Fox Mulder is a man in dire need of a psychiatrist. He is, after all, a psychologist and you think he would be able to recognize how screwed up he truly is, for if he does see this he is ignoring it. His quest - his pursuit of the truth - has taken him to every corner of the earth and in some cases beyond. Those around him have suffered and have lost their lives to his endless venture. Selfishness? No. What Mulder displays is an indomitable, completely unquenchable dedication to what he knows is a worthy cause. No one - not diehard Scullyists, noromos, or the OBSSE - can say that he is not a loyal person. He is one of the most loyal people ever to walk the face of the planet. He has dedicated his life to tracking down his missing sibling. And one simply does not have the heart to tell him that she is, in all actuality, probably dead. His priorities are constantly hanging in the balance, as evidenced by his descent into near-madness following Scully's abduction. But the main reason for Mulder's quest is simple. He will not stop until it kills him, or until the truth is uncovered. But the truth is elusive and fleeting, so he keeps going because the quest is what enables him to breathe. It is his reason for living, and God help him if he loses it. Not even Scully would be able to save him from himself if his quest were put to an end. The funny thing is, he doesn't even know this. Which is why he could be kicked off the X-Files, come home one afternoon, and blow his brains all over the apartment wall, without even really comprehending what he was doing. He is completely detached from himself, which is a dangerous thing. The quest is his oxygen; his fuel; his metabolism. Without it, he is no longer whole. And this frightens me.
Defending Mulder's often boneheaded ditches is not easy. You try it sometime. But I think I can do it, so I'm giving it my best shot. Some of my pals, who are devout members of OBSSE, just looove to rag me about the ditch. "He's such a punk," they cry wildly, "leaving her alone like that! He doesn't think about anyone but himself!" I beg to differ, even though doing so will get me in some hot water. Take 'Demons', for example. After he leaves Scully at his mother's house, he drives directly to get more holes drilled in his head. I don't know about you, but if I were experiencing vivid, undesirable flashbacks and seizures that lead me to be a paranoid psychotic, I would not be too aware of what I was doing. But that's just me, of course...
Part of me also thinks that these ditches are in Scully's best interest. Think about it. In 'Herrenvolk', he may have been thinking about himself, but I believe he had the presence of mind to realize that taking Scully with him could be dangerous for her. He's not exactly open with his feelings (though more so than Scully is!), so he opts instead to ditch her. And there are numerous other examples that don't need to be brought up here. I once heard someone refer to Mulder's apparent suicide as "the Ultimate Ditch". Look at it this way: he was suicidal not just for his lost quest, but also for the impending death of his partner. I believe he cares much more for Scully than any of the members of LOON or OBSSE will never know. There, I did my best. Was it a decent attempt?
