For those of you who have always wondered why I don't do the whole gratuitous cybering thing: read on. Well even if you don't give a fuck why I don't do the whole gratuitous cybering thing, read this anyway. I went to all the effort of putting it here, someone might as well read it. Oh, and it's only coincidence that there are exactly 13 items on my list. *VEG*
#1. I want a guy who has a BRAIN. At least enough to understand some of the weird shit I say, and potentially enough to actually CONVERSE with me other than an occasional "Uh-huh." He doesn't have to know calculus (hell he'd make me feel inferior if he DID), but I like to talk about more interesting things than sex and MTV.
#2. I want a guy who's not afraid to go out and party his ass off, but isn't so fuckin into it that he can't do anything else. I mean, it IS possible to howl at the moon when NOT drunk. He has to appreciate the finer points of making snide or funny remarks about movies while watching them (hey if I go to a movie theater I wanna watch the MOVIE...if I wanna NECK, I can do that at HIS place)...I mean part of the fun of watching a movie together is to comment on stuff that happens in it while you can still REMEMBER it.
#3. I want a guy who doesn't care if I wake up in the morning looking like shit warmed over and doesn't constantly want me to put makeup on and dress up in clothes I can't stand. If he wants me to look like a whore, he can have Madonna.
#4. I want a guy who doesn't get jealous every time I talk to another guy. Unlike most men, women can talk to a man other than their boyfriend without expecting hot wild monkey sex out of the bargain. (Of course it's always a plus. *VEG*)
#5. I want a guy who doesn't think I should do all the housework. That's what he has HANDS for. I mean, if he's with me, it's not as if he's gonna be using them for anything that would make his guy friends call him Chewbacca...so he should have time to share some of the work too.
#6. If he wants to watch sports at all hours of the day and night, let him get his OWN TV. I can do something ELSE while he's glued to the set. I mean a man is not my sole reason for existing, and I at least have no desire to watch men play with their balls on national TV.
#7. I want a guy who doesn't CARE if he's the cutest or richest or most athletic or best fuckin guy in the world. So what if he is? He doesn't have to brag about it. (Wait...if he brags about it, he's automatically disqualified. Whew.)
#8. I want a guy who doesn't constantly bitch at me to get a job at some burger joint so we can live comfily. I'd much rather write books or be in a band or something and if he doesn't make enough money to support me while I'm doing it, tough shit. Of course I'd rather have him there to bounce ideas off of since that's usually the way I write, so he HAS to have a brain.
#9. You bitch at me for smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or whatever I happen to be addicted to at the moment, you better prepare to get bitched at in return. I can't STAND guys who try to change me when I don't wanna be changed. (Oh wow. This applies to other things besides illegal activities. Of course most of the men who read this won't realize that.)
#10. Must have a sense of humor at least proportionate to my own...i.e. could singlehandedly resurrect Saturday Night Live. (Hey I COULD do it...just don't know if I WANT to. Some things are better left dead. I mean look at Friday the 13th.)
#11. If he likes country "music" he'd better LIVE in a different country.
#12. Have at least SOME interests and tastes in common with me. Otherwise we'd be arguing constantly even if he's NOT a jerk. Which I would highly doubt anyway.
#13. If he doesn't love me (and I'm talkin LOVE, not lust or desperation or whatever it is that makes most men think with their hormones instead of their brains), he's automatically out even before examining the other 12 items on my list. DUH.
Click HERE for some reasons I came up with this list in the first place.
