She's leaving home/going to where she's understood/tired of playing their games/ready to be something, if only she could/no one is listening/but she's screaming so loud/they just want her covered over/just another face in the crowd/she paints the sumemr sky/with the faces of her enemies/red sky at night/devil's delight./her hearts gone through a metamorphisis/and everything is changed/there has to be something for me, more than this/is waiting in the future/more than this is what my life is/more than this is waiting, something pure and true/more than this/is waiting for you.
Home is so far away
voices call and still I stray
Your heart is hardened
Your mind is shameful
I wish I could leave this behind
But I'm just not able.
Everyone's life is wrong for them
the heart is no excuse
to do wrong unto those
that you mislead.
There is no perfect life
no perfect existence
we all need something to
seek sympathy for.
life is a lonely voyage
of ups and downs
and loneliness
and loss
an emptiness in your soul
that will never be filled
like the bullet hole in
the little boy's heart.
Why do we seek love? / Is it that wonderful? / Is being alone such a horrible sin? / Or does everyone mistake love / for somethign else in their / mind, not their soul / sex? abuse? drugs? / someone to help pay the bills? / love isn't what it's made out to be / most people never know true love / most people don't realise / that you can love anything / that is true.
Some days
I see adolescent boys
and wonder
What they get from staring
at women
and treating them as objects.
But then I remember
that few will grow up to be real men
And all is forgotten.
Is there a sense in wanting something you know you will never have? / Should you live in a dream land / and imagine your fantasies in your mind / or keep living in the boring / uneventful, mediocre place / that you call reality?
I saw a woman today / She drove a station wagon / She had three kids / She wore K-mart clothing / and had a horrible perm / and as I watched her / children in the backseat / with unbuckled seatbelts / and her lighting up another / Marlboro with her pink fingernails / I thought / there's no reason why some people / Should live that way / and other's shouldn't. / My friends and I make fun of her / and then I think of Sidney. / She didn't have a lot of money / but she was proud, like / that woman. / and I loved her for being / a good person until the day / She left us. / I remind the woman that / her children aren't wearing seatbelts. / through her hardened face / she smiles and says / "how considerate. god be with you." / And I wish her the same (even though I don't believe.) as she pulls away/ and her children buckle their seatbelts.
The old couple don't
look at one another.
they don't touch
they don't speak.
they look through one another.
I decide I want to die alone.
(If this is what growing old is.)
The willow tree leans out over the murky lake water
looking at its reflection against the dusky sky
and asks itself why it never dies
His blue eyes
stare at the blue sky
and at the black pavement
then at the green grass.
He looks down at her pale face
and at the black gun
and the red blood
spreading across the grey pavement
into the green grass
and an invisible tear trickles down
his tanned face
as he runs off into the orange sunset.
Carelessness / Loyalty / Fighting / Trust / Lies / Faithfulness / Pain / Support / Loneliness / Happiness / Loss / Peace / Emptiness / Companionship / Humiliation / Understanding / Misery / Purpose / Hate / Love.
I'm chasing after you
The king of my thoughts
I fall and stumble down the icy banks
encaptured like a crystal in a frozen lake
Whenever I catch up to you I can't win
you stall me and I lag behind
red arrows of consequence point out the course
and you don't ever let me in to complete it.
Strange sorrow sat next to me
it turned it's ugly head to see
How can I dis-chord this young girls song
How can I force her to believe that all is wrong
Strange sorrow changed the seas tide
And forced all truth and compassion to hide
She drew from life
and forced innocence to shy
The lakes and rivers dried
the lights in the morning sky died
the mountains crumbled
and the trees became earth
Not even the greatest of gods
could remove this curse
Children died asleep in their beds
parents stared them down with hate in their heads
Love was no more
left only was desire never quite reaching its shore
Soulds roamed freely - and darkness came to visit me
I was tied won by hate
and forced to deny the idea of fate
confused and misled
I watched the sands of time run by
as my mind fled
back to the ocean
the steady lapping waves
through the cemetary over a million childrens graves
resurrecting the mountains
bringing back the sky
saying goodbye to strange sorrow
and letting my spirit fly.
I'll be
your coffin when you die
your foothold when you climb
the imagination in your mind
the meants for you to survive
the long and winding road you drive
your conscience that twists deep inside.
I'll be
the truth behind your lies
the shadows reflecting behind your eyes
sweet surrender when your soul cries
your bravery when your courage shies
the entwining force between our lives.
I'll be
your angel standing by.
"Something Out Of Nothing" (one of the few poems w/ an actual title hehe)
I pretend I'm not upset
that you're tearing up my insides
You apologise
and I pretend that I don't know why
I leave early
and cry myself to sleep
because it hurts more to hear you
say to me the words that I fear
It seems like there's time for everyone but me
spending Saturday afternoons on the phone
while I sit here, aching and alone
You say it's time.
I feel like it's me.
I don't know how to tell you
it seem sso unintentional.
"Our lives are forever changed, we will never be the same - the more you change, the less you feel"
things should be the way they were
so lets fight the hands of time, you and I
we used to play from dusk til dawn
twilight to starlight
sun to moon
Without a care in the world
yet now your bones ache (you say)
your mind is tired (you say)
your life is hell (you say)
But is it only all those things to me?
My friend...?
Is this something out of nothing?
orange and purple haze the mountains glow / loud and cold like a freight train the wind blows / and here I sit, messenger in the dark / wondering what goes on in the secrets of your heart / as a child I played on this now frozen grass / the stars keep telling me that I can't change the past / this empty sunset sky has but one star / I think of myself as that abandoned light / you, the sun, has gone down and left me to wonder who you are / the wind blows and my place in the sky / is shaded from a little girl's view / by the dark, leafless tree branch of change / I wish we could get back to being the me and you / that we both once knew.
Too late to turn back now
I've found you somehow
the shadows have allowed
me to realise
that the sky is your eyes
the mountains are your heart
the sun is your soul
an dwe must never be apart
And if we died right now
all I need is to know
that the sky is my eyes
the mountains are my heart
the sun is our love
will you never ask to stop this love
because the sky is our eyes
the mountains are our hearts
the stars are our love
never really changing
because our lives are the presence of the world.
"Taylor"
She says living is just too loud / she thinks the world is her playground / She says things she thinks are so deep / but in reality her mind is asleep / She says that lvoe will always leave / but I know all she is is naive. / She's just like everyone else / Too scared to think and be herself.
"Love Is What"
Love is suicide
Love is you and I
Love is sleepless nights
Love is what tells you it's alright
Love is suicide
Love is in your eyes
Love is ribbon skies
Love is what makes my darkside light.
Love is suicide
Love is where we hide
Love holds all your pride
Love is what gives my wings flight.
Love is suicide
Love is why we lie
Love brings higher sights
Love is what makes my whole world bright.
Love is suicide
Love is why we die
Love is the only thing to make you cry
Love is what brings me to stand by your side.
"To SCG"
Snow flurries float down lightly outside my window / in sharp contrast to the torrents of rain that now batter my insides / tears are flooding my eyes / and making streams into rivers down my cheeks / the once white bottom of the newly created twin lakes turns a red clay colour and stings / the redness spreads under my eyes / as my dry, cracked desert lips quiver in the hysterics of the moment / my moistened tunnel throat senses a time to choke and speak / incoherant tongue to the walls or anything that will listen / my teeth now press into the flesh of my bottom lip / damming up the emotion / making the trapped blood into a flush of colour / everything has been taken from me / and not given back / and this well has finally run dry.
If this is what friends are then
I envy those without
your words hurt me more than you'll ever know
I can't eat or sleep, I'm waiting
for the tears to come
ain't it funny how it only matters coming from you?
maybe its because you're the only one that matters?
maybe because you're the only one who understands?
maybe because I believed in you?
I try to write but I don't know what to say
My pens reluctance grows with each passing day
My spirit is so melancholy
I can't understand what you find so endearing about me
every page brings a different mood
Yet still you remain captivated by my ideas and attitudes
who are you, young man
to be so interested in this life suburban?
Why must you confuse me so
And make me hold in when I want to let the truth flow
You do it not with words or with force
You do it somehow else through a subliminal course
it pulls me close yet doesn't follow through
yet I can't keep myself from saying I love you.
"Just Wanted You To Know..."
I'm not bound to forget / that you've filled my life with shit / Bad feelings but good memories / You locked your door and took away my key / If you ever need a friend / I would've been there til the end / But now the time has gone stale / And my feelings fade to pale / So I just wanted you to know / it doesn't mean all that much to me / 'cos as far as I'm concerned / the old you still belongs with me / And I'm getting over now / So I hope someday you'll find yourself in my place / So you can feel just what it's like / A slap in the face / One day we were best friends / Two months later I found the bends / What happens when one doesn't care? / What happens to the laughs we once shared? / And it's not just me, I know that now / I'm not the only one / 'cos I know other people who see that you've lost and now you shun / You opened my eyes thanks a lot for that / And I'm so glad I looked beyond your niceties to see the facts / I'm happier now, so I just wanted you to know...
"My Secret"
The night closes in on me
In my sweet dreams you come to see
The light in my darkside
The shoulder on which my soul cried
My secret love
So secret you don't even know
You make me so crazy
my boundaries so hazy
My world is all turned around
When you're here I'm never down
You make me love you
With all the sweet things that you do
And you help me in and out of all the tough ends
So how can we just be friends?
"To the GBers..."
One dreamer in an Indian palace
One thristy soul finding her Oasis
One wanderer holding all in her cargos
One living a life loca
One searcher spinning around her pole
One artist shouting govinda
One believer who's eyelids glitter
One adventurer making sense of her pile
One friend teasing life
One traveler left in London
One American.
One Venezuelan.
One Canadian
Two Aussies.
Five stars in the same sky.
outside my window at night
I hear it whistle underneath
the steel shutters
and hide my face as the
lightening flashes and
temporarily brightens the
dark night sky
I break into a sweat and
toss my blankets to the floor
and lie awake
until daylight
questioning what is
truth and what is lies.
Isolated, lonely, broken.
She has gone.
and taken his home, his life, his love.
He is tortured inside
by some force unexplainable
he will not speak
he will not move.
She has gone
and taken his soul.
or superheroes
or anything that *sounds* better than what they are
But no one ever stops to think "was that worth it?"
Because they are scared.
Because they know the answer.
The noise is killing me / doesn't anyone ever shut up? / is this sleepless place / the only home for me? / Daphne cries into her pillow at night / no one knows / she can't tell them/ Mother gets worried / she thinks her child is growing up and living / so she gives her more chores to do / and locks her away from the rain / teachers her that God will punish her for wrongdoing / Daphne waits til Mother sleeps / and climbs out the bedroom window / Daphne runs to the neighbours garage / where she meets her lover / He is beautiful. / They run. Freedom. / Daphne goes home, back to her prison / but Mother waits. / Daphne is doomed. / Doomed to spend her life isolated. / Her lover waits, night after night / But Daphne can't break her chains / Mother is too careful / Her lover cries and never forgets.
Brother and sister argue
over who gets the front
Why can't all of our arguements be so simple?
Why are our hearts made to be broken
and glued back together
more times than anyone can count in our lives?
Mother settles the dispute.
Husband and wife argue
over silly little things
selfish things
that seem like such a big deal.
Mother isn't here to say
who is right and who is wrong
In the end, husband's hand makes the decision
and wife cries
He doesn't understand why he hit her
and he doesn't understand why she is gone.
The pretty girl gets all the attention / but in the end she is alone / and her dreams have walked out the door. / (she is locked in and she has lost the key.)
go ahead.
act like you're interested
it makes me feel good.
it makes me feel wanted.
the place it puts me in - i never want to leave.
keep acting.
maybe one day you can act ou the scene that i left you in
but this time, act alone.
"Pass Over"
wind spirals around me
and sends shivers under my arms
my bones crawl beneath my skin
chills skip up and down my spine
lids over my eyes
i look up at my imagined diamond sky
the air is cool against my skin
as the sound envelopes me
a deafening silence
a quiet roar
free air roams between my fingers
my wrists are bleeding adoration
the blood of desire chooses its paths among the leaves and pebbles of the forest floor
deep red something
contrasted against the dull brown of the crackled leaves
the sky virgin white
the leafless trees mourner's black
edges are blurred
like an amateur black and white photograph
negative lightening in the night sky.
Trusting you is like / crawling on hands and knees on a cold hard basement floor towards / a bed of nails with eyes shut / I know hurt is coming in the near future / but I'm uncertain as to when / why / and how it will happen / How can you ever trust anyone / if it is within human nature to doubt and question? / Trusting you should be like / walking wide eyed and barefoot / across a plush carpet in a warm, bright place / without any doubting thoughts rising up in the back of my mind / like the waves slapping the rocks on a rough day at sea / And you should trust me as a child who believes anything his mother tells him / simply because she is his flesh and blood, and he is hers / without second thoughts bursting forth in your mind / like an iredescent bubble floating through the sun soaked summer air / as a child marvels at its sudden lack of solidity / Being honest with you is like / being a iger who throws herself against her cage yet never escapes / But I am uncertain as to how / and when / it is right for you to accept the truth / How canyou ever be honest with someone if it is within human nature to lie? / Behing honest with you should be like / the fabricated image of life in the sixties / a consequence free environment in which you find acceptance and escape / And you should be honest with me / the way a machine always has a way of telling you something isn't working right / stalling, not stopping, slowing, speeding, breaking down and getting fixed / Loving you is like / force feeding a healthless patient / the scent of the hospital unbearable / tubes running from veins through machines / And I am uncertain as to how / and why / I bother standing by your side / (hiding in your ever present shadow) / How can you ever love someone if it is within human nature to hate what is different from yourself? / Loving you should be like / the elation of walking barefoot through fresh green dew soaked grass / on a bright Easter Sunday morning / the cool air on my face and the heat of the sun upon my back / And you should love me / as a puppy loves its master / naturally grateful, always loyal / never asking too much or too little / not afraid to be close / and not leaving because one small thing went awry.
Don't look back
They're not worth it
If it was really meant to be
It wouldn't have been so shit
It's made me more open
And made me realise
That the time we have here
Is so precious in each our eyes.
Abandonment
is what you made me go through
Betrayal
is what you did to me
Lies
are what you told me
Hell
is what you put me through
Fakery
is what you subjected me to
Anger
is what you made me feel
Hurt
is what you gave me
Oblivious
is how you acted towards me
Innocence
is what you tried to convince me of
Friendship
is what you once gave me
Caring
is what you once did for me
Laughter
is what we once shared
Hate
is all you've left me with.
(here's one I just started...I haven't got to finishing it yet.)
You're afraid to cry
Nothing you say tells me why
And you're afraid to touch
Shudder away coldly, 'cos it's too much