Lou tossed in her bunk trying not to dream. Everytime she’d fall asleep she’d have haunting dreams of her and the Kid.
A drunk and possessive Kid. A Kid who would only let her wear dresses and not let her ride Lightning again because it was too dangerous. A Kid who wanted lots of children and yet went off to war and left her all alone.
Lou awoke groggy and uncertain. Shakily, she slowly lowered herself from the bunk and was greeted by a smiling Kid. She plastered on a smile and quickly excused herself.
Being alone in the barn with Lightning calmed her nerves, but still left her wondering at the importance of her dreams the night before. Were they a foretelling of what was to come or merely her uncertainties as a future wife coming to light?
Hearing a sound behind her, she whirled around to see Kid entering the barn, smiling again.
He walked up to her and planted a kiss on her cheek and gently held her in his arms. “Hey sweetheart. Rachel almost has breakfast ready.” Then as if it were possible he grinned even wider and asked, “So have you given anymore thought to bein’ my wife?” When an immediate answer from her wasn’t forthcoming he added, “I asked you days ago, Lou, and you still haven’t given me an answer. Please don’t say no again, love. ‘Sides, with all the ‘dancin’ we’ve been doing lately we might have already started that family I’ve always wanted.”
When he really looked her in the eye he knew instantly something was wrong.
“Aw, Lou, you are gonna say no again aren’t cha?” He threw his hat down, disgusted.
“Kid, don’t go getting’ riled up. I ain’t said no.” Yet. She thought to herself. “I just need some time. This isn’t somethin’ a person just jumps into. I’ve got a lot to consider.” Especially after those dreams she’d just had.
“Lou, what’s there to consider. We love each other.” He put a hand to her belly and said, “And want to start a family soon. It wouldn’t look right if one came before the other.”
“Don’t you think I know all that?” Then she thought to ask him, “Kid, what if I don’t want to start a family right away?”
“Well, honey, why wouldn’t you? I mean I’ll find a good job that’ll take care of both of us. I’ve had my eye on this piece of land just north of here. You know the one I’m talkin’ about. I’ll build us a nice cabin on it and we can add onto it as the children come. I’ll buy you a whole passel of dresses so you’ll never have to dress like a man again.”
Lou shrugged out of his grasp and ran. Ran as far and as fast as her feet could take her.
Dumbfounded, Kid stood in the middle of the barn alone, wondering what he’d done wrong.
After an entire week had gone by, Rachel decided it was time to talk to Lou and give her a shoulder to lean on.
“Lou, can you come help me in the kitchen?” Rachel asked.
On the way over to the house, Lou brought up her nightmares she’d had the week before and wondering if she had anything to be worried about.
“Lou, it’s only natural for you to be nervous about gettin’ married. As for your nightmares, it’s probably only your worries coming out in your dreams. Worries happen to all of us when we have a really important decision to make. You’re no different, Lou. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to, you’ll see.”
In the tackroom, Kid was having a similar conversation with Teaspoon.
“Now, son, ya’ know that’s one headstrong woman you’ve got yourself there. I ‘spect when she’s good and ready to give ya’ an answer she will.” Teaspoon told him. “’Til then there’s not much ya’ can do, but wait.”
“But Teaspoon how’d ya’ get all your wives to say yes? I keep tellin’ Lou all the things I’m gonna do for her and still she won’t give me an answer. What else can I do?”
“Son, sometimes you’ve gotta let things go and if they come back to ya’ then they were meant to be.”
“Huh?” A confused Kid asked his mentor.
“Never mind. You’ll see everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.”
After another week had gone by and Lou still avoided giving Kid an answer, Kid grew so frustrated he asked Jimmy’s advice on what he should do. Even though he didn’t quite trust Jimmy to give him a straight answer since he’d noted the growing attraction between him and Lou, the Kid was at his wit’s end and turned to his best friend for help.
“Kid, you see it’s like this. I don’t think Lou likes the way you’re always protectin’ her. She’s a grown woman and can take care of herself. She doesn’t need lookin’ after, she just needs your support. And your love.”
Jimmy almost choked on that last word. The last thing he wanted to think about now was Lou marrying the Kid. Not that Jimmy had any real claim on her. He had no room for a wife in his life. Although if he were able to settle down someday he wanted it to be with Lou. Even though his best friend was in love with her and would be able to give her a much better life, he still wanted her for himself.
Trying to put his own feelings for Lou aside, Jimmy continued to give his friend some much needed advice. “And don’t try to go changin’ her. I think she likes what she does and who she is. She’s a Pony Express rider, not a china doll in need of special handling and care. She needs real love and attention, but Kid I think you’re smotherin’ her. And if you don’t quit it, you’re gonna lose her.”
Kid thought on it for awhile and thanked Jimmy. Although what he really wanted to do was plant his fist in his face. The truth hurt and he could see the emotions at work in his best friend and knew Jimmy wanted Lou for himself.
Maybe talkin’ to Jimmy was a bad idea. It was only showing his weakness and insecurity to another and to Jimmy of all people.
Kid wandered into Rock Creek and ended up at the saloon. Even though the drinkin’ of spirits were against company policy, Kid ordered a whiskey. Drinkin’ was something he’d avoided in the past, especially since he’d seen first hand how the drink had possessed his father. But he needed to think and clear his head and figured a good swill of whiskey would do the trick.
Six drinks later, Kid was so inebriated he wasn’t feeling much of anything. He staggered back to the way station. But considering his condition he decided to sleep it off in the barn, instead of letting everyone at the station know he’d slipped into the bottle, especially Teaspoon. He didn’t think he’d get fired for one indiscretion, but he didn’t want to take any chances.
The Kid’s luck didn’t hold and Teaspoon was in the barn checking out the stock.
“Son, what in tarnation do you think you’re doin’?” Teaspoon shouted when he saw the condition of his rider. “Ya know I could fire you for this?” He paused for effect and then added, “I won’t, but I could.”
When Kid looked up at Teaspoon, his feelings were etched into his face. Fear of losing his job. Fear of losing Lou. And fear of only having Katy in his life.
Teaspoon took pity on him. Shaking his head, he left his would-be son alone and headed towards the bunkhouse.
The instant he walked through the door, Lou asked if Kid was back yet because she needed to talk to him. Teaspoon sighed. Of all the times the girl would have made up her mind to finally talk it out with the Kid it had to be now.
“Yeah, he’s back. But Lou, you don’t want to go out there just now.”
“Why? Is he hurt?” She quickly asked. Not realizing the reason for needing to leave the Kid alone, she hurried out to the barn without waiting for an explanation.
Concern for the Kid coursed through her body as she entered the barn. She may not be sure she wanted to marry him just yet, but there was one thing she was sure of and that was she loved him and definitely didn’t want him hurt.
Going straight to Katy’s stall, she found a loudly snoring Kid. As she inched forward to check him for wounds, the smell of whiskey about knocked her over. Her nightmare had come true. All of her nightmares were coming true. The large family, the dresses, and now the drinking.
Wanting to run again, but knowing she needed to confront him, she kicked him hard with her boot. Feeling a sharp pain in his side, Kid awoke to find a livid Lou looking over him.
“How dare you, Kid! How dare you get drunk after what you told me about your father!”
“Lou, ya don’t understand. It’s not what ya’ think.” He slurred his words.
“Not what I think? You’re drunk aren’t cha? And don’t try to deny it. You smell of whiskey. Any fool can smell it. And boy what a fool I’ve been! I’ve put up with your ideas of a perfect marriage. The big family, my only wearing dresses and now…this! What about what I want Kid? Huh, what about that? What if I only want a small family? What if I happen to like the way I dress? Sure wearing dresses are nice, but you have no idea how constricting they can be. And I’ll have you know I like working for the Express. I like the freedom I have to be who I am and who I want to be. And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna have you drunk! I’ll not go through what your mother surely went through with your father, not even once. This is it, Kid. I wasn’t sure about marryin’ you before, but you’ve made my mind up for me now. I just don’t like who you’ve become, Kid, and who you think you’re gonna make me into.”
“But, Lou, wait…”
“No, Kid. I’m not gonna listen to it, don’t want to listen to the excuses that are sure to come out of your mouth. I loved you, Kid. Really loved you.” She started to cry.
Knowing a ride was coming up, she entered the stall next to Katy’s and saddled up Lightning.
“Lou, what if there’s a little one growin’ inside you now. What then?”
“Then I’ll raise her on my own.” She swiped at her tears. “She’ll always have a family right here with the Express. But you and me, Kid, we’re finished.”
She led her horse out into the sunlight, passing Cody who was on his way into saddle up his own horse for the ride.
“Don’t bother Cody, I’m takin’ this one.”
“Alright, Lou. But are you sure? You don’t look so good.” He said, noticing her tear-stained cheeks.
“I’ll be fine. For the first time in weeks I’ve never been more sure.”
“Ride safe, Lou.” Cody told her just as the rider approached the
yard. Taking the hand-off easily, she headed off into the West and the wide
open spaces it held for her.
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