In The Saddle With PonyBoy:  How to Tell a Corny Joke

    To be great is to be misunderstood...to be corny is to be, well, corny.  Despite what you may think or what your friends, peers, or even your parole officer has told you, telling corny jokes is as much an art form as painting or sculpting.  One must truly be in touch with his corniness to fully master and appreciate this time-honored tradition.  Corniness is an extension of the soul, and only the truly elite are able to be intune with their "Cornimality".  What's that you say?  YOU don't have a corny bone in you entire body?  Sure you do (I think it's somewhere in your middle toe)!  Anyway, never fear, because I'm here to help you.  This is your offical guide to how to tell a corny joke.  I hope you find it very useful.
 

- Can anyone tell a corny joke?
    Yes!  Believe it or not, we all have a degree of corniness in us.  I'm corny, your corny, the bums under Garrett Bridge (hi Shawn) are corny,  even President Clinton is corny (I said C-O-R-N-Y, Monica).  The trick is to learn how to control it.  Only then can you become the master of your corniness.
 

- What can you make a corny joke about?
   This is a very delicate question.  We must always remember that only certain subjects should be the source of a corny joke.  To aid you, the following is a list of dos and don'ts that can be the subject of a corny joke.

    Do Tell Corny Jokes About.....

        *Your friends - What else are they good for?

        *Your friend's friends - They probably deserve it anyway!

        *Family - No reason needed.

        *Social hieracrchy of China & affects on Western Society - Just seeing if you are paying attention.

   Do Not Tell Corny Jokes About.....

        *Underwear - Hey, we all have to wear it and it's no laughing matter.

           That's pretty much it!
 

- Ok, I got a subject.  What's next?
    Next you need an audience.  Any audience will do, and the more the merrier.  Who makes a good audience?  Typically great friends who probably already understand you suffer from a little ignorance anyway.....that way you really can't appear any stupider!
 

- Why not just tell a typical (and funny) joke?
    It's guys like you that make me sick.  Sure, anyone can tell a funny joke.  But it takes a truly daring and superior person to be corny, especailly as corny as me.
 

- So what's the outcome?
   Typically you can expect a variety of outcomes for telling a truly corny joke.  The following are some of my personal experiences, yours may vary:

        *Patronizing & Ridicule - It goes along with the territory, just learn to deal with it.

        *Excessive & Prolonged Touching  and Tickling - You may actually enjoy it.

        *Carnivorous Attacks - Yep, sometimes they bite.  Watch out!

        *Attention Drawn to Anatomical Regions - Why fight it?  Just show 'em your butt.

        *Personal Losses - Includes respect, confidence, personal space, and free will.

        *Must Take Pointless Quizzes - They'll pick your answers for you anyway, so take it.

        *Tolerance for All Types of Lotions - Develops pretty fast and you'll smell great.

        *Exposure to Feminine Aspects - Let's leave it at that.

        *Group Hugs - This is the one you need to fear, they happen often and without warning!
 

    Well, there you have it.  Pretty much everything you need to be truly corny.  I hope this guide proves beneficial.  Good luck and always remember PonyBoy's Golden Rule:  Be as corny unto others as they would unto you.