Dirty Jokes

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• Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Howard. You're a veterinarian."
• A little boy walked in on his mom in the bathroom and noticed the hair on her private area. The little boy asked, "Mommy, what is that?" She replied, "This is my washcloth." The little boy went on his way. One evening the woman and her husband were beginning to make love and he asked, "Why don't you shave your muff off?" She agreed. A week after that the little boy had walked in on his mother again but this time she didn't have any hair. So the little boy asked, "Mommy, what happen to your "washcloth"?" She replied, "I lost it." Later that day the little boy came running up to his mom and said, "Mommy, I found your washcloth!" Confused, she asked, "Where did you find it?" "The lady next door was washing Daddy's face with it!"
• This couple out on a date get a flat tire while driving along on a snowy night. The guy gets out to change the tire, but he doesn't have any gloves so before long he gets back in the car with the job half-done, his hands blue from the cold. "Put your hands between my legs to warm them up," offers his gal. So he does, then gets out to finish the job. It's so cold, however, so he has to come back one more time to warm his hands, again between her legs. Finally, he finishes the job and gets back into the car, and is about to put the keys into the ignition when she asks... "Aren't your ears cold?"
• A high school English teacher reminded her class of the final exam that would be given the following day. She told the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the students immediate family. A smart ass jock in the back of the class asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class did it's best to stifle there laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Not an excuse. You can write with your other hand."
• A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do "69." "What the hell is that?" asks the guy. Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain, "I put my head between your legs, and you put your head between mine." Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment, he agrees to try it. The second they get into position, she lets loose a rip-roaring fart! "What was that for?" he asks. "Ooops!..sorry, let's try it again" she says. So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose! The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. "Wait, where are you going??" she asks. The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy!!"
• Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my ass." Then he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his bad language. "That's okay," she said, "If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my car."
• Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives. Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?" Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M." Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that." "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He Snores while I Masturbate."
• A man walks into this whore house to get a woman but doesn't know what he wants. The woman at the counter tells the man to go outside to where this fence is and in this fence are some holes. She instructs him to stick his dick into each of the holes and then to make a choice. He sticks his dick into the first hole and he gets his dick sucked. He sticks his dick into the second hole and he gets jerked off. He sticks his dick into the third hole and he feels it slip into a warm pussy. After he finishes he walks back inside to the woman at the counter. She asks him what woman he wants. The man says, "Forget the women. I want to buy that fence."

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