Clinton dies and of course goes straight to hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity. They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! That’s not how I want to spend all eternity......." They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh chained to the wall being tortured. Bill says "Oh no! Not for me!" They go to the third door. Behind it is Ken Starr, chained to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her knees giving him a blowjob. Bill thinks and decides, "Hmmm, looks okay to me. I’ll take it." The Devil then says, "Good. Hey Monica, you’ve been replaced."
A drunk walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink. "Get out" says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here". The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink. "I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!" The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink. The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at the drunk and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!". The drunk looks up at the bartender and slurs "How many fuckin' bars do you work at, anyway?"
One day, two old men were in the hallway of their nursing home in their wheelchairs. The nurse approaches the first old man who is making car noises and pretending to drive. "Homer, what are you doing?" asked the nurse. "I'm driving to Florida." replied the man. "Okay. Be careful." said the nurse. About an hour or so later, the nurse returned and Homer was still pretending to drive. "Where are you now, Homer?" the nursed asked the man. "Almost there" replied the old man. At that moment, the nurse looked over at the other old man who was jerking off. "What on earth are you doing, Fred?" asked the nurse. Fred replied, "I'm screwing Homer's wife while he's out of town!"
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to give him 2 shots. He gets them and drinks one then poors the other one on his hand. He does it about 4-5 times before the bartender says" I'll give you the next 2 for free if you tell me why you keep doing that." The guy says " I wanna get my date drunk before I take her home."
This guy comes into the bar and orders a drink. He pulls out a 100 dollar bill and says to the bartender "Keep the change". Suddenly this little guy jumps out of his shirt pocket and runs down the counter and spills everyones drinks and hops back in his pocket. The guy pulls out a couple more 100 dollar bills to pay for the damage. The bartender is in awe. The guy orders another drink and pays for it and suddenly this little guy jumps out of his pocket and does the same thing again. The bartender says enough is enough and he asks the man what in the hell is going on. The man replies "I was walking on the beach the other day and I came upon a lamp in the sand I rubbed it and a genie came out and said hed grant me 3 wishes. My first wish was that I would never run out of money and that came true. My second wish was that I could have sex with any women whenever I want and I came back to my apartment and there was a buch of supermodels waiting for me". "What about the third wish". said the bartender. The man replied "I wished for a six inch prick and this is the little fucker I got".
A woman runs screaming into her house "Honey, your not going to belive it I won the lottery. Pack your bags." Her husband replies, "How wonderful, should I pack for the mountians or for the islands?" His wife replied "I don't care, just pack your bags. Your getting out!"
what is the definition of making love? something a woman does while a guy is fuckin her
Construction worker on the 5th floor needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I" pointed to his knee meaning "need" and he moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods, pulls out his dick and starts masterbating. The worker on the 5th floor gets so pissed he runs down to the ground floor and says "What the fuck is your problem??!! I said I need a hand saw." The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
Little Billy comes home and his mother asks, "What did you learn about in school today?" "Sex," replies Billy. Later his mother sees Billy jacking-off in his room. She yells ,"Billy what are you doing!?" Billy answers, "My homework."
The kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. When called upon the first student says " The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said " Well that isn't entirely correct because sometimes it's gray and cloudy". Another student says" Grass is definitely green". Teacher again replies " If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct". Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?". The teacher replied, " No, and that is not a suitable question for class discussion". The student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants".
Humorous songs, videos, and programs
A funny rodeo song
Dirty imitation of Donald Duck
Cool southpark video
Try this program out guys
A dancing baby screensaver
