Useless Creatures 
Philiater
Post ep fic—Roadrunners. My favorite DSR ep. Vignette. A Scully 
Angstorama.
Rating: NC-17. I'd originally intended the Silent series to be NC-
17, but this will do.
For all lovers of Doggett in blatant defiance to those who hate us.
Disclaimer: Not mine, never were. They belong to CC and 1013.

Summary: Can one bodily invasion heal another?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


We left the hospital in Utah and drove to his lodgings: a Motel 6 
with an ice machine down the hall and orange curtains hanging in the 
windows. The bedspread was thin and scratchy against my skin when I 
lay down on it. Fatigue heavy as an iron weight made me sleepy. I 
knew he'd stand watch over me; drive away the demon cultists should 
they try to exact revenge for the death of their messiah. 

It didn't occur to me to ask why we were sharing the room.

I woke later with pain between my shoulder blades and the sensation 
of being watched. He was sitting in a chair just as I thought he 
would be. Watching me. Watching me with those eyes.

His eyes were what I noticed first. Eyes, bluer than anything I'd 
ever seen had bored into me. I know you, they said. I know who you 
are.

He's too normal, too noble for me to fall in love with. He's 
damaged, but not badly enough. He's not one of the walking wounded 
as I am. I'm no damn good for him, so of course he fell in love with 
me.

He rose gracefully and crossed the room to sit quietly at my side. 
He waited for me to tell him what I wanted now that I was awake. Was 
I hungry or thirsty?

No, I said. 

He reached out and tenderly cupped my cheek in his enormous hand.

I told him I would hurt him, that I was in love with another man. 
Nothing, I said, could come of this; of us.

He nodded solemnly, and took me into his arms. Yes, he said, I know 
that. 

I know how you feel, he said as he kissed my forehead. I know you 
love someone else was said against my lips. Breathing into my neck 
he echoed my own words. I'm no good for you either.

But I didn't believe that.

I didn't believe it because he was finer than anyone I'd ever known; 
more giving, more loving than I ever hoped for. 

Or deserved.

His goodness radiated from him like the sun. He will burn me with 
it. He will set me on fire. He will destroy me.

Maybe that's why I was cruel to him in the beginning. If I let him 
tear down the vast walls of denial, anger, and pain I've carefully 
built around me I will be a useless creature. It will make plain the 
stupidity in my life and the waste. The awful, terrible, wasted 
time. I can't allow that.

But I didn't resist him when he carefully unbuttoned my blouse, 
lightly ran a finger inside the seam. His mouth followed the finger; 
giving soft, wet pressure. This put my nose in his hair. He smelled 
of shampoo, cologne, and gentle dignity

I almost laughed when he folded the blouse, but I remembered he has 
reverence for such things. My things. 

Rough fingers caressed my shoulders and arms. He traced each rib as 
if he were mapping the universe. All the while his mouth was on me, 
so hot I was sure my skin would blister.

He carefully avoided the torn flesh on my back. Once he brushed too 
close, making me jump. He told my belly he was sorry.

I haven't told him about the baby. And I never will. 

One day I'll walk into the basement and he'll notice the unnatural 
swelling at my waist. He'll never comment on it or congratulate me. 
He'll let it come up in conversation, and he'll speak as if he'd 
known all along. He is a gentleman.

He moved back up my body and unhooked my bra. I made a quiet gasp. 
Hormones have made my breasts tender. As if sensing this, he dropped 
kisses on the swollen flesh, carefully gauged my responses. When I 
didn't protest he took a nipple into his mouth. He suckled gently at 
first, but increased the pressure when I ask him to. I made an 
incoherent sound and tightened every muscle in my body.

Wetness began to pool between my legs and I had to take in great 
mouthfuls of air just to breathe. 

Good?, he whispered against me.

Yes.

He gently turned me around and kissed the crook of my neck before 
easing me down onto the orange spread. I heard the rustling sounds 
of clothing being removed. His tie made a high pitched scraping 
noise when he whipped it off.

All sound stopped when the last garment was gone. Big hands slid up 
my legs and darted beneath my hips. Deft fingers removed my slacks 
and underwear. I couldn't see behind me, but I knew those were 
folded too.

He hesitated, surveying his work perhaps. I wondered what he saw. I 
wondered what he didn't.

I wondered no more when he began to trail kisses up my legs; his 
hands preceding his efforts. He was preparing me, arousing me. My 
legs separated of their own volition, anticipated him.

An undignified moan was torn from my lips when his tongue darted 
between my legs. A finger slid in, and rubbed against the ridge of 
flesh making me mindless.

He got up and positioned himself behind me. The first push was 
painful, but glorious; filled with splendid sensation. With great 
deliberation, he set the pace to be slow and languorous. He seemed 
to take great satisfaction in eliciting noises of approval from me.

Suddenly the need to see him was over-powering. I pulled away from 
him and he grunted when he slipped out. Heedless of the pain in my 
spine, I rolled over, invited him back.

He protested at first, murmuring about my back, but I was having 
none of it. I shook my head and leaned forward. His erection bobbed 
in front of me. The look in my eye made him compliant.

With the greatest care, he eased me down and entered me again. Now 
that we were facing each other, I could look in those eyes. I could 
see myself again.

The tenderness that dwelt there caused tears to well up and spill 
over. He kissed them away when he began to move. 

I'd always thought there was something unbearably erotic about this 
position; to be covered in flesh, to watch the joining of two bodies 
and the pleasure that came from it.

The joy on his face was heart breaking, leaked out of him like 
water. I could taste it on his lips, feel in his thrusts.

No.

He was making me care. I did not want to care. I did not want to 
feel anything for this man. I….

The orgasm took me by surprise, caused me to cry out with a 
plaintive shout. It seemed to go on and on; reverberated off the 
cheap motel paneling.

When I could see again, he'd rolled onto his back while I lay 
boneless on top.

Did you… I started.

Of course, he said.

He kissed me over and over pouring more love into my empty soul. I'd 
thought I was a broken vessel, incapable of holding love.

But I was wrong. I *could* fall in love. He'd given that back to me. 
My love for him was awful in its beauty.

I listened to the steady beat of his heart, the quiet of his 
breathing, finding them a soothing lullaby.

Do you want to be loved? He asked me.

Yes, I said. All useless creatures do
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

End