"How Much For A Blow Job"

A priest is giving confession but he drank a little too much communion wine before hand and had to piss really badly. So when the next guy was done with his confession the priest asked him,  

"Would you mind sitting in for me while I piss?"  

The man being a pleasant soul said sure no problem. So the priest showed the man a list of sins and the corresponding penances to go along with them. So the man was pretty secure that he had things under control.  

The man was going along giving away Our Fathers, Hail Mary's, Rosaries and everything was going good.  

Then a lady came in said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob."  

So the man looked on his list for Blowjob but couldn't find it. He crossed reference it with Head, Sucked Dick, and Oral Sex but couldn't find a penance.  

So he asked an Altar Boy, "Hey, what does the priest give for a blowjob?"  

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.  It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex." "Good morning Pastor,"  he replied , still focused on the plaque.

"Pastor, what is this?"  he asked the pastor.  The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men And women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, ! little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

THE PREACHER'S EXPERIMENT

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the boy's room and placed on his study table these three objects: A Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey.

"Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up.

If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be.

If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too.

But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no-good drunkard and Lord, what a shame that would be."

The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he heard his son's footsteps as he came into the house whistling and headed back to his room. He deposited his books on the bed, as a matter of routine, and as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.

With a curious set in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

What he finally did was, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink...

"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "He's gonna be a politician!"