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If you really want to be an evil genius (and what great psycho doesn't?!?) then you are gonna need some tips to get you started, this advice helped me become the insane freak I am! (Plus they are hilarious!)


10 Tips on Being an Evil Genius!!

1) Remember to laugh in a crazy way. It lets people know you mean business.

2) Think highly of yourself. It helps to repeat phrases like "I'm a genius", "I'm brilliant", "Everyone else is such a fool...because I'm such a genius!" And remember my motto: "Those who want to rule the world do - and those who can't, aren't real evil geniuses, are they?"

3) When forming your brilliantly evil plan, make sure that you've chosen to do something that you really shouldn't do, and that will make the whole world know that you're not playing with a full deck.

4) During the course of executing your plan, you will probably be stretched, dropped, blown up, and set on fire at least once. And that is if everything goes RIGHT. Just remember: Never give up.

5) Always leave a forwarding address in case your secret lair is destroyed or you're sent to prison.

6) Choose a sidekick who's not as smart as you. When one of your evil plans goes wrong (and they always do - trust me), you will at least have someone else to blame.

7) Finish school and get a degree. Every evil genius I know went to college. My major was complete and total world domination, with a minor in marketing. I can't tell you how much those years in college helped me. (Conquering the world is a lot easier than sharing a bathroom with three other girls).

8) Be prepared to have perfect strangers tell you that your brilliant plan is against the law or a threat to society. This is not a time to rethink your plan and see if it could be "less evil." Remember - you're an EVIL genius. Evil is what we do, so leave the nice stuff to the good guys.

9) If your goal is something big, say world domination. always prepare a backup plan. I have several backup plans, from the big (stealing the moon) to the small (not rewinding rented videos).

10) Plotting against the forces of good is hard work. What you wear is important because that's how you're going to be remembered. Frankly, anyone can blow up the planet. But the real skill is doing it in a red sequined gown, 5-inch heels and a feather boa.


Cackling 101

Ok, everyone knows that the evil psychopaths of today have a signature laugh ; that chilling cackle that goes something like this...." Muahahahahahahahaha" followed by self congratulation...." I WILL rule the world, you will ALL cower before the wrath of ____insert evil name here_____" and so on. Well, being the kind, generous, and loving psychotic weirdo that I am, I will gladly share the secret of how to perfect that wacko cackle. The secret is...listen up kids...you gotta have style! You can imitate as much as you want but you can't pull off someone esle's evil laugh! Let me explain why. If you've ever gone to a thrift shop you'll know what I'm talking about. In fact, let's use that as my example. So you go to a thrift shop where a rich, recently deceased millionaire donated all his clothes, and you see this GREAT shirt. You immediately try it on and low and behold....it looks AWFUL! ( I mean really awful...like some bum in a dead guy's clothes.) The redneck thrift store owner comments casually to you, " Yep. Looked great on the dead guy but I musta stretched it when I pulled it off his corpse." You just don't have the style to wear a millionaire's suit...just like you don't have the right style to imitate an evil laugh. Is it making sense yet? All I can say to you innocent, naive oddballs is that practice makes perfect, and confidence will take you everywhere, so get cackling!