Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant and English muffins weren’t invited in England. If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. 

Learning Adult Words

The kindergartners were now in first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten. She told them to use grown up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.

The first little one said he went to see his Nana. The teacher said, "No, no, you went to see your Grandmother. Use the grown up word."

The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. The teacher again said, "No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown up word."

Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and in a very adult way replied, "Winnie the Shit."