"The Pickle King"
By Pat


He lives in a hole on the coast
Seen by some but not by most
He crawles out to the sand after the metallic ring
And we have dubbed this boy the Pickle King

He goes into helpless restraunts and diners
Hoping not to see any of the deadly shriners
Then artfully jumps to a counter at the bar
And makes a getaway with the pickle jar

The king then runs down Mass. street, cape flying in the air
Giving many spectators quite the scare
With determination in his eyes and a pickle jar under his arm
He then returns to his platation down at the Pickle Farm

Then at the farm he plants the seeds
sifts, dropps, waters, and kneeds
He does this with persistance and dirt on his face
Because he is growing the INVINCIBLE PICKLE RACE

After years of repeating this, his work is complete
But nonetheless causing blisters on his feet
Finally, the day has come to release his creation
And get some Ex-Lax for his mild constipation

The Pickle Race struck Lawrence first
And for all the citizens, the day was cursed
The Race ran down the streets and chased pedestrians
Then filled all heart medication with tablets of Estrogen

They crushed cars and broke window glass
Man, those pickles were really kicking ass
But then, to what did we see?
None other than the Relish Man rising out of the sea

The Relish Man had come to save the day
And put an end to all this dismay
He searched the streets and captured every pickle
And with this kind of inflation, sold them only for a nickle

Yet there was still one enemy only fate could bring
And it was none other than the wicked Pickle King
They duked it out uptown and downtown
Until finally, relish man got hold of the crown

He then placed it on his head and had his finest hour
For he then received all of the Pickle King's power
The former king quickly retreated back to the coast
Where he took a job as a pickle-pusher, some boast

The people of the town yelled "Hurrah!" and "Hurray!"
For the new Pickle King that had begun that day
But none knew the name of this great power
And then the king spoke, "Hey, I'm Nick Clowers."