Stages of Life for Men and Women

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE--------DRINK

17--------beer
25--------beer
35--------vodka
48--------double vodka
66--------Maalox

SEDUCTION LINE
17--------My parents are away for the weekend.
25--------My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35--------My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48--------My wife is away for the weekend.
66--------My second wife is dead.

FAVORITE SPORT
17--------sex
25--------sex
35--------sex
48--------sex
66--------napping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17--------"french kissing"
25--------"breakfast"
35--------"She didn't set back my therapy."
48--------"I didn't have to meet her kids."
66--------"Got home alive."

FAVORITE FANTASY
17--------getting to third
25--------airplane sex
35--------menage a trois
48--------taking the company public
66--------Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

HOUSE PET
17--------roaches
25--------stoned-out college roommate
35--------Irish setter
48--------children from his first marriage
66--------Barbi

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17--------25
25--------35
35--------48
48--------66
66--------17

IDEAL DATE
17--------Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25--------"Split the check before we go back to my place"
35--------"Just come over."
48--------"Just come over and cook."
66--------Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.



THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE--------DRINK
17--------Wine Coolers
25--------White wine
35--------Red wine
48--------Dom Perignon
66--------Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17--------Need to wash my hair
25--------Need to wash and condition my hair
35--------Need to color my hair
48--------Need to have Francois color my hair
66--------Need to have Francois color my wig

FAVORITE SPORT
17--------shopping
25--------shopping
35--------shopping
48--------shopping
66--------shopping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17--------"Burger King"
25--------"Free meal"
35--------"A diamond"
48--------"A bigger diamond"
66--------"Home Alone"

FAVORITE FANTASY
17--------tall, dark and handsome
25--------tall, dark and handsome with money
35--------tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48--------a man with hair
66--------a man

HOUSE PET
17--------Muffy the cat
25--------Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35--------Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48--------Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66--------Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17--------17
25--------25
35--------35
48--------48
66--------66

IDEAL DATE
17--------He offers to pay
25--------He pays
35--------He cooks breakfast the next morning
48--------He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66--------He can chew breakfast

Email: plprather@iclub.org