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Poems by Julie Martin (from Ďa time to be borní)

It shouldíve been october

When they wheeled me down the long hall and

Into the room

Hooked me up to an IV bag an EKG monitor a

Blood pressure gauge

Poked and probed and prepped

But at six months early

There are no videos of a baby screaming into life in full color

Just a black and white sonogram snapshot of a

Baby still cradled in its tomb

No soft flesh to pass through me into life

Just a sterile metal rod to scrape the death

From my womb

No certificate of birth

Just a bottle of pills for the cramps

I guess thatís what happens when itís only april

And

It shouldíve been october.

 

 

 

 

For my husband

Iím sorry

I know how much you wanted this baby

And I know you must be scared

Wondering why something that seems to be

So easy

For everyone else

Can be so difficult

For me

I want so badly to give you a child

You deserve to have your dream fulfilled

You are so good

And kind

And filled with so much love to share

I tried

And I failed

I failed

And Iím sorry.