What Evil Bonehead Dork is Responsible For This?

Lou Pearlman. Maybe you've heard of him, maybe you haven't, but he's the only person more to blame for the rise of shitty pop acts than teenyboppers. He brought the BSB, N'Sync, and Innosense. He's the reason that all these manufactured acts got together. For this, he should be severely punished, perhaps by being forced to listen to their music over and over again.

What really sucks is that old Lou probably doesn't give a rat's ass about music. He brought the BSB together because he saw how popular the New Kids on the Block were and said,"Ooh! Their managers are making busloads of money! I want to do that too!" Then the Spice Girls got famous, which made Lou say,"Hey! The sucky manufactured group thing works with girls too! I gotta try that!"

One can trace Lou's dastardly idea to the creation of TRL (the worst show on TV), Carson Daly's career, and the downfall of American music. Because of the resurgence of bubblegum bullshit music like the stuff Pearlman pitches, rock is struggling. My favorite rock radio station recently changed over to this crap due to the pop revolution. Great, as if I'm not already hard of hearing. Did Lou know that any of this shit was going to happen? Probably. I bet he planned it this way to get back at some rock lovers that beat the snot out of him when he was in high school. "Beat me up, will you? Ha! One day, I shall torture you and your kind with hordes of screaming teenyboppers! MWAHAHAHA!!!"

In short, if it weren't for Lou Pearlman, we'd still be listening to decent music and boy bands would still be a bunch of nobodys. (With any luck, they'll return to that state in a year or so.)

Lou, if you're reading this, cut these groups loose. To paraphrase REM (a real band), you've had your fun and now it's time to split. I beg of you, kill the monsters you've created and make the world safe for good music.