Why Boy Bands Suck

I believe that all boy bands - Backstreet Boys, N*SYNC, 98 degrees, etc. - are part of a vast conspiracy to make all humans look alike. They, along with Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, LFO, Christina Aguilera, Old Navy, The Gap, and Abercrombie and Fitch are going to turn us all into clones. They are trying to brainwash us so that some day we will all wear the same trendy clothes, listen to the same stupid music, and have IQs roughly equivalent to our shoe sizes.

Sound a little farfetched? Let me ask you, can you tell the BSB from N*SYNC or 98 degrees? For that matter, can you differentiate any of the current boy bands from the now grown-up members of NKOTB? Have you ever seen Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez in the same room together? Have you noticed that a whole lot of people are starting to wear Gap, Old Navy and Abercrombie clothes? Do you think it's a coincidence that LFO claims to 'like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch?' When public school students look like they're wearing uniforms, that's a sign of the apocalypse, my friends.

This piece of intelligence was sent to me by Umair. He wrote: "Not only is there is a conspiracy, but they're targeting the younger generation. I'm thinking Disney is leading this conspirecy. All their music videos are boybands and Britney Spears.(not that I watch Disney, it's just that my sisters watch it and I over hear.)" I believe he's on to something. Didn't Brit, several of the guys in N'Stink, and Christina Aguilera get their starts on MMC? Doesn't Lou Pearlman bear a resemblance to Mickey Mouse? It's all making sense now...

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Above, do these guys all look pretty much the same. Coincidence? I think not.

Below, this explains everything about the success of boy bands.