited number of FCC regulators to maintain peace and order on the airwaves. Senator Kougerl Staed, the former Queen of Myozikd'reckter, is returning to the SGA to vote on the critical issue of creating an referendum to assist the overwhelmed Dejay.... PAN UP to reveal the amber city planet of AKADEMIKOMPLEKS. A yellow Myozik Fighter flies OVER CAMERA toward the planet, followed by a large Royal Cruiser and two more Fighters. EXT. CITYSCAPE, AKADEMIKOMPLEKS - DAWN The ships skim across the surface of the city landscape. The sun glints off the chrome hulls of the sleek Myozik spacecraft as they navigate between the buildings of the capital planet. EXT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, LANDING PLATFORM - DAWN Two Myozik Fighters land on one leaf of a three-leaf-clover landing platform. The Royal Starship lands on the central lead, and the third Fighter lands on the remaining platform. A small GROUP OF DIGNITARIES waits to welcome the Senator. One of the members of the group is a well-dressed CHOP CHOPS BINKS, a member of the Galactic Representative Commission, and ROXY, Senator Kougerl's handmaiden. One of the FIGHTER PILOTS jumps from the wing of his ship and removes his helmet. He is CAPTAIN SHORTY, Senator Kougerl's Security Officer. He moves over to a PILOT. CAPTAIN SHORTY We made it. I guess I was wrong, ain't no one after this homegirl. The ramp lowers. TWO MYOZIK GUARDS appear. D! KOUGERL Lauren... She gathers up her decoy double in her arms. Lauren's eyes are open. She looks up at her. LAUREN ... I'm sorry, ... I'm... not sure I...want to....kiss Tank again... LAUREN dies. KOUGERL hugs her. KOUGERL Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Ooh, look, I found a quarter! KOUGERL lowers LAUREN to the ground. She gets up and looks at the quarter. There are tears in her eyes. KOUGERL I should not have picked it up...or came back CAPTAIN SHORTY Dude, you still have your residual check... KOUGERL says nothing. CAPTAIN SHORTY This vote is very important. You did your duty and Stephen did hers. Now come. (she doesn't respond) Hey, I'll buy you some Waffle House! She turns. They walk away. DOCTOO lets out a small whimper and rolls off after them. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- EXT. DUC BUILDING - DAY The massive DUC Building glistens in the afternoon sun. Small patches of fog have still to burn off. INT. DUC THEATRE - DAY The vast rotunda is buzzing with chatter. MAGGY MAE, the Supreme Chancellor's majordomo, tries to quiet things down as GADDIE confers with an AIDE: JAZEE JO, riding a small one man floating scooter. MAGGY MAE Order! We shall have order! The motion for the Revolution to commission an army takes precedent, and that is what we will vote on at this time, damn it! Everything quiets down. The AIDE disperses, and SUPREME CHANCELLOR GADDIE steps to the podium. GADDIE ...My esteemed colleagues, excuse me... I have just received some tragic and disturbing news. Senator Kougerl of the Myozik system... Has been blown to hell! There is a stunned silence in the vast arena. A few people applaud...the applause begins to grow. GADDIE (waits an hour for the clapping to die down then continues) This grievous blow is especially personal to me. Before I became Chancellor, I served Kougerl when she was Queen. She was a great leader who fought for justice, not only in this honorable assembly, but also on her home planet. She was so loved she could have been elected queen for life. She believed in public intoxication, and she fervently believed in incapacitation. Her death is a great loss to us all. We will all mourn her as a relentless champion of freedom, and as a sloppy drunk. And insure that her 80 proof corpse will be preserved as she would have wanted: In 12 original herbs and spices. There is a moment of silence. NEO NOO, the SENATOR of MAMUTHKAYV, moves his pod into the center of the arena. SENATOR NEO NOO How many more Senators will die before this civil strife ends! We must confront these radio personalities now, and we need an army to do it. GADDIE Must I remind the Senator from Mamuthkayv that negotiations are continuing with the personalities. Peace is our objective here... not war. The SENATORS yell pro and con. MAGGY MAE tries to calm things down. SENATOR KOUGERL, with CAPTAIN SHORTY, CHOP CHOPS, and ROXY, maneuver her pod into the center of the vast arena. KOUGERL My noble colleagues, I concur with the Supreme Chancellor. At all costs, we do not want war! Eat, Drink, and Drink! The Senate goes quiet, then there is an outburst of disappointed jeering and unenthusiastic applause. Much popcorn is thrown towards the screen at the sight of CHOP CHOPS being in yet another movie. GADDIE It is with great shock the chair recognizes the Senator from Myozikd'reckter, Kougerl Staed. KOUGERL Less than an hour ago, an assassination attempt was made against my life. One of my bodyguards and six others were ruthlessly and graphically murdered. I was at Target but, more importantly, I believe this security measure before you, was the target. I have led the opposition to getting more money... but there is someone in this body who will stop at nothing to assure it's passage... Many of the SENATORS boo and yell at SENATOR STAED. KOUGERL (continuing) I warn you, if you vote to pay the radio personalities, chaos will follow. I have experienced the misery of chaos first-hand; I do not wish to do it again...sober that is. There is sporadic yelling for and against her execution. KOUGERL Wake up, Senators... you must wake up! If you offer the radio personalities money, they can only show us violence in return! Many will lose their lives. All will lose their freedom. Some will even lose their lunch! This decision could very well destroy the very foundation of our great Revolution. I pray you do not let fear push you into a disastrous decision. Vote down this security measure, which is nothing less than a declaration of war! Does anyone here want that? I cannot believe they do. There is an undercurrent of booing...and groaning...and gas...which stirs up more groaning GADDIE Due to the lateness of the hour and the seriousness of this motion, we will take up these matters tomorrow. Until then, the SGA stands adjourned. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- GADDIE'S CRIB - DAY The giant towers of the Gaddie's Crib seem to reach the heavens. Traffic clogs the smoggy sky. INT. GADDIE'S OFFICE - DAY CHANCELLOR GADDIE sits behind his desk with TWO BIG-RED GUARDS on either side of the door. NUGI, and MACE WINDOW sit across from him. GADDIE I don't know how much longer I can hold off the vote, my friends. More and more students are joining the radio personalities. MACE WINDOW If they do break away - GADDIE No! I will not let that happen! MACE WINDOW But if they do, you must realize there aren't enough Dejay to protect the Revolution. We are players of the tunes, not soldiers. GADDIE Master Nugi, do you think it will really come to war? NUGI closes his eyes. NUGI Worse than war, I fear... Much worse. GADDIE What? NUGI (Louder) I said "Worse than war, I fear... Much worse." Deaf you must be, if hear me you could not. MACE WINDOW What do you sense, Master? NUGI Impossible to see ... The Dork Side clouds everything. But this I am sure of - (opens his eyes) Do their duty the Dejay will. A muted BUZZER SOUNDS. A hologram of an AIDE, WEE VIL, appears on the Chancellor's desk. WEE VIL The music committee has arrived, my Lord. GADDIE (Thinks to him self, "I love it when the little people call me 'my Lord', its so sexy") Ahem Send them in. They all stand as SENATOR KOUGERL, CAPTAIN SHORTY, CHOP CHOPS, and ROXY enter the office. NUGI and MACE WINDOW move to greet the SENATOR, NUGI taps STAED with his cane. NUGI With you the force is strong... young Senator. To see you alive brings strange feelings to my liver. KOUGERL Thank you, Master Nugi, I think. Do you have any idea who was behind the attack? MACE WINDOW Our intelligence points to disgruntled spice miners, on the moons of Gaybuhls. KOUGERL I don't wish to disagree but I think that Count Shaggy was behind it. There is a stir of surprise, KOUGERL seizes the moment to take a drink. MACE WINDOW Count Shaggy was once a Dejay. He wouldn't assassinate anyone, it is not in his character. He's too damn lazy too, just ask him, he ll admit it. NUGI In dark times nothing is what it appears to be, but the fact remains Senator, in grave danger you are. GADDIE gets up, walks to the window, and looks out at the construction below. GADDIE Count Shaggy has always avoided any kind of conflict. It appears he has no desire to start a war. Why would he kill you? To what end? KOUGERL I don't know, but everything in my flask tells me he was behind it... After gazing out of the window for several moments GADDIE turns to THE MACE. GADDIE Master Dejay, may I suggest that the Senator be placed under the protection of your graces. KOUGERL Chancellor, if I may comment, I do not believe the... GADDIE ..."situation is that serious." No, but I do, Senator. KOUGERL Chancellor, please! I don't want any more guards! Just give me a Colt .45 and I should be good to go... wait I mean SOME Colt .45 GADDIE (shaking his head) I realize all too well that additional security might be disruptive for you, but perhaps someone you are familiar with... an old friend like... Master Lee... GADDIE nods to MACE WINDOW, who nods back. MACE WINDOW That's possible. He has just returned from a Border dispute in Keen. It was awful, the short side invaded the tall side looking for extra cases of Beast Light GADDIE Damn. Kougerl, You must remember him... he watched over you during the blockade conflict. KOUGERL This is not necessary, Chancellor. GADDIE Do it for me, please. I will rest easier <snicker> We had a big scare today. The thought of losing you is <chuckle> unbearable. KOUGERL sighs as the DEJAY get up to leave. MACE WINDOW I will have Freek-Shou report to you immediately. NUGI leans into KOUGERL'S ear. NUGI Too little about yourself you worry, Senator, and too much about music. Be mindful of your danger, KOUGERL. Accept our help. As the DEJAY leave the office, GADDIE continues to pace behind his desk. The others leave as well. GADDIE I will not let this Revolution, that has stood for over a thousand years, be split in two Chancellor Gaddie then notices no one is there and looks to see if any noticed the fact that he was talking to himself. Seeing no one around, he lets out a loud fart. EXT. SENATE APARTMENTS - TWILIGHT A graceful skyscraper twinkles in the evening light of Akademikompleks. INT. SENATE BUILDING, APARTMENT CORRIDOR - EVENING The door to the apartment slides open. CHOP CHOPS walks into the corridor, where TWO DEJAY are exiting the elevator. He recognizes FREEK-SHOU and becomes extremely excited, jumping around, shaking his hand. CHOP CHOPS Freek? Freek. Freek! How you doin, man? Yehaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! FREEK-SHOU smiles. FREEK-SHOU It's Good to see you, too, Chop Chops. CHOP CHOPS Oops! Where'd muh manners get off to? Sorra bout dat, Master Freek-Shou. I completely fergot muhself for a moment there. I'm tryin ta learn English... speak it like a native now. Don't really see the point, actually, but people at the Station seem to prefer it... CHOP CHOPS notice FREEK-SHOU'S APPRENTICE. CHOP CHOPS (continuing) ...and this, I take it, is your apprentice... Nooooooooo! Ferri? Nooooooooo! Little Bitty Ferri? (Looks at Ferris) Nooooooooo! Damn, man you shot up like a corn-field wild-weed! Yiyiyiyyi! Ferri!! FERRIS Hi, Chop Chops. CHOP CHOPS grabs hold of FERRIS and envelops him in a big hug. CHOP CHOPS Ferri! Ferri! Yiyiyiyiyiyiiii! INT. DUC BUILDING, APARTMENT - EVENING KOUGERL is in a conference with CAPTAIN SHORTY and ROXY. CHOP CHOPS enters the room, followed by the TWO DEJAY. CHOP CHOPS Hey man, Lookit this! KOUGERL and SHORTY rise as FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS stop before the SENATOR. FREEK-SHOU steps forward. FERRIS stares at KOUGERL. He glances at him. FREEK-SHOU What's up, Dude. KOUGERL It has been far too long Master Lee. I'm so glad our paths have crossed again... but I must warn you that I think your being naked here is unnecessary. FREEK-SHOU I'm sure the Dejay Council have their reasons. KOUGERL Master Lee, Take this quarter I found after the explosion, it may serve you well. He moves in front of FERRIS KOUGERL Ferri?? (stares) My goodness you've grown. They look at each other for a long moment. FERRIS (trying to be smooth) So have you... grown more beautiful, I mean... for a Staed, I mean. FREEK-SHOU looks disapprovingly at his apprentice. KOUGERL laughs and takes a drink. KOUGERL Oh Ferris, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatu-ine. This embarrasses FERRIS, and he looks down. FREEK-SHOU and CAPTAIN SHORTY smile. FREEK-SHOU Our presence will be invisible, KOUGERL (under his breath yet still audible) Not with that little horn-dog here CAPTAIN SHORTY (chuckling) I am very grateful you are here, Master Lee. The situation is more dangerous than the Senator will admit. KOUGERL I don't need more security, I need vodka. I want to know who is trying to kill me and then be too drunk to care. FREEK-SHOU (frowning) We're here to protect you Senator, not to start an investigation. FERRIS We will find out who is trying to kill you Kougerl, I promise you. He's done it again. He bites his lip in frustration and shame. FREEK-SHOU gives FERRIS a dirty look. FREEK-SHOU We are not going to exceed our mandate, my young Flippiewon learner. FERRIS I meant in the interest of protecting her, Master, of course. KOUGERL looks around for a clean shot glass. FREEK-SHOU We are not going through this exercise again, Ferris. You will pay attention to my lead. FERRIS What the Hell for? FREEK-SHOU What??!! FERRIS Why else do you think we were assigned to her, if not to find the killer? Protection is a job for Campus Police... not Dejay. It's overkill, Master. Investigation is implied in our mandate. FREEK-SHOU We will do as the Council has instructed, and you will learn your place, young one. KOUGERL Perhaps with merely your presence, the mysteries surrounding this threat will be revealed. Now if you will excuse me I need to throw up. Everyone gives KOUGERL a slight bow as she staggers out of the room. CAPTAIN SHORTY Well, I know I feel a lot better having you here. And hopefully she'll feel better too. Anyway, I'll have an officer on every floor and I'll be at the vending machines downstairs. CHOP CHOPS It shore is good to be seein you agin, Ferri. There's some bad stuff goin down. Captain Shorty leaves. FERRIS She didn't even recognize me, Chop Chops. I thought about her every day since I ve known her... and she's forgotten me completely. FREEK-SHOU Ferris, you're focusing on the Negative again. Be mindful of your thoughts. She was glad to see us. Now lets check the security here. FERRIS Yes, my master. EXT. DEJAY TEMPLE - EVENING The vast Dejay Temple sits on an endless flat plain, silhouetted by a against the traffic-filled sky. INT. DEJAY TEMPLE, CORRIDOR - EVENING MACE WINDOW and NUGI walk down the long hallways, silhouetted by a lit room at the end. MACE WINDOW Why couldn't we see this attack on the Senator? NUGI Masking the future, is this disturbance in the Force. MACE WINDOW The prophecy is coming true, the Dork Side is growing. NUGI And only those who have turned to the Dork Side can sense the possibilities of the future. Only going through the Dork Side can we see. MACE WINDOW It's been ten years, and the Pith still have no shown themselves. Do you think they are behind this? NUGI ...Out there, they are. A certainty that is. MACE WINDOW Do you think Freek-Shou's apprentice will be able to bring balance to the Force? NUGI Only if he chooses to follow his destiny. There is a long silence as they walk away. Only footsteps are heard, then a high-pitched fart from Nugi. INT. SENATE BUILDING, KOUGERL'S APARTMENT, BEDROOM - NIGHT KOUGERL is asleep in her bed, lit only by the light of the city outside her window coming through the blinds. DOCTOO stands in the corner of the bedroom. His power is off. INT. SENATE BUILDING, KOUGERL'S APARTMENT, MAIN ROOM - NIGHT FERRIS is standing in the living room. He is in a meditative state. It is quiet. We hear DISTANT FOOTSTEPS in the corridor outside the apartment. Suddenly FERRIS'S eyes pop open. His eyes dart around the room. He reaches for his lightsaber, then smiles and puts it back in his belt. The door to the apartment slides open, and FREEK-SHOU enters. FREEK-SHOU Captain Shorty has more than enough men at the vending machines. No assassin will try that way. Any activity up here? FERRIS Quiet as the request lines on a 3-6am shift. I don't like just waiting here for something to happen to him. FREEK-SHOU checks a palm-sized view scanner he has pulled out of his utility belt. It shows a shot of DOCTOO by the door, but no sign of KOUGERL on the bed. FREEK-SHOU What's going on? Where's the good stuff? KOUGERL She covered the camera. I don't think she liked me watching her. FREEK-SHOU Damn! And I was going to sell the tapes to Skinamax! FERRIS She programmed Doctoo to warn us if there's an intruder. FREEK-SHOU It's not an intruder I'm worried about. There are many other ways to kill a drunken Senator. FERRIS I know, but we also want to catch this assassassin. Don't we, Master? FREEK-SHOU One too much "ass" my young apprentice. FERRIS There is never too much ass. FREEK-SHOU O....K....You're using her ass as bait!?!? FERRIS No, just her. Besides, it was her idea... No harm will come to her. I can sense everything going on in that room. Trust me. FREEK-SHOU It's too risky... and your senses aren't that attuned, young apprentice. FERRIS And yours are? FREEK-SHOU I'm the voice dammit!!! That means I'm cooler than you ok? INT. SENATE BUILDING, KOUGERL'S APARTMENT, BEDROOM - NIGHT As KOUGERL sleeps, an ANAL PROBE DROID approaches outside her window. It sends out several small arms that attach to the window, creating sparks that shut down the security system. Then a large arm cuts a small hole in the glass. A FAINT SOUND is heard as the small section of glass is removed from the window. The smell of Bacardi and Vodka escape the window into the night air. DOCTOO wakes up, and his lights go on. The ANAL PROBE DROID freezes. DOCTOO looks around, makes a PLAINTIVE LITTLE SOUND, then shuts down again. The ANAL PROBE DROID attaches a little tube to the window. TWO DEADLY LOOKING CENTIPEDE-LIKE CALHOUNS exit the tube, crawl through the blinds and head toward the sleeping KOUGERL. The Senator, although asleep, is strangely aroused. INT. SENATE BUILDING, KOUGERL'S APARTMENT, MAIN ROOM - NIGHT FERRIS and FREEK-SHOU continue their conversation in the main room of the apartment. FREEK-SHOU You look tired. FERRIS I don't sleep well, anymore. FREEK-SHOU Because of your mother? FERRIS No, because of yours, she has the stamina of a Yak... Yes because of my mother!!! I don't know why I keep dreaming About her now. I haven't seen her since I was little. FREEK-SHOU Dreams pass in time. Except that one of me, Earnest Borgnine, and a vat of sour creme FERRIS I'd rather dream of KOUGERL. Just Being around her again is... intoxicating. FREEK-SHOU You could smell it on her breath too? Mind your thoughts, Ferris, they betray you. You've made a commitment to the Dejay order... a commitment not easily broken... and don't forget she's a politician. They're not to be trusted. FERRIS She's not like the others in the SGA, Master. FREEK-SHOU It's been my experience that SGA members are only focused on pleasing those who fund their campaigns... and they are more than willing to forget the niceties of democracy to get those funds. FERRIS Not another lecture, Master. Not on the economics of politics.... It's too early in the morning... and besides, you're generalizing. Danimal Gaddie doesn't appear to be corrupt. FREEK-SHOU Gaddie's a politician, I've observed that he is very clever at following the passions and prejudices of the Senators. FERRIS I think he is a good man. My instincts are very positive about... FERRIS looks stunned. He looks sharply at FREEK-SHOU FERRIS Did you fart? FREEK-SHOU (lying) No FERRIS ...wait... FREEK-SHOU I sense it, too. INT. SENATE BUILDING, KOUGERL'S APARTMENT, BEDROOM - NIGHT DOCTOO sounds an alarm and shines a light on the bed. THE CALHOUNS are inches from KOUGERL'S face. Their mouths are open, and wicked stinger tongues flick out. FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS burst into the room. The CALHOUNS stand on their hind legs and hiss as KOUGERL wakes up. FERRIS throws himself in front of KOUGERL, whacking in half the deadly creatures with his lightsaber. FREEK-SHOU sees the DROID outside the window and races straight at it, crashing through the blinds as he goes through the window. EXT. WINDOW LEDGE, APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT FREEK-SHOU flies through the glass window and flings himself at the ANAL PROBE DROID, grabbing onto the deadly machine before it can flee. The ANAL PROBE DROID sinks under the weight of FREEK-SHOU but manages to stay afloat and fly away, with the Dejay hanging on for dear life, a hundred stories above campus. INT. SENATE BUILDING, KOUGERL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT KOUGERL and FERRIS stare at the sight of FREEK-SHOU being carried off by the DROID. FERRIS turns to her. She pulls her sexy nightdress up around her shoulders. FERRIS Stay here! CAPTAIN SHORTY, with TWO GUARDS and ROXY, enter the room as Ferris dashes out. He trips and falls but it gets edited into the blooper reel. EXT. CITYSCAPE, AKADEMIKOMPLEKS - NIGHT The ANAL PROBE DROID sends several protective electrical shocks across its surface, causing FREEK-SHOU to almost lose his grip. As they dart in and out of the speeder traffic, FREEK-SHOU disconnects a wire on the back of the DROID. Its power shuts off! FREEK-SHOU and the DROID drop like rocks. He realizes the error of his ways and quickly puts the wire back. The DROID'S systems light up and FREEK-SHOU has to reboot from DOS as he plummets to his certain doom. He hears the distinctive chime again and the droid takes off. EXT. SENATE APARTMENTS - ENTRANCE - NIGHT FERRIS charges out of the building and runs to a line of parked gators next to DUC. He vaults into an open one and takes off, gunning it fast toward the lines of gator traffic. EXT. CITYSCAPE, AKADEMIKOMPLEKS - NIGHT The DROID bumps against a wall, hoping to knock the Dejay loose. It moves behind a speeder afterburner to scorch him. It takes the DEJAY wildly between buildings and finally skims across a rooftop as FREEK-SHOU is forced to lift his legs, tenaciously hanging onto the DROID. The DROID heads for a dirty, beat-up speeder hidden in an alcove of a building about twenty stories up. When the pilot of the speeder, a scruffy bounty hunter called LIZ VESELL, sees the DROID approach with FREEK-SHOU hanging on, she pulls a long rifle out of the speeder and starts to fire at the DEJAY. EXPLOSIONS burst all around FREEK-SHOU. FREEK-SHOU I have a bad feeling about this....Yes!!! I'm the one who got to say it first!!!! FINALLY, the DROID suffers a direct hit and blows up. FREEK-SHOU falls fifty stories, until a gator drops down next to him, and he manages to grab onto the back end of the speeder and haul himself toward the cockpit. The DEJAY struggles to climb into the passenger seat of the open speeder and sit down next to the driver, FERRIS. FERRIS That was wacky! I almost lost you in the traffic. FREEK-SHOU What took you so long? FERRIS Oh, you know, Master, I couldn't find a gator I really liked, with an open cockpit... and with the right speed capabilities... and then you know I had to get the right green color... They zoom upward in hot pursuit of LIZ as she fires out the open window at them with her laser pistol. FREEK-SHOU If you'd spend as much time working on your music skills as you do on your wit, young Flippiewon, you would rival Master Nugi as a Dejay. FERRIS I thought I already did. FREEK-SHOU Only in your mind, my very young apprentice. Careful!! Hey, easy!! As this conversation is going on, FERRIS deftly moves in and out of the oncoming traffic, across lanes, between buildings, and miraculously through the construction site by Tate Page. LIZ VESELL continues firing at them. FERRIS Sorry, I forgot you don't like flying, Master. FREEK-SHOU I don't mind flying... but I'd rather do it and get the munchies afterwards. They barely miss a campus tour group FERRIS Master, you know I've been flying since before I could walk. I'm very good at this. FREEK-SHOU Just slow down! LIZ VESSEL and the DEJAY race through a line of cross-traffic made up of Big Red Shuttles. The speeders bank sideways as they slide around right-angle turns between buildings. LIZ races into a tram tunnel. FREEK-SHOU (continuing) Wait! Don't go in there! FERRIS zooms into the tunnel after LIZ. They see a tram coming at them. They brake, turn around, and race out, barely ahead of the charging commuter transport. FREEK-SHOU (continuing) You know I don't like it when you do that! FERRIS O.K. If you say that one more time, I swear to the force, I will turn to the Dork Side, and wait about, oh lets say 20 years and then I will strike you down where you stand. LIZ VESSEL turns into oncoming traffic, deliberately trying to throw the DEJAY off. Oncoming speeders swerve, trying to avoid LIZ and the DEJAY. LIZ does a quick, tight loop-over and ends up behind the DEJAY. She is now in a much better position to fire at them with her laser pistol. To avoid being hit by the laser bolts, FERRIS slams on the brakes and moves alongside LIZ. She now fires point-blank at FREEK-SHOU. FREEK-SHOU What are you doing? He's gonna blast me! FERRIS Wait, that's the plan isn't it? Aw, screw it. FERRIS slides underneath Liz's speeder. They race along in traffic, one speeder right on top of the gator. The BOUNTY HUNTER skims over the rooftops, causing FERRIS to drop behind. He goes through his gears, zooming around traffic. They race at high speed across Diddle Arena. They round a corner and clip a flag, which gets caught on one of the front air scoops. FREEK-SHOU That was too close! FERRIS Clear that! FREEK-SHOU What?? FERRIS Clear the flag! We're losing power! Hurry! FREEK-SHOU leans out of the speeder, then crawls out onto the front engine, pulling the flag free of the scoop. The speeder lurches forward with a surge of power. FREEK-SHOU Whooooaaa! Don't do that! I don't like it when you do that! FERRIS I warned you!!! They chase the BOUNTY HUNTER through a power refinery. FREEK-SHOU It's dangerous near those power couplings! Slow down! Don't go through there! Huge electrical bolts shoot between the buildings as the speeders pass. FREEK-SHOU (continuing) Yiiii, what are you doing? FERRIS Sorry, Master! FREEK-SHOU (sarcastically) Oh, that was good... FERRIS (aside) I'm going to kill him, I swear it!!! LIZ slides around a corner sideways, blocking an alley, firing point-blank as FERRIS approaches. FREEK-SHOU Stop!! FERRIS No, we can make it. FERRIS barely misses the BOUNTY HUNTER'S speeder as he dives under it, and through a small gap in the building hitting several pipes and going wildly out of control. FERRIS struggles to regain control of the speeder, narrowly missing a crane, barely clipping a pair of giant struts. A giant gas ball shoots up, causing FERRIS to spin and bump a building, stalling the gator. FREEK-SHOU I'm crazy... I'm crazy... I'm crazy. FERRIS Yes, but it worked... we made it. FREEK-SHOU (angrily) It didn't work... we've stalled! And you almost got us killed! FERRIS I think we're still alive. FERRIS works to get the gator started. It quickly races to life. FREEK-SHOU (very angrily) Ya Chump! FERRIS (sheepishly) I could have made it... FREEK-SHOU (furious) But you didn't!!! And now we've lost him. Suddenly, there is an ambush. Laser bolts fire everywhere. EXPLOSIONS surround them. They look up to see LIZ VESSEL take off. FERRIS No we didn't so shut up... Out of a cloud of smoke and ball of flames the DEJAY tear after LIZ. They are smoking. FREEK-SHOU slaps out the small fire on the dashboard. LIZ goes up and down, through cross-traffic. There is a near miss as a speeder almost hits them. LIZ turns down and left between two buildings. FERRIS pulls up and to the right FREEK-SHOU Where are you going?! He went down there, the other way. FERRIS Really? Wow! How observant! I guess that's why you are the master and I am the apprentice...but just you wait. This is a shortcut. FREEK-SHOU What kind of shortcut?! He went completely the other way! You've lost him! And what do you keep talking about? FERRIS Master, if we keep this chase going, that creep's gonna end up deep fried. Personally, I'd very much like to taste him chargrilled. FERRIS turns up a side street, zooming up several small passageways, then stops, hovering about fifty stories up. FREEK-SHOU (continuing) Well, you lost him. FERRIS OK what happened to you. You killed Darth Mall and now you are as whiney as my son was in the first movie, at least I know where he's going to get it FERRIS looks at his feet. He spots something. FERRIS (continuing) Excuse me for a moment. FERRIS stands up, puts his foot up on the edge of the gator and begins to tie his show. FREEK-SHOU gives FERRIS the slightest push. FREEK-SHOU looks down and sees Liz's speeder about five stories below them cruising past. FERRIS miraculously lands on top of the Bounty Hunter's speeder. FREEK-SHOU cringes in crushing disappointment The speeder wobbles under the impact. LIZ looks up and realizes what has happened. LIZ takes off, and FERRIS slides to the back strut and almost slips off, but manages to hang on. FERRIS works his way back to the speeder's cockpit, just as LIZ stops suddenly, and FERRIS flies forward to the left front fork. LIZ shoots at him with a laser pistol. There is a BLAST near FERRIS'S hand, which breaks off a piece of the speeder. FERRIS slides to the right fork of the speeder, where LIZ can't reach him. He scrambles to the top, holding onto an air scoop. FREEK-SHOU has jumped into the driver's seat of the gator and deftly maneuvers and muscles for rank, fuel burning fast on an empty tank. The two vehicles dive through oncoming traffic and then through cross traffic. Finally, FERRIS is able to get hold of his lightsaber and starts to cut his way through the roof of the speeder. LIZ What the...... I just had a new roof put on! That's it. LIZ takes out her laser pistol and starts firing at the helpless DEJAY, knocking the sword out of his hand. FREEK-SHOU races under the speeder and catches the Dejay weapon in the passenger's seat. FERRIS sticks his hand into the cockpit and, using the Force, pulls the gun out of LIZ'S hand. She grabs the Dejay's hand, and they struggle for the weapon. It goes off, blowing a hole in the floor of the speeder. LIZ And I had the floor redone! I can't take it anymore. The speeder careens wildly out of control. LIZ struggles to pull the speeder out of it's nose dive. FREEK-SHOU gets distracted by a convertible speeder full of sorority chicks and loses sight of the Bounty Hunter's speeder. Just as the dragster is about to nose dive into the ground, LIZ pulls it out, and it slides hard on the pavement in a shower of sparks. FERRIS goes flying into the street. EXT. BIG RED WAY - NIGHT LIZ exits the crashed speeder and runs. FERRIS picks himself up off the pavement and runs down the very crowded street. He trips and falls but it gets edited into the blooper reel. It's the seedy underbelly of campus. Broken sidewalks, garish lights reflected on the filthy puddles. It's pretty crowded with various HILLTOPPER LOW-LIFES, PANHANDLING DROIDS, and the occasional group of UPPER-CLASS SLUMMERS. FERRIS barges into several of them as he chases after the fleeing LIZ. He loses the Bounty Hunter in the crowd, them sees him again. The young Dejay is having a very difficult time getting through the crowd. Ahead, LIZ turns in through a door and disappears. Night Class's sign is flashing over the door. FERRIS is just about to follow LIZ when there is a sudden swirl of litter from down thrusters. People start moving out of the way, and the gator lands in the street beside him. FREEK-SHOU gets out and walks over, holding out FERRIS'S lightsaber. FREEK-SHOU Ferris! FERRIS She went into Night Class, Master. FREEK-SHOU Patience. FREEK-SHOU hands FERRIS the lightsaber. FREEK-SHOU (continuing) Here. Next time try not to lose it. FERRIS Sorry, Master. FERRIS reaches for the lightsaber, but FREEK-SHOU holds it back. FREEK-SHOU A Dejay's saber is his most precious possession. FERRIS Yes, Master. He reaches for the lightsaber, FREEK-SHOU pulls it back. FREEK-SHOU He must keep it with him at all times. FERRIS I know, Master. FREEK-SHOU This weapon is your life! FERRIS I've heard this lesson before... FREEK-SHOU finally holds out the lightsaber and FERRIS grabs it. FREEK-SHOU But, you haven't learned anything, Ferris. FERRIS I try, Master. INT. NIGHT CLASS - NIGHT FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS enter Night Class bar, and everyone stares at them FREEK-SHOU Why do I think you are going to be the death of me?! FERRIS (under his breath) Probably because I ve been threatening it for the past 10 minutes. FREEK-SHOU Do you see him? FERRIS I think he's a she... FREEK-SHOU Oh S**t! In that case, be extra careful... (nods to a room) Check it out. FREEK-SHOU goes away. FERRIS Where are you going, Master? FREEK-SHOU To get a drink...and hopefully a chick FREEK-SHOU heads for the bar. FERRIS blinks in surprise, then moves into the room, where ALIEN FACES look back at him with hostility, suspicion, and invitation as he moves among the tables. FREEK-SHOU arrives at the bar. He signals the BARMAN. CLOSE UP - Somewhere in the room a HAND moves to a pistol in its holster and unsnaps the safety catch. At the bar, a glass is placed in from of FREEK-SHOU. A drink is poured. He lifts the glass. PUBLYK RAYDEEOH Wanna buy some underwriting? FREEK-SHOU looks at him. He moves his fingers slightly. FREEK-SHOU You don't want to sell me underwriting. PUBLYK I don't want to sell you underwriting. FREEK-SHOU moves his fingers. FREEK-SHOU You want to go home and rethink your life. PUBLYK I want to go home and rethink my life. He leaves. FREEK-SHOU lifts the drink and tosses it back. CLOSE UP. The gun is drawn from its holster and held down out of sight. The BOUNTY HUNTER starts to move toward the bar. FERRIS checks out ALIEN FACES. The gun moves toward his unsuspecting back. He moves past the actor who plays CHOP CHOPS, who is hitting on a full figured lady, and moves his hand ever so slightly, messing up any chance RYAN JOHNSON ever had of getting laid. FREEK-SHOU signals for another drink. The drink is poured. FREEK-SHOU reaches for it. The gun is raised to aim directly at his back, and suddenly FREEK-SHOU turns fast. His lightsaber flashes. There is a shrill SCREAM and LIZ'S ARM hits the floor. The gun drops from its twitching fingers. Blood spreads. The room is silent. ALIENS rise menacingly from their seats, and FERRIS is suddenly at FREEK-SHOU'S side, his lightsaber glowing. FERRIS I bet you won t do that again, Master Slowly, the ALIENS sit. Conversation resumes. Onstage, FLOORD picks up their routine. FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS lift LIZ and carry her out. EXT. ALLEY OUTSIDE NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS carry LIZ into the alley and lower her to the ground. FREEK-SHOU attends to her wounded shoulder. She stares up hatefully at FERRIS. She winces in pain, then nods. FREEK-SHOU Do you know who it was you were trying to kill? LIZ VESELL The Senator from Myozikd'reckter. FREEK-SHOU Who hired you? LIZ glares at FREEK-SHOU. LIZ VESELL It was just a job. FERRIS Tell us! LIZ VESELL That Senator's gonna die soon anyway, her liver wont last as long as we will... FREEK-SHOU (ignoring it) This wound's going to need treatment. FERRIS Who hired you? Tell us... tell us now! LIZ glares hatefully. LIZ It was a Bounty Hunter called... There is a sudden FTZZZ sound. LIZ twitches. She blinks in surprise and dies. There is a WEOOSH from above. FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS look up to see an ARMORED ROCKET-MAN taking off from a roof high above. FREEK-SHOU looks down at LIZ. He touches her neck and pulls out a small, wicked-looking dart. FREEK-SHOU Toxic Dart... INT. SENATE BUILDING, KOUGERL'S APARTMENT - DAY FERRIS and CHOP CHOPS stand near the door of the anteroom to KOUGERL'S bedroom. KOUGERL and ROXY move about packing luggage. KOUGERL Representative Binks. I know I can count on you. CHOP CHOPS You bet your sweet..... KOUGERL What?! CHOP CHOPS (coughs, recovers) Oh, my bad, Senator. I mean, Ain't no thang. KOUGERL kisses him on the cheek and gives him a hug. CHOP CHOPS turns red. KOUGERL You're a good friend, Chop Chops. I don't wish to hold you up. I'm sure you have a great deal to do. CHOP CHOPS Yeah I gotta take a leak. CHOP CHOPS bows and goes out. As he passes FERRIS, he flashes a dazzling smile... KOUGERL is in a very bad mood. KOUGERL I do not like this idea of hiding. FERRIS Don't worry. Now that the Council has ordered an investigation, it won't take Master Freek-Shou long to find that bounty hunter. KOUGERL (frustrated) I haven't worked for a year to defeat the Referendum not to be here when its fate is decided. FERRIS Sometimes we have to let go of our pride and do what is requested of us. KOUGERL Pride?!? Ferri, you're young, and you don't have a very firm grip on politics. I suggest you reserve your opinions for some other time. FERRIS Sorry. I was only trying to... KOUGERL Ferri! No! FERRIS Please don't call me that. KOUGERL What? FERRIS Ferri... KOUGERL I've always called you that... it is your name, isn't it? FERRIS It's Ferris. When you say Ferri it's like I'm still a little boy... and I'm not. KOUGERL I wish. I'm sorry, Ferris. It's impossible to deny you've... (looks him over) ...that you've grown up. KOUGERL smiles at FERRIS. He becomes a little shy. FERRIS Master Freek-Shou manages not to see it... KOUGERL Mentors have a way of seeing more of our faults than we would like. It's the only way we grow. FERRIS Don't get me wrong... Freek-Shou is a great mentor. As wise as Master Nugi and as powerful as Master Window. I am truly thankful to be his apprentice. Only... although I'm a Flippiewon learner, in some ways... a lot of ways... I'm ahead of him. I'm ready for the trials. I know I am! He knows it too. He believes I'm too unpredictable... Other Dejay my age have gone through the trials and made it... I know I started my training late... but he won't let me move on. KOUGERL That must be frustrating. FERRIS It's worse... he's overly critical. He never listens! He just doesn't understand! It's not fair! KOUGERL cannot suppress a laugh. She shakes her head. KOUGERL I'm sorry... You sounded exactly like that little boy I once knew, whining when he didn't get his way. FERRIS I'm not whining! Well, not as much a Freek-Shou was earlier. KOUGERL just smiles at him. ROXY laughs in the background. KOUGERL Well, I didn't say it to hurt you. FERRIS I know... There is a brief silence. KOUGERL comes over to FERRIS. KOUGERL Ferris... They look into each other's eyes for the first time. KOUGERL (continuing) Don't try to grow up too fast. FERRIS I am grown up. You said it yourself. FERRIS looks deep into KOUGERL'S eyes. KOUGERL Please don't look at me like that. FERRIS Why not? KOUGERL Because I can see what you're thinking. FERRIS (laughing) Ahh... so, you have Dejay powers too? ROXY is watching with concern. KOUGERL It makes me feel uncomfortable. FERRIS Sorry.. FERRIS backs away as KOUGERL turns and goes back to her packing. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- EXT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, SPACEPORT FREIGHTER DOCKS, TRANSPORT BUS - DAY A small bus speeds toward the massive freighter docks of Akademikompleks Industrial area. The spaceport is bustling with activity. Transports of various sizes moves supplies and passengers as giant floating cranes lift cargo out of starships. The bus stops before a huge intergalactic freighter starship. It parks in the shadows of an overhang. INT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, SPACEPORT FREIGHTER DOCKS, TRANSPORT BUS - DAY FERRIS and KOUGERL, dressed in Outland peasant outfits, get up and head for the door where CAPTAIN SHORTY, ROXY and FREEK-SHOU are waiting to hand them their luggage. ROXY is dressed to look like Senator KOUGERL. CAPTAIN SHORTY Be safe sweet-cheeks. KOUGERL Thank you, Captain. Take good care of Roxy... the threat's on you two now. ROXY He'll be safe with me. They laugh, and KOUGERL embraces his faithful handmaiden. ROXY start to weep. KOUGERL You'll be fine. ROXY It's not me. I worry about you. What if they realize I'm not you? KOUGERL What, with that *ss? ROXY and KOUGERL smile. FERRIS frowns as FREEK-SHOU pulls him aside. FREEK-SHOU Ferris, you stay put on Myozikd'reckter. Do not attract any attention. Do absolutely nothing without checking in with me or the Council. FERRIS Yes, Master. FREEK-SHOU (to KOUGERL) I will get to the bottom of this plot quickly. You'll be back here in no time. KOUGERL I am most grateful for your speed, Master Dejay. FREEK-SHOU Remember, don't take too much or you'll never go to sleep FERRIS Time to go. KOUGERL I know. KOUGERL gives ROXY a last hug. FERRIS picks up the luggage, and the TWO PEASANTS exit the speeder bus, where DOCTOO is waiting for them. FREEK-SHOU May the Force be with you.... Ha! I was the First one to say that too! FERRIS (Shaking his head) May the Force be with you, Master. They head off toward the giant Star freighter. KOUGERL Suddenly, I'm afraid... FERRIS Wuss KOUGERL What? FERRIS I said...uh...There's nothing to worry about... we have DOCTOO with us. The two laugh. FREEK-SHOU and CAPTAIN SHORTY watch FERRIS and KOUGERL disappear into the vastness of the spaceport with DOCTOO trundling along behind them. FREEK-SHOU I hope Ferris doesn't try anything foolish. CAPTAIN SHORTY I'd be more concerned about her doing something, than him. EXT. FREIGHTER DOCKS - AKADEMIKOMPLEKS - DAY The freighter slowly takes off from the huge docking area of Akademikompleks. It soon moves into the crowded skies. INT. Dejay TEMPLE, MAIN HALLWAY - LATE DAY From high above, light streams down from the lofty ceilings. FREEK-SHOU crosses the floor of the great hallway, heading for the Analysis Rooms. INT. Dejay TEMPLE, ANALYSIS CUBICLES - LATE DAY FREEK-SHOU walks past several glass cubicles where work is going on. He comes to an empty one and sits down in front of a console. He puts in the quarter that KOUGERL had given him. A MK-4 ANALYSIS DROID comes to life. A tray slides out of the console. MK-4 Place the subject for analysis on the sensor tray, please. FREEK-SHOU puts the dart onto the tray, which retracts into the console. The DROID activates the system, and a screen lights up in from of FREEK-SHOU. FREEK-SHOU It's a toxic dart. I need to know where it came from and who made it. MK-4 One moment, please. Diagrams and etc. appear on the screen, scrolling past at great speed. FREEK-SHOU watches as the screen goes blank, he then changes the channel until he finds what he is looking for. He is in luck, American Idol is still on. He watches in severe disgust for a while and then the tray slides out. MK-4 (continuing) As you can see on your screen... (FREEK-SHOU changes the channel back so he knows what MK-4 is talking about) MK-4 (continues) ...subject weapon does not exist in any known culture. Markings cannot be identified. Probably self-made by a warrior not associated with any known society. FREEK-SHOU Excuse me? Could you try again please? MK-4 Master Dejay, our records are very thorough. They cover at least four percent of the galaxy. If I can't tell you where it came from, nobody can. FREEK-SHOU picks up the dart and looks at it, then looks to the DROID. FREEK-SHOU Thanks for your assistance! You may not be able to figure this out, but I think I know someone who might. MK-4 Good Luck, Numb Nuts! FREEK-SHOU walks out past the analysis cubicle whistling  A Moment Like This silently cursing himself the entire time the song is in his head. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- EXT. SPACE, STARSHIP FREIGHTER The massive, slow-moving Freighter suddenly zooms away into light speed. INT. STAR FREIGHTER, STORAGE HOLD - DAY The great, gloomy hold is crowded with EMIGRANTS and their belongings. To one side DOCTOO is coming to the head of a food line, where SERVERS are ladling out bowls of mush. DOCTOO holds two bowls. SERVER Keep moving! Keep moving! DOCTOO slips tube into a tub of mush and sucks up a large quantity. With one of his little claw-arms, he grabs several chunks of something that looks like brown bread. A SERVER sees him. FOOD SERVER (continuing) Hey! No Droids! DOCTOO takes one...last...big...suck...and heads away from the food line. The SERVER shouts after him angrily. The little droid moves past groups of eating or sleeping EMIGRANTS and comes to where FERRIS is sound asleep. The young Dejay seems to be having a nightmare. He is very restless. FERRIS No, no, Mom, no...I want to touch Kougerl s butt.....Mom...NO! He is sweating. KOUGERL leans over to wipe some of the sweat from his forehead. He wakes up with a start, then realizes where he is. KOUGERL simply looks at him. He stares back, somewhat confused. DOCTOO fills up two bowls with mush. FERRIS (continuing) What? KOUGERL You seemed to be having a nightmare. FERRIS looks at KOUGERL a little more closely, trying to see if he has revealed any of his kinky secrets. She hands FERRIS a bowl of mush and bread then takes a bottle of cheap wine out of the hands of one of the passed out EMIGRANT WINOS. She takes a sip. KOUGERL Are you hungry? FERRIS takes a sip of the spoonful of mush. FERRIS God, that s hot!!! KOUGERL laughs and it gets cut to the blooper reel. KOUGERL We went into light speed a while ago. FERRIS looks into KOUGERL'S eyes, noticing the dilated pupils. FERRIS I look forward to seeing Myozikd'reckter again. I've thought about it every day since I left. It's by far the most beautiful place I've ever seen... KOUGERL is a little unnerved by his intense stare, yet strangely aroused. KOUGERL You were just a little boy then. It may not be as you remember it; time changes your perception. FERRIS Like the 80 proof blood flowing through your veins won t change perception? KOUGERL It must be difficult having sworn your life to the Dejay... not being able to play the music you like... or work the shifts you want... FERRIS Or be with the people I love. KOUGERL Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a Dejay. FERRIS It s not that Dejay are forbidden to love, its the fact that the hours required by the Council pretty much kill one s social life and most Dejay are pretty fricking weird, all but too weird to love. KOUGERL You have changed so much FERRIS You haven't changed a bit. You're exactly the way I remember you in my dreams. I doubt if Myozikd'reckter has changed much either since I was last there. KOUGERL I hope so, the whole war thing really sucked... -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- FERRIS I can't wait to breathe the sweet breeze that comes off the rolling hills of your planet. Whenever I try to visualize the Force, your hills are what I see. FERRIS looks at KOUGERL when he says this. KOUGERL looks confused. FERRIS (continuing) I love your hills. There is an awkward moment. KOUGERL (changing the subject) Were you dreaming about your mother earlier, weren't you? FERRIS No, of yours, she has the stamina of a Yak... Yes of my mother!!! I left Tatu-ine so long ago, my memory of her is fading. I don't want to lose it. Recently I've been seeing her in my dreams... erotic dreams... scary dreams. I worry about her. KOUGERL gives FERRIS a sympathetic look. EXT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, DOWNTOWN, BACK STREET - MORNING FREEK-SHOU walks down the street. It is a pretty tough part of campus. Old buildings, warehouses, beat up gators and "shiny freighters" hissing through. FREEK-SHOU comes to a kind of alien diner. On the steamed-up window it says "BRATCHSTER'S DINER" in alien lettering. He goes inside. INT. CORUSCANT, BRATCHSTER'S DINER - MORNING A young waiter droid, M-K2 , is wiping off a booth tabletop. There is a counter with stools and a line of booths along the wall by the window. A number of CUSTOMERS are eating - TOUGH-LOOKING WORKERS, FREIGHTER DRIVERS etc. Drum and Bass is playing through the in-house speakers. M-K2 looks up as FREEK-SHOU comes in. M-K2 Can I help you? FREEK-SHOU I'm looking for Bratchster. M-K2'S eyes narrow. M-K2 What do you want him for? FREEK-SHOU He's not in trouble. It's personal. M-K2 stares at FREEK-SHOU. There is a brief pause. Then he goes to the open serving hatch behind the counter. M-K2 Someone to see ya, sweet cheeks (lowering his voice) A Dejay, by the looks of him. All weird lookin Steam billows out from the kitchen hatch behind the counter as a huge head pokes through. BRATCHSTER Freek-Shou! FREEK-SHOU Hey, Bratchster. BRATCHSTER Take a seat! Be right with ya! FREEK-SHOU sits in a booth. M-K2 You want a cup of Jawa Juice? FREEK-SHOU What the hell is Jawa Juice? That sounds nasty. Brink me a scotch on the rocks...uh...Glenfiddich, Glengarry, Glengow, any Glen...and if you tell the bartender to go easy on the water, than this shiny 50 cent piece has your name on it. M-K2 moves off as the door to the counter opens and BRATCHSTER appears. He is big, bald, sweaty, old and alien. Not someone to tangle with. He arrives, beaming hugely. A random alien approaches FREEK-SHOU ALIEN That was so F-ing money! That was like the Jedi mind sh*t! FREEK-SHOU pays him no mind. BRATCHSTER Hey, ole buddy! FREEK-SHOU Hey, Bratchster. BRATCHSTER eases himself into the seat opposite FREEK-SHOU. M-K2 sets two glasses of iced scotch in front of them. BRATCHSTER So, my friend. What can I do for ya? FREEK-SHOU You can tell me what this is. FREEK-SHOU places the dart on the table between them. BRATCHSTER'S eyes widen. He puts down his mug. BRATCHSTER Well, whattaya know... BRATCHSTER picks up the dart delicately between his puffy fingers and peers at it. BRATCHSTER (continuing) I ain't seen one of these since I was washing car windows at Greenwood Mall out by Sears! FREEK-SHOU Do you know where it came from? BRATCHSTER grins. He puts the dart down between them. BRATCHSTER This baby belongs to them cloners. What you got here is a Elcamino Cyberdart. FREEK-SHOU Elcamino Cyberdart... I wonder why it didn't show up in any analysis archive. BRATCHSTER It's these funny little cuts on the side give it away... Those analysis droids you've got over there only focus on symbols, you know. I should think you Dejay would have more respect for the difference between knowledge and wisdom. FREEK-SHOU Well, Bratchster, if droids could think, we wouldn't be here, would we? (laughing) Elcamino... doesn't sound familiar. Is it in the listening area of the Revolution? BRATCHSTER No, it's way beyond I-65. I'd say about twelve hours outside the Central Time Zone, toward the East. It should be easy to find, even for those droids in your archive to find. Those Elcaminoans keep to themselves. They're cloners. Damned good ones, too. FREEK-SHOU then picks up the dart, holding it midway between them. FREEK-SHOU Cloners? Are they friendly? BRATCHSTER It depends. FREEK-SHOU On what, Bratchster? BRATCHSTER grins. BRATCHSTER On how good your manners are... and how big your...well...you ll find out. EXT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER SPACEPORT - DAY The Starfreighter lands in the giant port city of Weeed. KOUGERL, FERRIS and DOCTOO are among the EMIGRANTS streaming from the Starfreighter and into the vast docking area. They exit onto the main plaza. EXT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER PALACE, GRAND COURTYARD - AFTERNOON The speeder bus pulls up and stops. KOUGERL, FERRIS, and DOCTOO get out. The great courtyard stretches out before them, and they see the rose-colored dome of the palace on the far side. DOCTOO WHISTLES. They pick up their gear and start to cross the courtyard. DOCTOO trundles behind them. FERRIS If I grew up here, I don't think I'd ever leave. KOUGERL (laughing) Yeah, right. Your family is forever doomed to be on Tatu-ine FERRIS No, really. When I started my training, I was very homesick and very lonely. This city and my Mom were the only pleasant things I had to think about... The problem was, the more I thought about my Mom, the worse I felt. But I would feel better if I thought about the palace - the way it shimmers in the sunlight - the way the air always smells of flowers... your beautiful hills... KOUGERL ...and the soft sound of the distant waterfalls. The first time I saw the Capital, I was very young... I'd never seen a waterfall before. I though they were so beautiful... I never dreamed one day I'd live in the palace. FERRIS Well, tell me, did you dream of power and politics when you were a little girl? KOUGERL (laughing) No! That was the last thing I thought of. My dream was to help in the "Sobriety Relief Movement." I never thought of running for elected office. But the more history I studied, the more I realized how much good blah, blah, blah, Love me Love me, Say that you love me. Blah blah, blah Fool me, Fool me Go on and Fool me blah blah I wasn't the youngest Queen ever elected, but now that I think back on it, I'm not sure I was old enough. I'm not sure I was ready. I mean look at me I m still a virgin for God s sake, look at what Clinton was getting! FERRIS The people you served thought you did a good job. I heard they tried to amend the Constitution so you could stay Queen. KOUGERL Popular rule is not democracy, Ferri. It gives the people what they want, not what they need. And, truthfully, I was relieved when my two terms were up. Had a week-long kegger. I was so trashed it wasn t funny. So were my parents. I was hoping to have a family by now... My sisters have the most amazing, wonderful kids... but when the Queen asked me to serve as Senator, I couldn't refuse her. FERRIS I agree! I think the Revolution needs you... I'm glad you chose to serve. I feel things are going to happen in our generation that will change the galaxy in profound ways. KOUGERL Yeah, no S**t  Lord Bader . FERRIS What? KOUGERL Nothing FERRIS and KOUGERL walk toward the palace. DOCTOO continues to follow. INT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER PALACE, THRONE ROOM - AFTERNOON QUEEN JOMOMMA is seated on the throne, flanked by SIO ROOSTER and a COUPLE OF ADVISORS. FOUR HANDMAIDENS stand close by, and GUARDS are at the doors. QUEEN JOMOMMA We've been worried about you. (takes her hand) I'm so glad you're safe, Kougerl. KOUGERL Thank you, Your Highness. I only Wish I could have served you better by staying on Akademikompleks for the vote. SIO ROOSTER Given the circumstances, Senator, you know it was the only decision Her Highness could have made. QUEEN JOMOMMA How many systems have joined Shaggy and his radio personalities? KOUGERL About two hundred. And more are leaving the Revolution every day. If the SGA votes to create an army, I'm sure it's going to push us into a civil war. SIO ROOSTER It's unthinkable! There hasn't been a full-scale war since the formation of the Revolution! QUEEN JOMOMMA Do you see any way, through negotiations, to bring the radio personalities back into the Revolution? KOUGERL Not if they feel threatened. The radio personalities don't have an army, but if they are provoked, they will move to defend themselves. I'm sure of that. And with no time or money to build an army, my guess is they will turn to the Communication Guilds or the New Rock Federation for help. QUEEN JOMOMMA The armies of communication! Why has Nothing been done in the SGA to restrain them? KOUGERL I'm afraid that, despite the Chancellor's best efforts, there are still many bureaucrats, judges, and even professors on the payroll of the Guilds. SIO ROOSTER It's outrageous! After all of those hearings, and the four trials in the Supreme Court, Nude Raygun is still the Viceroy of the New Rock Federation. Do those money mongers control everything? QUEEN JOMOMMA Remember, Counselor, the courts were able to reduce the New Rock Federation's armies. That's a move in the right direction. KOUGERL There are rumors, Your Highness, that the New Rock s Army was not reduced as they were ordered. FERRIS The Dejay have not been allowed to investigate. It would be to be too dangerous for the economy, we were told. QUEEN JOMOMMA We must keep our faith in the Revolution. The day we stop believing Wave Cart can work is the day we lose it. KOUGERL Let's pray that day never comes. QUEEN JOMOMMA In the meantime, we must consider your own safety. SIO ROOSTER signals. All the other ADVISORS and ATTENDANTS bow and leave the room. SIO ROOSTER (To FERRIS) What is your suggestion, Master Dejay? KOUGERL Ferris is not a Dejay yet, Counselor. He's still a Flippiewon learner. I was thinking... FERRIS (pi**ed) Hey, hold on a minute! KOUGERL Excuse me! I was thinking I would stay in the Cave Country. There are some places up there that are very isolated. FERRIS Excuse me?! I am in charge of security here. SIO ROOSTER and QUEEN JOMOMMA exchange a look. Something is going on here. KOUGERL Ferri, my life is at risk, and this is my home. I know it very well... that is why we're here. I think it would be wise for you to take advantage of my knowledge in this instance. FERRIS (takes a deep breath) Sorry. SIO ROOSTER (to FERRIS, amused) She is right. The Cave Country is the most remote part of Myozikd'reckter. Not many people and a clear view of the surrounding terrain. QUEEN JOMOMMA Perfect. It's settled then. FERRIS glares at KOUGERL. Then QUEEN JOMOMMA gets up, and they all start to leave. QUEEN JOMOMMA (continued) Kougerl, I had an audience with your father yesterday. I told him what was happening. He hopes you will visit your mother before you leave... your family's very worried about you. KOUGERL looks worried. They ALL exit down the main staircase. EXT. DEJAY TEMPLE - DAY The main entrance at the base of the huge temple is bustling with activity. All sorts of Dejay are coming and going. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- INT. DEJAY TEMPLE, ARCHIVES LIBRARY - DAY A bronze bust of Count Shaggy, stands among a line of busts of Howard the Duck and George Lucas. FREEK-SHOU stands in front it, studying the striking features of the chiseled face. On the walls, lighted computer panels seem to stretch into infinity. Farther along the room in the background, FIVE Dejay are seated at tables, studying archival material. After FREEK-SHOU studies the bust for a few moments before MADAME JUWEREPHI MU, the Dejay Archivist is standing next to him. She is an elderly, frail-looking human Dejay. Tough as old boots and harsh as a whip. JUWEREPHI MU Did you call for assistance? FREEK-SHOU (distracted in thought) Yes... yes, I did... JUWEREPHI MU He has a powerful face, doesn't he? He was one of the most brilliant Dejay I have had the privilege of knowing. FREEK-SHOU I never understood why he quit. Only twenty Dejay have ever left the station...and survived. JUWEREPHI MU (sighs) The Lost Twenty... and Shaggy was the most recent and the most painful. No one likes to talk about it. His leaving was a great loss to the station. FREEK-SHOU What happened? JUWEREPHI MU Well, one might say, he was always a bit out of step with the decisions of the Council... much like your old Master, Eye-Got Gin. FREEK-SHOU (surprised) Really? JUWEREPHI MU Oh, yes. They were alike in many ways. Very individual thinkers... idealists... JUWEREPHI MU stares at the bust JUWEREPHI MU (continuing) He was always striving to become a more powerful Dejay. He wanted to be the best. With a bongsaber, in the old style of toking, he had no match. His knowledge of the hash was... unique. In the end, I think he left because he lost faith in the Revolution. He believed that politics were corrupt, and he felt the Dejay betrayed themselves by serving the callers. He always had very high expectations of government. He disappeared for nine or ten years, then he just showed up recently as the head of the radio personality movement. FREEK-SHOU Interesting... I'm still not sure I understand. JUWEREPHI MU Well, I'm sure you didn't call me over here for a history lesson. Are you having a problem, Master Lee? FREEK-SHOU Yes, I'm trying to find a planet system called Elcamino. It doesn't seem to show upon any of the archive charts. JUWEREPHI MU Elcamino? It's not a system I'm familiar with... Let me see. Maybe near the Ford Galaxy... JUWEREPHI MU leans over FREEK-SHOU'S shoulder, looking at the screen. JUWEREPHI MU (continuing) Are you sure you have the right coordinates? FREEK-SHOU (nodding) According to my information, it should be in this quadrant somewhere... just East of the Time Zone. JUWEREPHI MU taps the keyboard and frowns. JUWEREPHI MU No co-ordinates? It sounds like the kind of directions you'd get from a street tout... some old janitor or an RA. FREEK-SHOU All three actually. JUWEREPHI MU Are you sure it exists? FREEK-SHOU Absolutely. JUWEREPHI MU Let me do a gravitational scan. FREEK-SHOU and JUWEREPHI MU study the star map hologram. JUWEREPHI MU There are some inconsistencies here. Maybe the planet you're looking for was destroyed. FREEK-SHOU Wouldn't that be on record? JUWEREPHI MU It ought to be. Unless it was very recent. (shakes her head) I hate to say it, but it looks like the system you're searching for doesn't exist. FREEK-SHOU That's impossible... perhaps the archives are incomplete. JUWEREPHI MU The archives are comprehensive and totally secure, my young Dejay. One thing you may be absolutely sure of - if an item does not appear in our records, it does not exist! Next time, go ask Jeeves you ungrateful S.O.B. FREEK-SHOU stares at her, then looks back at the map. EXT. WEEED, RESIDENTIAL AREA, SIDE STREET - AFTERNOON PEOPLE are passing through the little street, OLD MEN are sunning themselves, WOMEN are gossiping, KIDS are playing. FERRIS, KOUGERL and DOCTOO turn onto a side street. FERRIS is back in his Dejay robes. KOUGERL wears a beautiful simple dress. She stops, beaming. KOUGERL There's my house! KOUGERL starts forward; FERRIS hangs back. KOUGERL (continuing) What? Don't say you're shy! FERRIS (untruthfully) No, but I... Suddenly, there are shouts from two little girls, Roo (age 6) and Kanga (age 4). They come running toward KOUGERL. ROO & KANGA Aunt Kougerl!!! Aunt Kougerl!!! KOUGERL Roo!! Kanga!! KOUGERL scoops up Roo and Kanga and hugs them. KOUGERL (continuing) I'm so happy to see you! This is Ferris. Ferris, this is Roo, and this is Kanga. FERRIS and the GIRLS say hello shyly. Then: ROO & KANGA Doctoo!!! As they see the droid, they hug him. DOCTOO WHISTLES and BEEPS. KOUGERL laughs. FERRIS and KOUGERL go on toward the house. The GIRLS stay and play with DOCTOO. INT. KOUGERL'S PARENTS' HOUSE, MAIN ROOM - AFTERNOON SOLAIDS, KOUGERL'S beautiful older sister, comes in from the kitchen carrying a big bowl of food. SOLAIDS puts the bowl down on the table, where FERRIS, KOUGERL and RUDEE STAED (KOUGERL'S father) are coming into the room. KOUGERL Ferris, this is my sister, Solaids. SOLAIDS Hello, Ferris. FERRIS Hello. SOLAIDS sits, as SNOBALL STAED (KOUGERL'S mother) comes in with a heaped bowl of steaming food. SNOBALL You're just in time for dinner. I hope you're hungry, Ferris. FERRIS A little. KOUGERL He's being polite, Mom. We're starving. RUDEE (grinning) You came to the right place at the right time. Sit down, son. EVERYONE sits and starts passing food. SNOBALL (to KOUGERL) Honey, it's so good to see you safe. We were so worried. KOUGERL gives SNOBALL a dirty look. RUDEE smiles as he watches. RUDEE Dear... SNOBALL I know, I know... but I had to say it. Now it's done. SOLAIDS Well, this is exciting! Do you know, Ferris, you're the first boyfriend my sister's ever brought home? KOUGERL (rolls her eyes) Solaids!! He isn't my boyfriend! He's a Dejay assigned by the SGA to protect me. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- SNOBALL A bodyguard?! Oh, KOUGERL! They didn't tell us it was that serious! KOUGERL It's not, Mom, I promise. (glances at SNOBALL) Anyway, Ferris is a Dejay. I've known him for years. Remember that little boy who was with the Dejay during the blockade crisis? They nod. KOUGERL (continuing) He grew up. SNOBALL Honey, when are you going to settle down? Haven't you had enough of that life? I certainly have! KOUGERL Mom, I'm not in any danger. RUDEE (to FERRIS) Is she? FERRIS ...Yes... I'm afraid she is. KOUGERL (quickly) But not much. EXT. KOUGERL'S PARENTS' GARDEN - AFTERNOON FERRIS and RUDEE are walking. RUDEE Sometimes I wish I'd traveled more... but I must say, I'm happy here. FERRIS KOUGERL tells me you teach at the university? RUDEE (nodding) Well kind of. I m a janitor, and before that, I was a hobo. I also worked for the Sobriety Relief Movement, when I was very young. INT. KOUGERL'S PARENTS' HOUSE, MAIN ROOM - AFTERNOON KOUGERL, SOLAIDS and SNOBALL are clearing the table. SOLAIDS Why haven't you told us about him? KOUGERL What's there to talk about? He's just a Dejay. SOLAIDS Just a Dejay? Have you seen the way he looks at you? KOUGERL SOLAIDS - stop it! SOLAIDS It's obvious he has feelings for you. Are you saying, little baby sister, that you haven't noticed? KOUGERL I'm not your baby sister, Solaids. Ferris and I are friends... our relationship is strictly professional. Plus I m not that drunk... yet. (to SNOBALL) Mom, would you tell her to stop it? SOLAIDS (laughing) But I thought you said that he wasn t your friend KOUGERL Cut it out. SNOBALL Solaids is just concerned... we all are. KOUGERL Oh, Mom, you're impossible. What I'm doing is important. SNOBALL You've done your service, KOUGERL. It's time you had a life of your own. You're missing so much! EXT. KOUGERL'S PARENTS' GARDEN - AFTERNOON FERRIS and RUDEE are walking in the garden. RUDEE stops and faces FERRIS directly. RUDEE Now tell me, son. How serious is this thing? How much danger is my girl really in? FERRIS There have been two attempts on her life. Chances are there'll be more. My Master is tracking down the assassins. I'm sure he'll find out who they are. Your daughter s liver, though, won't last long. RUDEE I don't want anything to happen to her. FERRIS I don't either. INT. KOUGERL'S PARENTS' HOUSE, KOUGERL'S ROOM - AFTERNOON KOUGERL throws some things into a bag. KOUGERL Don't worry, this won't take long. FERRIS I just want to get there before dark. KOUGERL goes on packing. FERRIS looks around the room. FERRIS I never had a real home. The closest I had Was the couch, but Nugi, being the glorified squatter he was, kind of took it from me. FERRIS picks up a framed hologram. FERRIS (continuing) Is this you? The hologram shows KOUGERL at age seven or eight surrounded by forty or fifty little green creatures. She is holding one in her arms. They are all smiling hugely. KOUGERL That was when I went with the Relief Group to Shadda-Bing-Bang. Their only radio station was imploding. I was helping to relocate the children. See that little one I'm holding? His name was Currie, which means  little punk . I did everything I could to save him, but he died... they all did. They were never able to adapt... to live away from good music. FERRIS picks up another hologram. It shows KOUGERL at age ten or eleven. She is wearing official robes and standing between two robed legislators. Her expression is severe. KOUGERL (continuing) My first day at the station. Notice the difference? KOUGERL pulls a face. FERRIS grins. She continues packing. FERRIS sets the two holograms down side by side - the beaming little girl, and the stern, unsmiling adolescent. INT. DEJAY TEMPLE, MAIN HALLWAY - DAY FREEK-SHOU walks through the main hallway to the training area. INT. DEJAY TEMPLE, TRAINING VERANDA - DAY FREEK-SHOU comes out onto the veranda and stops, watching TWENTY or so FOUR-YEAR-OLDS doing training exercises, supervised by NUGI. They wear helmets over their eyes and try to strike little TRAINING DROIDS with their miniature lightsabers. The DROIDS dance in front of them. NUGI Don't think... feel... be as one with the Force. Help you, it will. Allow you to access HBO without... (he sees FREEK-SHOU) Younglings - enough! A visitor we have. Welcome him. The CHILDREN take off their helmets and turn off their lightsabers. NUGI (continuing) Master Freek-Shou Lee, meet the mighty Beer Clan. CHILDREN Welcome, Master Freek-Shou! FREEK-SHOU I am sorry to disturb you, Master. NUGI What help to you, can I be? FREEK-SHOU I'm looking for a planet described to me by an old friend. I trust him. But the system doesn't show up on the archive maps. And the librarian needs a heavy dose of Midol. NUGI An interesting puzzle. Gather round the map reader, younglings. Master Freek-Shou has lost a planet. Find it, we will try... The map reader is a small shaft with a hollow opening at the top. The CHILDREN gather around it. FREEK-SHOU takes out a little bit of hash and places it into the bowl. The window shades close darkening the room and they light it up, projecting the star map hologram into the room. FREEK-SHOU walks into the smoke. FREEK-SHOU This is where it ought to be... but it isn't. Gravity is pulling all the stars in this area inward to this spot. There should be a star here... but there isn't. NUGI Most interesting. Gravity's silhouette remains, but the star and all its planets have disappeared. How can this be? There is a brief pause. Then a CHILD puts its hand up. NUGI nods. DEJAY CHILD GL SSON Because someone erased it from the archive memory. NUGI Rock on. Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is. Uncluttered. To the center of the pull of gravity go, and find your planet you will. And a pack of smokes, you must pick up for me. Pay you back, I will. FREEK-SHOU But Master Nugi who could have erased information from the archives? That's impossible, isn't it? NUGI (frowning) Much harder to answer, that question is. Ask Jeeves, I will. EXT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER CAVE RETREAT, ABOVE THE CAVES, WATER SPEEDER, LANDING PLATFORM - LATE AFTERNOON A water speeder driven by PADD UCAH, the retreat caretaker, skims across the lake away from the island landing platform where a chrome MYOZIKD'RECKTER Starship rests. FERRIS and KOUGERL are sitting in the speeder as it skims away to where a lodge rises on a beautiful island in the middle of the lake. EXT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER LAKE RETREAT, LODGE, LATE AFTERNOON FERRIS and KOUGERL walk up the stairs from where the water speeder is parked onto a terrace overlooking a lovely garden. Behind them, PADD UCAH supervises two serving girls, BANDI and HECKLAR, as they carry the bags into the Lodge. FERRIS and KOUGERL stop at the balustrade. KOUGERL looks out across the garden to the shimmering lake and the mountains rising beyond. FERRIS looks at her silently. KOUGERL When I was in Level Three, we used to come here for school retreat. See that island? We used to swim there every day. I love the water. FERRIS I do too. I guess it comes from growing up on a desert planet. Although I like water better with scotch. KOUGERL becomes aware that FERRIS is looking at her. KOUGERL ...We used to lie on the sand and let the sun dry us... and try to guess the names of the birds singing. FERRIS Name the birds? Like hear one and decide that he sounds like a Bob, or Francis? You would suffer laying in the sand for that!?!? I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. (notices how girly he sounded when he said that) Not like here. Here everything's soft... and smooth... KOUGERL has become receptive to the way he looks at her but is nervous. KOUGERL There was a very old man who lived on the island. He used to make glass out of sand - and vases and necklaces out of the glass. They were magical. FERRIS (looks into her eyes) Everything here is magical ...especially your hills KOUGERL You could look into the glass and see the water. The way it ripples and moves...like my hills. It looked so real... but it wasn't...like my hills FERRIS Sometimes, when you believe something to be real, it becomes real. Real enough, anyway... They look into each other's eyes. He touches Kougerl s chin. KOUGERL I used to think if you looked too deeply into glass, you would lose yourself. FERRIS I think it's true... FERRIS kisses KOUGERL. She doesn't resist. She comes to her senses and pulls away. KOUGERL I shouldn't have done that. FERRIS I'm sorry. When I'm around you, my mind is no longer my own. KOUGERL It's the situation... the stress... Ferris looks at her. FERRIS ...the booze. EXT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, LANDING PLATFORM - LATE AFTERNOON FREEK-SHOU'S Starfighter is ready for takeoff. FREEK-SHOU and MACE WINDOW stand beside it. MACE WINDOW Be wary, this disturbance in the Force is growing stronger. FREEK-SHOU I am concerned for my Flippiewon. He is not ready to be on his own. NUGI The Council is confident in this decision, Freek-Shou. THE MACE He has exceptional skills. The Council is confident in its decision, Freek-Shou. If the prophecy is true, he will be the one to bring balance to the Force, and McDonald s back to DUC. FREEK-SHOU But he still has much to learn. And his abilities have made him... well... arrogant. I realize now what you and Master Nugi knew from the beginning...Grille Works will remain... the boy was too old to start the training and... FREEK-SHOU hesitates. MACE WINDOW There's something else? FREEK-SHOU Master, he should not have been given this assignment. I'm afraid Ferris won't be able to protect the Senator. MACE WINDOW Why? FREEK-SHOU He has a... an emotional connection with Kougerl. It's been there since he was boy. Now he's confused... distracted... aroused. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- MACE-WINDOW Freek-Shou, you must have faith that he will know how to get his mack on. FREEK-SHOU climbs into the cockpit of the Starfighter. FREEK-SHOU Has Master Nugi gained any insight into whether or not this war will come about? MACE WINDOW Drobing the Pork Side...uh... Probing the Dork Side is a dangerous process. He could be in seclusion for days... May the force be with you. INT. DEJAY TEMPLE, NUGI'S QUARTERS - LATE AFTERNOON NUGI sits with his eyes closed, meditating. Silence. Then a long, loud, high pitched fart. NUGI looks around. No one is there, he closes his eyes again. EXT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER LAKE RETREAT, LOUNGE, LATE AFTERNOON The setting sun touches the mountain peaks. The lake glows in the rose-tinted light. Floating lamps glean softly like jewels at the lodge. INT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER LAKE RETREAT, DINING ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON BANDI place dessert in front of KOUGERL. HECKLAR does the same for FERRIS. The dessert is some kind of fruit...as is out hero, but lets not get into that. KOUGERL picks up her fork and goes to spear a piece, but it moves! She frowns and tries again -the fruit moves. She look up at FERRIS. His eyes are on his plate. KOUGERL You did that? FERRIS What? Farted? Yeah like 5 minutes ago. I m sure its dispersed by now. KOUGERL scowls at him. KOUGERL jabs at the fruit - FERRIS subtly moves his hand and it lifts up from the plate and hovers in front of her. KOUGERL That! Now stop it! KOUGERL laughs. FERRIS laughs. She reaches out for the fruit - it loops. KOUGERL (continuing) Ferris!! FERRIS moves his fingers. The fruit flies into his hand. FERRIS I'm not really supposed to do that... for fun, I mean. If Master Freek-Shou were here, he'd be very grumpy. FERRIS is pleased. He cuts the fruit into several pieces and sends one back to KOUGERL. She bites it out of the air in one of the worst CGI shots ever and laughs. INT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER LAKE RETREAT, LODGE, FIREPLACE ALCOVE - TWILIGHT A fire blazes in the open hearth. KOUGERL is sitting in front of it, gazing at the flames. She looks up as FERRIS arrives. She makes room for him. Brief pause. FERRIS From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm close to you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over - my mouth goes dry. I feel dizzy. I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask... Silence. The logs flame in the hearth. KOUGERL thinks,  Wow, what good Darth Bader foreshadowing FERRIS (continuing) If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me. KOUGERL ...I can't. We can't. It's just not possible. Unless I get drunk. FERRIS Drink up! Anything's possible. KOUGERL, please listen... KOUGERL You listen. We live in a real world. Come back to it. You're studying to become a Dejay Knight. I'm a Senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go... regardless of the way we feel about each other. FERRIS Then you do feel something! There's an otherworldly connection between us. You can't deny that. KOUGERL Ferri, it doesn't make any difference. Dejay aren't allowed to be seen in public with such damn good-looking people. You swore an oath, remember? You'd be expelled from the Station. I will not let you give up your responsibilities... your future, for me. FERRIS I was destined to be a Dejay. I don't think I could be anything else. But you are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do. I wish I could wish my feelings away... but I can't. KOUGERL I am not going to give into this. I'm not going to throw my life away. I have more important things to do than fall in love. There is silence as they stare at the fire. FERRIS is thinking. FERRIS It wouldn't have to be that way... we could keep it a secret. KOUGERL Then we'd be living a lie - one we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. My sister saw it. So did my mother. I couldn't live like that. Could you, Ferris? Could you live like that? Silence for a moment. FERRIS Yeah, why not? KOUGERL shoots him an evil look EXT. SPACE It's just like the star map hologram, plus the storm-shrouded planet of ELCAMINO, which is exactly where it ought to be. FREEK-SHOU'S Starship heads down toward the planet. EXT. TAPIOCA CITY, ELCAMINO LANDING PLATFORM (RAINSTORM) - DAY Heavy rains and hard-driving winds lash the platform as FREEK-SHOU'S Starship approaches. The huge, ultra-modern city of TAPIOCA rests on great stilts that keep it above the pounding and ever-present waves that cover the surface of this watery world. The Starfighter lands. FREEK-SHOU gets out and makes his way through the bowling wind toward a tower on the far side of the platform. A door slides open. A shaft of brilliant light pierces the swirling rain. FREEK-SHOU passes through it and goes inside. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, CORRIDOR ENTRANCE A Brilliant white light. FREEK-SHOU pushes the soaking hood from his face. ANNAL EE Welcome to TAPIOCA City, Master Dejay. FREEK-SHOU wipes the rain from his face and blinks in surprise at a tall, pasty-white alien named ANNAL EE. She has large, almond shaped eyes. ANNAL EE Everything is ready. The Prime Minister expects you. FREEK-SHOU (warily) I'm expected? ANNAL EE Of course! He is anxious to see you. After all these years, we were beginning to think you weren't coming. Now please, this way! FREEK-SHOU masks his surprise as they move away along the corridor. FREEK-SHOU follows ANNAL EE cautiously. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, PRIME MINISTER OFFICE - DAY The door slides open. FREEK-SHOU and ANNAL EE enter and cross to where FLA'AASH rises, smiling, from behind his desk, which, like all the furniture on ELCAMINO, seems made out of pure light. ANNAL EE May I present Fla'aash, Prime Minister of Elcamino... and this is Master Dejay... FREEK-SHOU Freek-Shou Lee. FLA'AASH Please... FLA'AASH indicates a chair. FREEK-SHOU sits. ANNAL EE hovers. The room is bathed in brilliant white light. The whole place is ultra high-tech. FLA'AASH I trust you are going to enjoy your stay. We are most happy you have arrived at the best part of the season. FREEK-SHOU It s pouring down rain and it s the best part of the season?!? FLA'AASH Yes. And now to business. You will be delighted to hear we are on schedule. Two hundred thousand units are ready, with another million well on the way. FREEK-SHOU What the hell are you talking about.... FLA'AASH Please tell your Master Peewee-Dyas that we have every confidence his order will be met on time and in full. He is well, I hope? FREEK-SHOU Who? FLA'AASH Dejay Master Peewee-Dyas. He's still a leading member of the Dejay Council, is he not? FREEK-SHOU Dude, what kind of crack have you been smoking? FLA'AASH (laughing) You must be anxious to inspect the units for yourself. FREEK-SHOU Sure, what the hell. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- EXT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER, MOUNTAIN MEADOW - LATER AFTERNOON KOUGERL and FERRIS are in the middle of an idyllic hilly meadow, its lush grasses sprinkled with flowers. At a distance, a herd of COWS graze contentedly. Beyond is the shimmering expanse of the lake. Several other lakes stretch to the horizon. The warm air is full of little floating puffballs. They sit on the grass, in a playful, coy mood, talking. KOUGERL is picking flowers. KOUGERL I don't know... FERRIS Sure you do... you just don't want to tell me. KOUGERL Are you going to use one of your Dejay mind tricks on me? FERRIS They only work on the weak-minded. You are anything but weak-minded. KOUGERL Good line. His name was Nick. He was drunk. We were at the first station party. He was a few years older then I... very cute... dark spiked hair... dreamy eyes. FERRIS All right, I get the picture... whatever happened to him? KOUGERL I went on to become a Queen. He went on to become an crack ho. FERRIS Maybe he was the smart one. KOUGERL You really don't like politicians, do you? FERRIS I like two or three, but I'm not really sure about one of them. (smiling) I don't think the system works. KOUGERL How would you have it work? FERRIS Someone needs to sit everyone down, tell then what to do and if they don t do it, blow their planet up! A mischievous little grin creeps across his face. KOUGERL stares at FERRIS. He looks back at her, straight-faced, and can't hold a smile. KOUGERL You're making fun of me. FERRIS (sarcastic) On no, I'd be much too frightened to tease a Senator. EXT. TAPIOCA CITY, PARADE GROUND (RAINSTORM) - DAY FREEK-SHOU, FLA'AASH and ANNAL EE come out onto a balcony. Below is a huge parade ground. The rain and wind are brutal. THOUSANDS OF CLOWNTROOPERS, faces covered by helmets, are marching and drilling in formations of several hundred. FLA'AASH (beaming) Magnificent, aren't they? FREEK-SHOU nods slowly. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, CLOWN CENTER, COMMISSARY - DAY FLA'AASH conducts FREEK-SHOU through a large eating area. ANNAL EE follows as they walk by HUNDREDS OF CLOWNS who look exactly alike, all about twenty years old, dressed in black. They are seated at tables, eating. FLA'AASH We modified their genetic structure to make them less sexy than the original host. As a result they are totally obedient, taking any order without question. With out a doubt the finest clone army we ve ever created. FREEK-SHOU Finest you ve ever created!?!?!? You mean there are more? FLA AASH Uhhhh... FREEK-SHOU Who was the original host? FLA'AASH A bounty hunter called Tanko Vette. We felt a Dejay would be the perfect choice, but Peewee-Dyas hand- picked Tanko Vette himself. FREEK-SHOU Where is this bounty hunter now? FLA'AASH Oh, we keep him here. After a few hundred thousand clowns, the genetic pattern starts to fade, so we take a fresh supply. He lives here, but he's free to come and go as he pleases. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, CLOWN CENTER, BARRACKS - DAY The tour continues through a long corridor filled with narrow, transparent tubes into which clowns are climbing. Once in the tube, the clown goes to sleep. FLA'AASH Apart from his pay, which is considerable, Vette demanded only one thing - an unaltered clown for himself. Curious isn't it? FREEK-SHOU Unaltered? FLA'AASH Pure genetic replication. No tampering with the structure to make it more docile, no genital reconstruction ... and no growth acceleration... FREEK-SHOU I would like to kill...I mean meet this Tanko Vette. ANNAL EE I would be most happy to arrange it, for you. ANNAL EE bows, and leaves. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, CLOWN CENTER, CLASSROOM - DAY The tour continues through a classroom filled with IDENTICAL YOUNG BOY CLOWNS. FREEK-SHOU You mentioned growth acceleration... FLA'AASH Oh yes, it's essential. Otherwise, a mature clown would take a lifetime to grow. Now, we can do it in half the time. Those items you saw on the parade ground were started ten years ago, when Peewee-Dyas first placed the order, and they're already mature... FREEK-SHOU looks at the BOY CLOWNS. FREEK-SHOU And these? FLA'AASH About five years ago. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, CLOWN CENTER, HATCHERY - DAY They enter a space filled with great racks of glass spheres, which are filled with fluid in which EMBRYOS are suspended. FLA'AASH They're immensely superior to droids, capable of independent thought and action. And there is no unauthorized breeding on Elcamino FREEK-SHOU Why can they not breed? FLA AASH (very proudly) Because all the clowns are male. FREEK-SHOU How can you be sure that they are all male? Does someone go out into the barracks and lift up the clowns skirts? FLA AASH Yes. FREEK-SHOU Wait, wait, wait. I ve seen this before. The fat guy from Seinfield is gonna try to steal some of the embryos and in doing so, he will shut down the power. This will allow the clowns to escape and run free in Elcamino. Life will find a way and the clones will start to breed. Some of you will get eaten, but some of you will survive to appear in a really bad-ass sequel and then a really, really crappy one. I LOVE that movie!!! Awesome!!! FLA'AASH I'd hoped you would be pleased. FREEK-SHOU gawks at the nearest embryos. FREEK-SHOU (carefully) Tell me, prime minister, who the hell are these clowns for? FLA'AASH The Revolution. FREEK-SHOU (astonished) The Revolution? FLA'AASH We are also very much against Count Shaggy and his radio personality movement. We are proud to be of help to the Revolution. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, APARTMENT - LATE DAY ANNAL EE shows FREEK-SHOU into his room. ANNAL EE I have arranged for you to meet Tanko Vette in the morning. Sleep well. ANNAL EE goes. The door slides closed behind him. FREEK-SHOU looks around, then moves swiftly to check the room over. Finally, satisfied, he takes out his com-link. FREEK-SHOU MK-Y, MK-Y... EXT. TAPIOCA CITY LANDING PLATFORM, DEJAY FIGHTER, (RAINSTORM) - LATE DAY MK-Y, FREEK-SHOU's Makieboard-Droid, who is sitting on top of FREEK-SHOU's Starfighter, switches on and BEEPS. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, APARTMENT - LATE DAY FREEK-SHOU hears MK-Y beep through his com-link. FREEK-SHOU MK-Y, Scramble code five to Akademikompleks: care of the old folks home. MK-Y (to himself) Code five? Care of the Old Folks Home? What does that mean? He s gonna start a huge controversy between the fan-boys with language like that. EXT. TAPIOCA CITY LANDING PLATFORM, DEJAY FIGHTER, (RAINSTORM) - LATE DAY MK-Y BEEPS and WHISTLES. The panels light up inside the cockpit, as the message is transmitted. EXT. DEJAY TEMPLE, LIVING QUARTERS - EARLY EVENING NUGI and MACE WINDOW listen as a hologram of FREEK-SHOU stands between them broadcasting the massage. The signal is very weak, the image fades in and out. Hans and Fran then boost the power to 30 times the original. The signal gets better. FREEK-SHOU ...I've never heard of a Dejay called Peewee-Dyas, have you, Master? MACE WINDOW No. Whoever placed that order was not a Dejay, I can assure you. FREEK-SHOU I have a strong feeling that this bounty hunter is the assassin we're looking for. NUGI Who he is working for... discover that, you must. And forget not my smokes. FREEK-SHOU I will, Master, and I will also find out more about this clown army... May The Force... The hologram switches off, and FREEK-SHOU fades away. MACE WINDOW A clown army! Ordered by someone in the SGA perhaps... Someone's out to start a war. NUGI Inform the chancellor of this, we must. WINDOW Who do you think this impostor Peewee-Dyas, could be? NUGI stares back at MACE WINDOW, then slowly shakes his head. EXT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER LAKE RETREAT - NIGHT The silent lodge. The triple moons of MYOZIKD'RECKTER reflected in the tranquil waters of the lake. INT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER LAKE RETREAT, FERRIS'S BEDROOM - NIGHT FERRIS moves restlessly in his sleep. He mutters to himself. Sweat forms on his forehead. He turns violently. He cries out. FERRIS No...No...No...Mom!...it hurts... get the lube out this time...Noooo EXT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER LAKE RETREAT, LODGE, BALCONY OVERLOOKING GARDENS - MORNING FERRIS is on the balcony overlooking the gardens. After a moment, KOUGERL comes onto the balcony behind him. She sees he is meditating and turns to go. FERRIS (eyes closed) Don't go. KOUGERL I don't want to disturb you. FERRIS Your presence is soothing...as are your hills Brief pause. KOUGERL You had a nightmare again last night. FERRIS Dejay don't have nightmares. KOUGERL Bullsh*t FERRIS'S opens his eyes and looks at her. FERRIS I saw my mother. I saw her as clearly as I see you now. She's suffering, Kougerl. She is in pain...They're killing her! (getting up) I know I'm disobeying my mandate to protect you, Sexy. I know I will be punished and possibly thrown off of the air, but I must go. I have to help her! I'm sorry, Kougerl. I don't have a choice. KOUGERL Ferri, I told you I wouldn't let you give up your future for me. I'll go with you. That way you can continue to protect me, and you won't be disobeying your mandate. EXT. MYOZIKD'RECKTER LAKE, FLOATING LANDING PLATFORM - DAY FERRIS and KOUGERL step onto the landing platform from the water speeder. They enter the MYOZIKD'RECKTER Starship. DOCTOO BEEPS, and follows them on board. The ramp retracts. PADD UCAH drives the water speeder away from the platform as FERRIS'S Starship takes off. EXT. TAPIOCA CITY (RAINSTORM) - DAY Rain lashes the city. Below, mighty waves pound the stilts, breaking almost to the height of the platforms. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, CORRIDOR - DAY ANNAL EE conducts FREEK-SHOU to the door of TANKO VETTE'S apartment. ANNAL EE waves his hand, and a muted bell RINGS. As they wait, FREEK-SHOU notes the door lock entry mechanism. Then the door opens, and a ten-year-old boy, BAYKIN VETTE, looks at them. He is identical to the boys in the classroom. ANNAL EE Baykin, is your father here? There is a brief pause, then BAYKIN VETTE nods. ANNAL EE (continuing) May we see him? BAYKIN VETTE Sure. Another brief pause, then BAYKIN VETTE steps aside, and ANNAL EE and FREEK-SHOU go through. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, VETTE APARTMENT - DAY FREEK-SHOU, ANNAL EE, and BAYKIN VETTE enter the apartment. FREEK-SHOU looks around the room. BAYKIN VETTE Dad! Annal Ee's here! TANKO VETTE comes in from the bedroom. He wears a jumpsuit. He is unshaven and mean looking, his face pitted with scars of old wounds. There are a couple of weird tattoos on his muscular forearms. He reeks of cheap Dollar Store cologne. He eyes FREEK-SHOU with suspicion. ANNAL EE Welcome back, Tanko. Was your trip reproductive? TANKO VETTE Fairly. FREEK-SHOU and TANKO VETTE size each other up. BAYKIN VETTE studies both of them. ANNAL EE This is Dejay Master, Freek-Shou Lee. He's come to check on our progress. TANKO VETTE That right? TANKO VETTE'S eyes fix FREEK-SHOU coldly. FREEK-SHOU Your clowns are very impressive. You must be very proud. TANKO VETTE I'm just a simple man, trying to make my way in the universe, Master Dejay. FREEK-SHOU Damn! How did he get a cool line like that? FREEK-SHOU eyes the half-open bedroom door, through which a couple of pieces of body armor and a copy of Phat Chicks can be seen on the floor. TANKO VETTE registers FREEK-SHOU'S look. He moves in front of him, blocking the view. FREEK-SHOU (continuing) Ever made your way as far into the interior as Akademikompleks? TANKO Once or twice. FREEK-SHOU Recently? TANKO (eyes FREEK-SHOU seductively) Maybe. FREEK-SHOU You must know Master Peewee- Dyas? TANKO (in some messed up alien language) Baykin, close the door. BAYKIN VETTE moves to close the bedroom door. TANKO VETTE smiles thinly at FREEK-SHOU. TANKO (continuing) Master who? FREEK-SHOU Peewee-Dyas. Isn't he the Dejay who hired you for this job? TANKO Never heard of him. I was recruited by a man called Darth Jeramee on one of the roids on Youranus. FREEK-SHOU No? I thought... ANNAL EE Peewee-Dyas told us to expect him. And he showed up just when your Dejay Master said he would. We have kept the Dejay's involvement a secret until your arrival, just as your Master requested. FREEK-SHOU Curious... Wait, he gets that cool line and I have to say  Curious !?! TANKO Do you like your army? (grinning) They'll do their job well, I'll guarantee that. FREEK-SHOU I look forward to seeing them in action. Thank you for your time, Tanko. TANKO Always a pleasure to kill...meet a Dejay. FREEK-SHOU and ANNAL EE go out. The door slides closed. TANKO VETTE turns to his son. He is deep in concentration. BAYKIN What is it, Dad? TANKO farts. He then heads into the bathroom. EXT. SPACE The MYOZIKD'RECKTER Starship heads toward the desert planet of Tatu-ine. EXT. TATU-INE, MOSS EPA STREETS AND LEGSO'S SHIP - DAY The MYOZIKD'RECKTER Starship lands in a large parking lot of Spaceships on the outskirts of MOSS EPA. FERRIS and KOUGERL ride a rickshaw through the streets. FERRIS stares at sights he hasn't seen for years. Finally, they come to LEGSO'S' shop, and the rickshaw stops. FERRIS (to the droid driver) Wait, please. DROID DRIVER Okie Dokie! FERRIS and KOUGERL get down. Sitting on a stool in front of the shop is LEGSO. He is using a small electronic screwdriver on a fiddly DROID. THREE ARMPIT DROIDS are chattering away and are trying to help him, but they seem only to make him madder. LEGSO (yelling, in Punkese) No, not that one - that one! FERRIS (arriving) Excuse me, Legso. LEGSO (in Punkese) What? FERRIS (in Punkese but louder) I said excuse me. LEGSO turns to the chattering ARMPIT DROIDS. LEGSO (in Punkese) Shut down. The ARMPIT DROIDS snap into their storage position. LEGSO (continuing, in Punkese) What? I don't know you... What can I do for you? You look like a Dejay. Whatever it is... I didn't do it. LEGSO drops the screwdriver and curses loudly in Punkese FERRIS Let me help you with that. FERRIS takes the fiddly piece of equipment and starts to play with it. LEGSO blinks in surprise. FERRIS (continuing) I'm looking for Mandy Ryecatcher. LEGSO looks at him suspiciously. He stares at KOUGERL, then back to FERRIS. LEGSO Ferri?? Little Ferri?? Naaaah!! Suddenly, the fiddly piece of equipment in FERRIS'S hands WHIRS into life. LEGSO blinks at it. LEGSO (continuing; in English) You are Ferri! It is you! You chump. LEGSO gives FERRIS a big hug. LEGSO (continuing) You sure sprouted Weehoo! A Dejay! Waddaya know? Hey, maybe you couldda help wit some deadbeats who owe me alota money, The station doesn t pay, after all... FERRIS My mother... LEGSO Oh, yeah. Mandy... she's not mine no more. I sold her. FERRIS Sold her... LEGSO Years ago. Sorry, Ferri, but you know, business is business. Sold her to a moisture farmer named Catfish. Least I think it was Catfish. Believe it or not, I heard he freed her and married her. Can ya beat that? And we all thought he was... well, you know...  funny . FERRIS Do you know where they are? LEGSO Long way from here... someplace over on the other side of Moss Presley, I think... FERRIS I'd like to know. FERRIS uses the Dejay Mind Trick on Legso to emphasize his words. LEGSO Yeah... sure... absolutely. Let's go look in my records. FERRIS and LEGSO go into the shop. EXT. TAPIOCA CITY (RAINSTORM) - DAY The waves crash against the water city as the storm continues. Light suddenly streams from the base of a landing platform as a door slides open. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- INT. TAPIOCA CITY, CORRIDOR - DAY FREEK-SHOU stands with FLA'AASH and ANNAL EE just inside the open door. FLA'AASH Tell your Station the first battalions are ready. And remind them that if they need more clowntroopers, we will need time to grow them. FREEK-SHOU Thank you for a very confusing time. EXT. TAPIOCA CITY, ELCAMINO LANDING PLATFORM (RAINSTORM) - DAY FREEK-SHOU comes out from the tower into the driving ran. The door closes behind him. He pulls his robe around him and stands braced against the gale. Below, a huge wave crashes against the stilts. Spray flies high and whips across the platform where FREEK-SHOU is standing. He walks over to his Starfighter, looks to see if anyone is watching, then turns and goes back to the door. It slides open. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, CORRIDOR - DAY FREEK-SHOU enters cautiously from outside. Ahead, the corridor is deserted. He moves down it. INT. TAPIOCA CITY, VETTE APARTMENT - DAY FREEK-SHOU walks in to find the room in complete disorder. The bedroom door is wide open - clear signs of hurried departure. All of the VETTE'S' personal belongings are gone. FREEK-SHOU goes to an ultra-thin computer screen. He punches up AN ONSCREEN PICTURE of TANKO VETTE and BAYKIN VETTE unhitching the lines securing their ship, Seckslave I, to the landing platform. TANKO VETTE is wearing his armor and rocket pack. BAYKIN VETTE climbs aboard the small Fighter. EXT. TAPIOCA CITY, ELCAMINO LANDING PLATFORM (RAINSTORM) - DAY TANKO VETTE picks up a case of Jack and swings it up to BAYKIN VETTE, who stows it inside the ship. TANKO VETTE picks up another case and is about to swing it, when: BAYKIN VETTE Dad!! TANKO VETTE turns to see FREEK-SHOU charging out of the tower toward him. As he runs, FREEK-SHOU draws his lightsaber from his belt. It flashes on. TANKO VETTE draws his gun and fires at the charging DEJAY. FREEK-SHOU deflects the blast and swings at TANKO VETTE. The bounty hunter rockets up and over FREEK-SHOU, setting MASTER LEE S mullet on fire and landing behind him. He fires a thin wire from his wrist pack, trying to entangle the DEJAY. TANKO VETTE fire several Elcamino Cyber Darts from his elbow launcher. FREEK-SHOU deflects them back at TANKO VETTE, but they strike harmlessly against the bounty hunter's armor. IN THE COCKPIT of SECKSLAVE I, BAYKIN VETTE grabs the controls of a laser gun and swings it to aim at FREEK-SHOU. OUTSIDE, in the driving rain, FREEK-SHOU and TANKO VETTE circle each other, sizing each other up - feinting. IN THE COCKPIT, each time BAYKIN VETTE is ready to fire, TANKO VETTE blocks his view of FREEK-SHOU. OUTSIDE, FREEK-SHOU makes a sudden attack, swinging at TANKO VETTE, who deflects the blows. One slices off a piece of the bounty hunter's fanny pack. TANKO VETTE rockets into the air and hovers above FREEK-SHOU. The DEJAY spins as: IN THE COCKPIT, BAYKIN VETTE fires. OUTSIDE, the laser shell streaks past FREEK-SHOU to strike the edge of the tower. TANKO VETTE fires down at FREEK-SHOU. The DEJAY deflects the shots back, but TANKO VETTE evades them. Then he swoops down, swinging around FREEK-SHOU. As he shoots past, he kicks the lightsaber out of the Dejay's hand. FREEK-SHOU (to himself) And after I gave Ferris such grief for losing his. Oh well, what the little sh*t don t know won t hurt him! The lightsaber skids across the wet surface of the landing platform. FREEK-SHOU dives after it. TANKO VETTE zooms in front of him and grabs the lightsaber. FREEK-SHOU punches it out of his hand. IN THE COCKPIT, BAYKIN VETTE watches as: OUTSIDE, FREEK-SHOU and TANKO VETTE grapple and fight, punching, kicking, grabbing hold, and throwing each other around. FREEK-SHOU goes to poke TANKO VETTE in the eyes and TANKO deflects the blow Stooges-style. TANKO VETTE rockets up into the air and kicks FREEK-SHOU loose. FREEK-SHOU crashes to the deck and slides toward the edge. He grapples desperately for a handhold on the slick surface. TANKO VETTE rockets down to kick FREEK-SHOU in the junk. Luckily MASTER LEE was wearing his lucky cup. TANKO VETTE zooms to the far side of the platform. FREEK-SHOU uses DEJAY powers to pull part of the structure loose. It hits TANKO VETTE, who loses his balance, teetering on the edge. FREEK-SHOU charges across, dives, and grabs hold of TANKO VETTE just as he falls over the edge. Locked together, FREEK-SHOU and TANKO VETTE plummet down toward the raging ocean. At the last moment, TANKO VETTE fires a cable out of his backpack that shoots upward and locks onto a metal strut on the underside of the platform. FREEK-SHOU and TANKO VETTE swing and crash onto one of the stilts. FREEK-SHOU is knocked clear and drops onto a SMALL SERVICE PLATFORM just above the waves. He hauls himself to his feet. TANKO VETTE hovers in mid-air opposite him, as a HUGE WAVE crashes over FREEK-SHOU. When it subsides, the DEJAY has disappeared. TANKO VETTE grins, pumps his fist, and rockets up to the landing platform, where he drops down beside his ship. He walks into the ship, bumping his head on the roof as he had done countless times before, and settles into the pilot's seat. He punches buttons. The engines roar. OUTSIDE, SECKSLAVE I 'S ship lifts off from the platform and heads up into the lowering sky. It disappears. Lightning flashes. Rain lashes the tower and streams across the surface of the platform, to where: A HAND suddenly clutches at the very edge of the platform. A moment later, ANOTHER HAND grabs hold. Then, a THIRD HAND reaches up from the rail. EXT. TATU-INE, BLUFF OVERLOOKING HOMESTEAD - LATE DAY The MYOZIK Starship descends, hovers, and land on a bluff. FERRIS and KOUGERL get out. They look down from the edge of the bluff to where the homestead is seen on the desert floor below. KOUGERL Stay with the ship, DOCTOO. DOCTOO WHISTLES as FERRIS and KOUGERL start down the trail toward the homestead. EXT. TATU-INE, DESERT, HOMESTEAD MOISTURE FARM - LATE DAY SEESQUEEZE PIO is working outside the homestead. He still lacks an outer covering; his inner parts and wiring show that he is very well endowed. He looks up as FERRIS and KOUGERL arrive, SEESQUEEZE PIO What s up? FERRIS Squeezepio? SEESQUEEZE PIO Oh, sh*t! Master Ferris! What up dog! And this must be Kougerl. D*mn baby got fine! KOUGERL Hello, Squeezepio. FERRIS I've come to see my mother. SEESQUEEZE PIO Oh sh*t! KOUGERL Squeezepio, what's happened? SEESQUEEZE PIO Man, lets go in. EXT. TATU-INE, HOMESTEAD, COURTYARD - LATE DAY FERRIS, KOUGERL and Squeezepio arrive in the courtyard. Squeezepio shuffles ahead. SEESQUEEZE PIO Master Bob! Somebody to see you! BOB CATFISH and NYCE PEESUHASS come out into the courtyard. FERRIS I'm Ferris Ryecatcher. I'm here looking for my mother. BOB Bob Catfish... I guess I'm your step-brother. (they shake hands) This is my girlfriend, Nyce. NYCE Hello. KOUGERL I'm KOUGERL. (to FERRIS) Thanks for the intro, ya jerk BOB I had a feeling you might show up some day. FERRIS Is my mother here? JOE No, she's not. JOE CATFISH swings from the house on a small floating chair. One of his legs is heavily bandaged; the other is missing; the third one, thank God, is undamaged. He balances awkwardly and puts out a hand. JOE (continuing) Joe Catfish. Mandy is my wife... Come on inside. We have a lot to talk about. INT. TATU-INE, HOMESTEAD, KITCHEN - LATE DAY Nyce puts several cups of blue milk on a tray and exits the kitchen... JOE It was just before dawn. They came out of nowhere. A hunting party of Tuscan Chicken Raiders. INT. TATU-INE, HOMESTEAD, DINING AREA - LATE DAY JOE, BOB, KOUGERL and FERRIS sit around the table, NYCE brings more blue milk from the kitchen. JOE Your mother had gone out early, like she always did, to pick shrooms that grow on the vaporators. From the tracks, she was about halfway when they took her. Those Tuscans walk like men, but they're vicious, mindless styleless, monsters. Thirty of us went out after her. Four of us came back. Three more went to Tidball s and got drunk. I'd be with them, only... I just couldn't drink any more... until I heal. JOE grimaces, easing his throbbing leg. JOE (continuing) This isn't the way I wanted to meet you, son. This isn't how your mother and I planned it... well in all actuality we never planned it. We never thought you d come back, HA! Looks like I owe her 5 bucks. I don't want to give up on her, but she's been gone a month. There's little hope she's lasted this long. Silence. Then FERRIS stands up. BOB Where are you going? FERRIS Looks like I m going nowhere... wait, I mean to find my mother... and don t you ever ask that to my boy. KOUGERL No, Ferri! JOE She's dead, son. Accept it. FERRIS I can feel her pain, and I will find her. I know she's alive. FERRIS turns abruptly. EXT. TATU-INE, HOMESTEAD, MOISTURE FARM - LATE DAY FERRIS stands looking across the desert. KOUGERL comes running out of the homestead after him, followed by BOB. FERRIS turns to KOUGERL. FERRIS S shadow, for an instant, turns to that of DARTH BADER S. FERRIS You are going to have to stay here. These are good people, Kougerl. You'll be safe. BOB Take my razor scooter. KOUGERL Ferris... KOUGERL hugs him. FERRIS walks over to BOB'S razor scooter, which is folded up by the garage. FERRIS I trust you'll watch over her, Bob. BOB Hells yeah! The little hottie is mine! FERRIS steps onto the scooter. He begins to pedal quickly. FERRIS I won't be long. FERRIS takes off across the desert. KOUGERL watches him go. EXT. SPACE, GNOMEOSIS The red planet of GNOMEOSIS is circled by a large asteroid field that form rings. TANKO VETTE'S ship appears, heading toward it. INT. COCKPIT, VETTE SHIP, SPACE, GNOMEOSIS TANKO VETTE grins at BAYKIN VETTE. TANKO VETTE Nearly there, son. TANKO VETTE guides he ship around the asteroids. Suddenly: BAYKIN VETTE Dad, look!! On the view screen, FREEK-SHOU's ship appears, chasing after them. TANKO VETTE grabs the controls. They are thrown around as the ship plummets to try to lose FREEK-SHOU. TANKO VETTE Hang on! The ship goes into a power-climb. A GREAT SPACE DOGFIGHT ensues between FREEK-SHOU and TANKO VETTE. EXT. SPACE, GNOMEOSIS The ships flip, roll, and turn at incredible speed, dodging, weaving and firing. They tumble from near misses. Hits fly off FREEK-SHOU's fighter as one of TANKO'S missiles gets through. Finally, it seems as if FREEK-SHOU is getting the upper hand. TANKO VETTE breaks off the fight and dives sharply. He maneuvers deftly between two huge asteroids. In TANKO VETTE'S COCKPIT, BAYKIN VETTE flinches as asteroids pass very close by. BAYKIN VETTE Dad! Watch out! TANKO VETTE Stay calm, son. We'll be fine. That Dejay won't be able to follow us through this. But FREEK-SHOU ship dives into the asteroid belt after them. IN FREEK-SHOU'S COCKPIT, his skill is pushed to the limit as he throws the ship from side to side, avoiding great rocks. Then a huge asteroid tumbles across his path. There seem no way he can avoid it. FREEK-SHOU fires a couple of aerial torpedoes. They streak toward the asteroid. IN TANKO'S COCKPIT, they see the huge explosion as FREEK-SHOU's ship appears to smash into the asteroid. BAYKIN VETTE Got him! Yeahhhhh! TANKO VETTE We won't see him again. BAYKIN VETTE laughs. TANKO VETTE'S ship emerges from the asteroid belt and heads down toward the planet of GNOMEOSIS. TANKO VETTE releases a load of seismic charges to celebrate and the fans applaud! EXT. TATU-INE, DESERT, JAVA CAMP - SUNSET FERRIS stands in the middle of a crowd of JAVAS. He asks them from directions. The JAVAS confer excitedly, then the CHIEF JAVA points in a particular direction. FERRIS gets on the scooter and pedals off to where the JAVA pointed. EXT. TATU-INE, DUNE SEA, CAMPFIRE - TWILIGHT FERRIS rides over a large dune toward a small flickering light in the distance. He rides up and stops the scooter in front of a campfire. There are bodies of THREE DEAD FARMERS lying beside the campfire. TWO CALLIOPES are tethered nearby, along with a burned and smoking speeder. EXT. TATU-INE, DESERT, HOMESTEAD (FULL MOON) - NIGHT The lights of the vaporators blink in the night sky. Somewhere close by, a night animal howls. EXT. TATU-INE, HOMESTEAD, COURTYARD (FULL MOON) - NIGHT KOUGERL is pacing the courtyard restlessly. She stops, listening to the animal howling nearby. She shivers slightly, then turns and goes into the garage at the side of the courtyard. INT. TATU-INE, HOMESTEAD - GARAGE (FULL MOON) - NIGHT KOUGERL stands looking at a speeder parked in the garage. Short silence. Then: SEESQUEEZE PIO Please don't leave us, Kougerl. These people need your help. Squeezepio is parked in a corner. KOUGERL I'm not leaving, Squeezepio. I just can't sleep. SEESQUEEZE PIO That's something I can t relate to. As an Urban Droid, I'm either fly or I ain't. There's no in-between. KOUGERL I guess you're lucky. SEESQUEEZE PIO Do you really think so..? I suppose I shouldn't expect... KOUGERL You're not happy here? SEESQUEEZE PIO Oh, I'm not unhappy... and my masters here are so kind I wouldn't wish to trouble them, it's just... being like this... well, it's embarrassing. KOUGERL Being like what? SEESQUEEZE PIO Naked. Oh like you never noticed. You see, when Master Ferri made me, he never quite found the time to give me any outer covering. It's so humiliating. How would you like it if you had to go around with all your circuits showing? Do you realize how many times I trip over this thing a day? KOUGERL I guess I don t. SEESQUEEZE PIO Of course you don't. Nobody does. KOUGERL looks thoughtfully at a pile of spare parts and bits of metal and tools. KOUGERL Maybe we can do something about it. SEESQUEEZE PIO I don't think so. Only Master Ferri... KOUGERL Why not? They seem to have a box of old coverings here. SEESQUEEZE PIO Oh? How observant of you. Of course, I'm just not mechanically minded... if you see what I mean. KOUGERL picks up a piece of metal and holds it against him. KOUGERL Let's see, if we put this... here... SEESQUEEZE PIO Ow! Cut that out! KOUGERL What about here? SEESQUEEZE PIO Ouch! Hey I got an idea of where you can put it! EXT. SPACE, GNOMEOSIS RINGS A huge chunk of rock tumbles slowly through the asteroid belt. CAMERA CLOSES, to discover FREEK-SHOU's Starship hidden in a blasted-out area on the pitted back side of the great rock. INT. COCKPIT, DEJAY FIGHTER, SPACE, GNOMEOSIS RINGS FREEK-SHOU looks out toward GNOMEOSIS and sees in the distance a large fleet of New Rock Federation Ships hidden among the asteroids. He starts the engines of his fighter. FREEK-SHOU's Fighter moves out from the back side of the asteroid and heads away from the asteroid field, descending toward GNOMEOSIS. EXT. GNOMEOSIS, LANDING AREA - NIGHT FREEK-SHOU's ship skims across the top of a small mesa along the edge of a rocky ridge. He maneuvers under a rock overhang and lands. He gets out of the Fighter and walks onto the mesa. The wind whips at him. He looks around, no one is there. He takes a leak behind his fighter. GNOMEOSIS is a red rock planet, featureless apart from a few Zaxby s, and occasional tall stalagmites that stand out dramatically on the arid plains. The night is quiet, except for a distant Beatles song from the bells at the top of the hill. FREEK-SHOU checks his bearings, sees that they are still attached, then heads away. EXT. GNOMEOSIS, ROCK FACE TRAIL - NIGHT FREEK-SHOU climbs a steep, narrow trail. Suddenly, a CRY is heard close by. FREEK-SHOU stumbles slightly. His foot slips on the edge, sending a stream of pebbles skittering into the darkness. FREEK-SHOU listens. Silence. He draws his lightsaber, ignites it, and quickly makes s mores with it. EXT. TATU-INE, CLIFF (FULL MOON) - NIGHT FERRIS pulls up near the edge of a cliff. He gets off the scooter and creeps to the edge. He looks over to see a Tuscan camp in the oasis below. One of the huts at the edge of the camp has TWO TUSCAN CHICKEN GUARDS outside it. EXT. TATU-INE, TUSCAN CHICKEN RAIDER CAMP, OASIS (FULL MOON) - NIGHT FERRIS creeps through the camp, working his way from hut to hut, flattening himself against the walls overhearing snatches of Tuscan Chicken conversation from inside, using the shadows to him until he arrives at the hut with the TWO GUARDS. They are sitting a short distance from the door. FERRIS wriggles around the black. He takes out his lightsaber and cuts into the base of the wall. INT. TUSCAN CHICKEN RAIDER HUT - NIGHT The lightsaber completes the hole in the wall. FERRIS wriggles in. He pulls himself to his feet. There are candles everywhere. A shaft of moonlight from a hole in the roof pierces the gloom of the hut. By its light, FERRIS sees MANDY, hanging from a wooden frame in the middle of the hut. He cuts her free, takes her into his arms, and lowers her gently to the ground. Her eyes are closed. Her face is bloodied. She has been terribly beaten. She has been force to listen to nothing but Andrew W.K. It is bone chilling. FERRIS cradles her tenderly. FERRIS Mom... Mom... Mom... MANDY'S eyelids flutter - and barely open. They are caked with blood. MANDY Ferri...? Is it you? MANDY'S eyes focus slowly. FERRIS gives a little choking gasp. FERRIS I'm here, Mom. You're safe. Hang on. I'm going to get you out of here and then we ll go to Waffle House MANDY I'm so glad... to see you, Ferri... Now... I am complete... FERRIS Just stay with me, Mom. I'm going to make you breakfast. Everything's going to be fine. MANDY You look so handsome. My son... my grown-up son. I'm so proud of you, Ferri... so proud... I missed you so much... I love...their... hashbrowns... MANDY dies. FERRIS draws her to his breast. There is silence for a moment. FERRIS lifts his head, listening for a moment, then he sits on the floor of the Tuscan chicken hut, cradling his dead mother in his arms. EXT. GNOMEOSIS, ROCK FACE TRAIL - NIGHT FREEK-SHOU arrives at the head of the trail. Far below, a flat plain stretches into the distance. He stop, peering into the darkness, where strange shapes loom indistinctly. FREEK-SHOU takes a pair of electronic binoculars from his belt and puts them to his eyes. He sees a cluster of great towers like fantastic stalagmites rise from the plain below. SLOW PAN with the binoculars, and suddenly a line of Battle Starships come into view. FREEK-SHOU touches the viewfinder. Between fifty and a hundred New Rock Federation Starships in near rows. Some are on platforms that are carrying the Starships down to an underground facility. Other platforms are rising to the surface. They carry THOUSANDS of BATTLE DROIDS that step off and file into the waiting ships. A fully loaded Starship takes off. FREEK-SHOU swings the binoculars upward, to see more New Rock Federation Starships. EXT. TATU-INE, TUSCAN RAIDER CAMP, OASIS - DAWN The pale light grows. Thin tendrils of smoke rise slowly in the cold, clear air. Somewhere an dog barks. An TUSCAN CHICKEN HEN comes out of her hut. She carries a pail. She swirls it and tosses the dirty water onto the ground. As she goes back inside the hut, a TUSCAN CHICKEN CHILD runs past, dragging a stick in the sand. The CHILD runs through the line of huts, turns a corner, and stops suddenly, staring at the bodies of the TWO TUSCAN CHICKEN GUARDS. Between them, FERRIS stands outside the hut door. His face is a grim mask. The CHILD stares, then there is a FLASH OF LIGHT, and much clucking as FERRIS'S lightsaber switches on. And he wasn t making s mores. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- EXT. GNOMEOSIS, LANDING AREA - NIGHT FREEK-SHOU comes running back to his ship and climbs into the cockpit. He settles into his seat. His MK-Y DROID beeps a happy greeting. FREEK-SHOU switches on his com-link. FREEK-SHOU Guiding light to old folks home. EXT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, REVOLUTION EXECUTIVE BUILDING - DAY LOW ANGLE. A line of reflecting pools with splashing fountains flanked by statues on each side leads to the main entrance to the awesome building. INT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, CHANCELLOR'S OFFICE A hologram of FREEK-SHOU flickers in front of a group, made up of Dejay and Senators. GADDIE and MAGGY MAE are in the middle of the group, watching with growing concern. FREEK-SHOU ...Starships from the New Rock Federation and the Communication Guilds are taking deliveries of battle droids from the foundries on Gnomeosis. The droid foundry seems to be working at full capacity, and the vending machines are free! I am going to go down and investigate. I will bring Tanko Vette back home for interrogation and Snickers for all. GADDIE Those Gnomeosian foundries are part of the Technoway Union. We will call in their representatives and ask them a few very pointed questions. FREEK-SHOU One more thing. Tanko mentioned he was recruited by someone named Darth Jeramee. Any idea who that might be? MACE WINDOW Our missing Pith apprentice. They are playing their hand at last. FREEK-SHOU Do you believe he could be the mysterious Peewee-Dyas, who made the deal for the clown army? NUGI Too many pieces are missing from this puzzle, there are. NUGI looks up from his puzzle of the Golden Gate Bridge to see what he is missing. MACE WINDOW Be careful, Freek-Shou. This investigation is becoming less than routine. Do you need help? FREEK-SHOU Let me see if I can figure out what's going on first. The hologram of FREEK-SHOU fades off. GADDIE stares at the spot where the hologram was in disbelief. MACE WINDOW We must stop them soon before they're fully ready. SENATOR NEO NEO The debate is over, we need that clown army now! SLIM ORJIMA Unfortunately, the debate is not over. The SGA will never be able to approve the use of that army before the radio personalities attack. MAGGY MAE, who had been silent up until now suddenly speaks up. MAGGY MAE This is a crisis! If the SGA votes the Chancellor emergency powers, he could approve the use of the army in a minute. GADDIE Please, please, I don't wish to have emergency powers. That's too extreme a solution. It's akin to a dictatorship. We must rely on the Dejay. Master Nugi, how many are available to go to Gnomeosis? MACE WINDOW and NUGI look at one another. NUGI Two Hundred,... less or more. SLIM ORJIMA With all due respect for the Dejay Order, two hundred will be no match for hundreds of thousands of battle droids. MACE WINDOW Patience. We should wait for Freek- Shou to report back. SENATOR NEO NEO But we must prepare for the worst. I'm going to propose a motion granting emergency powers to the Chancellor at the next session. We must not wait! GADDIE Out of the question, Senator! You and I are too closely aligned. The issue will become partisan and debates will begin. The proposal must come from a neutral source. MAGGY MAE If only Senator Kougerl were here. CHOP CHOPS steps forward from the back of the group. CHOP CHOPS (Remembering his manners) Ahem, Supreme Chancellor, colleagues, I would be proud to propose the motion in question. This is a grave situation, and I'm sure Senator Kougerl, and the Queen of Myozikd'reckter would agree. SENATOR NEO NEO Thank you, Representative Binks. Silence. Then GADDIE sighs deeply. GADDIE If called upon, I will serve. But it will be the saddest day of my life. <evil chuckle> EXT. TATU-INE, DESERT, HOMESTEAD MOISTURE FARM - DAY All is quiet. Nyce comes out of the house. She goes to a moisture line and starts to draw water. She mixes it with blue powder and makes blue milk. INT. TATU-INE, HOMESTEAD, GARAGE - DAY KOUGERL fixes the last piece of covering onto Squeezepio. KOUGERL There! KOUGERL stands back. BOB is with him. They look at Squeezepio. He isn't the golden figure we know because KOUGERL has had to use whatever stuff he could finding the garage, that and KOUGERL is completely drunk, but hey with this version it kind of makes Squeezepio and the son of Ferris brothers! Squeezepio is multi-colored in several textures, but he is complete and reeks of Mad Dog 20/20. SEESQUEEZE PIO Um. How do I look? BOB (lying) Uhhhh...Great! You look perfect. SEESQUEEZE PIO Perfect? Oh, Kougerl, I'm so happy! (extending his hand to shake) Oh, pardon me. Squeezepio drops his hand and bows formally. Squeezepio (continuing) Thank you. He forgets formality and hugs him. KOUGERL hugs him back, laughing. SEESQUEEZE PIO (continuing) Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! BOB (grinning) Well, Kougerl, I think he should be yours from now on... I know that is what my Mom would want. SEESQUEEZE PIO Oh, my! Then suddenly, from outside: NYCE Come topside, everybody! He's back, he s back! ................................................................................................................................................................... THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU GET UP TO USE THE BATHROOM, REFILL YOUR DRINK, AND GET A NEW BOX OF JUJUBE S. ADDING TO THE THEATRE EXPERIENCE, THERE IS A LINE FOR THE BATHROOM, YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE DRINK MACHINE TO BE REFILLED AND YOU HAVE TO DIG $12.48 OUT OF YOUR POCKET FOR THE CANDY. AND DURING THE WAIT, YOU MISS A PART OF THE MOVIE. YOU GET BACK IN TIME TO SEE... ................................................................................................................................................................... INT. TATU-INE, HOMESTEAD, GARAGE - DAY A rough hologram of FREEK-SHOU is projected onto the garage by DOCTOO. FERRIS, KOUGERL and SQUEEZEPIO watch the flickering image. FREEK-SHOU ...liance have pledged their armies to Count Shaggy and are forming an... Wait!... ah... attack... I don't... not enough... used all the lube... make it... aaaggghhh! The hologram cuts off. FERRIS jumps up, agitated. FERRIS I'm going after him! KOUGERL I thought the first thing he said was to retransmit his message to Akademikompleks. FERRIS Sorry, I wasn t listening. EXT. TATU-INE, HOMESTEAD, MOISTURE FARM - LATE DAY FERRIS, KOUGERL, DOCTOO and SQUEEZEPIO leave the homestead, waving to JOE, BOB and NYCE as they go into the desert. INT. COCKPIT, MYOZIK STARSHIP - SUNSET FERRIS sits down in the cockpit with KOUGERL. SQUEEZEPIO is behind them. DOCTOO is beside him. They are watching a hologram of MACE WINDOW. MACE WINDOW We will deal with Count Shaggy. The most important thing for you, Ferris, is to stay where you are. Protect the Alcoholic... I mean... Senator at all costs. That is your priority. FERRIS Understood, Master. The hologram switches off. KOUGERL is looking for the case of Jack Daniels that she smuggled aboard. KOUGERL They'll never get there in time to save him. They have to come half way across campus. Look, Gnomeosis is less than a parsec away. FERRIS What the hell is a parsec? Oh, screw it. KOUGERL starts to hit buttons and flick switches. FERRIS puts a hand over hers, stopping her. She stares at him. KOUGERL Ferri, are you just going to sit here and let him die?? He's your friend... your mentor... FERRIS ...He's like my father, but you heard Master Window. He gave me strict orders to stay here. KOUGERL He gave you strict orders to protect me... KOUGERL pulls her hand free and flicks more switches. The engines fire. KOUGERL (continuing) ...and I'm going to save Freek-Shou. So if you plan to protect me, you will have to come along. FERRIS grins and takes the controls. This leaves KOUGERL S hands free to find a bottle opener. She finds one and opens a new beer. EXT. TATU-INE, BLUFF OVERLOOKING HOMESTEAD - SUNSET The MYOOZIK Starship rises from the bluff. It takes off and begins to soar above the desert. KOUGERL throws out an empty beer bottle and it lands on the head of a Jawa. The Jawa takes it as a sign from the Gods and brings it into the sandcrawler. INT. JAWA SANDCRAWLER, CONTROL ROOM - JUST BEFORE DARK The Jawa council decide that the bottle from the heavens is an evil thing and it must be taken to the edge of the world and thrown off. They sell the movie rights to their story and a movie is made from it. EXT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, DEJAY TEMPLE - DAY TWO HUNDRED DEJAY KNIGHTS are assembling outside the huge center of the Dejay Order. INT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, DEJAY TEMPLE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY The DEJAY COUNCIL are assembled as MACE WINDOW makes his plea. MACE WINDOW The longer we wait, the higher Shaggy's armies become. We cannot wait for the SGA to make up its mind about granting the Chancellor emergency powers, in order to be able to use that clown army... We have the authority to go now. We must go now. All of the DEJAY COUNCIL nod their approval. NUGI Agreed, Master Window. Two hundred Dejay send. Enough, let's hope they are. INT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, MAIN SGA CHAMBER - DAY Inside the great rotunda, the UPROAR is even louder. Opposing SENATORS yell furiously at one another. MAGGY MAE Order! Order!! Finally, the uproar dies. GADDIE In the regrettable absence of Senator Kougerl, the chair regrettably recognizes Senior Representative of Myozikd'reckter, the regrettable Chop Chops Binks. Amid the conflicting storm of JEERS AND BOOS, CHOP CHOPS, with TWO PUNKGAN AIDES, floats on his pod to the middle of the vast space. He looks at GADDIE nervously. GADDIE nods. CHOP CHOPS clears his throat. CHOP CHOPS Hey yall, listen up... Laughter. Jeers. CHOP CHOPS pees a little. MAGGY MAE Order! The Senate will accord the Representative the courtesy of a hearing! Comparative quiet. CHOP CHOPS grips the edge of the podium. CHOP CHOPS (ahem) In response to the direct threat to the Revolution from the Confederacy of Radio Personalities, I propose that the SGA gives immediate emergency powers to the Supreme Chancellor. Uproar. CHOP CHOPS looks a little sheepish. CHOP CHOPS (continuing) Who can deny these are exceptional times? Exceptional times demand exceptional measures! Exceptional measures demand exceptional men! Exceptional men demand exceptional music, and exceptional music is the Revolution! CORN FREE TOE We won't support a dictator. SHOUTS of agreement. CHOP CHOPS That is the sentiment every one of us agrees with! And when the shadow of war has dispersed and the bright day of liberty has dawned once again, the power we now give to the Supreme Chancellor should be gladly, and swiftly returned. Our ancient liberties should be restored to us, burnished even more brightly than before! GADDIE chuckles throughout CHOP CHOPS speech. Brief silence, then a rolling wave of APPLAUSE. CHOP CHOPS beams and bows. GADDIE rises. and tries to mask his amusement. GADDIE It is with great reluctance that I have agreed to this calling. I love dicta...democracy... I love the Revolution. The fact that this crisis is demanding that I be given absolute power to rule over you is evident. But I am wild...mild by nature and have every...no desire to destroy the democratic process. The power you give me I should, but probably won t, lay down when this crisis has abated, I promise you. And all I ask in return is when my current term of office is over, you allow me to retire and live out my life in peace. Either that or rule harshly over ever sentient creature in the galaxy. MAGGY MAE We shall proceed to the vote. All those in favor of granting emergency powers to the Supreme Chancellor, signal aye at this time... those opposed? ONE MAN  nay s and is promptly beaten to a pulp EXT. SPACE The Myoozik Starship heads toward the rings of GNOMEOSIS. EXT. GNOMEOSIS, LANDING AREA The Myoozik Starship lands. INT. COCKPIT, MYOOZIK STARFIGHTER - DAY FERRIS switches off the engines. DOCTOO and SQUEEZEPIO are in the navigation area of the cockpit. KOUGERL is in the co-pilot's seat. She gets up. FERRIS Hey, where are you going? KOUGERL To find Freek-Shou. FERRIS No! You're not! KOUGERL Let go of me. A pause and then they laugh as they realize FERRIS has already let go. This gets edited into the blooper reel. FERRIS I'm not letting you go out there. It's too dangerous. KOUGERL What?!? FERRIS I said,  I'm not letting you go out there. It's too dangerous . Damn is everyone in this movie deaf? It's my job to protect you. I said it's too dangerous. You're not going, and that's final! KOUGERL Don't you give me orders! I'm a Senator of the Revolution. You have no authority to contain me, restrain me, or erect me! You remember your place, young man. (standing up) Now you can either come along and protect me or you can come along and protect me. It's up to you. KOUGERL storms out of the cockpit of the Myoozik Starfighter. FERRIS stands scratching his head, then follows. DOCTOO BEEPS and WHISTLES. SEE SQUEEZEPIO Doctoo, What up with that? One time, they all up on each other, the next they  bout to bust a cap. Even though I'm programmed to understand them, I doubt if I ever will. DOCTOO WHISTLES a plaintive sigh. INT. GNOMEOSIS, CORRIDORS - DAY FERRIS and KOUGERL enter the stalagmite city. They stop, looking around in wonder at the emptiness. KOUGERL lifts the bottle to her lips and jerks it away suddenly. KOUGERL (in a low voice) It's empty! They start forward. As they pass, the surface of the pillars seems to pulse slowly and move. High above WINGED CREATURES grow from the pillars and detach themselves. INT. GNOMEOSIS, CENTRAL SQUARE - DAY FERRIS and KOUGERL cross the square, reaching the middle. They stop suddenly as FOUR GNOMEOSIAN grabs them. FERRIS reaches for his lightsaber. KOUGERL chunks her bottle at one and hits it on the head, it drops like... well, something that drops very fast. TWENTY WINGED GNOMEOSIANS carrying weapons alight on the flagstones in front of them. The GNOMEOSIANS part, and COUNT SHAGGY appears. He bows courteously. COUNT SHAGGY Senator Kougerl, I've heard so much about you. KOUGERL Count Shaggy, I assume. COUNT SHAGGY Damn it s good to see ya. We gots ta talk. I hope you can keep your young Dejay under control. KOUGERL Don't worry. Unlike most Dejay, he's housebroken. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM (GNOMEOSIS) - DAY COUNT SHAGGY sits at a large conference table with KOUGERL on the far side. FERRIS stands behind her with FOUR GNOMEOSIANS GUARDS standing behind him. TANKO VETTE stands behind COUNT SHAGGY, and SIX GNOMEOSIAN GUARDS stand behind him. KOUGERL You are holding a Dejay Knight, Freek-Shou Lee. I am formally requesting you turn him over to me, now. SHAGGY He s a spy, man! And I m gonna kill him! Soon too. COUNT SHAGGY smiles. KOUGERL He is an member of the Revolution. You can't do that. SHAGGY We don't tune in the Revolution here, Senator. But if Myozikd'reckter were to join our Alliance, I could easily hook ya up with some of the good sh*t. FERRIS grabs his lightsaber but doesn't turn it on. KOUGERL And if I don't join your rebellion, I assume this Dejay with me will also die? SHAGGY I ain't gonna make ya do nuttin, man. Aren't you fed up with the corruption, the bureaucrats, the hypocrisy of it all?.. Ain't you? Be honest, Senator. Damn government. KOUGERL The ideals are still alive, Count, even if the institution is failing. SHAGGY You believe in the same ideals we believe in! The same ideals we are striving to make prominent. The only difference is we wont screw you like the government will. 50$ for a damn parking ticket will be a thing of the past. Hey, I might just be handicapped. Damn cop didn t know otherwise. KOUGERL If what you say is true, you should stay in the Revolution and help Chancellor Gaddie put things right. SHAGGY Gaddie means well, but he is impotent. He has promised to cut the bureaucracy, but the bureaucrats are stronger than ever, no? Senator, the Revolution can t be fixed. It is time to start over. The democratic process in the SGA is a sham, a game played on the voters. It won t be long before the cult of greed, called The Revolution, will lose even the pretext of democracy and freedom. You gotta lighter man? KOUGERL Sure, here. I won t forsake all I ve honored and worked for and betray the Revolution. I know of your treaties with the New Rock Federation, the Communication Guilds, and the others, Count. What is happening here is not government that has been bought out by business... it's business becoming government! SHAGGY You know what rhymes with  government ?  F*ck government! rhymes with government! KOUGERL What is to happen to me? Am I to be executed also? SHAGGY Sure, what the hell. Here s your lighter back... wait, yer gonna die. I m keeping the damn lighter! TANKO VETTE moves over to FERRIS. TANKO VETTE Ooooh, pretty. I want! FERRIS hesitates. SHAGGY You might mess a few people up, my young Dejay, but you won t escape. KOUGERL Ferris... FERRIS hands his lightsaber over to TANKO VETTE. INT. GNOMEOSIS, HIGH AUDIENCE CHAMBER - DAY FERRIS and KOUGERL are standing in the centre of what looks like a courtroom. Seated before them in a tall, boxed-off area is MELANCHOLY, Duchess of GNOMEOSIS and SON KIST, her faithful lackey. Along the wall about a HUNDRED GNOMEOSIANS wait for a verdict. SON KIST You have been charged and found guilty of Espionage. MELANCHOLY Have you anything to say before your sentence is carried out? KOUGERL Screw you, Duchess! I hope you are prepared for the consequences. MELANCHOLY laughs. COUNT SHAGGY simply smiles. MELANCHOLY We build character, Senator... that is our business! Of course we're prepared! NUDE RAYGUN Get on with it. Carry out the sentence. I want to see her suffer. MELANCHOLY Your other Dejay friend is waiting for you, Senator. Take them to the arena! KOUGERL No! Not Diddle! Nooooooooooooooooo! FOUR GUARDS take hold of KOUGERL and FERRIS. They are escorted out of the chamber to the sounds of chuckling. INT. GNOMEOSIS TUNNEL TO EXECUTION ARENA - DAY In the gloomy tunnel, FERRIS and KOUGERL are tossed into an open cart. The murmur of a vast crowd is heard off screen. GUARDS extend their arms along the framework and tie them so that they stand facing each other. The DRIVER gets up onto his seat. FERRIS Don't be afraid. KOUGERL I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life. FERRIS That line is worse than any I ve ever used on you. Who wrote that? KOUGERL I love you. FERRIS You love me?! I thought we decided not to fall in love. That we would be forced to live a lie. That it would destroy our lives... KOUGERL I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway. My love for you is a puzzle for which I have no corner pieces. I can't control it... and now I don't care. I truly, deeply love you, and before we die I want you to know. FERRIS Yeah, why am I complaining? I m the one who wanted you first. KOUGERL leans toward FERRIS. By straining hard, it is just possible for their lips to meet. They kiss. FERRIS I have no desire to be cured of this love either. Long or short, I vow to spend the rest of my life with you. They kiss again. The DRIVER cracks his whip over the HARROY harnessed between the shafts. The cart jerks forward. Suddenly, there is a HUGE FART and blinding sunlight as they emerge into the arena INT. GNOMEOSIS, EXECUTION ARENA - DAY The great stadium is packed with tier upon tier of yelling GNOMEOSIANS. The cart trundles to the center, where FREEK-SHOU is chained to one of four upright posts that are three feet in diameter. The cart stops. KOUGERL and FERRIS are taken down, dragged to posts, and chained to them. KOUGERL is in the center, she looks at all of them chained up. KOUGERL Ooh, kinky! FREEK-SHOU (to Ferris) I was beginning to wonder if you had gotten my message. FERRIS I retransmitted it as you requested, Master. Then we decided to come and rescue you. Well, she did. I kinda got dragged along. FREEK-SHOU It looks like you're going a good job so far. FERRIS Smart-*ss Their arms are pulled high above their heads, and the cart drives away. There is another ROAR as MELANCHOLY, COUNT SHAGGY, NUDE RAYGUN, and THE VETTES arrive in the Duchess box and take their places. SON KIST The felons before you have been convicted of espionage against the Sovereign System of Gnomeosis. Their sentence of death is to be carried out in this public arena henceforth. The crowd ROARS and CHEERS. In the box, MELANCHOLY rises. The crowd becomes quiet. MELANCHOLY Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeets get ready to rumb-leeeeeeeeeeeeee! The crowd goes wild. FERRIS I have a bad feeling about this. From different gates around the arena, THREE MONSTERS are driven in. One is a REAK, one is a HEXU, and one is an WYTESKWIREL. They are driven in by PICADORS carrying long spears and riding HARROYS. The PICADORS poke the MONSTERS toward the center, then retire to the perimeter. The MONSTERS toss their heads, looking around, ROARING or SCREECHING. Then they catch sight of the THREE CAPTIVES and start moving toward them. FREEK-SHOU Take the one the left. I'll take the one on the right. FERRIS What about Kougerl? KOUGERL has turned around and is pulling herself up by the chain to the top of the post. Within a moment, she is standing on top of it, trying to pull the chain free. FREEK-SHOU It looks like she's already on top of things. FERRIS That was worse than a bad joke from a James Bond movie. The REAK charges FERRIS. He pops the top off of a Mt. Dew, jumps up, and the beast hits the post hard. FERRIS lands onto its back, wrapping part of his chain around its horn. The REAK backs off, shaking its head angrily, which tears the chain from the post FERRIS Do the Dew FREEK-SHOU ducks around the post as the WYTESKWIREL charges. It knocks the post flat, sending FREEK-SHOU sprawling. The WYTESKWIREL crunches the post between its claws, freeing the chain... blahblahblah... we all saw the movie and know how the fight goes... blahblahblah... She hits the creature with her chain and it backs off down the pole. Then, KOUGERL jumps off the post into the air. She swings around on the chain and whacks the beast hard on the head with both her feet. It tumbles back onto the sand. (In the Duchess box): NUDE RAYGUN Foul!! She can't do that... shoot her or something! In the arena, FREEK-SHOU runs out from behind the fallen HARROY and throws the spear at the WYTESKWIREL, hitting it in the neck. It lets out a terrible SCREECH and turns on him. The HEXU springs up and makes to leap up at KOUGERL again. She finally manages to work the chain loose. FERRIS comes charging up on the REAK. FERRIS You okay? KOUGERL Better than you re gonna be at this point next movie. FERRIS What? KOUGERL Nothing. FERRIS Jump!!! The HEXU springs. KOUGERL leaps from the top of the post to land on the REAK in front of FERRIS. He hauls her upright. The REAK charges away, around the arena. The HEXU bounds after it. The REAK passes the wounded WYTESKWIREL. The HEXU smells the blood and turns aside to attack the WYTESKWIREL. The TWO MONSTERS fight. The crowd GROANS and BOOS. In the Duchess box, NUDE RAYGUN turns angrily to COUNT SHAGGY. NUDE RAYGUN This isn't how it's supposed to be! Tanko, finish her off. TANKO flips RAYGUN off. TANKO Bite me. COUNT SHAGGY (smiling enigmatically) Patience, Viceroy... she will die. So shut up!!! FREEK-SHOU runs and jumps on the back of the REAK behind FERRIS. Across the arena, the HEXU, having chewed up the WYTESKWIREL, starts to advance toward them. INT. COCKPIT, MYOOZIK STARSHIP - DAY DOCTOO BEEPS SEE SQUEEZEPIO Where the hell they at? What s goin on? DOCTOO BEEPS and WHISTLES. SEE SQUEEZEPIO (continuing) Danger? Hell naw, not here. They ll be back. So shut up, Doctoo. EXT. GNOMEOSIS, EXECUTION ARENA - DAY In the Duchess box, amid the uproar, COUNT SHAGGY hears a fart. He turns to see MACE WINDOW standing there, fanning behind him. The COUNT masks his nausea elegantly as he surveys the arena and sees DEJAY KNIGHTS standing at every entrance and exit. COUNT SHAGGY Dude what s up? You got here just in time. Check it out, they re gonna die. MACE WINDOW Sorry to disappoint you, Shaggy. This party's over. MACE WINDOW signals, and at strategic places around the arena there are sudden flashes of light as about ONE HUNDRED DEJAY switch on their lightsabers. The crowd is suddenly silent. COUNT SHAGGY'S lips curl in slight amusement. COUNT SHAGGY (to The Mace) Good try but you re gonna get your *ss kicked. MACE WINDOW I don't think so. COUNT SHAGGY looks around the great theater. His smile grows. COUNT SHAGGY Not the little bug-guy aliens, man, I m talking about the robots. COUNT SHAGGY signals. THOUSANDS OF DROIDS start to pour into all parts of the arena. MACE WINDOW draws his lightsaber, TANKO VETTE draws his guns and fires at MACE WINDOW, who deflects the shots. TANKO VETTE and MACE WINDOW jump into the arena, where they fight. BAYKIN VETTE watches his Dad and the DEJAY Master fight. The battle begins. GNOMEOSIANS fly away everywhere. DROIDS fire at DEJAY, who deflect the bolts and cult down the DROIDS. The GNOMEOSIAN TROOPS fire ray guns that are more difficult for the DEJAY to deflect. The REAK and the HEXU are spooked by the battle. The REAK bucks the riders off its back and stampedes around the arena, trampling DROIDS and DEJAY that have moved into its path. KOUGERL picks up a discarded pistol and joins the fight. SEVERAL DEJAY run to the center of the arena and toss lightsabers to FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS. FREEK-SHOU Good thing they turned them off before they threw them. FERRIS Yeah, it d be a damn shame to lose an arm. Among the crowd, DEJAY cut down swaths of GNOMEOSIANS and DROIDS. On the sand, DEJAY fight, attacking DROIDS. FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS swing their lightsabers, cutting DROIDS in half. KOUGERL blasts away at DROIDS and GNOMEOSIANS. INT. COCKPIT, MYOOZIK STARSHIP DOCTOO whistles. SEE SQUEEZEPIO I don't hear nuttin. (DOCTOO beeps) SEE SQUEEZEPIO Dude, shut up! EXT. GNOMEOSIS, EXECUTION ARENA - DAY Among the tiers, DEJAY are slowly being driven back. They have killed heaps of GNOMEOSIANS and have knocked out piles of DROIDS, but sheer numbers are telling. Individual DEJAY are being cut down or blasted. The rest are retreating into the arena. FERRIS and KOUGERL are back-to-back, fighting DROIDS and flying GNOMEOSIANS. MACE WINDOW fights fiercely with TANKO VETTE. Finally, the bounty hunter falls. His helmet goes flying, bouncing down the steps, tumbling and rolling, kicked here and there by random feet. The bounty hunter's body falls to the ground. MACE WINDOW runs to the center of the arena and fights back-to-back with FREEK-SHOU, as they swipe and mangle DROIDS. FREEK-SHOU Someone's got to shut down these droids. MACE WINDOW Don't worry! It's being taken care of! EXT. GNOMEOSIS, NEW ROCK FEDERATION STARSHIP - DAY KRI-SKA-AWT leads a panty raiding party of about TWENTY DEJAY through the lines of parked Battle Starships. They cut a swath through masses of DROIDS until they arrive at the Command Starship. Some DEJAY fall but they get back up and keep running. The rest cut their way up the ramps and into the Command Ship. INT. NEW ROCK COMMAND FEDERATION STARSHIP, CORRIDORS - DAY KRI-SKA-AWT and the surviving DEJAY fight their way through the corridors of the Command Ship, deflecting laser bolts, slicing DROIDS. INT. COMMAND FEDERATION STARSHIP, CONTROL BRIDGE - DAY THEY burst onto the bridge and chop down the COMMAND DROIDS. The LEIROIDIANS flee in all directions. KRI-SKA-AWT leans over the control panel. He hits Ctrl+Alt+Delete. The screen goes dark. Instantly, all the DROIDS on the Starship and all the DROIDS in the arena FREEZE! There is a moment of stunned silence, then the DEJAY CHEER. One the bridge, TEW SOON claps KRI-SKA-AWT on the back. TEW SOON We've done it! Now we have a chance! Suddenly, there is a harsh BEEPING SOUND. All the DROIDS on the Starship and all the DROIDS in the arena start fighting again! KRI-SKA-AWT stares in disbelief and dismay. KRI-SKA-AWT The system's off but they're still active. That's a new feature. Damn you Windows XP!!!. EXT. GNOMEOSIS, EXECUTION ARENA - DAY MACE WINDOW, FREEK-SHOU, FERRIS, KOUGERL and an exhausted group of about TWENTY DEJAY stand in the center of the arena surrounded by a ring of BATTLE DROIDS. The bloodied sand around them is strewn with the bodies of DEAD GNOMEOSIANS, SHATTERED DROIDS and DEJAY. At the foot of some steps, BAYKIN VETTE finds his father's battered helmet. He picks it up. The head of Tanko slides out and lands on the ground, mouth straining to speak. HEAD OF TANKO (weakly) Wa...ffles! KRI-SKA-AWT and the SURVIVORS from the panty raiding party are herded into the arena by SUPER DROIDS. From the encircling tiers above, THOUSANDS OF BATTLE DROIDS level their weapons menacingly. In the Duchess box, COUNT SHAGGY lifts his hand. The DROIDS lower their weapons. The COUNT calls out to the DEJAY. COUNT SHAGGY Yo!!! Silence. COUNT SHAGGY (continuing) Dude, good fight! Someone should make a movie about it or something. But I m tired of watching it. (pauses briefly) Surrender - and I might not kill you. MACE WINDOW We will not be hostages for you to barter with Shaggy. COUNT SHAGGY Oh well. Nice knowing ya. The DROIDS raise their weapons. FERRIS and KOUGERL clasps hands tightly. COUNT SHAGGY raises his hand to give the order to fire. KOUGERL looks up suddenly and whispers to FERRIS. KOUGERL Look! Above, six Gunships are descending fast through the open area in the arena ceiling. They land in a cluster around the handful of DEJAY. CLOWN TROOPERS spill out and start firing at the DROIDS. There is a hellstorm of laserfire that bounces off the laser shields created by the Gunships. NUGI appears at the door of one of the Gunships. NUGI Come on - hurry! Hurry! The SURVIVING DEJAY dash to the Gunships and scramble in. MACE WINDOW hangs on tight as the Gunship, firing all its weapons, rises out of the arena up and over the topmost rim. EXT. GNOMEOSIS, TERRAIN OUTSIDE EXECUTION ARENA - DAY The massed lines of parked New Rock Starships and the DROIDS surrounding the arena, are themselves surrounded by thousands of Revolution Starships, disgorging TENS OF THOUSANDS OF CLOWN TROOPERS. Beyond, more Revolution Starships are landing and spewing out troops. INT. GUNSHIP NUMBER ONE - DAY MACE WINDOW stares at the incredible sight. NUGI More battalions to the left. Encircle them we must, then divide. And see if Freek-Shou has my smokes, I must. The CLOWN TROOPERS open fire with artillery. EXPLOSIONS wreck the parked Battle Starships. CLOWN TROOPERS advance, firing at the massed DROIDS. FIGHTER DROIDS fly overhead, exchanging fire with the Gunships and DEJAY fighters. INT. COCKPIT, MYOOZIK STARSHIP - DAY SQUEEZEPIO and DOCTOO see flashes outside of the ship, exploding everywhere. SEE SQUEEZEPIO What the hell was that? DOCTOO lets out an EXASPERATED BLEEP. SEE SQUEEZEPIO What do you mean,  Don t lose your head ? EXT. BATTLEFIELD, GNOMEOSIS LANDSCAPE - DAY Gunship #2 skims the battlefield, firing down, deflecting answering fire from the droids. INT. GUNSHIP NUMBER TWO - DAY FREEK-SHOU, FERRIS and KOUGERL are at the open sides of the Gunship. CLOWNS fire down at the DROIDS below. The Gunship slows, circling over a droid gun-emplacement. It blasts it, but suddenly the Gunship is rocked by a near miss. It lurches violently. KOUGERL S beer falls out if the cup holder. FREEK-SHOU Hold on! Look over there... Through the other side of the Gunship, they see a Gnomeosian Razor Scooter racing past. In the open cockpit is the unmistakable figure of COUNT SHAGGY. FERRIS It's Shaggy, go after him! The PILOT starts to comply, but... there is a HUGE BLASTS, the ship lurches on its side, and KOUGERL tumbles out. FERRIS (continuing) Kougerl!!! FERRIS stares down in horror as KOUGERL hits the ground below. FERRIS (continuing; to pilot) Put the ship down! Down! FREEK-SHOU No! Forget her. We have to go after Shaggy. FERRIS No we're not!! Land this ship! FREEK-SHOU Don't let your personal feelings get in the way. We've got a job to do. Below, KOUGERL hauls herself to her feet and flips them off for leaving her. FREEK-SHOU Ferris, She's all right! Look. FERRIS stares out to see KOUGERL rescued by CLOWN TROOPERS. FREEK-SHOU (continuing) Follow that speeder! On the ground, KOUGERL looks up at Gunship #2 as it speeds away after Count SHAGGY. FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS follow the speeder to a GNOMEOSIAN tower. The speeder descends rapidly; the Gunship follows. Count SHAGGY'S speeder parks outside the tower; the Gunship parks next to it. FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS leap down and run inside the tower. INT. GNOMEOSIS, SECRET HANGER TOWER - LATE DAY COUNT SHAGGY throws switches on a control panel. His Interstellar Stoner Ship is guarded by a SQUAD OF SUPER BATTLE DROIDS. The doors of the exit-port slide open. DROID CAPTAIN Your Excellency! COUNT SHAGGY turns as FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS run in through the hanger doors. They draw their lightsabers. The DROIDS raise their weapons. COUNT SHAGGY Whoa, chill out, Captain. I wanna fight  em. The DROIDS lower their weapons and back off to the walls. COUNT SHAGGY looks at FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS with slight amusement. FREEK-SHOU (to FERRIS) We move in together - you slowly on the... FERRIS I'm taking him now! FREEK-SHOU Ferris, no! FERRIS You'll pay for all the Dejay you've killed today, Shaggy. FERRIS charges across the open space at COUNT SHAGGY, who smiles faintly, watching him come. FERRIS raises his lightsaber. At the last moment, COUNT SHAGGY thrusts out an arm, and FERRIS is struck with massive amounts of Dork Side hemp lightening. He slumps to the foot of the wall, semi-stoned, his mouth is instantly dry. COUNT SHAGGY moves toward FREEK-SHOU COUNT SHAGGY Lee, ain't it? Dude, with my Dork Side powers, I m gonna mess you up like nobody s business.. FREEK-SHOU I don't think so. SHAGGY Dude, only The Mace can pull off such a cool line like that and get away with it. FREEK-SHOU lifts his lightsaber. COUNT SHAGGY smiles. COUNT SHAGGY Ah what the hell. COUNT SHAGGY draws his bongsaber. He and FREEK-SHOU start to circle each other. COUNT SHAGGY (continuing) I have spent ten years using the power of Dork Side hemp. It gives me b*tchin powers... and a hell of a head change. FREEK-SHOU You ll have to prove it. FREEK-SHOU comes in fast, swinging at COUNT SHAGGY'S head. SHAGGY parries the cut easily. As they fight, it quickly becomes clear that SHAGGY is the complete tokesman - elegant, graceful, classical - a master of the stoned style. COUNT SHAGGY Dude what the hell? And Nugi thinks you kick ass. COUNT SHAGGY parries another cut. COUNT SHAGGY (continuing) Can t you do better? (parries) No? I'm surprised. Has Dejay swordsmanship gotten so crappy, or are you mocking me? COUNT SHAGGY thrusts. FREEK-SHOU steps back quickly, panting for breath. COUNT SHAGGY (continuing) Dude, just hit me. FREEK-SHOU takes a deep breath, gets a fresh grip on his lightsaber and comes in again. For a moment, he drives COUNT SHAGGY back. Then SHAGGY'S superior skill begins to tell again, and he forces FREEK-SHOU to retreat. COUNT SHAGGY increases the tempo of his attack. FREEK-SHOU is pushed to the limit to defend himself. SHAGGY presses. His bongsaber flashes. FREEK-SHOU is wounded in the shoulder, then the thigh. He stumbles back against the wall, trips, and falls. His lightsaber goes skittering across the floor. SHAGGY snuffs out his bongsaber, takes a toke, re-ignites it and raises it. FREEK-SHOU looks up helplessly. SHAGGY exhales grinning wickedly and his bongsaber flashes down and CLASHES against - FERRIS'S lightsaber! COUNT SHAGGY and FERRIS stare eyeball to eyeball. COUNT SHAGGY (continuing) Damn! Haven t I kicked your ass once already? FERRIS I don t remember. COUNT SHAGGY That s what smoking does to ya, you lightweight. (laughs evilly) FERRIS charges at COUNT SHAGGY. The force of his attack catches the Count slightly off balance. FERRIS'S lightsaber flashes. COUNT SHAGGY draws back, putting a hand to his arm. He takes the hand away and looks at the smear of resin where FERRIS has nicked him. COUNT SHAGGY That was pretty good, you Flippiewon punk. But not good enough. FERRIS Don't bet on it! FREEK-SHOU Ferris! FREEK-SHOU uses the Force to catch his lightsaber and he tosses it to FERRIS. With TWO LIGHTSABERS, FERRIS attacks. COUNT SHAGGY parries and ripostes. It is no contest. FERRIS is driven back against the wall. He loses one lightsaber. Finally COUNT SHAGGY, in one flashing move, sends FERRIS'S arm, cut at the elbow, flying still gripping his lightsaber. FERRIS drops to the ground in agony. COUNT SHAGGY draws himself up to deliver the coup de grace. Suddenly, the great doors slide open. The DROIDS turn fast, raising their weapons. Through the thick cannabis-enriched smoke, emerges the heroic figure of NUGI. He stops on the smoke-filled threshold, inhaling deeply. FOUR DROIDS lined up on either side of him, guns pointed. Before the DROIDS can get off a shot, NUGI raises his hand, and the DROIDS are flung against the far walls and KOUGERL to the floor in heaps of smoking metal. Silence... Well, except for the fans in the theatre. COUNT SHAGGY steps away from FERRIS to face the DEJAY Grand Master. His bongsaber whirls in a formal salute. COUNT SHAGGY Master Nugi. I m gonna whoop your *ss, man. NUGI Screw the whole wizard s battle then huh? COUNT SHAGGY Yeah. If they want a wizard s battle, Harry Potter is in theatre #3 and Lord Of The Rings is playing in theatre #8. NUGI draws a miniature lightsaber. He salutes formally. NUGI No interest in Lord Of The Rings, do I have. COUNT SHAGGY Dude I rule in that movie! NUGI Smoke too much weed, you do. COUNT SHAGGY There is no such thing as smoking too much weed. Now intimidate me so we can fight NUGI Better than Kurt, Courtney Love is. COUNT SHAGGY charges angrily across the space at NUGI. He rains down blows upon the tiny figure. NUGI doesn't budge an inch. For the first part of the contest, he parries every cut and thrust that SHAGGY aims. Nothing the great tokesman tries gets through. His energy drains. His tokes become stronger, deeper. NUGI attacks! He flies forward. COUNT SHAGGY is forced to retreat. Words are insufficient to describe the range and skill of NUGI'S speed and swordplay. His lightsaber his a humming blur of light. Count SHAGGY'S bongsaber is sent cart wheeling from his hand. He staggers back, gasping and spent, against the control panel. NUGI jumps onto SHAGGY'S shoulders, and is about to drive the lightsaber into the top of the Count's head. NUGI (continuing) The end for you, Count, this is. COUNT SHAGGY ...Oh, sh*t... COUNT SHAGGY raises his arms and knocks NUGI off his shoulders and then, with all his might, he uses the Force to pull on one of the cranes in the hanger. It comes crashing down on FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS. But in the blink of and eye, NUGI is under the crane, holding it up, using the Force. NUGI closes his eyes and concentrates. FERRIS is unconscious, and FREEK-SHOU tries to get out from under the crane. The fallen crane trembles and starts to life. Behind it, the sound of the Stoner Ship's engines are heard starting up. NUGI concentrates harder a fart escapes and the strain is lightened. Slowly, the crane rises. The SOUND OF THE ENGINES increases. NUGI exerts every scrap of his powers, glad he didn t crap himself yet. The crane lifts clear of FERRIS and is thrown to the ground. SHAGGY'S Stoner Ship takes off. FREEK-SHOU and FERRIS struggle to the exhausted NUGI, but it's too late. The Stoner Ship rises into the air and flies away. COUNT SHAGGY It s vacation time, brothers, vacation time! KOUGERL and a CLOWN CAPTAIN with about TEN TROOPERS appear in the doorway. KOUGERL Ferris! KOUGERL runs to him and throws her arms around him. FERRIS is barely able to stand up. The CLOWN CAPTAIN marches up to NUGI, stops, and salutes smartly. CLOWN CAPTAIN Resistance is at an end, General. What are your orders ? NUGI looks at him and sighs. A small fart is heard. EXT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, OLD TOWN - DAWN COUNT SHAGGY'S Interstellar Stoner Ship glides through a deserted, burned-out part of AKADEMIKOMPLEKS. COUNT SHAGGY maneuvers the ship into one of the empty buildings and lands. INT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, SECRET LANDING PLATFORM - DAWN The ramp lowers. COUNT SHAGGY emerges and walks to where the hooded figure of DARTH BRUMETT stands waiting. COUNT SHAGGY bows. COUNT SHAGGY The Force is with us, Dude. DARTH BRUMETT Welcome home, Lord Jeramee. You have done well. COUNT SHAGGY Dude, the war s started! DARTH BRUMETT Really!? Like I, who is all-powerful in the force, couldn t already see that. (shakes his head in disappointment) EXT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, DEJAY TEMPLE - SUNSET The beautiful temple basks in the red glow of the setting sun. INT. DEJAY TEMPLE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - SUNSET MACE WINDOW Where is your apprentice? FREEK-SHOU On his way back to Myozikd'reckter. He is escorting Senator Kougerl home. But don t worry, I told him to get your smokes this time, Nugi. They are standing, looking out through the tall windows at the great plaza below. NUGI sits in his chair. FREEK-SHOU (continuing) I must admit without the clowns, it would not have been a victory. NUGI Victory? Victory, you say? FREEK-SHOU turns and looks at the sad little DEJAY sitting in the Council Chamber. Apart from KRI-SKA-AWT and TEW SOON, who is wounded, the Chamber is empty. NUGI (continuing) Master Lee, not victory. Begun, the Clown War has! EXT. MYOOZIK LAKE RETREAT, LODGE, GARDEN - LATE DAY In a rose-covered arbor overlooking the sparkling late, FERRIS and KOUGERL stand before a MYOOZIK HOLY MAN. SQUEEZEPIO and DOCTOO stand by, watching, as the HOLY MAN blesses the happy couple and, amid gently falling rose petals, FERRIS and KOUGERL kiss. EXT. AKADEMIKOMPLEKS, MILITARY STAGING AREA, BALCONY - LATE DAY GADDIE, CHOP CHOPS, SLIM ORJIMA and the OTHER SENATORS, with TWO ROYAL GUARDS, stand looking down at the square below. TENS OF THOUSANDS OF CLOWN TROOPS are drawn up in a strict formation or move forwards in near files to climb the ramps of the Military Assault Ships. On the balcony, GADDIE'S expression is deeply sad but his fingers are crossed behind his back. Everyone watches somberly as, in the square, loaded Assault Ships take off. Others land immediately in their place. The sky above is thick with transports. CLOWN TROOPS march and board the Ships. The Great Clown War has begun... FADE OUT: THE END y!? Like I, who is all-powerful in the force, couldn t already see that. (shakes his head in disappointment) EXT. 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