The Real Reasons For....
I know that most people hear about things in the news and they don't always believe the reasons for it happening. We here at Hollywood believe that you at home should know the real reasons for why these things occur, so we have dug deep into our sources to find the real secrets behind these closed doors
Headline 1: Backstreet Boys superstar A.J. McLean has admitted himself into rehab for alcoholism and depression. Rumoured to be a result of issues in the family.
True Reasons :
- He ran out of ink in the marker that he draws his goatee with
- Kid Rock made wild claims that "A.J." stands for "American Jackass"
- The old guy from 98 degrees with the goatee and the receding hairline, won't return his phone calls
- Rejected in his audition for the new Global Series "Rapstars"
- At his recent high school reunion, the school band performed a poor and inaccurate rendition of "We've got it goin on"
Headline 2: "Coke Staff Walk off Job" 93 Coca Cola workers have begun the first day of their strike supposedly due to poor job security and bad working conditions.
True Reasons :
- Protests towards the new cola product designed for senior citizens "Old Folka Cola"
- Similar protests towards other new product designed for the homeless, with less ingredients and selling for 3 cents per 2 litre bottle "I'm Flat Broka Cola"
- Frequent complaints of unsanitary soda or "dirty pop"
- Coca Cola takes a risk with their new series of commercials featuring lovable Axel Rose, comical Mr. Yaskovitch (pictured above), A.J. McLean, and the band members of rock sensation Blind Melon.
- Frequent death threats from a confused Darryl Strawberry, with pleas such as "give me coke", "give me more coke", "I need coke to survive", "just stick the coke in my damn veins!!", "where am I?", and "where is Mr. Yaskovitch with my stash?"