. "hey Red, I have a message for you from LC." She told Red how was sucking hungrily on her spliff.
"What? But you weren't even talking to LC-" She said, confused.
"Yeah, I know. She ESPed me." Kali explained. "Anyway, she wants you to know that she's a little pissed off that you stole her idea of making Gaby only pretend to be drunk. She was planning to use that as her climax of the whole story and now you've gone and done it and she's fucked for ideas. That's all." And kali skipped off to compose some tunes.
Red blinked. "Oh well."
"So..." Gaby smiled. "Wanna know summat really dodgy?"
Red grinned. "Go- shock me."
Gaby frowned. "Actually, this might- so prepare youself."
Red nodded eagerly.
"You know how I fancy Ricky Martin?" Gaby whispered. "Well.... he's my cousin."
Red giggled. "Oh my god you're like my mate who wants to screw her cousin. Sorry babe- you're not shocking me- I've seen it all before."
"really?" Gaby looked dissapointed. "I still love him though. I luuuurrrrvvveee him!"
As they sat there in a daze- red in a smoky haze and gaby in a loved-up-psycho-moment, Jess freaked out. She ran over to the two lunatics.
"Guys!" She waved her French Civil War book under their nose. "I just found out the dodgiest thing!"
Red looked at her and tilted her head. "Are you sure that's how you spell 'dodgiest'? Shouldn't it be 'dodgyest'? Ah- both ways it just looks... dodgy."
Jess shrugged. "I dunno- blame LC. She's the one typing. Now listen to this: Apparently, when the Civil War was at it's highest and the two sides were facing each other ready to fight- guess what they used as swords?"
Gaby shrugged.
"They used..... wait for it guys.... they used.... chocolate eclairs!!!! And baguettes! Can you believe it? No wonder the war was as dodgy as it was. I have to tell LC." Jess bounced over to LC's hibernation cocoon.
"LC! I have some goss!" She exclaimed.
"Get rooted- oh Jess? Is it you?" came the muffled answer.
"yeah it's me!"
"OK- you can come in cos you're anti-social like me." LC made a point of saying as she was pissed off with the condescending looks she had received from the others when she was LIAWODing about.
Meanwhile, Kali was getting her life together. She had made up her mind that she was going to shag Crispian first. No matter how much red, Gaby, Jess and especially that whiney bitch of a friend, LC wanted him. She was going to plan and fight the whole way. And she wouldn't give up. Besides- she already knew summat very interesting- the busdriver was a mate of Crispy...
LC grinned. "And so- I have to shag Crispy first. He's like, the only shag left that we both agree on. Cos then she's into all the Dandy Warhol shit and I'm not. And she's not fussed with Molko. So Crispy is the final straw."
Jess nodded. "can I have a bit too?"
"Won't you have you hands full with Thom and Jonny though?" LC asked and then realised summat. "OH GOD!" she groaned.
From outside her cocoon, Red called out. "Can you guys keep the fairly audible shagging down to a minimal roar thank you?!?"
Jess poked her head out of the bed area. "We're not shagging- we're talking abt guys and she's just realised summat." Jess returned back to the dark enclosure. "What is it?"
LC sighed. "Damon's going to be there..... and I've had him. Do you want him? Cos I'm really after Graham at the moment."
Jess looked keen. "Damon? I can have Damon? Oh wow- this is mental. Thom, Jonny, Crispy and Damon. I'd better borrow some condoms- and I'd suggest you do that too cos i am SO NOT IN THE MOOD for a Kate Gordon and Crispian Mills up the duff pregnancy epic adventure."
LC sighed. "God Jess, would you get over the LIAWOD shit?"
Jess looked suprised. "Me? You want *me* to get over it? You're the one making me say it- you need help."
LC crossed her arms. "Just because I'm typing this doesn't mean you have to say everything i make you say!"
Jess shook her head. "I'm so not going to argue with you."
LC nodded. "I know- cos I won't let you. Now- back to my plan of grabbing Crispy backstage and luring him off to some quiet area in the forest near by and charming him with my celtic spirit and make him meditate until he's calm and tranquil and then I work my stuff..."
"Ah yes." Said jess. "The plan. Now- what are you going to do abt little Crispy?"
LC frowned in a thoughtful way. "Well, I was thinking I could grab him backstage.... and lure him off to the forest area near by and then.... I don't know- charm him with my Celtic spirit and make him meditate with me or summat until he's all calm and tranquil.... and then I work my stuff. How's that?"
Jess nodded. "It's almost as if you've thought it over twice- it's that well planned."
(Red's bit) From the smoke filled tent came the call of "LC, you don't have any Celtic spirit, you're full of bullshit and spirits, cut down on the alcohol."
"Yeah, fuck you Red, just becuase I'm going to screw Crispy!" Replied LC.
"Apart from your 'Shag Collection' LC, do you have an STD collection? Y'know: 'I picked up crabs from Damon, Herpes from Molko, Siphilis from Alex' ?" asked Red.
"I will not dignify that with an answer" said LC.
"So you do have an STD." said Red.
"Hey, I do not, I never said anything of the sort."
"No, but you weren't going to give me an answer, and that always means you're dodging the question." replied Red.
And then the bus finally started moving (shit this is going to be a long ride). LC descended back into her coocoon, Jess decided to have a snooze after reading the French Civil War, Gaby pretended to pass out from too much alcohol, Kali passed out from too much imaginery alcohol (the power of suggestion) and Red fell into another coma. The driver also began to nod off, but then re-awoke when the bus was slammed by a volvo driven by an old man, only visible above the dashboard because he was wearing a large hat.
3 hours later, LC piped up with, "I need to pee, pull over, I've ben needing to pee since we left home, and I've been holding on for ages."
Red came out of her coma and said "Why didn't you go at home, before we left? How many times have i asked you if you needed to pee before we left the flat? Will you ever learn? And also, we have a 'fully equipped' tour bus, meaning it's equipped fully, with a toilet."
"What? I've been holding on for hours and there was a loo here all along?" said LC, and went in search of the tiolet. It surprisingly took her a long time to find it, considering the bus was about the size of a toilet cubicle and there was a sign on the loo saying 'toilet here'.
Upon finding the loo, the Super Group Rukaland arrived at Glastonbury.
(LC's bit) LC dashed over to red before she descended on the ground. (no drug ref's there)
"Oi Red." She yanked her back into the bus. "Can I just remind you that i have NEVER and will NEVER use the word 'pee'. I only say 'piss'. Get with it girlfriend." And with that she pushed Red outta the way and burst into the lovely welcoming atmosphere of Glasto. Actually, I think it was just the suggestion of substance abuse that made her run so fast. Number one priority- to find her bearings on Glasto, and to find her bearings on Crispy. It was that easy.
Red blinked in the sunshine. And then almost passed out. She grabbed jess by the sleeve of her 'Don't Fuck With Me- I'm Not Human' T-shirt.
"Jess!" Red gasped. "Jess- look, it's sunny. And we're in England."
Jess just shrugged. "Stranger things have happened dear." And went off in search of the Radiohead tourbus for reasons she will not explain in great depth eg) 'I just want to 'talk' to Thom and Jonny. Privately. In a small, comfy area with my pockets filled with condoms. OK?'
Right. Kali had long since dissapeared in order to find Noely and work on her plan for pulling Crispian of the Mills. Gaby had gone to the Beer Tent and Red, still blinking in the sun, ambled over to the 'Other Stage' where Catatonia were screeching there way thru Road Rage. Or summat.
LC was lost. Which is probably such a common thing that it needs not to be mentioned. But she wasn't heading anywhere in particular, so she just shrugged to herself and kept walking. Someone grabbed her shoulder. She spun around.
"Hey... LC? Remember me?"
LC smiled and hugged the person. "My little Molko! Of course I do! When are you on?"
Molko frowned. "I think we're on later but I dunno. We could be on now but that doesn't sound like us..."
Screechy lyrics of 'you give me rooooaaaadd rage!' flowed onto the two confused ppl of music.
LC shook her head. "That's not you. You're a whiney singer, she's a screechy singer. There's a difference. So... what are you on?" LC attempted small talk that always comes when one night stands find each other again in dodgy situations.
"Oh yknow." Molko said. "Bit of this, bit of that. I just kept going. I think i inhaled some icing sugar along the way- that fucking Crispian Mills. Don't trust him at all."
LC got interested. "CRISPIAN MILLS?!?" (OK so she got rather exceedingly interested) "Do you know where he is- i've been trying to find him- I just really need to speak to him urgently. Like, now." She jumped up and down.
Molko brushed his hair out of his eyes and looked around in a really intense and annoyingly sloooooowwwwly way which got LC even more insanely psycho.
"I think I last saw him..... hovering around the markets."
LC hugged him. "Thank you. I'll be back ok? Can't say when, but I will."
Molko gave a cheeky grin. "If you're indicating 'shag time' I'd say.... I'll see you round. If you know what i mean. He's pretty good. Like the Energizer Bunny. Just keeps goin' and goin'."
LC- despite her need to get to the markets from the other Stage which is across the fucking festival (can you tell I have my map of Glasto 97 infront of me?) decided to join in what could turn out to be a sing along.
"He just keeps goin' and goin' round and round and rahnd and rahnd and rahnd and- alllllll the people! So many people! And they alllll go-"
"Hand in hand." Someone sang.
LC spun around. Oh shit. Oh buggery bollocks. It was him.
"Damon!" LC smiled, trying the whole nice-guy act. "How's things? I'm kinda in a rush now...." She edged away. God- what was this, all her shags coming back to haunt her?
Meanwhile, Kali mingled aound the market place looking for any signs of her current blonde lust object. A peroxided Courtney Love slid by. OK- her 'male' blonde lust object. (Courtney slid by again- ok sorry- enough) She'd been past so many fast food stalls and been asked if she had any cig's on her so many times, it was like she was going round and round and rahnd in circles.
LC broke away from Damon while he was in deep convo with Molko abt.... whatever they might have in common- 'hey i've been to america.' 'really? i have a cheapshit american accent but I'm from luxembourg'. She sped to the markets.
Red bopped along to the Chemical Brothers. In normal circumsatnces, she'd be dancing to them in her room and falling off her bed mid-headbang, but the closest thing she could come to a bed was some guy who had passed out while moshing. He was kinda squishy to jump on. In the right places. Red found he was also a bit crunchy if you jumped really hard on his lung area. But she didn't seem bothered, and got back to her Block Rockin' Beats.
"... i mean, it's not like being pregnant has made him love me more. He just doesn't care."
Gaby nodded drunkenly to Patsy who was spilling the beans.
"I mean, I know you're drunk so I can tell you this and you won't remember in the morning, but I just... I think I'm having twins you know."
Gaby held back her shudder at there being two little Patsy-Liam's polluting the world.
"... and I just want to move away. I even think abt leaving him for someone else." Patsy went on. "That Guigsy is suh a lovely guy......"
Oh my God- it was her, up ahead. Being asked for cigarettes. LC tried to look inconspicuous as she passed Kali who was being hassled again. But Kali saw her.
"Hey LC..." She nodded.
"Hey Kals... what you doing?" LC asked- inquiringly.
"Oh yknow. Looking around." Kali blushed slightly.
"For what? Things? You're not like.... I dunno, looking for a person or anything..." LC hinted, calmly.
Kali laughed. "No way! Looking fer a person- in a place like this!"
LC shook her head. "Just imagine."
Kali nodded. "Imagine that."
They both stood there and shifted their gazes uneasily around them- keeping a lookout.
LC sighed. "Well, better be off then. If I want to find... er, red. I was looking around for Red. Yknow."
"Oh right!" Kali said. "Red. yes. Tell me when you find her. You know- always good to keep in contact with other band memebers."
"From your own band of course." LC pitched in. "Band members from your own band. Not others."
"No. No. Of course not."
And with that, the two grrlz sped away in opposite directions.
(Kali's bit) "Gaby...is that you?" Red said, stumbling over in a thousand directions somewhat centered on Gaby's whereabouts. "Man...look!" Red said, pointing at the sky.
"What?" Gabs asked, stepping out of the line at the beer tent.
"Look, mannn..." Red said, falling over & laying in the mud. "look at the colours."
"Err...Red...did you just go to see the Chemical Brothers? I thought I told you to stay away from the candy." Gabs shook her head as she dragged the tripping Red out of the flow of traffic. (is anyone, going, anywhere? sorry)
Meanwhile Jess was getting it on sidestage w/ Jonny & Thom and was running out of condoms.
Kali meandered around aimlessly, her heart leaping at every glimpse she caught of dirty blonde hair. "Oh fuck!" She shouted as she slipped & fell on her arse. Right in a mud puddle. Just then the sky cracked and rain began pouring down on the field. Kali struggled to pull herself up and ended up dirtying a g-string which she was forced to buy by a merchant. Fine by her. Kali looked up and frowned. But then she smiled.
LC weaved in and out of the crowd standing on her tip-toes 'til finally she spotted someone in indian garb holding a joint. Who also happened to have incredibly lovely blonde hair. "Ha ha, eat this, Kals" LC said, moving in for the kill.
Meanwhile Kali was having the time of her life flopping around in the mud/cow crap/river of human piss w/ a few dozen other performers, audience members, roadies, and security officers. Red had gotten up and joined her. Of course she didn't know it was Kali anyway 'cos they were both covered in mud.
Gabs was still waiting in line at the beer tent.
Jess was trying to find a condom vending machine.
Kali spotted someone that looked pretty yummy. Even if he was caked in mud. So she went off w/ him back to his tent in the camping area.
"Screw this" Gabs said, and went off to watch Semisonic perform on the New Stage, leaving her spot on the beer tent line.
"Errr....shit" Jess said, when she heard an announcer say "Rukaland to the stage please, ten minutes". She abandoned the condom machine (while an eager 13 year old stepped up to take what Jess had paid for) and ran into the crowd desperately searching for her bandmates.
"Gaby! Thank Thom!" She said, running over to Gabs who was headbanging to "Secret Smile". "Cmon, we're on in ten minutes" Jess said, dragging her away.
"But Jessss, Jewel was gonna be on after Semisonicc!" Gaby whined.
"Oh shut up you and Kals can watch your Jewel concert video later on the bus." Jess said, throwing Gabs into a port-a-john.
"Now stay here and don't you move, I have to go find the others." Jess commanded, dashing off.
LC was busy w/ Milly in his hash filled tour bus. Well until Jess burst in.
"Hey, how did you know I was here???" LC asked as Jess pulled her away.
"Well it says Kula Shaker right on the side of the bus dipshit. I figured Id find either you or Kali here."
LC's feet thudded down the steps that lead out of the bus. "Jess you have remarkable strength for a canadian." LC commented.
"Shutup and go wait in port-a-john #7 with Gaby." Jess said as she ran off to find Kali and Red.
A few minutes later a mud covered Kali, a still tripping Red, and a pretty smelly Gaby & LC took the stage along w/ the heroine, Jessy. After playing through "Shag" twice, "Shag Now Or Shag Later", and "Shags R Us", Kali got bored and started singing her Noel song while Jess tuned up. The crowd actually seemed into it. Kali turned to LC and made an "i told you so, asshole" face. Gaby demanded that the band play a cover of "Closing Time" since she had been torn away from Semisonic so prematurely.
"Closing time, this song is such shi-ite so take your brothers and your sisters home..." LC sang.
Gabs luckily didn't hear her so no one got pushed off the stage. Yet anyway. And of course Rukaland would be famous for being the only band to play in the rain at Glasto without getting electrocuted. Kali got bored playing chords & went off into some weird solo so Jess kicked her up the arse.
"owww that hurt" Kali moaned.
LC kept singing a Ruka original. That was finally not about shagging. Kali went up to the mike when the song was done.
"Hey Glastonbury" she shouted.
"Hey" everyone shouted back.
Well not everyone, as usual there were assorted "fuck you's" and "go to hell's". But thats at any concert. I never understood that. So anyway...
"This is a song I wrote. And it's not about shagging. And its not about Noel. (Noel Gallagher, who's in the audience, suddenly feels prideless) It's about 'avin' it exremely fookin' large. So buy the single." Kali said, and tore into (dunno why they always say that, "tore into") the intro to "Six Degrees..".
Everyone was in fine form. That is, possibly, until Red or LC got to the story.
(LC's bit) LC felt a bit confused as the opening riff began. She nodded her head to the beat and then realised that Kali hadn't mentioned who was doing the vocals- her or LC. Well, LC figured, if she was the lead vocalist after all, perhaps her job was to sing the song. She also figured, that from the worried and slightly pissed off and panicking look from Kali who was doing a solo, perhaps she was supposed to sing the song. So she sang the song.
LC tok this time out to study the audience. She waved to the little moshers at the front who were all muddy and in great festival form. They waved back. She spotted a few photographers snapping away. Slightly bored with the whole 'festival' scene, she decided to do summat different, and took off her shoes. Yep- that was about it actually, as LC, ex-pole dancer, was never one for risks. She glanced over at Red who was giving her the usual 'what the fuck are you on?' look and LC shot it back at her to which Red shrugged and smiled in a trippy way. The song came to a close. LC said a few final words.
"Thanks a lot guys, we'll be buggering off now. Um... if anyone sees Crispian Mills, can they tell him that I'm looking for him? Thanks. Oh, and um, the next band is ah..." LC looked off stage. "Oh yay! It's the guy who broke me out of jail! Placebo!!!" And with that LC skipped over to Molko, whacked a kiss on his lips and trotted off to the Kula van.
On her way, she was slightly embarrassed at the goings on in the backstage area. Gaby and Red were having a sword fight with Gaby's drumsticks while Kali was walking around looking lost, with her guitar still strapped to her. She fell over mid-stride.
"Oi Kali! You knob!" LC ran over and unplugged the lead. "Good God, what would you ever do without me?" Kali just smiled and hurried off.
LC looked around at Red who was now trying to poke Gaby in the eye, and at Jess who had her tongue so far down Thom's throat that.... well, it was a pretty heated moment.
LC sighed. Why was the band acting so chaotic? Why did they have to make dickheads of themselves at every available oppurtunity? LC contemplated this as she saw Crispy of the Mills ambling along behind a significantly large joint.
"Crispy!" She shrieked and bounced over to him.
He smiled. "Hey I was wondering where you went. I heard the message you sent out but I was already watching your set. Great set it was too."
LC giggled. "Is that a sexual reference?"
Crispy, who was stoned, frowned. "Huh?"
"Great set? Yknow..." LC explained.
Crispy nodded. "Oh right. Yeah. Sure, yknow. So what is this then?" He guestured around to Glasto and LC and everything. "Is this like, some sort of epic adventure you've created for lack of better things to do with your time and not enough substance abuse?"
LC nodded. "Pretty much. And we felt your presence was lacking. But you're here now."
"Hey that's cool. So like, in this story.... am I free from the pressures of love?"
LC nodded. "Totally man. You're not married, you don't have a kid called Ian-"
Crispy laughed. "I dont?!? I'm free from that bitch and that messy kid? Yes!"
"So.... feel like going to the forest? I mean, I know that's where a lotta dodgy stuff happened, but we can just go to cleanse our aura's and stuff like that." LC suggested.
Crispy nodded and dragged her off thru the mud and away.
Kali was looking for her shag. The one she shagged earlier when he was covered in mud and he looked 'pretty yummy'. Of course, he was only a fan but hey- that's ok. Of course, he could've cleaned himself up a bit... ah, she'd never know. She sniffed and went off to migle with the ppl.
Red sighed. She tapped her thigh with Gaby's drumstick as she walked along. Hey- there was someone she recognised- ok so he was sitting all alone writing something down in a serious fashion that sorta scared her- but who could go past Mr Human Cigarrette With Hair?
"Hey!" Red excalimed as she plonked herself next to him. "What'cha doing?"
He looked up. "I am contemplating the laws of physics. In relation to the planets mixed in with a bit of French philosophy from the turn of the 18th century. So far, all I have is 'Mars is tres, tres big and quite red due to it's reddish colour."
Red nodded. "Fascinating. I'm Red by the way."
His eyes widened. "You're not! Oh my god- do you have something to do with Mars? Have you been there before?"
Red who was still tripping off her face nodded. "Totally. They have some great pubs there."
"Wow." He gushed. "I thought going to Mars was better than getting pissed, but now-"
"You can do both!" Red announced.
Someone- oh look, a familiar face- it was Damon, came striding up to Red and mate.
"Oi Alex, we're on in about five minutes, and as much as I would love to go on without you, or perhaps even get another bass player altogether, is a feeling so overhwelming that i can't begin to contemplate the wonders of it, But alas, I'm stuck with you. So could you get up and stop pissing about. Graham's getting stressed and we need to to make some more anti- blur jokes to get him really angry so he can play well. Come on." Damon waited.
Alex got all pissed off. "God, just cos you have the power, you think you have the power."
Red looked at Damon who shrugged. Alex continued.
"You know *mate*- dare I call you that, I was having a brilliant conversation about getting pissed at the pubs on Mars by red who's been there and done that, and now you've ruined my moment."
Damon smiled. "Not to worry. Now- stage. Bass. Play." And he dragged Alex away.
"Let go of me you ponce." He struggled. "red! Help me! No- it's too late. I bid you adieu mon cheri- my job calls out to me."
But by this time, Alex was pretty much on stage and Red had started to wander off and mingle with other ppl anyway...
(Kali's bit) Kali wandered around aimlessly still not finding that mud boy. Instead she stopped by the bus to loot LC's contraceptive stash (just in case, of course) and went off back into the crowd.
"Look Cris. I'm sick of doing yoga, can't we just shag already?" LC whinged.
"Ommm..." Crispy replied.
"For fucks sake." LC groaned, getting to her feet and picking up her assorted articles of clothing (after all, nude yoga is good for the soul - or so Crispy says). "I'm out of here. Find someone else to shag." she said, in a freak non-hormone charged moment as she walked back towards the main festival area.
Everyone had gathered by the main stage to watch Robbie Williams attempt to repeat his "phenomenal" performance of "Angels". Gabs had climbed on top of some fat sweaty man's shoulders and was waving her hands in the air to the swaying (hehe) beat of the song. For the story's sake, Robbo creates this great feeling of peace & love amongst the crowd. Kali, also in attendance, holds Reds hand and cries her heart out. Even Jess can't help but join in the hand-holding.
"And down the water-faaaaaahhhhhllll" Kali sobbed along with Bobby Willyams. So after all that the crowd dispersed.
Kali, Red, and Jess, who decided to stick together because they were feeling all sappy & shit, went to find LC, and did, somehow, in a way that Kali doesn't feel like making up. Gabs managed to get off the fat sweaty man (he almost carried her over to the horse burger vendors) and the whole gang was together again.
That is until Kali realised that the Dandy Warhols were on the New Stage and dashed over as fast as she could to be with her leather pants and black eye liner wearing yummy boys. (oh just thinking about those pants makes me....err on w/ the story) Everyone else decided to let her have her fun and got on the bus.
"Someone do something stupid, I'm fucking bored." Red cried as she slumped down on the couch.
"Yeah, Gabs, get drunk and do something." LC added.
"Gabs doesnt do stupid things when she's drunk, she just passes out and drools. Well thats kind of stupid but it's only amusing for about five minutes and by then you forget about her." Jess said.
"You're right." LC and Red replied.
Meanwhile Kali was IN her yummy boys' leather pants. Trying them on in the dressing room, of course, you sick sick pervert.
"Hey chick with the weird hair" Courtney called.
Fifteen chicks with weird hair turned around.
"I meant you." he pointed to Kali who sauntered over.
"How about a fuck in the back?" he asked with a cigarette casually hanging out of his mouth.
"Err..what do you mean by back?" Kali asked, looking confused.
"I mean in the back..." he gestured towards the door.
"Ohhhhh sure, I thought this was gonna turn into an Alex/Molko episode." Kali followed Courtney into the other room.
Fifteen minutes later Kali went up and tapped a blonde tight pants wearing yummy...no, sexy boy on the shoulder.
"How about a fuck in the back?" She asked. "Um..." Petey looked down at the floor in his introverted way.
"Sorry. I mean, would you like do erm...have sex in the other room?" Kali asked.
"Oh, sure." He agreed.
Fifteen minutes later Kali came out of the back room quite satisfied with herself and went back to stand in the audience to wait for the Dandys to come out again.
"This one's for a really great chick named Kali."
Courtney said, and began playing "I Love You". (for those of you who don't know this song - I love you, I love you, I love you (repeat a gizillion times) I only just met you before but I can't understand you don't want me more You make me feel really unsure but that should only make you feel secure blah blah Although we've only known each other a bit already I can't sleep at night and I feel like shit, thats right, I love you, I love you, I love you...)
"Oh great." Kals groaned and tromped back to the bus. "Courtney from the Dandys is obsessed with me." she said, flopping onto the floor and switching on her Nintendo.
"Okay." Everyone shrugged.
"Shit, I left my knickers in Crispians trailer. Or was it Damons. Or Alex's." LC said.
Red glared at her at the mention of Alex.
"Thats why I don't get into the multiple partners thing. And thats why I don't have herpes." Jess said, sticking her tongue out.
"Shutuppp" LC whined.
"Oh LC I borrowed some condoms." Kali said. "Not that I used them but you know. Just in case my partner felt like practising safe sex."
"Ewww Kals" Red slapped Kali's leg.
"Dont touch her, you never know where she's been" Gabs warned.
"Oh please, there's no way this story will ever turn into a Kate saga. I'm not gonna get pregnant and have Alex James' kid or something." Kali replied.
"Yeah, only 'cos you haven't screwed Alex James yet." Jess mumbled.
"I heard that, shitface" Kali threw a pillow at Jessy.
"Kals we may as well just put you on the roof rack." Red mused.
"Why's that?"
"'cos you've become the village bicycle. Everyone's had a ride."
"Ha ha fucking ha." Kali said.
"Look, I'm not the whore of the story anyway, that's LC, remember?" she added, pointed towards the resident slut.
"Ohhh yeah" everyone remembered.
So the story goes back to picking on LC for being bimbo-ish.
Finally everyone falls asleep and they arrive in um. Someplace kewl. Nah I can't think of anyplace kewl so they arrive in Dublin, Ireland ;) the next morning.
(LC's bit) Which is such a fucking cool place that LC and Red exploded in joy and almost passed out.
Finally, they'd been waiting their entire lives to go to Ireland and all it took was for them to get in a band with their mates and shag around until they were ready to give up a vow of celibacy. If only they'd known it was that easy.
LC shivered in the freezing wind. "Guys, we didn't really think this thru did we?"
The others looked at her as she crouched in the doorway of their tent.
"I mean," She continued. "I know we have some gigs here- low key, but do we really know any major celebrities that we wanna meet, who live here?"
"U2!" Red cried. LC ignored her.
Kali sulked. "I don't see why we can't still be in the tour bus instead of living in a valley in this bloody tent."
Lc sighed. "For God's sake woman! Buses can't swim! How did you expect it to get over the Irish Sea? Anyway, as we know, this was my lovely idea."
Gaby threw her copy of Select at LC. "And bugger you for choosing it."
Jess smiled, in a daze. "Don't you love the way Gaby spells things wrong sometimes, but her insults are always up to scratch?"
Everyone nodded thoughfully. LC zipped up the tent flap and huddled inside with the others. She picked up Gaby's Select magazine from beside her and flicked to the reviews...
RUKALAND PLAY GLASTO- SHAG FEST 99
They've received absolutely no publicity, yet people know who they are. Rukaland played to one of the largest audiences at the festival this year, beating the Dandy Warhols and Oasis. This may seem suprising to some, but it was the fault of Noel Gallagher who hyped up so much hype about the girls. And he was right. Muddy, high, drunk and post-shagged, the girls filed onto the stage in a panic. Yet their songs filled the atmosphere with hormones, screaming, smiles and underwear. But apart from the guitarist Kali... Crispian Mills was also spotted hanging around on the side, watching eagerly and responded straight away to lead singer LC's plea of 'if anyone has seen Crispian Mills, tell him that I'm looking for him. Please.' Next act Placebo are also favourites with the band as Brian Molko helped LC and Kali out of jail recently. Rumour has it they were charged with indecent exposure, reckless driving, alcohol poisoning and laughing at a police officer. A typical night out then...
"Oh my God... does that mean they think we were responsible for all those crimes? Cos Molko was the first one.... but that's unfair." LC blabbed.
Jess shook her head. "Look guys... you're shitted whatever way you look at it. You were in jail. The rumours are only just starting. Meanwhile, Daria is on and I have to go and get some tips from her. See you in a bit."
The rest of the band sat and waited for Jess to return.
A while later, Jess sloped back into the tent. "Yeah, that was a pretty groovy episode. They should have more of Jane though. She says some great shit."
Red nodded. "Hey guys..." She said. "D'you reckon we should... yknow.... reach out to the people more? Communicate our ideas and dreams to them? Become at one with society?"
Kali tilted her head to one side. "In our CD?"
"No!" Red scoffed. "I mean- wanna go out on the town?"
LC scrambled out of the tent. "OK! Let's go get outselves an accent!"
They all stood outside The Pod- the hippest Dublin club (just incase you didn't know). The bouncer stared back at them.
"Ok, so like, we're in a band yknow." Gaby explained.
"And we've just come from Glasto. Straight from the festival. We need a drink." LC pitched in.
The bouncer smiled in an evil way. "Sure, you go to the pub down the road there. Have a pint, so."
Kali whinged. "Mate... just let us in. I know we don't have any ID but.... you gotta trust us. We're from Rukaland. We're the Shag Band."
The bouncer raised an eyebrow. "Are ya really? Roight then... well... I didn't recognise ya, so. Sure, you come roight in. The Shag Band. Me kids are fans yknow."
LC cringed. She always hoped for a wide fan base but kids... it was pushing it.
"Yeah." The bounder continued. "They love ya."
The girls wandered aimlessly in the club and settled down.
Red sighed into her pint. "How lonely and boring is this? We're in another country, with no one we know... we'd better hope someone decent is on tour."
LC waved her hands in front of Red, silencing her. "Oh no- there's a few bands out here apparently. Don't worry. We'll stumble across someone.... just hope it's Crispy. I was so close. SO CLOSE!!! And then Kali twisted things around...."
But Red wasn't listening. She was staring at a blonde guy working behind the bar. "Oh... my... God." She said in amazement.
Jess followed her gaze. "Who? Where?"
Red dashed over to the bar. The guy was busy cleaning the glasses and stacking them.
LC nodded slowly. "That'd be the love of Red's life. Rory. Just let her deal with that plot line by herself. We really don't need to get involved in it. Too dodgy for words."
(Kali's bit - I'll try to avoid the subject of Rory so that Red can work on that herself)We'll just leave Red w/ the love of her life and she can tell us all about it later. So.
"I actually wouldn't mind seeing U2." Gaby piped up.
"Me neither. But I'd rather see Ash." Kali said, with a dreamy look on her face.
"Oh no, you're not shagging Tim too, you need to pace yourself otherwise you're going to have to make up some elaborate plot where you get in a time machine and go back to the 60's and shag Paul McCartney or something. 'cos if you keep going at this rate you're gonna run outta famous shags of the 90's really fast." Jess advised.
"Suppose you're right. But I could go for Peter again. Damn he was...."
"So what are we doing here?" LC cut in.
"Beats me." Gabs shrugged.
"We're supposed to play a gig and do an interview with Q or something, and...we're supposed to be at a hotel in a half hour to do the interview." Kali said.
"Oh." LC replied.
"Guess we should go then." Jess said, standing up.
So everyone left Red there knowing that the interviewer wouldn't miss her anyway. (hehe sorry Red) (Kali's turn to do an interviewww...)
INTERVIEW:Q Magazine, August 1999. "WE'RE NOT A SHAG BAND, WE'RE A GOOD BAND."
(five page spread, photos of the band playing live at glasto, posing with various pop stars, and getting pissed)
We sit in the lush tropical atmosphere created in the lobby of Dublin's finest hotel, the (um insert name of classy hotel here). Ten minutes pass, it is now 10:40 AM, and we'll have to wait and see if Rukaland are FASHIONABLY late. Ten more minutes, and in walk four girls, each with their own style, but distinctively not stereotyped like some bad take off of the Spice Girls. LC, also known as 'Tessa Vale' (go with me on this one guys -LC), the lead vocalist, sits down and begins filing her nails. Jess , bass guitar, sits indian style across the couch from us in her cargo pants and sarcastically logoed t-shirt. She attempts to stare us down, and we give in. Gaby , THE drummer, sits down beside Jess looking decidedly chipper. Kali, the last to arrive - after playing in the revolving doors - wanders over in her leather pants and sits on the couch, her feet underneath her and her body leaning against the armrest.
"I don't like these places." She says. "They make me feel like I ought to be mopping the floors instead of dropping stuff on them."
Kali is an American, although not so typical. Her hometown was a small, quiet place with little to do and little opportunity.
"I have to thank the government of my town for not giving us kids anything better to do. 'Cos I could have ended up going roller skating every night instead of sitting in my room playing guitar. And I wouldn't trade what I have no for anything." she says.
Jess sits rubbing her eyes. "Yeah. I mean I think thats what makes great musicians, you know? Boredom. There's nothing better to do, so I'll make something for myself." she adds.
Jess is the Canadian, and seems to be the quintessential "leader" of the group - the logical, practical, - and cynical - one.
We nod our head in agreement. The girls of Rukaland are certainly not the Spice Girls, they are intelligent, talented, and have original styles all their own. There's no sense of fakery here.
"Are you comparing us to the Spice Girls?" Kali asks us. We don't know what to say, and we wonder if these girls are also psychic. "Because I'm fucking sick of that, we're not even in the same genre of music. People always do that in the music industry. It's like oh here's another 'chick band', capable of only singing about how stupid or how great men are and how many problems women have. Well wake up, assholes, this is 2001, and there are no boundaries. I could sing songs about anything any man could sing songs about and I don't want shit from everyone about being a bloody chick band. It's absurd. I don't call Oasis a 'guy band', so I'd appreciate if Rukaland wasn't called or compared to chick bands." Kali sits back and glares at our tape recorder.
"Speaking of Oasis," we begin.
"Here we go." LC groans as she orders a drink from our personal server.
"Look right, I shagged Noel Gallagher and then Jess told him about Rukaland and he got all excited and hyped us up. That's all it was. So I shagged him. My whole goal is to bring the 60's back again. You can smoke joints in the street and shag whoever you want while you listen to some damn cool music." Kali explains.
We nod. And Rukaland certainly are the band to bring back that 'damn cool music'.
"If I could live any time it would have been then. I mean everyone was so easy back then, I would have had Crispian right away instead of all that nonsense I went through at Glasto." LC adds.
We nod again and decide to avoid the shag subject. Rukaland is definitely a fiesty - but not catty group. We change the topic to Rukalands forthcoming album, which is untiled at the moment.
"We're thinking of calling it The Shag Collection, you know, since we have so many songs about shagging. But we don't want to be some meaningless party band either." LC tells us.
"Right, I don't want to be looked at like...Blur. They're a great band but their singles are so simple. I want to have something meaningful to say and also have a great song, like Radiohead. They always come through with a great tune and there's always something there you don't see first time around." Jess explains.
Everyone nods in agreement. We are surprised at how fluent these international visitors are with the British music scene. It's impressive, just like everything else about Rukaland.
"When we record our album, I want it to be all encompassing." Kali says.
"Yeah, I want it to be like an Oasis album. How there's sad songs, and happy songs, and trippy songs, and party songs. Some songs make you think, and some make you smile, and some do both, and some make you cry and some make you angry. It's a great thing, and thats what I wanna do. Of course, I'm only the drummer, but that doesn't mean I'm just gonna sit back and watch the other four ponce about with songs I have to play." Gaby adds.
"Yeah, I like Oasis for that ,they're a life band. I want to do an album like that. So hopefully if we can write some really good tunes, we can have that variety and it'll be good, and the kids will like it." Kali explains.
"And maybe we'll get some guest apperances in, too. To bring in more people to hear us, you know, like getting Brian Molko to do a duet with me on a song or something, to bring in some Placebo fans." LC tells us.
"Yeah, or have Jonny Greenwood do guitar on a song." Jess adds.
It's obvious to us that these girls aren't your average band, and they have more enthusiasm for music than we have seen in years. Hopefully it'll last them their career. Look for Rukaland's debut album, in stores by Christmas. - Q
(LC's bit) LC choked on her Guinness as she read over a the article. "Oasis? We want to be Oasis? Did anyone ask my opinion here? I think this was said when I'd zoned off. If anything, I wanna be like Radiohead or Blur."
Kali sprawled across her sleeping bag and sighed. "Fuck you LC." She said vaguely. "Everyone knows I love Oasis, and if we have to be compared to a band, then Oasis it is. Cos I say so. By the way- I'm pre-menstrual."
LC and Jessy swallowed their viscious retorts and nodded understandingly.
LC sighed. "Oh my God. I do believe that I haven't actually had a shag since...." She frowned.
Jess looked up, amused. "Shit- the slut of the band and even *I* can't remember. And I'm the one who does your laundry."
LC shoved Jess who giggled. "Shut up Jessica. Damon was my last shag. DAMON WAS MY LAST SHAAAAAAAAAGGGGG!!!" She whinged. "No wonder I feel empty and lost. I want my Crispy."
Gaby crawled over to LC and put a sympathetic arm around her. "It's ok LC." She said as she took a swig from LC's pint. "I'm here for you."
Jess held in her laughter. "Oh Gaby, you are so going to regret saying that."
"Why?" Gaby asked.
"Well, you have your arm around LC." Jess explained. Gaby nodded. "And well... LC is as horny as anything. Don't get too close."
Gaby backed away from LC who was giving her dodgy looks. And then began to whinge. "I'll shag anything. I will. Red's off getting it on with Rory and I'm here staring out the tent at some green valley in the outskirts of Dublin, my mate Jess still has the hickey's left from Thom and Jonny, Gaby's semi-conscious with thoughts of Ricky Martin and Kali still hasn't washed since Peter and Courtney- no WONDER I feel so left out." And she started to cry.
Which is a pretty bloody major thing seeing as LC never cries in public- ah then again, that's with pain. Emotional stuff can get the tears going any time, any place.
Jess rolled her eyes. "LC, I'm not going to shows myself in this story until you grow up. This is a waste of my time. Meanwhile... I just remembered i play the bass. How disgustingly degrading for me. Mind you, there are some pretty great models out these days." And she slipped into a bass-coma.
LC, teary eyed, sniffed audibly and prayed that Jess would learn how to update the story- as well as Gaby as she felt their characters needed to be developed more and she was too scared to do so herself. She made a stand.
"Well dudes, I am NOT going to cry myself to sleep tonight. And if I am... it'll be on some lovely lads shoulder. Anyhow... don't we like, have a gig in a few mins? At The Point?"
Kali shoved LC. "Oh how stupid are you? It's not The Point. It's that Castle. You know the one Oasis played at? I have a feeling it's Sloane Castle but I might be mixing up my Irish knowledge. I'll tell you when I come on to update the story. Anyway, we should get going or we'll be late."
When they srrived at the castle, they were suprised to see Red sitting alone on the stage, playing on her acoustic a version of Linger by the Cranberries. She looked slightly shagged out, but they didn't know if that was cos she was actually shagged out, or just really dodgy lighting.
Some technical electrical dude turned up the lights. Oh yeah, she was shagged out.
As the band went thru a soundcheck, LC sat in the floor, in mosh pit territory. She then realised that she had no idea what the venue looks like in real life, but had some feeling it was outdoors. But for the benefit of the story, it was indoors. LC felt someone plonk themselves behind her but didn't bother turning around as it was probably a roadie or someone. When she felt her hair being played with, she decided against that and turned around into the smiling face of her little Molko.
"Jesus fuck! What are you doing here? Of all places..." She exclaimed.
Molko smiled. "We're touring our album and I heard you guys were playing here. We should tour together." He said leaning towards LC.
LC raised her eyebrows in an attempt at a somewhat cheeky manner. "Should we?"
He nodded. "We should. It'd give us more oppurtunities to-"
"Fuck me!" Kali screamed from the stage.
LC tried not to let the coincidental irony take hold of her, and sighed as she saw Kali scrape herself up from the stage. She'd tripped over her lead. Nothing major. Just another usual act of stupidity from the NJ chic.
LC shook her head. "What do you expect- she's American."
Molko, who isn't actually American but likes to sound like he is, laughed that really annoyingly cute laugh of his and dragged LC into his lap.
And they sat back and watched the rest of Ruka making idiots of themselves.
Red was not all there. As if you'd expect her to be. She sang into the mic- 'he's comes into my life, after these many years, all i wanted was fettucini, and he gives me a shag and some beer, oh oh oh yeah yeah. oooo ooooo mmmm baby wow yeah oh oh hey hey lalalala.' Jess and Kali gave each other a dodgy look. Gaby wondered if Red was feeling ok and what she had last come to inahle. Red just smiled to herself.
(Kali's bit) Gaby started doing some wicked drum solos while Kali watched.
"Dude, Gabs, I had no idea you could actually play anything." she said.
Gaby nodded in appreciation and continued playing. (don't you love the way a band sounds in soundcheck? its so kewl when you can hear the music echo around the place 'cos its empty...anyway)
Kali walked up to the mic & started singing a K's Choice song. "A religion that appeals to me, ohh, - hey LC yer not gonna shag HIM again, are you?" she yelled through the speakers.
LC rolled her eyes. "Like I said, American." she told Molko, who nodded in sympathy.
Kali also agrees that Jess and Gaby need to add to the story for more development of their characters and she'd like to take this brief time out to say it. Thank you.
"Wow innit great being here at SLAINE Castle, which is in reality an OUTDOOR venue, guys?" Kali asked, dreamily. "To think, my Noely walked on this very stage."
"Um, actually Kals...nevermind." Jess quit while she was ahead.
"Hey guys after this I say we play Water Rats; London, Gleneagles; Scotland, Angel; Bedford, 100 Club; London, Forum; Tunbridge Wells, Polytechnic; Oxford, Jug of Ale; Birmingham, Joiners; Southampton, Fleece Firkin; Bristol, Moles; Bath, Lucifers Mill; Dundee, La Belle Angel; Edinburgh, Tramway; and Glasgow, Arena; Middlesborough." Kali said.
"Kals, you just rattled off the first 14 gigs Oasis did in their 1994 tour." Gabs said.
"Oh yeah. I guess it's just a reflex, you know." Kali replied.
"Yeah. Anyway we're not small time enough to play clubs like that. LC why didn't you just say we were playing The Point tonight if you wanted it to be an indoor venue? Really I dunno where your rationalization (sp) comes from." Jess said through the mic. She gets a mic 'cos sometimes she likes to tell jokes during the gigs. (I dunno, Alex is a bass player & thats why he gets a mic apparently ;)
"Who's opening for us anyway?" Red asked, coming out of her dreamlike state.
Everyone shrugged.
A few minutes later, U2 walked onto the stage. haha not really. That would just be way too absurd. ;) Anyway hang on I need to think of a band. (Kali note: who exactly is Rory anyway? is he in a band or is he some local aussie? I've never heard that name before...so if he is in a band that I'm into I'm proly gonna feel like an ass but so be it. Anyway, WHO IS RORY?) Blur walked onto the stage.
"Now Kali that is just disprespectful." everyone gave Kali looks which prompted her to change the opening band to Placebo, Stereophonics, and a little band called Waterfront.
"Great, we're surrounded by fucking Taffys." LC sighed.
"LC quit trying to act English" Red said, laughing.
Kali stood still staring at the empty arena.
"Hey Kals" Gaby threw a drumstick at her and whacked her in the back of the head.
"Owwwwwwww I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot!" Kali said, clutching her head.
Molko and LC walked over to the st
age together. Awww. "What's wrong Kalsy?" LC asked, attempting to climb up and realising what an ass she looked like. She decided to stay on the ground.
"Nothin'" Kali shrugged.
"Bullshit." LC replied.
Kali stuck her tongue out at LC and walked off.
"Huh." Jess shrugged.
Gaby was playing some kind of weird jazz/blues thing on her drum kit so everyone left her alone.
"Well LC she did say she's pre menstrual so don't get on her case." Red said.
"Oh look at you being all protective of little Kali all of a sudden." LC retorted.
"I only said it 'cos it allows me to be a slight bitch to you" Red replied, with a cheeky grin.
"Bugger." LC said trying not to smile.
Molko grew more and more impatient so he and LC went to his dressing room to try out his new make up and have a shag or two.
Meanwhile Kali was hiding under the table in the Ruka dressing room.
Jess, Gaby, and Red ponced their way in and headed straight for the refridgerator to get some alcohol.
"Kals what the fuck are you doing down there?" Jess asked, kneeling down.
"Drugs?" Kali said.
"Yeah right." Jess crawled under the table too.
"Hey guys whats going on?" Red asked, leaning over and peeking under the table.
"I dunno." Jess shrugged.
"Oh well I wanna be a part of this too." Red said, finding herself a spot. Gaby followed with a mini cooler full of drink mixes.
"You guys, I dunno what to do! I'm an asshole!" Kali shrieked.
"Well we knew that, but whats up anyway?" Red asked.
"Well I wanna shag Kelly from the Stereophonics, but Waterfront is Liam's band, you remember him, right? I completely neglected to mention him in the beginning of the story just 'cos this should have all been pop star shagging but who says you can't make up your own?" Kali said.
[fer anyone who is not a mate of kali in real life, Liam is was her penpal from wales who she was smitten with once a long time ago- so she's written him in][and she hadn't written to him for ages or something, at this point. i don't really understand it. -LC]
Everyone nodded so as not to piss her off.
"So anyway, I've been a shit then about staying in touch with Liam and now he's opening for us, which makes me an even bigger shit, and then of course theres the whole shag dilemma!" Kali started to cry.
"Oh geez." Jess said, and put her arm around her. Group hug, awww.
"Well *sob* Kals, I'm *sob* here for you, man" Gaby sniffed.
"Yeah" sobbed everyone else.
We've gotta have stupid moments like this to make the story more realistic, you know. ;)
So anyway, Kali recouperated however you spell that & managed to hide herself in the dressing room until it was time for the band to go onstage, so of course there's always the after show party to avoid as well.
Anyway at about ten to 7, Kali went to stand sidestage to watch the Phonics play seeing as they're one of her favourite bands, while Gaby, Red, and Jess played Go Fish on one of the flight cases. Meanwhile LC was still w/ her Molko baby.
"Well darling I have to be onstage soon" he sighed, getting up and throwing his assorted black clothing back on.
"Oh, say it isn't so" LC whined.
"It's so, my love." (this is turning into a cheesy romance novel) Molko replied.
"Oh well we've got the whole tour together, my love." LC said, snogging Molko and suddenly realising wot she had just said. LC had just made a shag commitment. This is unheard of. This is unprecedented. LC had just agreed to shag the same person more than once. More than twice. More than three times. In seperate days. Wow!
So Molko went on stage and did his thing so LC stood by Kali and watched with her while Red, Gaby, and Jess played gin rummy. (only 'cos Gaby liked the name)
Finally after Waterfront had finished (Kali hiding behind LC the entire time) the band lined up and waited for their cue to go on. Waterfront filed past Rukaland as they left the stage and Kali smiled/blushed slightly at her lovely Liam as Jess punched her.
Rukaland took the stage in a shower of shouts and cheers.
(LC's bit) LC sauntered up to the mic just as a 'fucking hell!' sounded from Kali. She'd almost killed herself on the lead again.
The crowd cheered.
Jess strummed a few bass notes which reverberated around the arena.
The crowd cheered.
Red fiddled with pedals and stuff, causing some really noisy screechy sounds to burn themselves in the corwds ears.
They cheered.
LC laughed. "I hate the way crowds cheer for no reason." And the crowd cheered.
After much ado, they launched into '6 degrees...' and things went swimmingly well. Halfway thru the set, Red decided to talk.
"I just wanna say hi to Rory who's somewhere out here." The crowd cheered. "He's a beautiful Irish lad I met in Oz when he was working at an Italian resturant." The crowd cheered again.
"God." Jess sighed. "You are nothing but a target market." The crowd cheered once more.
Gaby began a rather noisy solo which meant that they had to play 'Shag Now Shag Later'. Halfway thru the song LC began to ponder on her mistake. Was it a mistake that she'd committed herself to Molko for an entire tour? Perhaps it would give her some grounding. Then again, this was Brian Molko of the 'drugs and orgy' fame. She smiled.
Jess surveyed the signs and posters that the crowd was holding up. It was so cute, yet so pathetic. There were the usual 'i love you's and '___ for LC/Kali/Red/Gaby/Jess' (ok obviously one of the names would be used- not all of them) Someone held up a poster with thei phone number on it. Jess shook her head and went back into her Alex-bass coma.
LC cringed as the last note of the set sounded. She had such a headache she thought she'd pass out. When they had eventually left the stage- after untangling Kali from her lead and dragging her away from her mic, they all collapsed in their room backstage.
LC massaged her temples.
"Oh why me? Why now? How can I have it large in this condition?" She muttered.
Gaby thrust some vodka at her. LC nodded and then shook her head and then sighed and then tried to see straight and then collapsed onto the couch and then began to cry the pain away. Everyone excpet Red looked mildly concerned.
"Er... I don't think she's that well." Kali announced.
Red shook her head. "She's fine. She over-reacts sometimes- don't you? You little hypochondriac, you." Red nudged LC who looked up at her, pale in the face and like she was going to be sick.
"I want.... I want...." She whispered. Before she could finish, Red thrust a packet of Mercyndol at LC and she shut up.
Molko sauntered into the room.
"Hey guys! That was great!" He exclaimed.
Everyone mumbled thanks except for Red who decided she might try and get in on the action seeing as LC was in no state to fight her off.
But before Red could even get to her feet, Molko had pushed past her with a very concerned 'LC! My baby! Are you ok? Do you want anything? What's wrong? Did you inhale something you shouldn't have?' And he cradeled her in his arms. (This is the stuff nauseating dreams are made of guys)
Gaby made vomiting noises.
LC surfaced. "Oh Gaby grow up. You wouldn't find me making spewing noises of you and Ricky Martin were getting it on."
Jess bit her lip and thought. "No, you actually might just do that LC cos you hate Ricky that much yknow." And downed a shot of whatever she had lined up in the glass.
Kali got upset. "We'd better get out of here and get to the after party cos I can't stand to be here in the same atmosphere as.... Liam."
"He'll be at the party too yknow." Red said.
here was a groaning from LC who pushed Molko off her. "Not tonight sweetie- I've got a headache. Well, at least, wait till the mercyndol kicks in. Then I'll be so calm and peaceful you won't make sense of me at all. I don't think that was correct grammar I just used, but oh well." LC just hoped that whoever came on to write the story next would write a decent shag scene for her and Molko.
Everyone filed out to go to the after party.....