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By Xavier


I'm looking for you
Trying to reach your roses
Carried away by the time
As it is, I've been blind in one eye by the silent bloodlust

Another shot of vodka disappeared as fast as it was poured from the bottle. Ivanova was furious; she needed to drink. She needed to forget about everything.

"God, why her?" she looked up and asked no one in particular. She felt as if life had something against her.

At first when she met Talia Winters she took in her beauty immediately. Then as soon as her eye caught the Psi-Corps badge on her lapel, she instantly told herself to stay away. Talia hadn't thought the same way, though. She had tried so hard just to get Ivanova to open up. When she finally did, when she finally let her in they took her away. She watched the woman she love, the woman she thought that would be her ultimate love changed into something else entirely different.

The woman that the night before she had just held in her arms. The woman who whispered sweet, kind words in her ear. The first telepath that she allowed to get so close beside her mother.

Shutting her eyes tightly, an image of Talia appeared in her head.

'Always the romantic. The program is complete, the Talia you knew no longer exist, there's just me.'

The words hit her hard, like a fist to her gut. It hurt. The same beautiful face that radiated love and longing in her way just a day ago showed nothing. When she went to see her, with hope that maybe there was a part of Talia, the real Talia in there somewhere. But all she could see was the cold, there was no warmth that she knew Talia processed.

You've gone away
From the stage
Leaving no words
There's just fake tears left
Search for the rose bouquet adorned with pearls of deceit

Ivanova reached for another drink. She wanted to just forget about everything, even if it just for a little while. Lyta said that the person who had the Artificial Personality implanted in their subconscious didn’t know that they had them. The personality could not be found even by a deep scan. The telepath said that the real personality would be destroy once the password was sent into the mind. She could only hope that Talia wasn’t in any pain.

Lifting the glass to her lips, Ivanova stopped mid way. A sudden rage welled up within her. She threw the glass against the wall, and watched it shattered into million pieces.

"It’s not fair." She muttered.

I'm blind insane
In the red of silence
Now I've lost your love
A marionette raised on illusory love

Staring at her bed through the opened doors, tears started to form in her eyes. She remembered staying up after Talia fell asleep, watching her.


The soft blond hair flung across the pillow like a river of gold. Ivanova watched as the telepath slept. Her fingers traced the contour of her face. Straight nose, full lips, and Ivanova lowered her head down and place a soft kiss on those lush lips. The sleeping woman let out a soft sigh; then her lips curled up into a smile.

"You’re so beautiful." She whispered in her ear.

Ivanova nearly jump when the telepath replied her in a husky voice.

"So are you."

Then, she opened her eyes. The telepath smiled at her.

"Sorry, I thought you were asleep."

Ivanova felt slightly embarrass.

"Actually I was," she paused. "What were you doing?"

"Watching you." Ivanova replied, she sounded a little guilty about waking the sleeping woman up from her peaceful slumber.


"I don’t know. You look so peaceful, and I was thinking I never thought we could be this close, you know."

"I have." Talia whispered, and pulled her face down for a kiss.

Get me on my feet
Get me back to myself
Pretend you love me

Ivanova returned the kiss, and it felt good.

Gazing at me, dyed crimson to my fingertips

The Commander slowly, cautiously running her hand over the silk covered body. She felt through her fingers and palm as the telepath shiver from her touch. Heart pounding wildly in her chest, Ivanova moved her lips against Talia’s, brushing, nibbling. Without the violation of her consciousness her hand moved lower over the taut stomach, fingers spread out, touching, pressing over the soft, cool fabric.

Ivanova stopped as the telepath shied away from her touch. She broke the contact of their lips and looked at Talia questioningly, wondering if she had done something out of context, or kiss was all she was going to be allowed for tonight.

Talia felt herself lost in the sea of sensation, the exploring hands, nimble fingers dragging from underside of her breasts. The endless kiss that they were sharing, soft, gentle and so innocence and yet it was so arousing at the same time. The Commander tasted sweet with a sharp spicy undertone. This was better than anything she had ever imagined.

Better than anything she could’ve ever imagined.

Then the roaming hand moved lower, down her torso to her stomach and she recoiled from the touch, it’s tickled. Suddenly, the hand retreated and the kiss was broken. Talia opened her eyes, found the bright blue ones stared back at her, questioning.

She could feel the questions and uncertainty, the telepath needed to explain.

"I’m ticklish," Talia said softly, feeling a little embarrass at the admission.

Ivanova’s questioning expression broke out into a bright smile and Talia had to returned one in kind. Then she pulled her down for another kiss, instead of being an innocence and exploring kiss, the telepath put her feelings into it. Letting the Commander know exactly how much she desired her, how much she wanted her in this moment. How much she wanted to feel her touch.

With a flick of her tongue, Ivanova felt the lips beneath hers parted and inviting her in for a deeper exploration. Deepened the kiss, Ivanova tasted her.

The serenade of loneliness I can no longer endure
Weeping in the reflection of the sea
Even if I hold in my arms
The bloodstained angel, awoken from dreams
I can not stop

Kisses, caresses, Ivanova was totally blind sided as she felt the soft skin with her fingertips, caressing the telepath. Holding both her hands, pinning them down above her head, the Commander bent down to capture her lips once again. Parting her legs, Talia allowed the smooth, muscular thigh to press against her most intimate region. Control was slipping away.

In the distance she could feel the other woman’s mind. The presence came closer as the caress became more and more urgent. She threw her head back, eyes screwed shut, and light sheen of sweat broke out with each move they made. To her, the universe shrank to exist in the moment.

This moment.

Ivanova couldn’t believe what she was doing, a few weeks ago if someone told her that she would become friend with a member of Psi-Corps she would have told them that they were crazy, that they need their psychiatric evaluate. But now she was making love to her, opening up to her, regardless.

Her mother’s warning, ‘Tell No One’ kept popping up in her head but the Commander ignored it. Right now, Talia was no risk to her and she trusted her… explicitly.

"So beautiful," Ivanova murmured as she made her way downward.

She received a soft moan as a reply from the telepath as she settled herself down, taking her time, pleasuring her. In the back of her mind she could feel the telepath, the wall that she carefully constructed since she was a little girl to keep her mother out of her mind when she did not want her in starting to crumble. And to her surprise, she did not care about it in the slightest bit.

She loved the feel of her body, loved the way Talia responded to her touches and caresses. After all these times, if was possible that she could never get enough of this woman.

Silent Jealousy
Don't you leave me alone
Disarrayed in grief
Decorate the love that cannot return
In the midst of the repetitious silence
Tell me true where can I go
To love the suffering
I still want your love -- stop loving
Erase this mad blooming of memories

"Oh god." Ivanova murmured, her eyes misted with unshed tears.

The memory of how that lithe body moved against her, how soft the skin, how heat radiated from the telepath’s body, making her feel as if the other woman was on fire. Every time she closed her eyes, if she concentrated enough she could still feel her, smell her as if she was near.

She couldn’t go to bed, her pillow still held the smell of the telepath, that perfume she always used. She had, of course, sent the sheets, pillowcases and everything else that had her smell clung to them to the laundry, but it didn’t help. She could still smell them every time she lay her head down.

I just wanted to stay with you
I just wanted to feel your breath of grace
I didn't know what to do
I couldn't say anything
When consciousness returned
Everything had been washed away by the tide of time, even you
But the scars of memory never fade away
I can't stop loving you
Stop my tears
Stop my loving
Kill my memories

The taste of her…

Closing her eyes briefly, Ivanova let the sweet nectar rested on the tip of her tongue. Wonderful, was all she could think of her taste. Even in this moment she could feel the telepath’s presence closer and closer to her, so close that she could practically see what she saw, hear what she was thinking.

See her flaws…

Her wonders…

Her confusions…

You dyed my heart in blood
No way to kill my sadness
Kill me before going away
The pupil embraced by screaming love
Can see nothing
I miss you even now
Can't live without you

Her hopes…

And dreams…

Silent Jealousy lapse into dreams
And cherished memories
Stay in yesterday, stop the time
And erase this repetitious silence
Take me back to the memory, to the dream

Later, after their lovemaking, the intense connection they shared remained. Ivanova lay motionless, Talia rested against her, one arm pinned her torso to the mattress, her head rested on her shoulder. All she could hear was the echo of their breathing.

"I love you." She said.

"I love you, too." Came the reply.

Soft kiss upon her collarbone. "I’ve always loved you."

It was all she could do not to cry, think back of what they’d shared that night. All she had to sustain her were memories.

Silent Jealousy
Don't leave me alone
Disarrayed in grief
Kill me, Love

The End

"Delta leader to delta wing, show’s over. Let’s collect the stragglers and return to base." ( Signs and Portents )