In the world's eyes, I was "good," but in my heart I knew I was a sinner. I could never understand what they meant at Easter when they said Christ died for you. But I figured I would probably make it into heaven because I thought my good deeds outweighed my bad deeds. God was about to show me that His plan is much different than what I had thought.
I began looking into other religions (I was Methodist) and seriously looked into Mormonism. They seemed to be so sincere and really practiced their religion. But after taking some instruction from a couple of Mormon elders, God closed that door. I put it on the back burner for later and have since learned more about their beliefs and reject it entirely.
Then one night a little over a year after the accident, I went to my Methodist Youth Fellowship meeting. They had invited a speaker who was a "converted disc jockey." I knew what a disc jockey was, but I didn't know what converted meant. When I went into the church hallway, I was introduced to this man, Dale Cleveland. I saw something in his face I had never seen before. It was the love of Jesus radiating from Him...although I didn't know it then. He went on into the room where he would speak, carrying his old tattered Bible, which he obviously used often. But before he went in, I saw him go over to the corner and pray. This was so unusual as everything in my church was always "just so," with the ministers wearing robes and rarely carrying a Bible at all. This guy was so down to earth. Well, God had begun a work in me and very plainly impressed the message into my heart that I was about to find out what He had for me. I had no doubt as I went in and sat down to hear the message that God was about to speak to me--He was telling me this in my heart which was so strange and yet so awesome.
Dale talked to us teens for I don't know how long. And I don't remember much of what he said which is good in that it wasn't Dale I was really listening to and my focus wasn't on him. In the course of his message, he said two things that God was speaking right to me. He said that we could be born again, having Jesus come in, forgive us of our sins, and start all over with Jesus living through us. He also said that Jesus was knocking on the door to our hearts, that the doorknob was on the inside, and only we could open it if we wanted to invite Him to come in. I had tried and tried, New Year's resolutions and all, to be good. But I would always fail. Here was a chance to let God do it; a fresh start with Jesus living through me. Well, you can guess that I did ask Jesus to come into my heart that night. I told Him I was a sinner and that I needed Him to forgive me and to live His life through me. I had tried doing it myself and never could. I knew I could only do it with Him in control. The verses he used were John 3:3, "Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of heaven," and Rev. 3:20, "Behold I stand at the door and knock, if any man hear my voice and open the door I will come in to him and will sup with him and he with me."
Even that night I didn't understand just how God's plan works, but I just accepted it by faith. Now I understand that there is no weighing of our good against our bad, we all have sinned at least once and that sin separates us from a Holy God. And there is a punishment for sin, separation from God. In this life it separates us from God in fellowship; if we die with our sin unaccounted for, we are separated from God for all eternity. But God loved us so much that He didn't want us separated from Him, so He sent Jesus, His own Son to die in our place and take the punishment for our sins. Even if I wanted to die in someone's place and take the punishment for his/her sins I couldn't because I too have sin, but Jesus is God and is sinless, so only He could be an acceptable sacrifice. That is why in the Old Testament they had to sacrifice a lamb without spot or blemish. It was a picture of the Lamb of God who would take away the sins of the world. So Jesus paid the penalty already. We don't have to be separated from God. Now He offers eternal life to us as a gift, we can do nothing to earn it or deserve it. It is a gift, but to have it we must receive it. The Bible says "To as many as RECEIVED Him to them gave He power to become the sons of God." How do we do this? In Acts 20:21, it says we must have repentance toward God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. That means we must change our minds about God. We might have thought we could get to heaven some other way, now we tell God that we know His plan is the only way and we are willing to let Him turn us around. We must be sorry for our sins, and want Him to rule in our lives. And having faith in our Lord Jesus Christ means we believe that when He died on the cross He died for our sins. We accept Him as our personal savior. The whole plan is told in Romans 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, and 10:9-13.
Only God knows our heart. The Bible says we can't even trust that we know our own hearts because it is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. I am praying that you will surrender your heart to Him who loves you enough to have told me to write this all down for you.
How are you righteous before God?
Only by true faith in Jesus Christ. In spite of the fact that my conscience accuses me that I have grievously sinned against all the commandments of God, and have not kept any one of them, and that I am still ever prone to all that is evil, nevertheless, God, without any merit of my own, out of pure grace, grants me the benefits of the perfect expiation of Christ, imputing to me his righteousness and holiness as if I had never committed a single sin or had ever been sinful, having fulfilled myself all the obedience which Christ has carried out for me, if only I accept such favor with a trusting heart.
from the Heidelberg Confession
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