Jayde
Scene: As the cameras flash on suddenly Zavior is seen sitting in the snow, working at his knee with his hands, looking at Jayde, waiting for her to do something, which was fair enough, since so often she had been the idea one of their quartet. They hadn’t had a leader, but Jayde had been the closest thing to it. Even back in High School that had been true. The woman, meanwhile, was looking at no one, just staring off into the snow again. She took the breath, held it, and let it out. Better. A little better. All right, what was up with this lady? Never mind where she’d come from, what she was doing here, or why she smelled like diluted antifreeze when she burped. What was up with her right now? Shock, obviously. Shock so deep it was like a form of catatonia---witness how she had not so much as stirred when the Scout went skidding by her at shaving distance. And yet she hadn’t retreated so far inside that only a hypo of something excitable could reach her; she had responded to the snap of Jayde’s fingers, and she has spoken. Had inquired about someone named Rick.
Hidden Thoughts: Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence. Skill and confidence are an unconquered army. Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained. At times some may say or even think “She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not care to be herself,” but they would sadly be wrong…dead wrong. Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have. I don't possess a lot of self-confidence. I'm an actor so I simply act confident every time I hit the stage. I am consumed with the fear of failing. Reaching deep down and finding confidence has made all my dreams come true. Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. If you're in control, they're in control. Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions. Self-confidence is the result of a successfully survived risk.
Scene: Jayde took off her gloves again, held her hands in front of the woman’s face, and clapped them smartly. She thought the sound very small compared to the steady whoosh of the wind in the trees, but the woman blinked again. Jayde took the woman’s gloved hands and was encouraged when they closed reflexively around hers. She leaned forward, getting into the woman’s face, smelling that ethery odor. No one who smelled like that could be very well. Jayde stood, holding the woman’s hands. She rose, her knees popping, and burped again. The woman broke wind as well. Her hat went askew, dipping over one eye. When she made no move to straighten it, Jayde instructed Zavior to do so. Zavior had also gotten up, although he didn’t look very steady. Gingerly, Zavior reached out and straightened her hat. The woman bent slightly, grimaced, farted. Jayde could feel her sagging and tightened her grip before getting into her face again and telling her to walk.
Jayde: Resolve to be a master of change rather than a victim of change. Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Change has considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful, change is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful, change is encouraging because things may get better. To confident, change is inspiring because the challenge exists to make thing better. Change means movement. Movement means friction. Only in the frictionless vacuum of a nonexistent abstract world can movement or change occur without that abrasive friction of conflict. It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. The greatest revolution in our generation is that of human beings, who by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth- that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves, too. The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created--created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination.
Scene: Jayde began walking backward, toward the front of the Scout. The woman was looking at her now and Jayde held her gaze. Without glancing at Zavior---she didn’t want to risk losing the woman---she told him to take her belt and lead her. For a moment there was nothing, and then Jayde felt Zavior’s hand slip under her coat, fumble, and catch hold of her felt. They shuffled across the narrow string of road in an awkward conga-line, through the staring yellow spotlight of the Scout’s remaining headlamp. On the far side of the overturned vehicle they were at least partly sheltered from the wind, and that was good. The woman abruptly pulled her hands out of Jayde’s and leaned forward, mouth opening. Jayde stepped back, not wanting to be splattered when the woman let go…but instead of vomiting she belched, the loudest one yet. Then, while still bent over, she broke wind again. The sound was like nothing Jayde had ever heard before, and Jayde would have sworn she’s heard everything on the wards in western Massachusetts. The woman kept her feet, though, breathing through her nose in big horse like snuffled of air.
Hidden Thoughts: History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats. Personal mastery teaches us to choose. Choosing is a courageous act: picking the results and actions which you will make into your destiny. Courage is rarely reckless or foolish . . . courage usually involves a highly realistic estimate of the odds that must be faced. Definition of courage: 'Grace under pressure.' Any man's life will be filled with constant and unexpected encouragement if he makes up his mind to do his level best each day. It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly. I am old enough to know that victory is often a thing deferred, and rarely at the summit of courage. What is at the summit of courage, I think, is freedom. The freedom that comes with the knowledge that no earthly thing can break you. We must believe in ourselves or no one else will believe in us; we must match our aspirations with the competence, courage and determination to succeed.
Jayde: The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next. What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything? The way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement. Not one of us knows what effect his life produces, and what he gives to others; that is hidden from us and must remain so, though we are often allowed to see some little fraction of it, so that we may not lose courage. The way in which power works is a mystery. Within each of us is a hidden store of energy. Energy we can release to compete in the marathon of life. Within each of us is a hidden store of courage. Courage to give us the strength to face any challenge. Within each of us is a hidden store of determination. Determination to keep us in the race when all seems lost. Every great work, every big accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement. Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a person does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses their intelligence. Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow that talent to dark places where it leads. Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of; the hell with sugar and spice. Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow by conflict. The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage - and act accordingly. Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you. Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success. The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of the final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must-in spite of personal consequences; in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures-and that is the basis of all morality. Courage is to feel the daily daggers of relentless steel and keep on living.
Scene: Zavior spoke to Jayde telling her to look up through a hoarse terror stricken voice mixed with awe. He was staring up at the sky, jaw loose and mouth gaping. Jayde followed his gaze and could hardly believe what she was seeing. Bright circles of light nine or ten of them, cruised slowly across the low-hanging clouds. Jayde had to squint to look at them. She thought briefly of spotlights stabbing the night sky at Hollywood film premieres, but of course there were no such lights out here in the woods, and if there had been she would have seen the beams themselves, rising in the snowy air. Whatever was projecting those lights was above or in the clouds, not below them. They ran back and forth, seemingly at random, and Jayde felt a sudden atavistic terror invade her…except it actually seemed to rise up from inside, somewhere deep inside. All at once her spinal cord felt like a column of ice.
Hidden Thoughts: Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change. Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine. Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. To keep our faces toward change, and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate, is strength undefeatable. All change is a miracle to contemplate; but it is a miracle which is taking place every instant. Change. It has the power to uplift, to heal, to stimulate, surprise, open new doors, bring fresh experience and create excitement in life. Certainly it is worth the risk. Progress is a nice word. But change is its motivator. And change has its enemies. Change does not change tradition. It strengthens it. Change is a challenge and an opportunity; not a threat. What is required for effective change is continuity of sincere effort to release and let go of inefficient thought patterns from the past. Some people change when they see the light, others when they feel the heat.
Scene: Just then the woman looked up, saw the dancing lights, and began to shriek. They were amazingly loud, those shrieks, and so full of terror they made Jayde feel like shrieking herself. Then the woman covered her eyes and put her head against the front tire of the overturned Scout. The woman quit screaming and only moaned, like something caught in a trap with no hope of getting free as the cameras cut out to static before falling into a dark abyss.
