index

Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

WELCOME... and thankyou for visiting Timothy's website. I began this memorial dedication to him as a way of personal healing and a form of therapy for myself. It's an expressive way to show my love for my son and provide means of sharing my memories of him with family and friends. Some were not able to meet Timothy, so I wanted his site to be a way that they could.

This is also meant for support and guidance through grief for others who are experiencing the same never ending anguish as I am, and have. I hope Timothy's site brings support and encouragement to those who have gone through the same type of loss.

I have been lucky enough to have lots of support from family and close friends. But I know that many people who lose loved ones feel abandoned and alone...as if they have no one or nothing to live for. Eventhough I do have people willing to help me through tough times, I too, have felt this way. I have found the most comfort and reassurance with people who are also grieving. Whether it has been the loss of a child or not, I always seem to find something in common with them. Many times I just want to be alone, to grieve privately. Yet I know that my family and friends have been priceless. I am so grateful that they have been there for me, and we have kept good company. But even they have said to me that they don't know the right things to say or how to help. And I'm all right with that, because I know it's hard to be on their end of things. I too, don't know what to say to people who have lost a loved one...eventhough I have lost my fair share, I still stumble for the right words to tell someone. I have learned that saying the "right" things sometimes shouldn't be the full focus...what means the most, is to just be there for them.

We lost Timothy to SIDS on January 24, 2000. He was only 66 days old. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is the major cause of death for infants between the ages of one week and one year in this country. Seven to ten-thousand infants, or 2 of every 1,000 babies, die of SIDS annually in the United States alone. Claiming more lives each year than AIDS, cancer, heart disease, pneumonia, muscular dystrophy, cystic fibrosis and child abuse COMBINED. Just like Timothy, the deaths occur suddenly, with no warning. An apparently healthy, bouncing baby put down for a nap or bedtime and then found dead is the most unbelievable experience. And not knowing "why" your child has died...makes it even worse. People are angered and deeply saddened by the death of a baby, especially this way. Timothy was at daycare at the time of his passing. His daycare provider had to go through the trauma of calling 911, performing CPR and going through much questioning by professionals. She has her own page on this site and is able to share her story. I truly reccomend it for other daycare providers who come across Timothy's website.

You are never prepared for the death of a loved one. And when the loss is sudden and unexpected as it was for me, the shock can be overwhelming. No matter the circumstances of loss, there is always sadness, heartache, and emptiness. My pain from this loss has been so intense that I've wondered if I could even carry on. What a joy he was and still is to my heart. I loved Timothy far more than I valued my own life. But, now he's gone and God's purpose in his death has remained a mystery.

Regardless of how it comes to be understood, death for me has had a profound impact on my outlook and behavior. I believe for most of us, it represents the ultimate tragedy...the end of everything familiar. I say this because my story takes an unusual and tragic turn. Just forty days before Timothy passed away, I lost my husband Gerry suddenly and unexpectedly also. Timothy was only three weeks old when Gerry passed, so our time together as a family was all too brief. I can contemplate the dilemma of my husband's death for the next 50 years, but I would not likely be able to produce a satisfying explanation. I do know that there are times in every person's life when circumstances don't add up...when God doesn't appear to make much sense. Losing Timothy so close to Gerry was "my moment"...when God didn't seem to make sense. I often struggle with this thought, even to this day. But I came across a saying that I read a lot over and over again to help me:

"IT IS SAID THAT WHEN GOD IS GOING TO DO SOMETHING
WONDERFUL IN A PERSON'S LIFE, HE BEGINS WITH A
DIFFICULTY. IF HE IS GOING TO DO SOMETHING "VERY"
WONDERFUL, HE BEGINS WITH AN IMPOSSIBILITY.
DON'T FRUSTRATE YOURSELF WITH THE UNANSWERABLE
QUESTION "WHY" WHEN YOU ENCOUNTER SEEMINGLY
IMPOSSIBLE TIMES. TRUST THE LORD AND DON'T RELY ON
YOUR OWN LIMITED UNDERSTANDING."

Ahead, are some of my favorite pictures that were taken of Timothy in his very short life. In that time, he taught me more about myself and the greatness of loving someone beyond our imagination. I learned what a true blessing it was to be a mother and I thank God EVERYDAY for choosing me to be Timothy's. This is a tribute to his life and what a huge impact he had on those around him...even those who never had the pleasure to see or meet him. There are many pictures to see, including many graphics, so some of the pages may take a few minutes to load. Please be patient...all of the pages are worth taking a look at. (If some graphics don't appear, go back and refresh the page.) I hope in the end, you come away with how much my son meant to me and my family. And most importantly, I hope you find some healing in your own experience as you go through these pages. Finally, I want to say that every page on Timothy's site has a song and they were chosen with my thoughts and feelings for him in mind. If I could, I would write and play a million songs for him everyday, just to reassure myself that he can feel my love. Enjoy your stay and don't forget to sign my guestbook at the end of the site.

AND AT NIGHT YOU WILL LOOK UP AT THE STAR'S,
MY STAR WILL BE ONE OF THE STAR'S FOR YOU.
AND SO YOU WILL LOVE TO WATCH ALL THE STARS IN THE HEAVEN'S.
IN ONE OF THOSE STARS I SHALL BE LIVING...AND IN ONE OF THEM I WILL BE LAUGHING...
AND WHEN YOUR SORROW IS CONFORTED, YOU WILL BE CONTENT...TO HAVE KNOWN ME.