By Nora
Copyright 1999
It was not Emma, but Teaspoon who met us out by the corral. With gestures, Ike explained the situation, and Teaspoon reached for me. I closed my eyes to try and escape from everything. Maybe if I didn't see it, the whole situation would go away.
"Easy now, son," he said softly. "We'll get you up to Emma's. She'll have you feelin' better in no time."
At the sound of her name, Emma was by my side, pestering the men with questions. When they explained what they could, she hustled Teaspoon up to her room. He lay me on the bed, and Emma shooed him out.
"Louise, sweetheart, do you feel sick? You're not feverish... answer me, Lou, please."
I felt like I had been struck mute, like Zacharias in the Bible. I tried to speak out, but it came out more of a muffled sob. Feeling utterly helpless, I curled up in a fetal position. Emma spread a quilt over me, and sat down on the bed, keeping close watch over me like a guardian angel. "We'll get you through this, Loulabelle. It's gonna be okay. There now, you're alright."
I don't know how long we were in that position when there was a knock at the door. I felt Emma slip off the bed, and saw her let in Cody.
"How is she?" he asked, and I could hear the concern in his voice.
"I don't think she's sick," she replied. "There's no fever and her skin feels normal. Cody, did something happen in town today that I should know about?"
He thought for a minute before answering, "Not that I can think of. There were a lot of people there today on account of Miss Sophie's new parlor opening yesterday."
At the mention of the town's new business, I tried to stiffle a cry, but didn't quite succeed. Miraculously, the trembling stopped, but the tears that hadn't been released in so long started the flow. Both friends rushed toward me when they noticed this sudden change. Cody gathered me in his arms, tenderly rocking me as he would a small child.
"Did somebody hurt you, Louise?" Emma inquired.
"The- the whorehouse... I was that scrub girl!" I wept incoherently. "I thought I could escape them by dressing as a boy- they're gonna do things to her..." I raved on for a while until they probably thought I was crazy. Still, it felt good to let all my emotions out at last. When my tears were spent, I buried my face in Cody's shoulder and closed my eyes, completely exhausted.
When I awoke it was lamplight, not sunlight, that filled the room. I was no longer in the protective arms of Cody, but under a log cabin quilt. Emma realized I was awake, and was soon by my side, "Lou?"
"I think- I think I'm okay," I said a little dazedly. "I'm sorry Emma."
"There's nothing to apologize for. We were worried about you, and now we're just glad you're okay. I think I kind of pieced your story together, but I'm here if you want to talk about it."
Feeling ashamed, but also a deep desire to talk, I asked Emma if she'd ever been around houses of pleasure.
"Can't say that I have," she answered. "My mama warned me to stay away from them."
"Mine, too," I sighed. "But she died before I was old enough to know what it meant. Life at the orphanage was pretty bad, so I ran away at fourteen."
"Where did you go from there?"
"Here and there, mostly," I replied. "I kind of wandered around for a while, doing odd jobs. I looked young, and people feel sorry for young orphans. They don't generally for older ones. It wasn't too bad, but I didn't have a permanent place to live. One day when I was selling apples in St. Louis, a man named Frank Wicks offered me a job doing laundry, and a place to live. I- I had no other choice, Emma. It was either take his offer, or starve."
"I know that," she replied sympathetically. "No one is judging you for what you did."
Those words were the most comforting I had heard in years, so I took a deep breath before continuing, "I'd never seen a house that fancy before. At first I didn't even know what kind of a place it was, even with all the men who called at all hours. I was pretty innocent. I was the scrub girl, and most of the ladies treated me like a slave. So when I saw that girl getting slapped today.."
"You felt the sting as much as she did," said Emma, naming my feelings exactly. She noticed I was choking back a sob,, and massaged my hand lightly.
The rest of the story tumbled out before I even had a chance to think about what I was saying. I told Emma about Charlotte, and the abusive Mr. Wicks. Then finally, about my last night there, and how he came to me with a proposition.
"'Now that you're all grown up, Louise, you'd be worth more to me as a sportin' gal'," I quoted him, almost spitting the words. "But I refused. It was bad enough being the scrub girl, but I knew it was 100 times better than being one of Wicks 'ladies'".
"What did he do to you, Louise?" Emma pressed, her eyes looking troubled and pained.
"He- he gave me what some of the women called 'the Wicks treatment'. I- I hadn't known what it was 'til then. Charlotte found me soon after. She and Elanora snuck me out of there and put me on the first stage that was leaving that morning."
Emma asked where I had gone, and I told her all about the journey west, meeting Jack, and my friends who had helped me along the way. I told her about the men who had grabbed me, and the awful, hungry look in their eyes.
"So I took advantage of what Ida gave me," I explained. "Rebecca cut off my hair, and lent me these prop glasses." I took the spectacle off, and regarded them for a moment.
Emma shifted restlessly on the bed, "You know, Louise, the boys and I will often mention how brave you are. I've always felt it was a different kind of bravery, not the brash, daring kind. Yes, you have a special kind of courage."
"What kind of courage?" I wondered.
"A kind that has been passed down for generations of women," she said dreamily. "The kind of courage to do what you have to in order to survive. The kind to work through your fears, and face them head on. The kind of courage that lets you be tender as well as strong. You have the kid of courage that is shaping this West of ours."
