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Online vs. Offline

For those of you that have experienced offline D/s, I do not have to tell you what a huge difference there is between the two. For those who have not, you have the surprise of your lives coming, if you ever do "go real life". The two are about as similar as peas and apples. The only common thread is that both on and offline, one normally has one Master or Mistress and one sub or slave. In Gor, of course, there are Masters who have many slaves, and consider themselves quite disciplined and really wonderful Doms, as well as some offline who have a family of two or more subs or slaves, but these are NOT the norm. You will note the the abbreviation "D/s" contains but one "s", and no doubt that is enough on that subject.

Online D/s as discussed in my other website, Dom/me 4 Dummies, is a sort of dance between Dom/me and sub that consists of public romance and the Dom/me acting in a "Masterly" fashion so that other Dom/mes and subs can watch Him or Her strut their stuff and admire them and stroke their ego on what a fine Worthy they are. The sub at the same time, tries to act as "sub-like" as possible, squirming in His/Her lap...inviting Him/Her to take public liberties to show that he/she will of course do anything for Him/Her. And we have the single Dom/mes and subs who either visibly protect the rooms from the poaching trolls, or give wise rhetoric on various aspects of BDSM and D/s, and the single subs who macro amazingly erotic entrances or act like spoiled brats in an effort to get noticed.

Those that have collared do have relationships, but about 75% of the Dom/mes confine that relationship to either public displays of affection, or private cyber, and never do more than scratch the surface of a real relationship. This is not to say it is impossible to have a true relationship online. But if it is a real working effort between Dom/me and sub, online soon grows frustrating, and the relationship MUST move to real life in order to grow and survive.

A short word for you Dom/mes and subs out there whose partners are married. Do not expect your relationship to last forever, as you have several strikes against you from the beginning. First off, if there are children of the marriage, your chances of reality with your partner are extremely low, as children come before sex in any book. Secondly, ask yourself....if your partner is so unhappy that he or she is searching elsewhere, why did they not just leave their partner in the first place? You may discover, if you are honest, that your partner is far from the honorable "Worthy" or "worthy" you believe, but just another online cheat, who has no intentions of taking your relationship past a cheap fling. I have nothing against cheap flings...they can be fun...just don't lose your heart to one.

The main problem with online D/s is that your partner....your Dom/me...your sub....vanishes when you turn off the computer, and you are still alone....still "free".... still with no support, if a submissive.....still with no one to stroke your ego if Dom/me... and perhaps that is the biggest factor of all to the many cases of Dom/mes and subs with more than one name. What if your Dom/me or sub cannot make it online today, and your day has been rough...it is spinning out of control... falling apart..... If you're a Dom/me the first thing you think of is your sub...if you can control the sub, you can gain at least a bit of control back..... if you are a sub, the first thing you want to do is climb into your Dom/me's lap and let them take over for a while. If your partner isnt there, it is so easy to say to yourself "no one will know if I use a different name, just this once" and to go out and get control or seek control. In real life, that could not be done, but then it wouldn't have to be except in an emergency should one partner be physically called away...and even then, chances are both would go.

Offline D/s.....*smiles*.....anyone who thinks there is such a thing as 24/7 D/s is either rich and doesn't have to work for a living, is deluding themselves, or has finally discovered the secret of true D/s. First of all, do not expect to find a sub or slave kneeling on furs all the time except when she is chained up, being "trained" or "shown to her kennel". Who do you think is cooking your meals? cleaning your home? unstopping the toilet when the two-year-old tosses a shoe in it and flushes? Doing the grocery shopping? perhaps with a job of her own? (you can change all the "her"'s to "him"'s if you are Domme.) Do not expect to find your Dom/me forever sitting in His/Her Dom-O-Lounger waiting for you to serve a beer and pretzels as they watch the game....oh...wait...maybe that part is pretty on target...*grins*...
Does this begin to sound like a regular old marriage? Pretty boring and hum-drum, isnt it? Well, guess what....most relationships are. Yes, they can be exciting, and wonderful and loving. But they are also ordinary, and commonplace, and everyone works at them and rests from the work, and has a time for fun and a time for training, and a time for reality.

The biggest difference between a D/s relationship and a vanilla marriage is not the collar...not the kinky sex....not even the trust. It is the discipline....the obedience....the non-argumentativeness. His/Her word is law, and His/Her partner must ask before running out and splurging....or re-arranging the furniture....or painting the walls. There is joint input in major decisions for the most part, but His/Her word is final. And His/Her partner can expect real consequences for not taking that seriously.

Online or Offline? Both have so many dfferences it is hard to say which is "better". Each fills different needs, and each has it's own place in the "lifestyle" Everyone must search within themselves to discover which is best for them, and then do NOT settle for less. Keep looking until you find what is right for you, and the work to keep it.