Quotes
Besides these, there are plenty
scattered throughout the pages!
"I firmly believe...that
if there is a God, it has to be a man. No woman could or would
fuck things up like this. If there is a God...I think most reasonable
people might agree that he's at least incompetent and maybe, just
maybe, doesn't give a shit..." -George Carlin
Arthur Shopenhauer:
"Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they shall think."
A man without religion
is like a fish without a bicycle. - Vique
"I noticed that all the
prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer
to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same fifty percent
rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't...Same
as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the voodoo
lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles.
It's all the same...so just pick your superstition, sit back,
make a wish, and enjoy yourself..." -George Carlin
In the beginning Man created God; and in the image
of Man created he him.
"Aqualung" - Jethro Tull
Some foolish men declare that
a Creator made the world. The doctrine that the world was created
is illadvised, and should be rejected. If God created the world,
where was He before creation? How could God have made the world
without any raw material? If you say He made this first, and then
the world, you are faced with an endless regression ... Know that
the world is uncreated, as time itself is, without beginning and
end. -The Mahapurana, Jinasena
If Jesus Christ were to come today,
people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner,
and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it. -Thomas Carlyle
The Christian resolution to find
the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.
Nietzsche
My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards
the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own
image, to be servants of their human interests.
George Santayana
I believe in god, I just don't
like him. -unknown
Christian Fundamentalism: The
doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable,
universe-spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned
about my sex life.
Andrew Lias
Woody Allen:
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a
large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen:
"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends."
Jules Renard:
"I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His
reputation if He didn't."
Art Hoppe:
"If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?"
Luis Bunuel:
"I'm still an atheist, thank God."
Woody Allen:
"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably
because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
Peter O'Toole, The Ruling Class:
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I
suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
"As soon as you are willing
to discard observational data because it conflicts with religion,
you are giving up any hope of ever really understanding the universe.
As soon as you pick religion as the touchstone of reality, then
we have to start discussing how one can demonstrate the correctness
of one religion over another when different *religions* disagree."
-- Wilson Heydt
William Ralph Inge, 1920:
To become a popular religion, it is only necessary for a superstition
to enslave a philosohpy.
Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP Keynote
Address:
"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know
that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then
they would actually change their minds and you never hear that
old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen
as often as it should, because scientists are human and change
is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall
the last time someting like that happened in politics or religion."
Jack Handey:
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell
him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying,
another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something
you did."
Frank Lloyd Wright:
"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature."
Steven Wright:
"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"
"Religions change, but beer
and wine remain."
-Anon.
"He hoped and prayed that
there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction
involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
-Douglas Adams
"I hope I never get so old I get religious."
-Ingmar Bergman
"Faith: Belief without evidence
in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things
without parallel."
-Ambrose Bierce
"Religion is the idol of the mob; it adores everything
it does not understand."
-Frederick the Great
"I do not feel obliged to
believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason,
and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
-Galileo Galilei
"Religion is the highest
vanity."
-Friedrich Hebbel
"A long and wicked life followed by five minutes
of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of
decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking
the name of the Lord in vain—then have a heart attack at
that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system?"
-Robert A. Heinlein
"Theology is never any help;
it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that
isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything."
-Robert A. Heinlein
"Question with boldness even the existence of
a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage
of reason, than that of blind-folded fear."
-Thomas Jefferson
"The beauty of religious
mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God
(or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which
happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic
can be happily tossed out the window."
-Stephen King
"A heretic is a man who sees with his own eyes."
-Gotthold Ephraim Lessing
"Gods are fragile
things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of
common sense."
-Chapman Cohen
"I still say a church steeple
with a lightening rod on top shows a lack of confidence."
-Doug McLeod
God has been replaced, as he has all over the West,
with respectability and air conditioning. -Imamu Amiri Baraka
I don't believe in
God because I don't believe in Mother Goose. -Clarence Darrow
An athiest is a man who has no
invisible means of support. -Fulton J Sheen
All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's
children are in fact, barely presentable.
-Fran Leowitz
Is man one of God's blunders
or is god one of Man's blunders? -Frederich Wilhelm Nietzsche
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are
twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my
leg. -Thomas Jefferson
I cannot imagine a god who rewards
and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled
after our own a god, in short, who is but a reflection of human
frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the
death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts
through fear or ridiculous egotism. -Albert Einstein
A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually
on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is
necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained
by fear and punshiment and hope of reward after death. -Albert
Einstein
I cannot believe in
a God who wants to be praised all the time. -Friedrich Wilhelm
Nietzsche
There is no God. But it does not matter. Man is enough.
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
Probably no invention came more
easily to man than when he thought up heaven. -Georg Christoph
Lichtenberg
He was a wise man who
invented God. -Plato
I prefer to think that God is not dead,
just drunk. -John Marcellus Huston
It says he made us all to be
just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even
a little ugly on the side. -Frank Vincent Zappa
It is difficult to imagine that the belief in a single
jealous male god of uncertain temper represents a "higher"
spiritual state than the belief in many gods, male and female
alike, each an embodiment of some aspect of human life as it can
be empirically known and experienced. -Vincent Scully
The universe is a machine
for creating gods. -Henri Louis Bergson
NEW QUOTES!
"All thinking
men are atheists."
-Ernest Hemingway
"I am an atheist, out and
out. It took me a long time to say it. I've been an atheist for
years and years, but somehow I felt it was intellectually unrespectable
to say that one is an atheist, because it assumed knowledge that
one didn't have. Somehow it was better to say one was a humanist
or agnostic. I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't
exist, but I so strongly suspect that he doesn't that I don't
want to waste my time."
-Isaac Asimov
"Randomness scares
people. Religion is a way to explain randomness."
-- Fran Lebowitz
"If Christ were here now
there is one thing he would not be - a Christian."
-- Mark Twain
"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is
told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."
-- Ambrose Bierce
"So far as religion
of the day is concerned, it is a damned fake... Religion is all
bunk."
-- Thomas Alva Edison
"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence."
-- Carl Sagen
It was, of course, a lie what you read about
my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically
repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never
denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in
me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration
for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal
it."
-- Albert Einstein
Convictions are more
dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
-- Freidrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
If God created us in his
own image we have more than reciprocated."
-- Voltaire
"The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience
is a delight to moralists - that is why they invented hell."
-- Bertrand Russell
"It is inconceivable that the whole
Universe was merely created for us who live in this third-rate
planet of a third-rate sun."
-- Alfred Lord Tennyson
The Christian god can easily be pictured as virtually
the same god as the many ancient gods of past civilizations. The
Christian god is a three headed monster; cruel, vengeful and capricious.
If one wishes to know more of this raging, three headed beast-like
god, one only needs to look at the caliber of people who say they
serve him. They are always of two classes: fools and hypocrites."
-- Thomas Jefferson
"I almost shudder at the
thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of
grief which the history of mankind has preserved -- the Cross.
Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!"
-- John Adams, in a letter to Thomas Jefferson
"Millions of innocent men, women and children,
since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured,
fined and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards
uniformity." --Thomas Jefferson, Notes on Virginia, 1782
And the day will come when the
mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father
in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the
generation of Minerve in the brain of Jupiter. But may we hope
that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United
States will do away with this artificial scaffolding, and restore
to us the primitive and genuine doctrines of this most venerated
reformer of human errors." --Thomas Jefferson, Letter to
John Adams, April 11, 1823
"No kingdom has
shed more blood than the kingdom of Christ." [Montiesque]
"Creationists make it sound as
though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk
all night." [Isaac Asimov]
"When I think of all the
harm the Bible has done, I despair of ever writing anything to
equal it." [Oscar Wilde]
"I was born a heretic. I always distrust people
who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows.
[Susan B. Anthony]
The inspiration of
the Bible depends on the ignorance of the person who reads it."
-Robert G. Ingersoll
If people are good only because
they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry
lot indeed.
-Albert Einstein
"It has been discovered that the man who was lost
in thought was not a church member."
-Lemuel K. Washburn
If Atheism is a religion,
then health is a disease!"
[Clark Adams]
"If you love god, burn a church"
[Jello Biafra]
"Whenever I think of how
religion started, I picture some frustrated
old man making out a list of all the ways he could gain power,
until
he finally came up with the great solution of constant fear and
guilt,
then he leaped up and started planning a new wardrobe."
[Steve Blake]ea of an incarnation of God is absurd:
"I refuse to be labeled
immoral
merely because I am godless."
[Peter Walker
Like all religions, the Holy Religion of the Invisible
Pink Unicorn is
based upon both Logic and Faith. We have Faith that She is Pink;
and
we Logically know that She is Invisible, because we can't see
Her.
For many, faith is a suitable substitute for knowledge,
as death is for a difficult life. -anonymous
"It
would be very nice if there were a God who created the world and
was a benevolent providence, and if there were a moral order in
the universe and an after-life; but it is a very striking fact
that all this is exactly as we are bound to wish it to be."
-Sigmund Freud
"Faith may be defined briefly
as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. .
. . A man full of faith is simply one who has lost (or never had)
the capacity for clear and realistic thought. He is not a mere
ass: he is actually ill."
-Henry Lewis "H.L." Mencken
"Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If
a man really wants to make a million dolars, the best way would
be to start his own religion."
-Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, 1949, then just a writer
"Belief in a cruel
God makes a cruel man."
-Thomas Paine
"We found a great
number of books...and since they contained nothing but superstitions
and falsehoods of the Devil we burned them all."
-Catholic Bishop Diego De Landa, after burning priceless books
of Mayan history and science, July 1562
"The order of creation in the Bible is woefully
incorrect and violates even the most simple and obvious rules
of natural science."
-Charles Cazeau, U.S. professor of geology
He is less remote from
the truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong."
-Thomas Jefferson
Puritanism- The haunting fear
that someone, somewhere, may be happy."
-H.L. Mencken
One is *not* free to become a Christian.
One must be sick enough for it." Nietzsche
A casual stroll through
the lunatic asylum
shows that faith does not prove anything." Nietzsche
The surest way to corrupt a youth is
to instruct him to hold in higher
esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
-Nietzsche
Faith is often the
boast of the man who is too lazy to investigate.
— F.M. Knowles
The human race has suffered for
centuries and is still suffering from the mental disorder known
as religion, and atheism is the only physician that will be able
to effect a permanent cure.
— Joseph Lewis
We are god because
only we can create his existence with our minds.
— Yello
The Bible must be seen in a cultural
context. It didn’t just happen. These stories are retreads
from stories before. But, tell a Christian that — No, No!
What makes it doubly sad is that they hardly know the book, much
less its origins.
— Isaac Asimov
The fundamentalists
deny that evolution has taken place; they deny that the earth
and the universe as a whole are more than a few thousand years
old, and so on. There is ample scientific evidence that the fundamentalists
are wrong in these matters, and that their notions of cosmogony
have about as much basis in fact as the Tooth Fairy has.
— Isaac Asimov
Man is a Religious Animal. He is the
only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True
Religion — several of them. He is the only animal that loves
his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn’t
straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest
best to smooth his brother’s path to happiness and heaven...
The higher animals have no religion. And we are told that they
are going to be left out in the Hereafter. I wonder why? It seems
questionable taste.
— Mark Twain
...More people are
driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
— W.C. Fields
Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Give him
a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a
fish.
— Timothy Jones
The Church says that
the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen
the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than
in the Church.
— Ferdinand Magellan
I have never made but
one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.
And God granted it.
— Voltaire
The most incomprehensible thing about
the universe is that it is
comprehensible. -- Einstein
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