CINDYS PLACE

keeper of the stars
CINDYS PLACE

Welcome to Cindys Place. Hello all. It has been awhile since I have been here to update things. I have been busy with a wedding and four of my 5 daughters getting ready to have babies. I hope you check out the babies page on updates about the girls and how their pregnacies are doing but for now I will talk some more on how I am dealing with my past abuse with my father. My mother as most of you know by now didn't defend us kids from our father which I have had a hard time dealing with all these years.My father has been gone from this world since 1981 but I still feel like he rules me from the grave strange isn't it. My childern tend to get a little upset at me when I let this happen but it is so hard for someone who hasn't been abused to understand how this can affect you. I went to therapy for years to overcome my emotions which did help some. The one time I don't think it did was when I was told to go to my father to forgive him and like an idiot I did. Why? I guess deep down I felt like if I did I would get his approval finally. Well I guess it backfired on me because I didn't get any approval from him and it just made him fell like what he did was ok. He told me thank you because you don't know how much this has been eating at me all these years. HELLO MISTER!!!! What do you think it has done to me and why am I telling him I forgive him it should have been him asking me to forgive him. Well stuid me thought things would change but they did't. My father ripped me apart after not seeing me for 6 months about being pregnant with my 7th child.Mind you he wasn't raising them or paying for them either. My husband jumped him about it told him it wasn't any of his business as to how many we had. Dad apoligized to me at that time and that was a milestone for he doesn't do that to anyone. Well Dad told me he would show me how much he loved me by coming down for a visit. Didn't he know thats not the way to show love to me I wanted respect from him and to be treated like a human being. He did come down but only stayed about 30 minutes. Then he refused to talk to me or see me because I was pregnant. Didn't talk to me for 3 months even after I lost the baby he refused to talk. I called him up for his birthday and he told my mother"I told you I was talking to the bitch again." Well 2 weeks later he died. The guilt I felt about his death was overwhelming. I blamed myself for his death. Told my husband if I hadn't gotten pregnat he wouldn't have gotten so stressed and upset. Took me a long time to deal with that but did come to terms that it wasn't my fault.Most parents like to leave a legacy for their childern my father left me with low self-esteem, paranoia,no confidence in myself, self worthlesness,loveless and millions of emotional scars. I feel I have come along way since then at least I fell like I am a wothwhile person. I just have to get over feeling like I need everyones approval. I still have a long road to go yet don't think I will ever get over them but will be able to deal with them as time goes on.With this thought I will sign off now Tomorrow will be a better day. God Bless you all. Please check out the page for our grandbabies coming in the next few months. Very exciting events for us. My letters will tell some of what has gone on in my lifetime , if you have a moment check it out and thanks for stopping by. I would like to thank all of you for the awards this means a lot to me and is a great honor but most of all I want to thank the visitors for without you I couldn't have done it. Thank you very much and God Bless everyone of you. Sign My Guestbook
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My Favorite Links

Click on the icons to go to the links. Angelfire Discords abuse Dieting
My friends Tazs Page My husband My Letters Grandbabies coming My Angels Funny and embarassing moments I would like to thank Teresa for the use of her grapics for my web page. Click on graphics button to go to her site for some very nice graphics.
This Survivor's Line Around the World site is owned by cindy daniel

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