The heat in my head is back. Whenever the demon of anger and the beast of frustration and jealousy overcomes me, the feeling is nearly indescribible. I know that this entry was supposed to be election related, and I will get to those issues at some point, either now, or when my head straightens out a little more. Right now, the election for our new leader is too close to call, while other things about this whole politics thing are bothering me. A sneak preview includes commentary on the judgement of flaws of politicians, and their hesitancy in admitting them, a focus on obvious issues, which of course, everyone is going to approve of (make a stand on controversy, not universally sympathetic ideals) and the controversy and fouls cried during Missouri (St Louis) elections, along with the absurdity of a proposition here in Missouri. But right now, all of those go on the back burner, as the emotions inside me take over, and the feelings are once again unleashed by a journal commentary regarding my angel, and her friend.
She goes on and on, about the romantic connection (even going so far as to pair her last name with his), the sexual connection (which could never match the passion that we shared, and still share) and the overall bond that brought us, and will keep us together, forever and always, and can never be matched. Some may call my behavior and denial as borderline obsessive, or even delusional. Actually, I never have been more focused, my eyes have been opened, my path is clear, and my goal is her and I forever. It's just that simple. I know her recent post was done in humorous jest, and they were taken as just that. We are in a rebuilding phase, and this little relationship she's in now, is a distraction, for lack of a better word. I know he's a great friend to her, and an important part of her life, giving her something that I was at one time scared to. But now, my eyes are open, and my heart is hers. She knows it, she is just unsure, and not ready to give it to me yet. I am not afraid to wait. I am confidant in my feelings. We are rebuilding, strengthening the friendship bond, before moving on to the inevitible. I love her, she loves me, we have been through too much, and know too much about each other, and yet here we are, almost 3 1/2 years later, still together, still a part of each others lives, and still progressing and growing down that path. We may not know the end result, as she reiterates often, but at least we know who the forever will be with. Every time I see these little "my guy, honey bunny" or whatever postings, it makes my head hot, makes my heart race, turns my mood, overwhelms anything else that matters. I may have brought this on myself, but in doing so, also know what it takes to get what I want, what we both want. Happiness, togetherness, forever, two as one. These lyrics say it so much better than I can:
To you my angel, my words have never been enough, my actions never seem like enough, yet all of my love, you've always had. Sometimes its been hard to see, sometimes its been so strong I didn't know how to show it, but it has never changed, I love you now, as much as the first day your tender touch reached inside and caressed my heart, and has never let go. I never want you to, as I will take your heart, and love, and cherish
all came so easy
best of romances
ever you're in my arms again
Our journey towards forever continues, fate continues to step in, and guide us, and now, as the time of our eyes first meeting, draws closer, my heart beats faster at the thought. I have to go now, my words are disappearing in the sea of hyphenated names, wax covered bodies and silly dreams of a forever without us. I respect her decisions, and her thoughts, but also know that she will see too, how perfect we were, and how perfect we can and will be again,
Tomorrow morning, after a restless nights sleep probably, I'll comment on the elections, thankfully, the ads are over, the mudslinging is done, and my commentary on it all is coming soon. I promise. *blowing a kiss to her across the miles*..good night for now my sweet angel, I love you.
If Ever You're in my Arms Again - Lyrics by Peabo Bryson, 1984