My name is Shenna Ryther and I have a story to pass on about a little angel named Timothy a.k.a. "Squeaker". Timothy came into my life on January 18, 2000. I was drawn to this child from the very moment I saw him. How could you not with those big wide eyes and a smile you could lose the Grand Canyon in? Timothy made a squeaky sound when he breathed, so "Squeaker" is what we called our little buddy. Timothy who I always felt was Heaven sent, brought much joy and warmth into my home. Children have always been a passion in my life but Timothy was a little more than passion. He was his mommy's little trooper...mommy's everything.When Keri and her mother-in-law showed up to interview me to care for their baby, I had no idea she was a single mom due to the much recent death of her husband Gerry. After making a comment of, "Can I get a picture of dad?"...(So I would know what he looked like in case he ever needed to pick Timothy up.) I was told how Keri found him passed on in their home. This broke my heart. This beautiful child would never play ball with dad. Now mommy was having to face life all alone and with a new baby. After they left that day, this child was all I could think about and a couple of days later my prayers were answered. Keri called and said she wanted me to care for her son if I still had room. And that is how it all began. I vowed to give Keri a reason to smile at the end of the day. I reminded her of how I had a strong feeling that Timothy was here to pull her through this struggle with her husband's death. His eyes held so much compassion for his mommy. I felt they were saying, "Lean on me mommy." And the smile said, "Everything is going to be alright...we've got "US" mom."
January 24, 2000 is when my world fell apart. Timothy Lamberti "Squeaker" passed away from SIDS in my daycare. I can't explain what a blow it was to not hand back this baby to his mother the way she gave him to me that morning. The disappointment I feel towards myself is sometimes too much to bear. I wish I had words of encouragement to give to those that read this, but I can barely make sense of this myself right now. Maybe it is that this is still so new...but I never see my life returning to the way it was before this senseless SIDS thing stepped into our lives. My husband was home with me that day, recovering from open heart surgery. Weak himself, but you never would have known by the pillar of strength that he was. There wasn't a dry eye in my house that day. I saw police officers, paramedics, investigaters, neighbors to total strangers crying and pulling together for little Timothy...it just isn't fair. The Heavens should not be your playground until you are old and gray.
I miss you little Squeaker. Your smile will never leave my memory little buddy. I did the best I could. I am sorry for your family and mommy's pain. Several times while holding you I marveled at your beauty and I would say, "Your mommy is so proud of you." And..."Mommy is working real hard, just to buy you big, big toys." We talked a lot about mommy. Because you were mommy's everything. I will never forget the time I was giving you a bath and I gave you a cloth to occupy your little hand and the sucking sound you made when you stuck it in your mouth. It was very loud and slurpy sounding! I picked you up from out of your bath and put you on my shoulder...not realizing that you had stuck the wash cloth back into your mouth! You weren't even holding it...the cloth was just hanging out of your mouth. It was hanging there and dripping down my back...it was quite a site. Then there were those little bitty buns. I made the comment several times about how you were going to be a spokes person for Wrangler Jeans because you had the buns for the job..."little Wrangler buns."
Most of all, I will never forget cuddling up in the rocker with you and softly singing "You Are My Sunshine." You would lift your little head up like a turtle every time and check me out. Maybe you were wondering where that terrible sound was coming from! But you always quit squeaking and for a little while we had our own special moment where we connected and time stood still for us. I have a feeling in Heaven there is a never ending melody of "You Are My Sunshine." And here on Earth I will always smile at the sun because you little Squeaker, are the rays that feel my soul.
Love, Shenna
~Last Day~
...The Chance To Say Goodbye...
Oh little one, if I had known it was to be our last day together I would have done it differently.
I would have taken you to the beach to hear the waves and to the mountains to feel the snow.
I would have shown you Easter eggs, ferris wheels and rainbows.
Or maybe I would have done exactly what I did...
Sing you to sleep, tuck you in with teddy and whisper, "Goodnight."
Hi Little Squeaker,
Dear Little Bubba,
