1. hey baby , why don't u sit on my lap , and we'll talk about the first thing that POPZ up!!!
2. (motion for a girl 2 cum here with 1 finger), " if i could make u cum with thiz finger imagine what i could do with all five !"
3. if i told u that u had a nice body would u hold it against me ?
4. do u sleep on your stomach ? can i ?
5. i wanna use your thighz as earmuffs.
6. are those real ?
7. i may not be fred flintstone but i can sure make your bed rock .
8. ya know that shirt is very becoming on u ..... of course , if i was on u i would be cumming 2 .
9. the word of the day is legs , so lets go 2 my house and spread the word .
10. why dont you come over and we can do sum math in the bed ; add the bed , subtract the clothes , divide the legs , and ill multiply.
11. nice dress can i talk u out of it ?
12. Mmmm u bring new meaning to the word "edible"
13. so , u wanna see sumthing really swell ?
14.excuse me miss , do u give head to strangers ? (no) well , then allow me to introduce myself.
15. They call me milk cause i do your body good !
16. i miss my teddy bear . would u sleep with me ?
17. hi , do u want to have children? (assuming the answer is no) then , can we just practice ?
18. i know milk dose a body good , but DAMN how much u been drinking ?
19. you have 250 bones in your body , want another?
20. hey baby , can i tickle your belly from the inside?
21. wanna play army ? i'll lay down and u could blow the hell outta me .
22. yo baby , i bust more nuts then a squirrel
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? -- 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? -- 45 mins.
What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? -- Sexual Harassment.
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? -- $3.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
How can you tell if your husband is dead? -- The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? -- Humpme Dumpme.
What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? -- Marriage.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? -- None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? -- Through his chest with a sharp knife.
What have men and floor tiles got in common? -- If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? --Because those men already have boyfriends.
What is a man's view of safe sex? -- A padded headboard.
How do men sort their laundry? -- "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? -- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde? -- A golden retriever.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? -- The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? -- The woman who ate the last donut.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman? -- A battery has a positive side
"I pity him because I get to walk away & be me, & he has to stay him y'know? And who wants to be him when you could be me?"
"I like guys a lot, but I'm not going to waste my time with some guy that doesn't see things the way I do… I mean do you really need this guy?"
"It's not even funny how much I hate you right now… because you put me through so much pain… & I've always let it go. But now… I look at you & laugh cuz you're just so dang pathetic."
"I'd tell you to burn in hell but when I'd die… I would have to see you again."
"Players only play cuz their afraid to give their hearts away."
"Just like I have learned to deal with the fact that Santa Claus isn't real… I have also learned to deal with the fact that neither are those guys in fairytales!"
"I found the perfect man, but you see, he's in Africa, & he's walking."
"The one thing guys just don't understand… is that us girls always know what's goin' on."
"The devil must have created your soul, cause only be could have made such a perfect a--hole."
"Some guys say 'suck it', I just sat 'No thanks, I choke on small objects.'"
"I wasn't born a b-tch, men like you made me this way."
"Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is the thought that one day your heart will break just like mine has… just a shame I can't be the one to do it."
"Time will heal my broken heart, just as time will heal his broken arms and legs."
"There's no such thing as a good guy… only a--holes that are good at acting."
"He broke your heart, shattered it like glass, when he comes crawling back-say hunny… kiss my a--."
"You're so perfect, you've got everything and you are way too cool to understand that you are out of line."
"Did you think I was blind? Did you think I couldn't see? Did you think I'd just dismiss your betrayal so easily? Sick and tired of your negativity. Sick and tired of your contradictions. You should understand in order to make change more than just words and ideologies are needed, you've gotta be down to earth, so get it through your head. Nobody appointed you any kind of leader. And to think that I once trusted you, I used to call you a friend. I can forgive but I can't forget, I won't be hurt by you again. You've got it in your mind that you've been appointed as some kind of leader." -GOB
"You know why you're so scared of being committed to me? I'll tell you why… you're scared that you might actually find yourself falling in love with me. And I don't think you're ready for that."
"So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair -ew- and cover it up with a backwards cap and we're supposed to swoon? I don't think so!" -Clueless
"One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions."
"Starlight… starbright… where the heck is Mr. Right?"
"When I first met him I thought he was everything I have ever wanted in a guy… that is until I actually met him."
"So tell me… if we're just friends, then why do you get mad when I'm with any other guy, but you?"
"You know what? You're a jerk, you're an idiot… and I hate you!!"
"Women's faults are many, but men only have two, everything they say and everything they do."
"This is national Moron Week, glad to see you participating."
"Men have sight. Women have insight."
"A man who wants to do something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse."
"If I promise to miss you, will you go away?"
"One man can make one woman hate all other men."
"Guys are players, that's a fact, don't fall in love, just play them back!"
"Don't play me… play the lotto… you gotta better chance of winning."
"Playing me isn't the easiest part of playing the game… it's playing you."
"I'm made of sugar and spice and I think diamonds are nice and if you are smart you will take my advice-my heart aint a play thing, it aint a toy and there aint no way in hell I'm gonna have it broken by some boy!"
"So live that you can look any man in the eye and tell him to go to hell."
"You know, sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more water out of the pool."
"Every sweet guy loses flavor."
"No one can have a higher opinion of men than me… they're idiots!"
"You told me that you understood, and that you really cared… I never realized how cheap talk was."
"Guys are like hand bags, when you go out, you need the dress, you need the shoes, but do you really need the handbag? It looks nice, it's useful, but do you really need it?"
"I must admit.. you brought religion into my life. I never believed in hell till I met you."
"Every girl is looking for the 'perfect' guy… but if he were perfect he wouldn't be a guy."
"If I throw a stick, will you go away?
"You can't expect me to choose a boyfriend right away, that would be like eating the first pancake off the stove. You have to feed one to the dog."
"I know you think I'm cute. I know you think I'm fine, but like all the rest of the boys… take a number and wait in line."
"I would tell you to go to Hell, but all dogs go to Heaven."
"Life's a bitch and so am I...deal with it."
"When we were together you said you would die for me. Now that we broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!"
Little Annoyances: Things That Drive a Sane Person Nuts
gO bAcK 2 qUoTeS pAgE
Go BaCk 2 FrIeNdS pAgE
gO 2 sHoUtOuTs PaGe
Go 2 My CoRnEr
bAcK 2 cUtE qUoTeS 2
Go BaCk 2 FrIeNdS pAgE 2
gO 2 tHe LifE oPiNiOnS
Go 2 ThE pOeM/sOnG pAgE
gO 2 tHe BaSeBaLl QuOtEs